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matt_zimmerAlso reviews for the latest episodes of Teen Titans Go!, The Flash, and Arrow, the season finale of Gotham, the latest episodes of iZombie, Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., Marvel's Avengers Assemble, Once Upon A Time, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers: Robots In Disguise, The Simpsons, Grimm, Bob's Burgers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Family Guy, The Last Man On Earth, Bates Motel, The Following, Stalker, The Blacklist, and Louie.
Upcoming reviews include The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), The Spectacular Spider-Man: The Complete Series, Phineas And Ferb: Star Wars, Big Hero 6 (Blu-Ray), Tangled, Muppets Most Wanted: Extended Edition, Lego DC Super Heroes: Justice League vs. Bizarro League, Teen Titans Go!: Appetite For Disruption, Batman Unlimited: Animal Instincts, Justice League: Throne Of Atlantis, Batman vs Robin, Revolution: Season 2, Almost Human: The Complete Series, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 1, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug (Blu-Ray), The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Police Squad: The Complete Series, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Showdown In Dimension X, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Under The Dome: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 3, Bob's Burgers: Season 4, and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Part 1.
Teen Titans Go! "Head Fruit"
That was equal parts insane and inane. Beast Boy's rattle sure was cute though. Still, Adventure Time / Regular Show episode. You know the drill. 0.
The Flash “Grodd Lives”
“Grodd hates bananas!”
Good lord, how can this show take the goofiest premise and make it legitimately terrifying? Grodd is genuinely menacing, so you know EXACTLY why Joe is as freaked out as he is.
I loved Caitlin trying to attach as rational scientific explanation to what happened to Barry, because I knew the truth was crazier. She was overthinking mutant monkey mind control. Grodd does NOT shave with Occam’s razor. He shares this trait with the killer ape from The Murders In The Rue Morgue. Because it TOTALLY happened that way.
Barry’s speech to Iris at the end was gold. There is a reason everybody loves him.
What I found interesting about Iris confronting Joe is that she didn’t deny she would be with Barry if she had known the truth. But she considers it besides the point. Eddie didn’t deserve what happened and it happened because of them. That’s interesting to me.
Loving Wells as a psychopath. Evil Ed!
Needless to say, that was awesome. ****1/2.
Arrow "This Is Your Sword"
I didn't like this week but I think I'm going to like next week. So that's something. **1/2.
Gotham “All Happy Families Are Alike”
Can you believe Fox spoiled the actual frickin’ cliffhanger in the freaking promos? It’s bad form to spoil the end of an episode in a preview (which Fox has been known to do) but a season ending cliffhanger? I have NEVER heard of such a thing. What is wrong with them?
Every time they cut back to Lee and Barbara, I was bored. There was SO much other stuff going on, that a therapy session seemed completely wrong for the episode. They tried to save it by turning Barbara into a killer, but it was super boring, and brought the episode to a screeching halt until then.
I’m sad Moroni’s gone, but how did he think that was going to go? There is a distinct line between asserting your dominance, and publicly humiliating someone. Moroni pole-vaulted over it.
Speaking of bad decisions, Penguin is SUPER lucky he’s the last man standing. Him personally visiting Falcone to rub it in was the stupidest thing ever. He would have gotten away scott free had he had the sense to keep his mouth shut. The fact that this bozo is now in charge is a mark against the intelligence of his enemies.
Gordon trying to sweet-talk Selina was funny. What a goofball.
Loved Riddler going crazy. Looking super forward to season two now. Do you know what I hated most about that clue? It was obvious. And easy to figure out. He SHOULD be ashamed of that riddle. It was sloppy. And the thing that will trip him up. The police did not need BATMAN to solve that one.
I probably would have liked the episode more if I hadn’t known the last scene going in. ***1/2.
iZombie “Dead Air”
30 Rock and Red Wedding references. Check. Killer Zombie rat. Double-check.
I could help but feeling Major’s girlfriend’s reasons for dumping him were completely self-absorbed. Instead of worrying about why this clean-cut, funny guy is now hurting so much and trying to help him, she complains that he’s wrecking her ideals of him being The Package. And I can’t believe the show didn’t have Major call her on that.
Aaron Douglas has NOT aged well. At all. That makes me sad. I barely recognized him.
I wasn’t feelin’ this one. **1/2.
Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D “Scars”
Eh. Not much to say about that except four things:
1. How can they sit there and pretend that Coulson was behind the helicarrier in Age Of Ultron when Joss has publicly denounced the show as not Cinematic Universe canon? I feel like the left hand really doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.
2. Why haven’t we seen either Koenig in the present? The Star Wars pajamas were a nice touch but it REALLY raises questions if we only saw the clones in a flashback after being missing for most of the season. I imagine Patton Oswalt wears those PJs too.
3. Skye’s Mom is a Black Hat! Gotta say, I didn’t predict that. Raina was right. Tries out saying that. Raina was right. Nope, it still hits the ear wrong.
4. Apparently, Tony Stark is no longer very popular. Stuff like this is why I’m grateful we have a MCU TV show in the first place. I’m betting this show is gonna set up Civil War like nobody’s business. If this show didn’t exist, we’d probably only learn about Tony being on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s poop list in Civil War itself. And this is information I would want to know NOW. Like I said, I’m glad we have a TV show.
So-so. ***.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble "The Ultron Outbreak"
What does Hawkeye have against Ant-Man anyways? Other than the fact that Clint is the single worst person who ever lived, I mean.
Also felt the Avengers getting back together seemed a little random. Did NOT think that particular adventure was strong enough to heal those specific wounds.
Eh. **.
Once Upon A Time "Mother"
The last five minutes sucked but I liked everything before that.
Lily describing Maleficent as a real person was sort of meta on how the show has been trying to portray the villains. I liked that Maleficent was not interested in revenge.
And you know, I will NEVER forgive Snow and David, but Hook made a very good case as to why Emma should. Do you know what I would have loved? After Emma's touching speech to Snow about forgiving and loving her I sort of wanted her to say "But Dad? F*** you."
Cora is pretty much the worst mother ever. Do you know why? She tells Regina she was truly only trying to look out for her happiness. If Cora truly loved her daughter she would have lied to her in that moment, or if she was lying then, just simply not said what she said. By saying that she made Regina feel completely guilty for what happened, when Cora was entirely to blame. By stating that she wanted Regina happy, Cora was blaming her daughter for her own mistakes, and making her believe that they were her fault. And that's why she's such a terrible mother.
Next week looks like it will suck but I didn't hate this. ***1/2.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "The Noxious Avenger"
Whoa! Bebop and Rocksteady are in the theme song!
Three things about that:
1. Muckman's design was absolutely revolting. I'm actually a bit shocked they got away with it on a TV-Y7 rating. When The Garbage Pail Kids had a movie filled with similar visuals it was rated PG-13. That talking dettachable eye made me want to lose my lunch.
2. This episode made a VERY interesting observation, that has been true for 30 years, but might have escaped our notice: the Party Wagon is a VERY conspicuous vehicle for supposed Ninjas. It's even worse than Torchwood's giant black SUV. If they're trying NOT to be noticed, that ain't the car to do it.
3. April seems to frustrate Splinter, because I don't think he rightly thinks he has the power to discipline her. Which makes her being his sons' accomplice doubly frustrating for him. How is he supposed to call her on it? He's not her father, and the sensei thing is sort of in their minds only. At best they are friends, so there is nothing he can do to keep her in line. And that's got to be frustrating. ***.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Clash Of The Mutanimals"
Okay, the Turtles not immediately recognizing mind control at work, after spending the past few episodes trying to prevent Shredder from getting his hands on a chemical to do just that, is a bit of bad writing too far. I swear, the show must think the kids in the audience are very stupid. That was outright embarrassing.
I laughed at the meta joke of Mikey pointing out that the old cartoons they watched always mirrored their missions. Funny.
A slapfight between Stockman-Fly and Pigeon Pete is exactly as exciting as you'd imagine.
I thought those worms entered through the eye until they puked them up. I thought that going in the eye was even more hardcore than the earworms from Wrath Of Khan.
I REALLY wish the Mutanimals roster was better. I really hope Mondo Gecko becomes one and I think they should probably call in Napoleon Bonafrog too. John Heder's not too busy, is he?
Passable. **1/2.
Transformers: Robots In Disguise "True Colors"
I hate Strong-Arm. Did you see how quickly she turned on Grimlock? Nice to see that she doesn't actually care about any members of the team, and that they are all one mind control bug away from being completely written off. She did not hesitate to throw Grimlock to the wolves and that should be scary.
I like that it was Sideswipe who was Grimlock's advocate. Although I think they waited a little too long to state it was mind control. They tried to fool us longer than they should have.
Not terrible. ***.
The Simpsons "Let's Go Fly A Coot"
Do you know what I loved about this episode? The grand gesture Bart made at the airport was to tell Milhouse's cousin that she wasn't nice and that he didn't like her. That's such a Bart thing. And the show doesn't do enough Bart things anymore. The fact that this season does is why it is so good.
Having the cousin voiced by Carice Van Houten was entirely appropriate, although unlike the Red Woman on Game of Thrones, I'm betting I wouldn't like to see the cousin naked.
Milhouse's parents are cousins and he turned out fine. Storm's a'coming!
Do you know what's weird? I think kids birthday parties have gotten out of control too. Now, my favorite day of the year is my birthday, but I simply do not understand why kids would want all that. I probably stopped having parties too young (at the age of 7) but I don't think I'd WANT a clown or a petting zoo. The day is supposed to be about the kid. Isn't that enough? Homer on helium was funny though.
I liked the reason why planes and boats are named after women and Lisa outraged by the fact that she wasn't surprised by the answer.
How did they work in that Chappie slam? Because it was perfect.
Grandpa's "worked with turtles" line in the flashback was funny too especially how angry he was when he said it.
I don't really have a problem with e-cigarettes, except they shouldn't marketed to children and come in fruit flavors. I thought the whole reason they were cool in the first place is that they helped people stop smoking actual tobacco but that's sort of negated if it's legally addicting a bunch of kids to nicotine anyways.
Good episode. Again. ****.
Grimm "Headache"
Do you know why Grimm USED to be a good show? Because it had heroes you could like and root for. They've destroyed that in these past few episodes, and they will never get it back. It used to be one of the rare genre projects where the good guys could be counted on to do the right thing. It doesn't have that anymore and is much less special for it.
Bonus demerits for not bringing back Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio for a good death scene. What an ignoble and unworthy end to Kelly Burkhardt.
Also, it's about time someone called b.s. on the amount of dream sequence rip-offs and misleading NBC promos this show does. Because when something big DOES happen (like in this episode), I don't trust I'm seeing what I'm seeing. Using rip-off dream sequences as much as Grimm does, means the producers are repeatedly breaking the trust of audience. How are we supposed to take them seriously when they want us to?
Do you know one of the reasons I used to watch Grimm? Because it wasn't Game Of Thrones. Now it seems like every genre show I like is trying to top that in horribleness. And it's ruining stuff I used to love. I'm sick of it.
A suckfest. *1/2.
Bob's Burgers "Eat, Spray, Linda"
I love that Linda goes to a random fancy hotel to use the bathroom on a regular basis and the bellhop and pianist there love her for it.
I also love that Louise loves puppies. Of course she does! She's a little girl. I like learning that Linda was the first person she was willing to share this vulnerability with. I sometimes think we as the audience don't give Linda enough credit. She's stupid, but she's kind-hearted and well-intentioned so you know she makes friends with a certain kind of people easily. I love Tina wryly noting upon seeing Louise snuggle the puppy that she and Linda's secret bathroom trips suddenly seemed that much less special.
I love that Linda has the exact same birthday curse as Gladstone Gander. And this was GOOD birthday for her. "Let's make this tub a Bloody Mary!" Ha!
I love that Linda couldn't stay mad at the stupid bus-driver. He was super nice and friendly and seemed to be the only person who appreciated it was her birthday. How angry could she get at the lug?
This was a better episode than we've been getting recently. This season hasn't been very good, but this was. ****.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Det. Dave Majors"
So-so. My two favorite bits were Gina saying that if Rosa had a twin she would have eaten it in the womb, and Amy tucking her hair behind her ears after talking to Jake. Terry's vest exploding was funny too. **1/2.
Family Guy "Fighting Irish"
Liam Neeson is not your clown. Great cutaway.
This episode, like The Lego Movie, and Once Upon A Time In The West, shows why Liam Neeson rarely does comedy. He's never asked to. He's perfectly capable of it. Although to be honest, I'm a little bummed he didn't nix the Schindler joke at the end. I think that is one role of his that should never be made fun of.
That peeing in the hands thing? I didn't take from that that Neeson was crazy. I think he was screwing with Peter and it looks like he does it to a lot of people. The wolf stuff? That's crazy though.
Neeson has been a tough guy since he was 55. That's about right.
I liked the Woodchuck test because it seems incredibly passive aggressive. Woodchucks seem to be a species of buttholes.
I love whenever the show admits that Stewie loves Lois. They don't do it so much that it dilutes its meaning, but they do it often enough to let the audience know it's actually a thing. Smart.
I love that Bonnie instinctively knows Joe shouldn't help Peter because Peter treats him so terribly. I think that was a great character moment for Bonnie and informs us a bit about the good parts of her and Joe's relationship.
Pretty good. ***1/2.
The Last Man On Earth "Screw The Moon"
First five star episode of the season. Needless to say, I'm glad the show has been renewed. I WILL be back next year.
I think Todd learning Tandy tried to kill him solidified some things in his mind. Tandy had been leading him down a dark path with Phil, and I don't think Todd really understood that Tandy was serious. Phil was turning Todd into "that guy" and Todd is pretty much the furthest thing from "that guy" ever. I think the episode restored all of Todd's power in the community. I expect Phil to be largely despised next season. Not because he banished Tandy. It was the way he did it. Tackling him after telling him that was the last time he was going to see the group happy was such an incredibly dark and mean thing to do. Frankly, I'm a little surprised he did that in front of the rest of the group. There was no part of that that wasn't ugly, especially since everybody else seemed ready to forgive Tandy. I have said before that being a nice guy in this new world is the most useful skill you can possess, and Todd (and I'm betting the rest of the group) realized he was the only man there who was truly nice. Todd is going to be a force to be reckoned with next season. I think everybody is going to hate Phil next season as much as they used to hate Tandy. Phil is LITERALLY the new Phil.
Do you know what I think? Even if I kind of think the original Phil should have been banished long ago, I feel like that is NOT a decision that should have been made by a single person, much less the newest guy in the group. It should have been put up to a vote. I'm sure even Melissa would have voted with him. But I doubt she's impressed he took on that himself, especially after the rest of the group forgave Tandy.
I was so gratified to see Todd and Melissa get back together. And Todd was right. What Melissa just said counted as an "I love you." I have never understood people who put a premium on those specific words. I love many people, including people I'm not related to or in love with. Love is not something that needs to be hoarded or ashamed of. Loving someone is not a zero-sum game. Your love one for one specific person will not diminish your love for another. The more people you love, the more love you carry in your heart. I know I sound like a cornball, but this is something I believe with all of my heart. There is no such thing as too much love.
Phil's brother being alive in space is pretty wild. But I can't for the life of me figure out how they are going to get him back to Earth, and if they do, how he won't be killed by the remnants of the virus.
Will Forte singing that song was a beautiful moment. Because you realize for the first time ever, he didn't lie about something. He sang it so softy and badly. It was very vulnerable and sweet, which is a first for that character.
I am relieved the season ended the way it did. I had been worried we were in for something MUCH darker and less hopeful, and the show pleasantly surprised me. Which is good. *****.
Bates Motel “Crazy”
Bob Parish and Norman offered an interesting opinion. Maybe the villain of the show isn’t Bob Parish. Maybe it isn’t even Norman. Maybe it’s Norma.
Bradley has the worst mother possible. A work-out room? Seriously? Ouch. I love Norman straight up telling her there WAS something wrong with him. She should have run screaming in the other direction at that.
Her loving Norman now is interesting but it does not surprise me at all. As creepy as Norman is, that sensitive, nice-guy thing he has got going is pretty irresistible. And he’s also quite handsome, so there’s that.
I love Romero stating he didn’t take Norma’s call because he didn’t want to talk to her. Who does that? That’s great! And honest. I wish more people were like that. The world would suck less if they were. Norma is completely destroying him. I think it is VERY interesting that Norma’s only concern about the flash drive is how is effects her. She never should have gotten involved with this in the first place. She expects the criminals of this town to be as easy to manipulate as Norman. And the universe is greatly invested in proving her wrong.
Someone’s goin’ in that hole next week. Bank on it.
I think the reason Dylan is so worried about pulling the trigger with Emma is because he’s worried it would hurt Norman. And Norman is not the kind of guy who takes getting hurt very well.
I found it interesting that Caleb told Norma the truth about Norman, because he didn’t even share that with Dylan. And I didn’t realize that until that moment.
There are bad times ahead. ****.
The Following “Demons”
Ryan’s a cheater. Fabulous. Way to make me hate the character. At least he fessed up. But that was the only thing he did this episode that I approved of.
I realized something: Daisy is delusional. She says Mark has a kind heart and is a good person. I think serial killers have different behavioral standards than the rest of polite society.
Max’s boyfriend is a winner, huh? I can’t believe he’s surprised that ended as badly as it did. He’s screwed. He always was but this is the first time he truly realized it.
Didn’t like this. *1/2.
Stalker “The Woods”
I don’t need to see Maggie Q getting beaten up and abused. I never watched Nikita but I’m betting this episode was especially infuriating for fans of that show see this one turn such a kick-butt hero into a Kevin Williamson scream queen.
Sigh. **.
The Blacklist "Karakurt"
Good stuff. Cooper should have gone to Reddington immediately. Red's right. The guy blackmailing him is the one truly in trouble. He just needs to bide his time and do what he says.
I liked the crazy torturer with the gas tank, and the gorgeous and ditzy scientist. Red really does know the most interesting people.
That end was pretty great. I can't wait for next week. ****.
Louie "Untitled"
The first act was great, but not only did the dreams not go anywhere ultimately interesting (as interesting as the dreams were) but the resolution is nonsense. Just the idea that someone like Louie C.K. is always out there having random sex strikes me as very hard to believe. I know it's his show but I don't really think every single male / female interaction ends in sex. I think that is nonsense and we've been conditioned to accept it on this show when it isn't true.
But did I mention the first act was great? Just going by that I thought the episode was going to be phenomenal. Louie's daughter is absolutely insane, and I love after she does her alarming rant, Charles Grodin looks at her and asks her if she's dehydrated. And as annoyed as Louie is that the doctor isn't doing his job right, part of him just accepts it, because the alternative is an institution for Jane, or at best, years of prescription strength therapy. He'll just put off the elephant in the room a little while longer.
This isn't the first time the show has hinted that Jane was not only crazy, but alarmingly crazy. I really hope they go somewhere with that, because Louie seems to have enough problems being a dad, but having a daughter that terrifies him (that he cannot control), always brings out genuine drama. Sure, they used it for humor here. But her running off in the subway in an earlier episode just shows what a problem child she is.
Speaking of which, I loved his older daughter sunnily talking about a really cool movie she saw last night, and he realizes she means A Clockwork Orange. I don't know HOW they decided to use that movie for that bit, but it was perfect. None only is that the last movie you want your 13-year-old daughter watching, it certainly isn't one you want them to think of as cool and artistic.
I'll say one thing for the dream man. He was more frightening than The Man From Another Place from Twin Peaks. Deliberately so, but it counts.
I wish I could give this episode a better grade. The first ten minutes were fantastic. **1/2.
The Wonder Years: Season Two
The show is still good because Kevin's voice hasn't changed yet.
In all seriousness, this was a great season. I wish they had been able to use Robert Picardo more, but he killed in the three episodes he WAS in. The Narrator's dialogue is starting to get a bit cliched in places, but that's probably only because I'm viewing it through a modern lens. In the context of 1989 it was fine.
Best episodes are the Stephen Kingish season premiere (Heart Of Darkness), the one where they want a color TV (Christmas), the one where we ALL smile as Kevin tells Wayne what he really thinks (Hiroshima, Mon Frere), the best Karen episode ever (Brightwing), and the one where an Aspie calls Kevin on his cr*p (Sqaure Dance). Worst episodes are the one where Kevin uses Becky Slater (Steady As She Goes), and the heavy-handed "Whose Woods Are These?". Season Overall: ****1/2
Heart Of Darkness:
This episode reminded me of a combination of two Stephen King stories, specifically "The Body" / "Stand By Me" and "IT". What I love about the Narrator at this stage in the game is that he is dishonest. He says one thing while Kevin does another. I know that's part of the joke, but I imagine whoever is HEARING this story probably is not getting the full version the audience is. He is also incredibly naive when he claims kids today are smarter than when he was young. If anything kids in the 80's were dumber. Ronald Reagan was our President, and the youth of the era didn't seem to have a problem with that. Which pretty much sums up the stupidity of Generation X in a nutshell. At least kids in the 60's hated LBJ and Nixon like they were supposed to. The kids of my generation were a bunch of conformists who believed anything adults told them. That's probably why the kids TV of that era was as bad as it was. We were told these badly written and animated toy commercials were really cool and we were dumb enough to believe it. That's still a bit of a problem today but there is actually quality children's television available nowadays not named Sesame Street or Mister Rogers. True, the kids still gravitate to the cr*p (it is ALWAYS the most popular stuff) but at least choosy kids have a few options. We didn't have that when I was really young. I also love how Kevin's first reaction to hearing the dead body story is to poke holes in it. Because I immediately saw them, and I like that they bothered him as much as they bothered me. And the Narrator is wise to note that he now felt sorry for that kid, because he WAS just a little kid back then. I am not that charitable with my views of the bullies I faced as a kid, so props to him. I also found Kevin telling Winnie she looked dumb with contacts a VERY layered scene. It worked on many levels, and said many things about Kevin, not all of which are good. On the positive it was Kevin affirming that he and Winnie were still friends, and that she could count on him to be honest about stuff like that. On the negative, it simply wasn't true, and I think it was a way to manipulate Winnie into wearing glasses again so the cool kids would reject her, and she'd get back with Kevin. I also have to wonder what a 13 year old Danica McKellar must have been thinking when she read in the script that that other kid and Kevin thought she was "flat". I'm sure the writers thought they were being realistic (and they were) but I think they should have taken McKellar's feelings into account about those lines. This was a very interesting episode. ****1/2.
Our Miss White:
I love Miss White too. But for entirely different reasons than Kevin. She contains so much goodness and empathy and putting her liberal ideals up to someone like Karen's makes Kevin's sister seem even more vapid than she is. I love the way Miss White treats Jack. With deference. She probably does not agree with his beliefs, but respects him for serving, and lets him feel appreciated for it. When has Karen ever done that? But I think the thing I like most about Miss White is how she handled Kevin's "You're pretty.” In that moment, she knew exactly what the problem was, and offered to talk it out. That’s cool. And the Narrator stating that in that moment he realized the situation was ridiculous, made me have more respect for Kevin’s shaky intelligence than I have ever had before. Kid Kevin never seems to share the insightfulness of the Narrator, but it’s good to know he was able to step outside the situation a little and see it objectively. And Jack practically crying at the play is such an amazing moment. What an ending. Any complaints? Two: Miss White’s tears were so fake they were glaring. I like the actress they got, but I would have liked her more if she had been able to cry on cue. The second complaint is the idea of Kevin staring at her breasts in class. Because in that outfit they were non-existent. She was decked out like a 70-year-old Librarian. Now, that’s very true to how women dressed back then. But it made the joke not work at all. ****.
Christmas:
I love and hate the fact equally that Kevin forgot Winnie’s brother died in Vietnam, and that she was probably having a MUCH worse Christmas than he was. What a luxury of a life this kid lives. I love that the Narrator makes no apologies for behavior back then. He was a shallow and superficial kid and doesn’t sugarcoat it. I also love the revelation that Jack got the TV two years later. That’s long enough for it to be a disappointment, but short enough to feel like a victory. Perfect timing on that joke. I also love the joke of the clock hand moving backwards. And Karen continues to be on my poop list. Who has a date on Christmas Eve? And her psychology b.s. was laughable. Yeah, that’s it. Jack WANTED to spend all that money, but the kids were ruining the surprise. Right. What I loved about Norma’s conversation with Jack in trying to get him to buy the TV, is it is not entirely rationalization on her end. She says they can eat hot dogs for a month. She is being problem-solver which is something you NEVER see TV parents being. But solving problems is what real-life parents do. But for TV sitcoms it’s funnier if the parents are stupid, so they play for the cheap laugh. That lucky clover was pretty much the perfect gift. That is something you only give to someone you are truly in love with. Winnie is beyond special. If someone I had a crush on gave me that, I’d consider that Christmas a total win. There is a reason she is the girl of Kevin’s dreams. It raining at the end was funny too because that was the show subverting tired TV tropes before subverting tired TV tropes was cool. Great episode. ****1/2.
Steady As She Goes:
Poor Becky Slater. God, I hate Kevin. What a user. Did you see that look he gave Winnie? He was deliberately trying to hurt her and that look said that he knew it and was letting her know it. It was almost as cruel as a morning after talk with Angelus. This episode aggravated me. **.
Just Between You And Me And Kirk And Paul And Carla And Becky:
God bless Becky Slater. Kevin tells her “the truth” in such a condescending manner and expects her to be “grateful” for his “honesty”. He actually puts his hand on her shoulder, the b*st*rd. But Becky? She is NOT going to let him off the hook for using her. In that moment she stood up for used women everywhere. Loved her punching him. Butthole. Speaking of which, here is something the Narrator missed, but was not lost on me. Winnie saying she didn’t know if she liked Kevin or not was not only a moment that told Kevin that girls are just as confused as boys. What it also said to me is that guys always put a LOT of pressure and high expectations on attractive women, and it’s possible all that extra attention is making them miserable. Winnie’s 13. Why should she even HAVE to decide stuff like that? I get that she’s attractive and popular, but she is under no obligations to either Kirk or Kevin to exist on their clock. Speaking of being 13, I am super uncomfortable with the amount of suggestive poses the writers put McKellar in. She is 13 in these scenes. There is no way McKellar should be forced to make “O-face” on camera. It works for the narrative purpose they’re telling, but it is another example of them not taking the actress’ feelings into consideration. I kind of love that the clip they used from Star Trek was “Spock’s Brain”, widely considered the worst Star Trek episode of all time. And yet, that was what Star Trek WAS in 1968. And we’re all a little sadder for realizing it. The Star Trek fantasy was brutal and I’ll tell you why. As ridiculous as it was, it was not too far removed from a Gene Roddenberry script. The joke is it’s kids playing the roles, but plots on the old Star Trek show were exactly that stupid and badly written. And I think this was one of the first shows I’ve seen to straight up acknowledge that. Star Trek is considered a VERY serious franchise as far as TV history is concerned. Qualitywise, it should never have been. ****.
Pottery Will Get You Nowhere:
Here’s the interesting thing about Norma and Jack. She doesn’t want much from him. He takes and takes and she’s fine with that. It doesn’t bother her. It’s just that when she DOES want something, even something small and insignificant, he refuses to give it to her. And that drives her crazy. Because it really is NOT too much to ask. I loved the visual of Kevin throwing mashed potatoes at Wayne and Wayne’s promise to get him back when he slept. Very clever of the show to juxtapose images of the Watts riots upon Kevin insisting the world was not turning upside-down. The rimshot to Kevin’s lame joke was funny. I remember Ben Stein. This was back when he was only moderately insufferable instead of completely insufferable. Jack and Norma work, and I respect them for it. But it would be a lot easier on both of them if Jack would dial it down a notch. That fight though was devastating. Raw and realistic and both characters got their two cents in. Every beat of it was perfect, and perfectly realistic for that time period, which just made it that much more realistic. ***1/2.
Coda:
I loved piano lessons as a kid. I was never great, but I truly enjoyed playing and the feeling of creating the music. This got most of that right. It messed up one thing, but the rest was spot-on. The heart-breaking confession of the Narrator that he doesn’t remember how to play the piece is truly insightful. Piano playing is NOT a musical gift like singing, that most people can turn on and off. If you don’t practice, you will lose the ability in the same way it’s hard to remember a really great dream you once had. It fades into a memory. You can get it back with a few weeks practice, and it will come MUCH faster to you than when you originally learned it, but I was only good at playing the pieces I was currently practicing. After I moved onto something else, it always left me. I also really like that the piano teacher guilted Kevin about taking his parents’ money. What a great tactic! If I wasn’t practicing enough, that would have totally made me do it. And I like that Jack is IMMEDIATELY insightful enough to figure out that if Kevin has talent but isn’t practicing, that he is wasting money on nothing. He added up those scenarios and figures RIGHT quick. I love that. Jack has always been portrayed as a bit dull-witted, but when it comes to figuring how much things are going to cost him, he’s a rocket scientist. What was the thing they got wrong? A piano teacher never would have the kids play the same piece at the recital for exactly the reason it backfired here. They might do that if the recital was for a bunch of first graders and they didn’t KNOW a ton of different music, but a legit recital of pre-teens would cater to each kid’s individual talent. They’d WANT the kid to succeed, and not try to prove a lesson. But the episode got everything else right. I am still tickled to realize the kid who plays Don played the young Ben Hamscomb in Stephen King’s IT. ABC television really had it’s own featured players. ****.
Hiroshima, Mon Frere:
Fabulous episode but I’m gonna point out the thing that bugs me now that didn’t used to. The Narrator wistfully saying that he didn’t feel good about hurting Wayne. Let me just say, Adult Kevin: embrace the hurt. Wayne deserved everything he got and more. Actually, I think Kevin was WAAAYYY too kind to him about why that girl wouldn’t come over. Wayne was brow-beating that poor kid over the phone and treating her absolutely appallingly. It’s not simply that she didn’t like Wayne because he wasn’t nice. If Kevin REALLY wanted to destroy Wayne in that moment, he’d have pointed out he was treating her like a creepy sex offender. I know. It’s the 60’s. Kids back then did NOT have the sensibilities or the skills to verbalize something like that. What Kevin COULD have said is that girl rejected Wayne because he scared her, and that women would probably be scared of him for his entire life, and stay away in droves. And Wayne would know that is true, and spend the next few weeks tossing and turning in bed at night realizing that no consensual sex was ever coming his way. But Kevin is FAR kinder than I would have been in that situation. Do you know who else tortures small animals? Serial killers. What’s amazing to me seeing Wayne threaten those hamsters, is that when I was a kid, bullies used to do cr*p like that all the time. But it’s shocking to see it now. These days, that would NOT be tolerated and any kid caught doing that would automatically be sent off to a special school for crazy kids. It is REALLY authentic to the 80's (and of course, the 60’s) but kids would NEVER get away with that today, or even be crazy enough to try it. As badly as I think the morality of kids has devolved over each subsequent generation, when it comes to tolerating outright crazy behavior, the current generation is the best we’ve ever had at fighting back against bullies. Yeah, I think a generation of kids who first have oral sex when they are 11 has a ton of problems. But sticking up for themselves isn’t one of them. Paul was adorable with those hamsters. Here’s something that confused me: the Narrator stated that adults had all of those existential questions he raised figured out. Now, he’s an adult, so he knows that isn’t true. Why is he voicing Kevin’s thoughts as a child in that moment? It’s sort of like if a book changed from a first person to third person narrative with no explanation in the next paragraph. It feels wrong. Do you know who I feel sorry for? Jason Hervey. Wayne Arnold has probably got to be the most thankless role of all time, and I think the thing that drives me nuts is that he probably wasn’t hard for Hervey to play. All Hervey had to do was read the lines the writers wrote for him verbatim in a snotty voice, and TV magic happened. I have to think it must REALLY gall Hervey nowadays that his entire acting career is judged upon a role he probably put zero effort into. And yet, he’s so great at it, people just assume he’s a terrible person in real life. I would bet Hervey would have loved to get the chance to play a bad guy with layers. But he never will because of Wayne. I’d have been interested to see if he had the chops for it. Wayne certainly did not take much. *****.
Loosiers:
Do you know the worst thing about picking teams? It is pretty much the only way to do it and still be able to play the game. There is NO other fair option, otherwise the game will be completely lop-sided and no fun to play. It reminds me of democracy: it is the worst form of government except for all the others. There is NOTHING you can do about picking teams. It HAS to happen the way it does and it makes everybody miserable. That's depressing, right? Kevin picking all of the worst kids was pure genius. That is what we call a moral victory. Winning or losing the game was besides the point. He just rubbed it in Cutlip’s face and did the last thing he expected. The cool thing is that it was a bit obvious to me, which makes the fact that Kevin does it out of the blue even better. He was like “Oh, yeah! I can do that! I’m captain! I can pick Paul first. And then pick a bunch of other kids who weren’t great at sports so he won’t be humiliated.” That was a very empowering moment for Kevin. For most kids, it never occurs to them there are other options than winning. Kevin is still deluded enough to think he has a chance, but as I said the game itself was a mere formality. It astounds me that this is the first we’ve seen of Coach Cutlip since the second episode. He made SUCH a huge impression in the first two episodes, and was SUCH a huge presence on the show, you almost resented China Beach. Don’t look at me like that. I said “almost”. I’m not crazy. That reaction shot of Robert Picardo getting hit by the basketball was SO funny because he looked like he got genuinely hurt. Picardo played the moment as unflattering to himself as possible, and completely set aside every ounce of his vanity to make it even funnier. It is not only a funny injury, but the ugly, vulnerable look on his face made it a realistic one. People do NOT look cool when they get hurt. And this is one of the few times on TV or film where I’ve actually seen that demonstrated. Take note: we see the Narrator’s hands at the beginning and silhouettes of him and presumably an adult Paul playing basketball which is some of the only “current” footage the series ever gave us. ****.
Walk Out:
I hate teachers like Mr. Tyler. The hip, young professor who relates to the kids on their level is not someone to be admired. They are probably creeps and pervs. And as the episode proved, when it comes right down it, they are STILL adults and not to be trusted. When things get bad, you will find Mr. Tyler home with the sniffles. He’s willing to lecture people on what they’d be willing to give up. But he’s not willing to put his money where his mouth is. About the best thing I can say about him is that he works with middle-schoolers and so probably isn’t sleeping with his female students. I least, I pray to God I’m right about that. Oh, the episode was good too. Best line goes to the Narrator (of course): “Some men are born to greatness. Some men have greatness thrust upon them while they are in the bathroom.” ***1/2.
Nemesis:
I’m sorry, but Crystal McKellar looks SO freaking bad@$$ standing there with her jacket behind her hips with the wind blowing in her hair. If Linda Hamilton or Sigourney Weaver saw the expression on her face they’d take a step the eff back. Slowly. There are two things that endear Becky to me immediately. 1. She refuses to forgive Kevin. And she specifically calls him out for using him. That is not a level of insightfulness you’d expect from a middle-schooler, but she is able to articulate how Kevin damaged her in exactly the right terms. 2. She doesn’t blame Winnie. I mentioned earlier that Winnie does NOT ask for all of this attention, and Becky seems to be the only other person at that school who realizes it. She is still her friend. Granted, she isn’t largely thinking about what her telling that secret to everybody else will do, but Becky is so flawless otherwise, I’ll let it slide. I loved Winnie practically beating up Kevin at the end. He was NOT a good nursemaid after all, and she wouldn’t let him forget it. I also find it hysterical how badly Kevin misreads Winnie’s signals. When she says she is going to throw up he thinks things are going great, and after she beats him up, he is SURE it is because she likes him. I’ll concede she probably likes him. But that isn’t why she beat him up. She beat him up because he deserved it. There is no higher lesson here. Do you know how Kevin could have got Becky to stop? Point out she was in on it. She laughed and agreed with every single one of his insults, and if she was gonna pretend she had some high ground on the subject, Kevin should have set his friends straight immediately. A lot less of it would have come out that way. ****.
Fate:
That vice-principle is pretty much as terrible at his job as you could possibly imagine a vice-principle to be. He manages to take any bad situation and make it a thousand times worse. Do you know what worried me? Winnie thinking she could change Eddie. That mindset never leads anywhere good. Passable. ***.
Birthday Boy:
I loved Grandpa Pfeiffer’s chicken story. The way he told it was riveting. What a great performance. And I think the constant refrain from Kevin about his family is that they are a disappointment. And Karen is an idiot if she thinks a 13 year old boy would like a poem for his birthday. And also incredibly cheap. I was upset when Kevin wouldn’t give up one of his birthdays for Paul and the family’s underwhelming “party” told me he was a fool to place so much hope on it. And bullies on the bus should NEVER bad-mouth bar mitzvahs. They are just going to wind up looking like a chump when they find out what they actually entail. I was a bit aggravated during this. **1/2.
Brightwing:
What a great episode! It was the first Karen episode that actually felt authentic to the 1960's. Before they were trying too hard to have her spout off flower child cliches. But her self-destructive behavior actually felt real for the first time ever. And we learned she is quite manipulative and an excellent liar. That makes me hate her more, but it also makes her more interesting. I love the scene at the end where Norma and Jack are comforting her. Because Jack's demeanor is understanding. I love that. I laughed at Paul immediately wanting to get in the car with the hippie girls. I also thought it was hilarious how Kevin almost uncertainly asked "None of your business?". His whole runner with George Finch was absolutely great. Fred Savage was the real deal. It is criminal he is not getting steady work. I love the Narrator stating that the parents never listened, until he learned with dismay that they weren't listening because he was wrong and Karen had run away. That shows a very special insight into a kid's relationship with his parents. Jack and Norma in the cop uniforms was a funny visual too. The actors looked like they were having a blast in that scene. One of the best episodes of the season. And this coming from someone who hates Karen. *****.
Square Dance:
"I thought you were different." Drops mic. Walks away. I got chills, man. This episode states a hard truth: All kids suck. And if you somehow get a one in a million kid who's okay, they are an automatic social pariah. Every time. If the Narrator seems especially embarrassed by his behavior this episode, those five insightful words of Margaret's, said after his supposedly clever plan of "secret friends", showed why. As if Kevin was doing her SUCH a huge favor by supposedly being "nice". As if she should want those scraps. He's a freaking philanthropist, that one. Just learning Margaret became a P.H.D. and a loving mother of six, made me happier than I could say. Aspies unite! The Narrator forgot the names of the people he was trying to impress, but never forgot the name of the girl he let down. One more thing: the Narrator wryly states that Becky Slater either became a gossip columnist or a divorce attorney. I know he was joking (and the gossip column thing was mean) but I think Becky would make an EXCELLENT divorce lawyer. Standing up for down-trodden women everywhere against the men who wronged them? Becky was BORN for that. I don't think the Narrator should have treated that profession as a joke. Becky would have made it magnificent. ****1/2.
Whose Woods Are These?:
Unusually brutal ending. That said, this episode's dialogue was pretty obvious and heavy-handed, even for this show. I gotta say, they REALLY have something with that fascist vice-principle. I've known people exactly like him before, and they all have the exact same problem. They are given a TINY bit of power over people who have none, and they lord it over them, and never let them forget it. It is not only incredibly cruel and unfair, it is also extremely pathetic. But this wasn't great. **.
How I'm Spending My Summer Vacation:
Winnie Cooper has the worst childhood ever and it is especially tragic that Kevin doesn't seem to understand that, and when he finally does, it is always too late. I could totally tell her parents were imploding over their son's death, and Kevin has to make it all about him. That being said, the whole yearbook mess WAS embarrassing. I knew immediately that Winnie would write that in his yearbook, so I thought it was only appropriate she kissed him for pouring his heart out. He earned that. Very creepy use of "I Only Have Eyes For You". It is ALWAYS a haunting song, but it seems even more unsettling among a bunch of suburban adults who might very well be swingers. I think the thing I like best about the episode is that at the end of the year, it is the teachers who are losing it. Miss White IMMEDIATELY turning into Mrs. Heimell was funny too. Because that is EXACTLY how it happens. ****.
School Days:
Fred Savage, Josh Saviano, and Danica McKellar talk about being balancing school life and show life. Danica's story about her math teacher made me smile. ****.
Featurette: The Times They Are A-Changin':
Danica McKellar and Olivia D'Abo are so radiant. Absolutely stunning. Sad to see that Robert Picardo is very much an old man now. Dan Lauria still looks great and it was interesting to learn he was one of the go-to guys on the show for keeping things authentic. Savage has said elsewhere that it would be a VERY different show if it were from Winnie Cooper's perspective and he's still right. That poor kid had the most tragic life. That fight scene in "Pottery Will Get You Nowhere" was very powerful. Both parents expressed their feelings perfectly in that moment. They actually got an interview with the actress who played Miss White. She should have asked Dan Lauria how to cry on cue. ****1/2.
Interviews:
Interviews with Daniel Stern, Dan Lauria, and Alley Mills. Overall: ***1/2.
Daniel Stern (Narrator):
Thank you for clarifying that fugly beard is for a role, Daniel. Stern is right to be amazed that the network and the producers never tried to make Fred Savage a big star or a Teen Beat cover boy. The entire way the show treated child actors was entirely unique. Arye Gross apparently voiced the Narrator in the Super Bowl version of the Pilot, but Daniel's back on the DVD release (and all the subsequent reruns). A blind audition sounds terrifying. Stern also talks a bit about Hooperman and the dreaded "dramedies" phase in the 1980's that The Wonder Years put a stop to once and for all. ***1/2.
Dan Lauria (Jack Arnold):
Dan Lauria being laid-back and articulate in real life lets me know the universe knows what it's doing. I loved him getting enraged over the show being too cheap to get Alley Mills a wig. The part about getting the call from Fred Savage after 9/11 was sad because I can just imagine how it was. Skip Cook was the dude who made sure the kids grew up well-adjusted. It worked, so he was great at his job. Do you know the ironic thing? Jason Hervey was once on Diff'rent Strokes. Think about that for a minute. I would have loved to have seen that episode for a potential season seven that Dan talked about. That would have been neat. Lauria also lost a bet with Mills because he predicted the show wouldn't last because it was so good and she thought that was the reason it would. I'm glad Mills was right. ****.
Alley Mills (Norma Arnold):
I'm gonna call b.s. on Alley talking about soldiers being spat on upon returning from Vietnam. That's an urban myth. There are no documented cases of that happening, but the rightwing keeps spewing that lie as if it is a fact. I laughed at her reaction to the Enquirer reporting she was having an affair with a fifteen year old Jason Hervey. I was moved about her talking about her talking with Dan Lauria about his experiences in Vietnam for the first time. I always love the story that she and Olivia D'Abo got cast on the spot because D'Abo didn't wear a bra to her audition. Funny. And she is right that Daniel Stern was the right Narrator because there is a whine to his voice. I laughed at hearing the two old guys on the park bench were Hervey and Savage's grandparents. That's about right. **1/2.
DVD Menus: With scenes from season two. There are neither scene selection nor language selection menus. ****.
Upcoming reviews include The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), The Spectacular Spider-Man: The Complete Series, Phineas And Ferb: Star Wars, Big Hero 6 (Blu-Ray), Tangled, Muppets Most Wanted: Extended Edition, Lego DC Super Heroes: Justice League vs. Bizarro League, Teen Titans Go!: Appetite For Disruption, Batman Unlimited: Animal Instincts, Justice League: Throne Of Atlantis, Batman vs Robin, Revolution: Season 2, Almost Human: The Complete Series, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 1, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug (Blu-Ray), The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Police Squad: The Complete Series, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Showdown In Dimension X, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Under The Dome: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 3, Bob's Burgers: Season 4, and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Part 1.
Teen Titans Go! "Head Fruit"
That was equal parts insane and inane. Beast Boy's rattle sure was cute though. Still, Adventure Time / Regular Show episode. You know the drill. 0.
The Flash “Grodd Lives”
“Grodd hates bananas!”
Good lord, how can this show take the goofiest premise and make it legitimately terrifying? Grodd is genuinely menacing, so you know EXACTLY why Joe is as freaked out as he is.
I loved Caitlin trying to attach as rational scientific explanation to what happened to Barry, because I knew the truth was crazier. She was overthinking mutant monkey mind control. Grodd does NOT shave with Occam’s razor. He shares this trait with the killer ape from The Murders In The Rue Morgue. Because it TOTALLY happened that way.
Barry’s speech to Iris at the end was gold. There is a reason everybody loves him.
What I found interesting about Iris confronting Joe is that she didn’t deny she would be with Barry if she had known the truth. But she considers it besides the point. Eddie didn’t deserve what happened and it happened because of them. That’s interesting to me.
Loving Wells as a psychopath. Evil Ed!
Needless to say, that was awesome. ****1/2.
Arrow "This Is Your Sword"
I didn't like this week but I think I'm going to like next week. So that's something. **1/2.
Gotham “All Happy Families Are Alike”
Can you believe Fox spoiled the actual frickin’ cliffhanger in the freaking promos? It’s bad form to spoil the end of an episode in a preview (which Fox has been known to do) but a season ending cliffhanger? I have NEVER heard of such a thing. What is wrong with them?
Every time they cut back to Lee and Barbara, I was bored. There was SO much other stuff going on, that a therapy session seemed completely wrong for the episode. They tried to save it by turning Barbara into a killer, but it was super boring, and brought the episode to a screeching halt until then.
I’m sad Moroni’s gone, but how did he think that was going to go? There is a distinct line between asserting your dominance, and publicly humiliating someone. Moroni pole-vaulted over it.
Speaking of bad decisions, Penguin is SUPER lucky he’s the last man standing. Him personally visiting Falcone to rub it in was the stupidest thing ever. He would have gotten away scott free had he had the sense to keep his mouth shut. The fact that this bozo is now in charge is a mark against the intelligence of his enemies.
Gordon trying to sweet-talk Selina was funny. What a goofball.
Loved Riddler going crazy. Looking super forward to season two now. Do you know what I hated most about that clue? It was obvious. And easy to figure out. He SHOULD be ashamed of that riddle. It was sloppy. And the thing that will trip him up. The police did not need BATMAN to solve that one.
I probably would have liked the episode more if I hadn’t known the last scene going in. ***1/2.
iZombie “Dead Air”
30 Rock and Red Wedding references. Check. Killer Zombie rat. Double-check.
I could help but feeling Major’s girlfriend’s reasons for dumping him were completely self-absorbed. Instead of worrying about why this clean-cut, funny guy is now hurting so much and trying to help him, she complains that he’s wrecking her ideals of him being The Package. And I can’t believe the show didn’t have Major call her on that.
Aaron Douglas has NOT aged well. At all. That makes me sad. I barely recognized him.
I wasn’t feelin’ this one. **1/2.
Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D “Scars”
Eh. Not much to say about that except four things:
1. How can they sit there and pretend that Coulson was behind the helicarrier in Age Of Ultron when Joss has publicly denounced the show as not Cinematic Universe canon? I feel like the left hand really doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.
2. Why haven’t we seen either Koenig in the present? The Star Wars pajamas were a nice touch but it REALLY raises questions if we only saw the clones in a flashback after being missing for most of the season. I imagine Patton Oswalt wears those PJs too.
3. Skye’s Mom is a Black Hat! Gotta say, I didn’t predict that. Raina was right. Tries out saying that. Raina was right. Nope, it still hits the ear wrong.
4. Apparently, Tony Stark is no longer very popular. Stuff like this is why I’m grateful we have a MCU TV show in the first place. I’m betting this show is gonna set up Civil War like nobody’s business. If this show didn’t exist, we’d probably only learn about Tony being on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s poop list in Civil War itself. And this is information I would want to know NOW. Like I said, I’m glad we have a TV show.
So-so. ***.
Marvel's Avengers Assemble "The Ultron Outbreak"
What does Hawkeye have against Ant-Man anyways? Other than the fact that Clint is the single worst person who ever lived, I mean.
Also felt the Avengers getting back together seemed a little random. Did NOT think that particular adventure was strong enough to heal those specific wounds.
Eh. **.
Once Upon A Time "Mother"
The last five minutes sucked but I liked everything before that.
Lily describing Maleficent as a real person was sort of meta on how the show has been trying to portray the villains. I liked that Maleficent was not interested in revenge.
And you know, I will NEVER forgive Snow and David, but Hook made a very good case as to why Emma should. Do you know what I would have loved? After Emma's touching speech to Snow about forgiving and loving her I sort of wanted her to say "But Dad? F*** you."
Cora is pretty much the worst mother ever. Do you know why? She tells Regina she was truly only trying to look out for her happiness. If Cora truly loved her daughter she would have lied to her in that moment, or if she was lying then, just simply not said what she said. By saying that she made Regina feel completely guilty for what happened, when Cora was entirely to blame. By stating that she wanted Regina happy, Cora was blaming her daughter for her own mistakes, and making her believe that they were her fault. And that's why she's such a terrible mother.
Next week looks like it will suck but I didn't hate this. ***1/2.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "The Noxious Avenger"
Whoa! Bebop and Rocksteady are in the theme song!
Three things about that:
1. Muckman's design was absolutely revolting. I'm actually a bit shocked they got away with it on a TV-Y7 rating. When The Garbage Pail Kids had a movie filled with similar visuals it was rated PG-13. That talking dettachable eye made me want to lose my lunch.
2. This episode made a VERY interesting observation, that has been true for 30 years, but might have escaped our notice: the Party Wagon is a VERY conspicuous vehicle for supposed Ninjas. It's even worse than Torchwood's giant black SUV. If they're trying NOT to be noticed, that ain't the car to do it.
3. April seems to frustrate Splinter, because I don't think he rightly thinks he has the power to discipline her. Which makes her being his sons' accomplice doubly frustrating for him. How is he supposed to call her on it? He's not her father, and the sensei thing is sort of in their minds only. At best they are friends, so there is nothing he can do to keep her in line. And that's got to be frustrating. ***.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Clash Of The Mutanimals"
Okay, the Turtles not immediately recognizing mind control at work, after spending the past few episodes trying to prevent Shredder from getting his hands on a chemical to do just that, is a bit of bad writing too far. I swear, the show must think the kids in the audience are very stupid. That was outright embarrassing.
I laughed at the meta joke of Mikey pointing out that the old cartoons they watched always mirrored their missions. Funny.
A slapfight between Stockman-Fly and Pigeon Pete is exactly as exciting as you'd imagine.
I thought those worms entered through the eye until they puked them up. I thought that going in the eye was even more hardcore than the earworms from Wrath Of Khan.
I REALLY wish the Mutanimals roster was better. I really hope Mondo Gecko becomes one and I think they should probably call in Napoleon Bonafrog too. John Heder's not too busy, is he?
Passable. **1/2.
Transformers: Robots In Disguise "True Colors"
I hate Strong-Arm. Did you see how quickly she turned on Grimlock? Nice to see that she doesn't actually care about any members of the team, and that they are all one mind control bug away from being completely written off. She did not hesitate to throw Grimlock to the wolves and that should be scary.
I like that it was Sideswipe who was Grimlock's advocate. Although I think they waited a little too long to state it was mind control. They tried to fool us longer than they should have.
Not terrible. ***.
The Simpsons "Let's Go Fly A Coot"
Do you know what I loved about this episode? The grand gesture Bart made at the airport was to tell Milhouse's cousin that she wasn't nice and that he didn't like her. That's such a Bart thing. And the show doesn't do enough Bart things anymore. The fact that this season does is why it is so good.
Having the cousin voiced by Carice Van Houten was entirely appropriate, although unlike the Red Woman on Game of Thrones, I'm betting I wouldn't like to see the cousin naked.
Milhouse's parents are cousins and he turned out fine. Storm's a'coming!
Do you know what's weird? I think kids birthday parties have gotten out of control too. Now, my favorite day of the year is my birthday, but I simply do not understand why kids would want all that. I probably stopped having parties too young (at the age of 7) but I don't think I'd WANT a clown or a petting zoo. The day is supposed to be about the kid. Isn't that enough? Homer on helium was funny though.
I liked the reason why planes and boats are named after women and Lisa outraged by the fact that she wasn't surprised by the answer.
How did they work in that Chappie slam? Because it was perfect.
Grandpa's "worked with turtles" line in the flashback was funny too especially how angry he was when he said it.
I don't really have a problem with e-cigarettes, except they shouldn't marketed to children and come in fruit flavors. I thought the whole reason they were cool in the first place is that they helped people stop smoking actual tobacco but that's sort of negated if it's legally addicting a bunch of kids to nicotine anyways.
Good episode. Again. ****.
Grimm "Headache"
Do you know why Grimm USED to be a good show? Because it had heroes you could like and root for. They've destroyed that in these past few episodes, and they will never get it back. It used to be one of the rare genre projects where the good guys could be counted on to do the right thing. It doesn't have that anymore and is much less special for it.
Bonus demerits for not bringing back Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio for a good death scene. What an ignoble and unworthy end to Kelly Burkhardt.
Also, it's about time someone called b.s. on the amount of dream sequence rip-offs and misleading NBC promos this show does. Because when something big DOES happen (like in this episode), I don't trust I'm seeing what I'm seeing. Using rip-off dream sequences as much as Grimm does, means the producers are repeatedly breaking the trust of audience. How are we supposed to take them seriously when they want us to?
Do you know one of the reasons I used to watch Grimm? Because it wasn't Game Of Thrones. Now it seems like every genre show I like is trying to top that in horribleness. And it's ruining stuff I used to love. I'm sick of it.
A suckfest. *1/2.
Bob's Burgers "Eat, Spray, Linda"
I love that Linda goes to a random fancy hotel to use the bathroom on a regular basis and the bellhop and pianist there love her for it.
I also love that Louise loves puppies. Of course she does! She's a little girl. I like learning that Linda was the first person she was willing to share this vulnerability with. I sometimes think we as the audience don't give Linda enough credit. She's stupid, but she's kind-hearted and well-intentioned so you know she makes friends with a certain kind of people easily. I love Tina wryly noting upon seeing Louise snuggle the puppy that she and Linda's secret bathroom trips suddenly seemed that much less special.
I love that Linda has the exact same birthday curse as Gladstone Gander. And this was GOOD birthday for her. "Let's make this tub a Bloody Mary!" Ha!
I love that Linda couldn't stay mad at the stupid bus-driver. He was super nice and friendly and seemed to be the only person who appreciated it was her birthday. How angry could she get at the lug?
This was a better episode than we've been getting recently. This season hasn't been very good, but this was. ****.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Det. Dave Majors"
So-so. My two favorite bits were Gina saying that if Rosa had a twin she would have eaten it in the womb, and Amy tucking her hair behind her ears after talking to Jake. Terry's vest exploding was funny too. **1/2.
Family Guy "Fighting Irish"
Liam Neeson is not your clown. Great cutaway.
This episode, like The Lego Movie, and Once Upon A Time In The West, shows why Liam Neeson rarely does comedy. He's never asked to. He's perfectly capable of it. Although to be honest, I'm a little bummed he didn't nix the Schindler joke at the end. I think that is one role of his that should never be made fun of.
That peeing in the hands thing? I didn't take from that that Neeson was crazy. I think he was screwing with Peter and it looks like he does it to a lot of people. The wolf stuff? That's crazy though.
Neeson has been a tough guy since he was 55. That's about right.
I liked the Woodchuck test because it seems incredibly passive aggressive. Woodchucks seem to be a species of buttholes.
I love whenever the show admits that Stewie loves Lois. They don't do it so much that it dilutes its meaning, but they do it often enough to let the audience know it's actually a thing. Smart.
I love that Bonnie instinctively knows Joe shouldn't help Peter because Peter treats him so terribly. I think that was a great character moment for Bonnie and informs us a bit about the good parts of her and Joe's relationship.
Pretty good. ***1/2.
The Last Man On Earth "Screw The Moon"
First five star episode of the season. Needless to say, I'm glad the show has been renewed. I WILL be back next year.
I think Todd learning Tandy tried to kill him solidified some things in his mind. Tandy had been leading him down a dark path with Phil, and I don't think Todd really understood that Tandy was serious. Phil was turning Todd into "that guy" and Todd is pretty much the furthest thing from "that guy" ever. I think the episode restored all of Todd's power in the community. I expect Phil to be largely despised next season. Not because he banished Tandy. It was the way he did it. Tackling him after telling him that was the last time he was going to see the group happy was such an incredibly dark and mean thing to do. Frankly, I'm a little surprised he did that in front of the rest of the group. There was no part of that that wasn't ugly, especially since everybody else seemed ready to forgive Tandy. I have said before that being a nice guy in this new world is the most useful skill you can possess, and Todd (and I'm betting the rest of the group) realized he was the only man there who was truly nice. Todd is going to be a force to be reckoned with next season. I think everybody is going to hate Phil next season as much as they used to hate Tandy. Phil is LITERALLY the new Phil.
Do you know what I think? Even if I kind of think the original Phil should have been banished long ago, I feel like that is NOT a decision that should have been made by a single person, much less the newest guy in the group. It should have been put up to a vote. I'm sure even Melissa would have voted with him. But I doubt she's impressed he took on that himself, especially after the rest of the group forgave Tandy.
I was so gratified to see Todd and Melissa get back together. And Todd was right. What Melissa just said counted as an "I love you." I have never understood people who put a premium on those specific words. I love many people, including people I'm not related to or in love with. Love is not something that needs to be hoarded or ashamed of. Loving someone is not a zero-sum game. Your love one for one specific person will not diminish your love for another. The more people you love, the more love you carry in your heart. I know I sound like a cornball, but this is something I believe with all of my heart. There is no such thing as too much love.
Phil's brother being alive in space is pretty wild. But I can't for the life of me figure out how they are going to get him back to Earth, and if they do, how he won't be killed by the remnants of the virus.
Will Forte singing that song was a beautiful moment. Because you realize for the first time ever, he didn't lie about something. He sang it so softy and badly. It was very vulnerable and sweet, which is a first for that character.
I am relieved the season ended the way it did. I had been worried we were in for something MUCH darker and less hopeful, and the show pleasantly surprised me. Which is good. *****.
Bates Motel “Crazy”
Bob Parish and Norman offered an interesting opinion. Maybe the villain of the show isn’t Bob Parish. Maybe it isn’t even Norman. Maybe it’s Norma.
Bradley has the worst mother possible. A work-out room? Seriously? Ouch. I love Norman straight up telling her there WAS something wrong with him. She should have run screaming in the other direction at that.
Her loving Norman now is interesting but it does not surprise me at all. As creepy as Norman is, that sensitive, nice-guy thing he has got going is pretty irresistible. And he’s also quite handsome, so there’s that.
I love Romero stating he didn’t take Norma’s call because he didn’t want to talk to her. Who does that? That’s great! And honest. I wish more people were like that. The world would suck less if they were. Norma is completely destroying him. I think it is VERY interesting that Norma’s only concern about the flash drive is how is effects her. She never should have gotten involved with this in the first place. She expects the criminals of this town to be as easy to manipulate as Norman. And the universe is greatly invested in proving her wrong.
Someone’s goin’ in that hole next week. Bank on it.
I think the reason Dylan is so worried about pulling the trigger with Emma is because he’s worried it would hurt Norman. And Norman is not the kind of guy who takes getting hurt very well.
I found it interesting that Caleb told Norma the truth about Norman, because he didn’t even share that with Dylan. And I didn’t realize that until that moment.
There are bad times ahead. ****.
The Following “Demons”
Ryan’s a cheater. Fabulous. Way to make me hate the character. At least he fessed up. But that was the only thing he did this episode that I approved of.
I realized something: Daisy is delusional. She says Mark has a kind heart and is a good person. I think serial killers have different behavioral standards than the rest of polite society.
Max’s boyfriend is a winner, huh? I can’t believe he’s surprised that ended as badly as it did. He’s screwed. He always was but this is the first time he truly realized it.
Didn’t like this. *1/2.
Stalker “The Woods”
I don’t need to see Maggie Q getting beaten up and abused. I never watched Nikita but I’m betting this episode was especially infuriating for fans of that show see this one turn such a kick-butt hero into a Kevin Williamson scream queen.
Sigh. **.
The Blacklist "Karakurt"
Good stuff. Cooper should have gone to Reddington immediately. Red's right. The guy blackmailing him is the one truly in trouble. He just needs to bide his time and do what he says.
I liked the crazy torturer with the gas tank, and the gorgeous and ditzy scientist. Red really does know the most interesting people.
That end was pretty great. I can't wait for next week. ****.
Louie "Untitled"
The first act was great, but not only did the dreams not go anywhere ultimately interesting (as interesting as the dreams were) but the resolution is nonsense. Just the idea that someone like Louie C.K. is always out there having random sex strikes me as very hard to believe. I know it's his show but I don't really think every single male / female interaction ends in sex. I think that is nonsense and we've been conditioned to accept it on this show when it isn't true.
But did I mention the first act was great? Just going by that I thought the episode was going to be phenomenal. Louie's daughter is absolutely insane, and I love after she does her alarming rant, Charles Grodin looks at her and asks her if she's dehydrated. And as annoyed as Louie is that the doctor isn't doing his job right, part of him just accepts it, because the alternative is an institution for Jane, or at best, years of prescription strength therapy. He'll just put off the elephant in the room a little while longer.
This isn't the first time the show has hinted that Jane was not only crazy, but alarmingly crazy. I really hope they go somewhere with that, because Louie seems to have enough problems being a dad, but having a daughter that terrifies him (that he cannot control), always brings out genuine drama. Sure, they used it for humor here. But her running off in the subway in an earlier episode just shows what a problem child she is.
Speaking of which, I loved his older daughter sunnily talking about a really cool movie she saw last night, and he realizes she means A Clockwork Orange. I don't know HOW they decided to use that movie for that bit, but it was perfect. None only is that the last movie you want your 13-year-old daughter watching, it certainly isn't one you want them to think of as cool and artistic.
I'll say one thing for the dream man. He was more frightening than The Man From Another Place from Twin Peaks. Deliberately so, but it counts.
I wish I could give this episode a better grade. The first ten minutes were fantastic. **1/2.
The Wonder Years: Season Two
The show is still good because Kevin's voice hasn't changed yet.
In all seriousness, this was a great season. I wish they had been able to use Robert Picardo more, but he killed in the three episodes he WAS in. The Narrator's dialogue is starting to get a bit cliched in places, but that's probably only because I'm viewing it through a modern lens. In the context of 1989 it was fine.
Best episodes are the Stephen Kingish season premiere (Heart Of Darkness), the one where they want a color TV (Christmas), the one where we ALL smile as Kevin tells Wayne what he really thinks (Hiroshima, Mon Frere), the best Karen episode ever (Brightwing), and the one where an Aspie calls Kevin on his cr*p (Sqaure Dance). Worst episodes are the one where Kevin uses Becky Slater (Steady As She Goes), and the heavy-handed "Whose Woods Are These?". Season Overall: ****1/2
Heart Of Darkness:
This episode reminded me of a combination of two Stephen King stories, specifically "The Body" / "Stand By Me" and "IT". What I love about the Narrator at this stage in the game is that he is dishonest. He says one thing while Kevin does another. I know that's part of the joke, but I imagine whoever is HEARING this story probably is not getting the full version the audience is. He is also incredibly naive when he claims kids today are smarter than when he was young. If anything kids in the 80's were dumber. Ronald Reagan was our President, and the youth of the era didn't seem to have a problem with that. Which pretty much sums up the stupidity of Generation X in a nutshell. At least kids in the 60's hated LBJ and Nixon like they were supposed to. The kids of my generation were a bunch of conformists who believed anything adults told them. That's probably why the kids TV of that era was as bad as it was. We were told these badly written and animated toy commercials were really cool and we were dumb enough to believe it. That's still a bit of a problem today but there is actually quality children's television available nowadays not named Sesame Street or Mister Rogers. True, the kids still gravitate to the cr*p (it is ALWAYS the most popular stuff) but at least choosy kids have a few options. We didn't have that when I was really young. I also love how Kevin's first reaction to hearing the dead body story is to poke holes in it. Because I immediately saw them, and I like that they bothered him as much as they bothered me. And the Narrator is wise to note that he now felt sorry for that kid, because he WAS just a little kid back then. I am not that charitable with my views of the bullies I faced as a kid, so props to him. I also found Kevin telling Winnie she looked dumb with contacts a VERY layered scene. It worked on many levels, and said many things about Kevin, not all of which are good. On the positive it was Kevin affirming that he and Winnie were still friends, and that she could count on him to be honest about stuff like that. On the negative, it simply wasn't true, and I think it was a way to manipulate Winnie into wearing glasses again so the cool kids would reject her, and she'd get back with Kevin. I also have to wonder what a 13 year old Danica McKellar must have been thinking when she read in the script that that other kid and Kevin thought she was "flat". I'm sure the writers thought they were being realistic (and they were) but I think they should have taken McKellar's feelings into account about those lines. This was a very interesting episode. ****1/2.
Our Miss White:
I love Miss White too. But for entirely different reasons than Kevin. She contains so much goodness and empathy and putting her liberal ideals up to someone like Karen's makes Kevin's sister seem even more vapid than she is. I love the way Miss White treats Jack. With deference. She probably does not agree with his beliefs, but respects him for serving, and lets him feel appreciated for it. When has Karen ever done that? But I think the thing I like most about Miss White is how she handled Kevin's "You're pretty.” In that moment, she knew exactly what the problem was, and offered to talk it out. That’s cool. And the Narrator stating that in that moment he realized the situation was ridiculous, made me have more respect for Kevin’s shaky intelligence than I have ever had before. Kid Kevin never seems to share the insightfulness of the Narrator, but it’s good to know he was able to step outside the situation a little and see it objectively. And Jack practically crying at the play is such an amazing moment. What an ending. Any complaints? Two: Miss White’s tears were so fake they were glaring. I like the actress they got, but I would have liked her more if she had been able to cry on cue. The second complaint is the idea of Kevin staring at her breasts in class. Because in that outfit they were non-existent. She was decked out like a 70-year-old Librarian. Now, that’s very true to how women dressed back then. But it made the joke not work at all. ****.
Christmas:
I love and hate the fact equally that Kevin forgot Winnie’s brother died in Vietnam, and that she was probably having a MUCH worse Christmas than he was. What a luxury of a life this kid lives. I love that the Narrator makes no apologies for behavior back then. He was a shallow and superficial kid and doesn’t sugarcoat it. I also love the revelation that Jack got the TV two years later. That’s long enough for it to be a disappointment, but short enough to feel like a victory. Perfect timing on that joke. I also love the joke of the clock hand moving backwards. And Karen continues to be on my poop list. Who has a date on Christmas Eve? And her psychology b.s. was laughable. Yeah, that’s it. Jack WANTED to spend all that money, but the kids were ruining the surprise. Right. What I loved about Norma’s conversation with Jack in trying to get him to buy the TV, is it is not entirely rationalization on her end. She says they can eat hot dogs for a month. She is being problem-solver which is something you NEVER see TV parents being. But solving problems is what real-life parents do. But for TV sitcoms it’s funnier if the parents are stupid, so they play for the cheap laugh. That lucky clover was pretty much the perfect gift. That is something you only give to someone you are truly in love with. Winnie is beyond special. If someone I had a crush on gave me that, I’d consider that Christmas a total win. There is a reason she is the girl of Kevin’s dreams. It raining at the end was funny too because that was the show subverting tired TV tropes before subverting tired TV tropes was cool. Great episode. ****1/2.
Steady As She Goes:
Poor Becky Slater. God, I hate Kevin. What a user. Did you see that look he gave Winnie? He was deliberately trying to hurt her and that look said that he knew it and was letting her know it. It was almost as cruel as a morning after talk with Angelus. This episode aggravated me. **.
Just Between You And Me And Kirk And Paul And Carla And Becky:
God bless Becky Slater. Kevin tells her “the truth” in such a condescending manner and expects her to be “grateful” for his “honesty”. He actually puts his hand on her shoulder, the b*st*rd. But Becky? She is NOT going to let him off the hook for using her. In that moment she stood up for used women everywhere. Loved her punching him. Butthole. Speaking of which, here is something the Narrator missed, but was not lost on me. Winnie saying she didn’t know if she liked Kevin or not was not only a moment that told Kevin that girls are just as confused as boys. What it also said to me is that guys always put a LOT of pressure and high expectations on attractive women, and it’s possible all that extra attention is making them miserable. Winnie’s 13. Why should she even HAVE to decide stuff like that? I get that she’s attractive and popular, but she is under no obligations to either Kirk or Kevin to exist on their clock. Speaking of being 13, I am super uncomfortable with the amount of suggestive poses the writers put McKellar in. She is 13 in these scenes. There is no way McKellar should be forced to make “O-face” on camera. It works for the narrative purpose they’re telling, but it is another example of them not taking the actress’ feelings into consideration. I kind of love that the clip they used from Star Trek was “Spock’s Brain”, widely considered the worst Star Trek episode of all time. And yet, that was what Star Trek WAS in 1968. And we’re all a little sadder for realizing it. The Star Trek fantasy was brutal and I’ll tell you why. As ridiculous as it was, it was not too far removed from a Gene Roddenberry script. The joke is it’s kids playing the roles, but plots on the old Star Trek show were exactly that stupid and badly written. And I think this was one of the first shows I’ve seen to straight up acknowledge that. Star Trek is considered a VERY serious franchise as far as TV history is concerned. Qualitywise, it should never have been. ****.
Pottery Will Get You Nowhere:
Here’s the interesting thing about Norma and Jack. She doesn’t want much from him. He takes and takes and she’s fine with that. It doesn’t bother her. It’s just that when she DOES want something, even something small and insignificant, he refuses to give it to her. And that drives her crazy. Because it really is NOT too much to ask. I loved the visual of Kevin throwing mashed potatoes at Wayne and Wayne’s promise to get him back when he slept. Very clever of the show to juxtapose images of the Watts riots upon Kevin insisting the world was not turning upside-down. The rimshot to Kevin’s lame joke was funny. I remember Ben Stein. This was back when he was only moderately insufferable instead of completely insufferable. Jack and Norma work, and I respect them for it. But it would be a lot easier on both of them if Jack would dial it down a notch. That fight though was devastating. Raw and realistic and both characters got their two cents in. Every beat of it was perfect, and perfectly realistic for that time period, which just made it that much more realistic. ***1/2.
Coda:
I loved piano lessons as a kid. I was never great, but I truly enjoyed playing and the feeling of creating the music. This got most of that right. It messed up one thing, but the rest was spot-on. The heart-breaking confession of the Narrator that he doesn’t remember how to play the piece is truly insightful. Piano playing is NOT a musical gift like singing, that most people can turn on and off. If you don’t practice, you will lose the ability in the same way it’s hard to remember a really great dream you once had. It fades into a memory. You can get it back with a few weeks practice, and it will come MUCH faster to you than when you originally learned it, but I was only good at playing the pieces I was currently practicing. After I moved onto something else, it always left me. I also really like that the piano teacher guilted Kevin about taking his parents’ money. What a great tactic! If I wasn’t practicing enough, that would have totally made me do it. And I like that Jack is IMMEDIATELY insightful enough to figure out that if Kevin has talent but isn’t practicing, that he is wasting money on nothing. He added up those scenarios and figures RIGHT quick. I love that. Jack has always been portrayed as a bit dull-witted, but when it comes to figuring how much things are going to cost him, he’s a rocket scientist. What was the thing they got wrong? A piano teacher never would have the kids play the same piece at the recital for exactly the reason it backfired here. They might do that if the recital was for a bunch of first graders and they didn’t KNOW a ton of different music, but a legit recital of pre-teens would cater to each kid’s individual talent. They’d WANT the kid to succeed, and not try to prove a lesson. But the episode got everything else right. I am still tickled to realize the kid who plays Don played the young Ben Hamscomb in Stephen King’s IT. ABC television really had it’s own featured players. ****.
Hiroshima, Mon Frere:
Fabulous episode but I’m gonna point out the thing that bugs me now that didn’t used to. The Narrator wistfully saying that he didn’t feel good about hurting Wayne. Let me just say, Adult Kevin: embrace the hurt. Wayne deserved everything he got and more. Actually, I think Kevin was WAAAYYY too kind to him about why that girl wouldn’t come over. Wayne was brow-beating that poor kid over the phone and treating her absolutely appallingly. It’s not simply that she didn’t like Wayne because he wasn’t nice. If Kevin REALLY wanted to destroy Wayne in that moment, he’d have pointed out he was treating her like a creepy sex offender. I know. It’s the 60’s. Kids back then did NOT have the sensibilities or the skills to verbalize something like that. What Kevin COULD have said is that girl rejected Wayne because he scared her, and that women would probably be scared of him for his entire life, and stay away in droves. And Wayne would know that is true, and spend the next few weeks tossing and turning in bed at night realizing that no consensual sex was ever coming his way. But Kevin is FAR kinder than I would have been in that situation. Do you know who else tortures small animals? Serial killers. What’s amazing to me seeing Wayne threaten those hamsters, is that when I was a kid, bullies used to do cr*p like that all the time. But it’s shocking to see it now. These days, that would NOT be tolerated and any kid caught doing that would automatically be sent off to a special school for crazy kids. It is REALLY authentic to the 80's (and of course, the 60’s) but kids would NEVER get away with that today, or even be crazy enough to try it. As badly as I think the morality of kids has devolved over each subsequent generation, when it comes to tolerating outright crazy behavior, the current generation is the best we’ve ever had at fighting back against bullies. Yeah, I think a generation of kids who first have oral sex when they are 11 has a ton of problems. But sticking up for themselves isn’t one of them. Paul was adorable with those hamsters. Here’s something that confused me: the Narrator stated that adults had all of those existential questions he raised figured out. Now, he’s an adult, so he knows that isn’t true. Why is he voicing Kevin’s thoughts as a child in that moment? It’s sort of like if a book changed from a first person to third person narrative with no explanation in the next paragraph. It feels wrong. Do you know who I feel sorry for? Jason Hervey. Wayne Arnold has probably got to be the most thankless role of all time, and I think the thing that drives me nuts is that he probably wasn’t hard for Hervey to play. All Hervey had to do was read the lines the writers wrote for him verbatim in a snotty voice, and TV magic happened. I have to think it must REALLY gall Hervey nowadays that his entire acting career is judged upon a role he probably put zero effort into. And yet, he’s so great at it, people just assume he’s a terrible person in real life. I would bet Hervey would have loved to get the chance to play a bad guy with layers. But he never will because of Wayne. I’d have been interested to see if he had the chops for it. Wayne certainly did not take much. *****.
Loosiers:
Do you know the worst thing about picking teams? It is pretty much the only way to do it and still be able to play the game. There is NO other fair option, otherwise the game will be completely lop-sided and no fun to play. It reminds me of democracy: it is the worst form of government except for all the others. There is NOTHING you can do about picking teams. It HAS to happen the way it does and it makes everybody miserable. That's depressing, right? Kevin picking all of the worst kids was pure genius. That is what we call a moral victory. Winning or losing the game was besides the point. He just rubbed it in Cutlip’s face and did the last thing he expected. The cool thing is that it was a bit obvious to me, which makes the fact that Kevin does it out of the blue even better. He was like “Oh, yeah! I can do that! I’m captain! I can pick Paul first. And then pick a bunch of other kids who weren’t great at sports so he won’t be humiliated.” That was a very empowering moment for Kevin. For most kids, it never occurs to them there are other options than winning. Kevin is still deluded enough to think he has a chance, but as I said the game itself was a mere formality. It astounds me that this is the first we’ve seen of Coach Cutlip since the second episode. He made SUCH a huge impression in the first two episodes, and was SUCH a huge presence on the show, you almost resented China Beach. Don’t look at me like that. I said “almost”. I’m not crazy. That reaction shot of Robert Picardo getting hit by the basketball was SO funny because he looked like he got genuinely hurt. Picardo played the moment as unflattering to himself as possible, and completely set aside every ounce of his vanity to make it even funnier. It is not only a funny injury, but the ugly, vulnerable look on his face made it a realistic one. People do NOT look cool when they get hurt. And this is one of the few times on TV or film where I’ve actually seen that demonstrated. Take note: we see the Narrator’s hands at the beginning and silhouettes of him and presumably an adult Paul playing basketball which is some of the only “current” footage the series ever gave us. ****.
Walk Out:
I hate teachers like Mr. Tyler. The hip, young professor who relates to the kids on their level is not someone to be admired. They are probably creeps and pervs. And as the episode proved, when it comes right down it, they are STILL adults and not to be trusted. When things get bad, you will find Mr. Tyler home with the sniffles. He’s willing to lecture people on what they’d be willing to give up. But he’s not willing to put his money where his mouth is. About the best thing I can say about him is that he works with middle-schoolers and so probably isn’t sleeping with his female students. I least, I pray to God I’m right about that. Oh, the episode was good too. Best line goes to the Narrator (of course): “Some men are born to greatness. Some men have greatness thrust upon them while they are in the bathroom.” ***1/2.
Nemesis:
I’m sorry, but Crystal McKellar looks SO freaking bad@$$ standing there with her jacket behind her hips with the wind blowing in her hair. If Linda Hamilton or Sigourney Weaver saw the expression on her face they’d take a step the eff back. Slowly. There are two things that endear Becky to me immediately. 1. She refuses to forgive Kevin. And she specifically calls him out for using him. That is not a level of insightfulness you’d expect from a middle-schooler, but she is able to articulate how Kevin damaged her in exactly the right terms. 2. She doesn’t blame Winnie. I mentioned earlier that Winnie does NOT ask for all of this attention, and Becky seems to be the only other person at that school who realizes it. She is still her friend. Granted, she isn’t largely thinking about what her telling that secret to everybody else will do, but Becky is so flawless otherwise, I’ll let it slide. I loved Winnie practically beating up Kevin at the end. He was NOT a good nursemaid after all, and she wouldn’t let him forget it. I also find it hysterical how badly Kevin misreads Winnie’s signals. When she says she is going to throw up he thinks things are going great, and after she beats him up, he is SURE it is because she likes him. I’ll concede she probably likes him. But that isn’t why she beat him up. She beat him up because he deserved it. There is no higher lesson here. Do you know how Kevin could have got Becky to stop? Point out she was in on it. She laughed and agreed with every single one of his insults, and if she was gonna pretend she had some high ground on the subject, Kevin should have set his friends straight immediately. A lot less of it would have come out that way. ****.
Fate:
That vice-principle is pretty much as terrible at his job as you could possibly imagine a vice-principle to be. He manages to take any bad situation and make it a thousand times worse. Do you know what worried me? Winnie thinking she could change Eddie. That mindset never leads anywhere good. Passable. ***.
Birthday Boy:
I loved Grandpa Pfeiffer’s chicken story. The way he told it was riveting. What a great performance. And I think the constant refrain from Kevin about his family is that they are a disappointment. And Karen is an idiot if she thinks a 13 year old boy would like a poem for his birthday. And also incredibly cheap. I was upset when Kevin wouldn’t give up one of his birthdays for Paul and the family’s underwhelming “party” told me he was a fool to place so much hope on it. And bullies on the bus should NEVER bad-mouth bar mitzvahs. They are just going to wind up looking like a chump when they find out what they actually entail. I was a bit aggravated during this. **1/2.
Brightwing:
What a great episode! It was the first Karen episode that actually felt authentic to the 1960's. Before they were trying too hard to have her spout off flower child cliches. But her self-destructive behavior actually felt real for the first time ever. And we learned she is quite manipulative and an excellent liar. That makes me hate her more, but it also makes her more interesting. I love the scene at the end where Norma and Jack are comforting her. Because Jack's demeanor is understanding. I love that. I laughed at Paul immediately wanting to get in the car with the hippie girls. I also thought it was hilarious how Kevin almost uncertainly asked "None of your business?". His whole runner with George Finch was absolutely great. Fred Savage was the real deal. It is criminal he is not getting steady work. I love the Narrator stating that the parents never listened, until he learned with dismay that they weren't listening because he was wrong and Karen had run away. That shows a very special insight into a kid's relationship with his parents. Jack and Norma in the cop uniforms was a funny visual too. The actors looked like they were having a blast in that scene. One of the best episodes of the season. And this coming from someone who hates Karen. *****.
Square Dance:
"I thought you were different." Drops mic. Walks away. I got chills, man. This episode states a hard truth: All kids suck. And if you somehow get a one in a million kid who's okay, they are an automatic social pariah. Every time. If the Narrator seems especially embarrassed by his behavior this episode, those five insightful words of Margaret's, said after his supposedly clever plan of "secret friends", showed why. As if Kevin was doing her SUCH a huge favor by supposedly being "nice". As if she should want those scraps. He's a freaking philanthropist, that one. Just learning Margaret became a P.H.D. and a loving mother of six, made me happier than I could say. Aspies unite! The Narrator forgot the names of the people he was trying to impress, but never forgot the name of the girl he let down. One more thing: the Narrator wryly states that Becky Slater either became a gossip columnist or a divorce attorney. I know he was joking (and the gossip column thing was mean) but I think Becky would make an EXCELLENT divorce lawyer. Standing up for down-trodden women everywhere against the men who wronged them? Becky was BORN for that. I don't think the Narrator should have treated that profession as a joke. Becky would have made it magnificent. ****1/2.
Whose Woods Are These?:
Unusually brutal ending. That said, this episode's dialogue was pretty obvious and heavy-handed, even for this show. I gotta say, they REALLY have something with that fascist vice-principle. I've known people exactly like him before, and they all have the exact same problem. They are given a TINY bit of power over people who have none, and they lord it over them, and never let them forget it. It is not only incredibly cruel and unfair, it is also extremely pathetic. But this wasn't great. **.
How I'm Spending My Summer Vacation:
Winnie Cooper has the worst childhood ever and it is especially tragic that Kevin doesn't seem to understand that, and when he finally does, it is always too late. I could totally tell her parents were imploding over their son's death, and Kevin has to make it all about him. That being said, the whole yearbook mess WAS embarrassing. I knew immediately that Winnie would write that in his yearbook, so I thought it was only appropriate she kissed him for pouring his heart out. He earned that. Very creepy use of "I Only Have Eyes For You". It is ALWAYS a haunting song, but it seems even more unsettling among a bunch of suburban adults who might very well be swingers. I think the thing I like best about the episode is that at the end of the year, it is the teachers who are losing it. Miss White IMMEDIATELY turning into Mrs. Heimell was funny too. Because that is EXACTLY how it happens. ****.
School Days:
Fred Savage, Josh Saviano, and Danica McKellar talk about being balancing school life and show life. Danica's story about her math teacher made me smile. ****.
Featurette: The Times They Are A-Changin':
Danica McKellar and Olivia D'Abo are so radiant. Absolutely stunning. Sad to see that Robert Picardo is very much an old man now. Dan Lauria still looks great and it was interesting to learn he was one of the go-to guys on the show for keeping things authentic. Savage has said elsewhere that it would be a VERY different show if it were from Winnie Cooper's perspective and he's still right. That poor kid had the most tragic life. That fight scene in "Pottery Will Get You Nowhere" was very powerful. Both parents expressed their feelings perfectly in that moment. They actually got an interview with the actress who played Miss White. She should have asked Dan Lauria how to cry on cue. ****1/2.
Interviews:
Interviews with Daniel Stern, Dan Lauria, and Alley Mills. Overall: ***1/2.
Daniel Stern (Narrator):
Thank you for clarifying that fugly beard is for a role, Daniel. Stern is right to be amazed that the network and the producers never tried to make Fred Savage a big star or a Teen Beat cover boy. The entire way the show treated child actors was entirely unique. Arye Gross apparently voiced the Narrator in the Super Bowl version of the Pilot, but Daniel's back on the DVD release (and all the subsequent reruns). A blind audition sounds terrifying. Stern also talks a bit about Hooperman and the dreaded "dramedies" phase in the 1980's that The Wonder Years put a stop to once and for all. ***1/2.
Dan Lauria (Jack Arnold):
Dan Lauria being laid-back and articulate in real life lets me know the universe knows what it's doing. I loved him getting enraged over the show being too cheap to get Alley Mills a wig. The part about getting the call from Fred Savage after 9/11 was sad because I can just imagine how it was. Skip Cook was the dude who made sure the kids grew up well-adjusted. It worked, so he was great at his job. Do you know the ironic thing? Jason Hervey was once on Diff'rent Strokes. Think about that for a minute. I would have loved to have seen that episode for a potential season seven that Dan talked about. That would have been neat. Lauria also lost a bet with Mills because he predicted the show wouldn't last because it was so good and she thought that was the reason it would. I'm glad Mills was right. ****.
Alley Mills (Norma Arnold):
I'm gonna call b.s. on Alley talking about soldiers being spat on upon returning from Vietnam. That's an urban myth. There are no documented cases of that happening, but the rightwing keeps spewing that lie as if it is a fact. I laughed at her reaction to the Enquirer reporting she was having an affair with a fifteen year old Jason Hervey. I was moved about her talking about her talking with Dan Lauria about his experiences in Vietnam for the first time. I always love the story that she and Olivia D'Abo got cast on the spot because D'Abo didn't wear a bra to her audition. Funny. And she is right that Daniel Stern was the right Narrator because there is a whine to his voice. I laughed at hearing the two old guys on the park bench were Hervey and Savage's grandparents. That's about right. **1/2.
DVD Menus: With scenes from season two. There are neither scene selection nor language selection menus. ****.
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