matt_zimmer | Goodbye Harry Potter: "Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire" Review (Spoilers)

Goodbye Harry Potter: Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire

Can I be real with you?

Most of the previous reviews have been done in a anger. But I have to confess rereading THIS kind of hurts and makes me very sad. This was always my second favorite Harry Potter book after Deathly Hallows. And that's not even a question. And I had hoped very much that all of the red flags I had been noticing in the previous books would either be not as big a deal as I feared here, or not as numerous.

My pleasant memories of the book were a genuinely nice thing. And the reality of the kind of bully J.K. Rowling turned out to be is why I am no longer allowed that nice thing. Certainly there are parts of the book I still love and that still resonated. But there is SO much problematic shit that I overlooked for misguided reasons. And I think I'll talk about that a little more in the next review. But let's just say Rowling used to have a lot of credibility with me specifically regarding the bullied, the disenfranchised, and the misfits. That fact is ironic considering the fact that the books seem to VENERATE bullying on some level, but it was actually true for me. Her showing her true colors about that later on felt like a genuine betrayal.

Plenty of writers try to cater to misfits and I find their real-world credibility about the subject lacking. Greg Weisman springs immediately to mind. But whatever his failings in his writing, or his approach to fandoms, my disagreements with him there are just that: disagreements. People will disagree with ME and that's fine. I have different perspective. For Rowling, it's different. The shit she's pulled is indefensible. And this review is gonna be long and horrible because I have to say in every way why it's indefensible.

I would like to believe by the end of the review I will be unbiased enough to give the entire book a respectable 3 and a half stars for quality, down from my previous five star review. But we'll see. There is a LOT of unpleasantness to get through for this one.

Where do I start?

I guess I'll discuss the fact that many of this book's problems build upon my earlier complaints for the first three books. But before I get there I'm gonna talk about the book's NEW failures, that seemed to come out of nowhere, hurt the book, and the whole saga. S.P.E.W. is the pretty obvious failing, and when taken with everything else, is quite appalling. It IS however pretty low-hanging fruit. But really the first and biggest complaint I'm giving the book is Rita Skeeter.

In a kid-lit allegory tackling fascism, there is undoubtedly a place for a harsh critique against yellow journalism and fake news propaganda. But Rowling is not a talented enough writer (or a smart enough person) to explore cause and effect like that, or even understand its importance. No, Rita Skeeter, is a "celebrity gossip" instead, and her misbehavior involves making up bullshit love triangles and putting a negative spin on Harry's friends. I think what makes me a little angry about this missed important story opportunity is that Rowling seems to have created Skeeter as a response to how the Tabloids treated HER. Reporting laziness and media malfeasance is an extremely important topic and serious real-world issue. And Rowling only thinks of it in the sense of how it's personally effected her. I have to confess I haven't reread the book since Trump came along. Until now. And her critiques about the media feel both toothless and weirdly self-centered. Rowling seems to be raging against Skeeter's narcissism unaware that the character has simply unearthed her own.

And goddammit, "Rita Skeeter"? How the fuck is this person a professional writer? (Rowling, not Skeeter.) How the FUCK are we supposed to take a story seriously where the characters are named like Warner Bros cartoon characters? It pisses me off. Malfoy's mother's name being Narcissa is similarly fucked up. How it is we tolerated this shit for so long?

Oh, and in case you wonder if Rowling's disdain for transgender people came out of nowhere, her descriptions of Skeeter's "large, mannish hands" show this has always been something she's believed.

The worst thing about Skeeter to me is one of the tendencies Rowling does for all of her villains. There are never any proper consequences for the damaging shit they do. Rowling suggests Dumbledore does not see the people at the Slytherin table refusing to raise their glasses to Harry. You telling me Dumbledore is unaware of this shit? Fudge doesn't notice the openly cruel remark Lucius Malfoy makes to Arthur Weasley. Because actually having to acknowledge terrible behavior would mean Rowling would have to stop coasting in telling this story. Dumbledore says the truth is preferable to lie, and yet not a single moment of the villains always getting off Scot-free as if they are rascals instead of genocidal monsters is truthful. Gosh, Rita is unallowed to write for a year. Does that seem like a fair punishment, especially because with the information Hermione has on her could land her in Azkaban and take her off the board entirely? It's poor writing.

And so we come to S.P.E.W.. Speaking of stupid names, Rowling doesn't want us to take Hermione's concerns against slavery seriously if she says Hermione is stupid enough to give her organization that specific acronym. Again, cartoon shit, that doesn't just make me think less of Rowling. It makes me think less of Hermione.

But if I am being completely honest, despite the fact that the morality of Hermione wanting freedom for the elves being counter to everyone's perspective, that could have actually been a fascinating controversy to explore. That Rowling bungled in the later books. The last book in particular seems to reach the conclusion that "slavery is okay so long as you treat the slaves respectfully". And if THAT'S where we're winding up, the question never should have been raised.

Rowling is terrible at sticking the landing from the promises of this book. Rowling does not usually suck at set-up but the end of this book promises great things that never materialize. Like the uneasy alliance between Snape and Sirius, which would have been dramatic gold if Rowling had truly explored it. Or how about Dumbledore sending Hagrid to meet the giants? Also came to fucking nothing in the next book.

I can safely say this is the book where the poor prose becomes an actual problem. Stephen King (another author I have problems with) has an almost irrational hatred of adverbs. While I disagree that they are ALWAYS extraneous and never helpful, they CAN be abused. Especially by poor writers. And Rowling is off her nut with them here. The actual prose suffers it is so constant and noticeable. King is a big Harry Potter fan which is another one of the biggest reasons I don't actually understand Stephen King. You can't take the iron-clad stance against adverbs you do in "On Writing" and still be a fan of J.K. Rowling. You just can't, I said darkly.

Let's talk about the mixed messages again. Aside from the House-Elf shit. The notion that Crabbe and Goyle's fathers are Death-Eaters again puts to lie that the story is about Choice. That's legacy, not Choice. Also, as long as we're talking shit about legacies, that also works against the idea that Slytherins value ambition. Inheriting wealth and power without ever having to work for it is the antithesis of ambition.

Sirius Black is a very interesting character in both this book and the next. In each book Sirius says the wisest thing. And both things he says, as wise as they sound, ultimately turn out to be completely untrue. We'll get to his second wise bullshit observation in The Order Of The Phoenix, but here Sirius claims that the true measure of a man can be better measured in how he treats his inferiors, rather than his equals. Sounds wise and true, right? But aside from ugliness implied that any sort of House-Elf is automatically inferior to a human, Sirius himself treats the House-Elf Kreacher like utter shit in the next book. Sirius said an impressively insightful thing here. That is either completely untrue, or something he can't live up to himself.

Another mixed message is Barty Crouch Jr. claiming he was Voldemort's most faithful servant. But we SAW him in the Pensieve denying to his dying breath that he had anything to do with Voldemort. Inconsistencies like that are constant in the books (see also Hagrid decrying "foreigners" here), which might not be a problem if somebody ever called him on it. If as he was telling his story about being Voldemort's most faithful servant, I'd think more of Rowling if she has Dumbledore interject that the most famous part of his previous Death-Eater career was bawling to his Daddy that he most certainly wasn't one. Is that type of sharp criticism out of character for Dumbledore? Perhaps. But because nobody says it, it's a plot inconsistency.

Other people before me have mentioned how insulting to the Asian community Cho Chang is (taking particular note that her name sounds cringily like Ching Chong) but yeah, she is not making a good impression here.

Here's an interesting thought: Dumbledore believes the truth is better than lies. The truth about Frank and Alice Longbottom however was NOT his truth to tell. He had NO business telling Harry what happened to them if Neville already hadn't. Dumbledore is a VERY irresponsible adult. That right there is a red flag.

I mean, he sets the proper (and correct) boundary limit with Snape. It's obnoxious he doesn't give Neville that same consideration.

Mrs. Weasley is a sucky person because she actually believes that shit about Hermione. I wish Harry had a mother figure who wasn't so fucking horrible on every level.

Speaking of her sucking, I think a LOT of the shit she does in the book is passive aggressive and deliberate. Okay, she says she could only afford second-hand robes? You telling me this character who we've seen mending clothes magically would be unable to do a simple spell to remove the frills on the dress robes? It seems likelier than me it's more of a Power-Move from a Mom who is a sociopath and doesn't want their little boy to stray to far from the tit. It's doesn't read any other way to me.

I mentioned in an earlier book review that there is antifeminism present in the books, and yup, how shittily Ron acts towards Hermione in the lead-up to (and during) the Yule Ball is just appalling. To Hermione's credit she calls him on it. The thing is, not all of Ron's appalling behavior is directed at Hermione. He claims Hermione said she was going with somebody else because she didn't want to go with Neville. Excuse me? Isn't Neville supposed to be your friend? And goddammit, Neville seems to be a better friend to Hermione than Ron does. Neville reasons he and Hermione get along, and thoughtfully asks her, most likely as a friend. And Ron's first thought is Hermione lied to him because she thinks he sucks. You know what? I think Ron Weasley sucks. And that's not even a question. He does.

Still a lot of looksism and fat-shaming going on.

I've done a HELL of a lot of talking about what doesn't work in the book. I'm going to talk about things I liked next. Hopefully, I'll get excited because some of these things I liked a lot.

I think "The Riddle House" is the best opening chapter out of all seven Harry Potter books. It blew the franchise wide open, and it was SUPER unexpected to get an entire chapter completely outside of Harry Potter's perspective for the first (but not the last) time, especially when we did.

I talk shit about Rowling's prose. But her visual description of Barty Crouch Sr. when Harry sees him for the first time is sublime. If Rowling's entire book was filled with that kind of writing, I would have no problems with the prose. It's a perfect description. Harry sees immediately why Percy idolized him. Because he followed the Muggle clothes rule to the letter. The notion that his mustache is so even it looks like it was trimmed by a slide-rule is an amazing observation, as is Harry saying he could be confused for a banker, and even Uncle Vernon would probably be unable to see him for what he really was. Damn, I wish the book was ALL that paragraph.

The bit about Harry realizing Bill was COOL, because there was no other word for it was pretty good too.

Voldemort's resurrection is horrifying, and I would argue this is the second strongest climax after the final book. It's a kids book, and Rowling gets away with what she does because she doesn't go overboard with the gore and explicitness. I feel there is the correct balance between shock and subtlety that makes it forgivable and something a kid could handle.

I thought the way Harry dealt with Vernon at the beginning was great. He's not the doormat he was in the earlier books, or the asshole he was in the later books. This is the one book he threads the needle perfectly. He is very polite and measured in everything he says to his uncle. And controls the entire conversation with subtle manipulations and dogwhistles designed to make his uncle uncomfortable and concede the point rather than discuss it further. I wish all of the Dursley stuff was like that.

I'll tell you what I like. I like that Rowling telegraphs that Snape is good once and for all, in a way that can't be argued against. He is seen in Crouch Sr.'s Foe-Glass. Rowling is SO enamored of this iron-clad clue that Snape is a good guy, she mentions it a whopping three times! And it never registers once with Harry because he is a total sap.

If this IS the last time I read this book (and I think it is) I am sad because the good experience I used to have with it simply isn't there anymore. It's a decent book altogether, but I would guess 300 pages of nonsense could be cut out of it, and that would actually IMPROVE things, which is not a good sign for a book that's over 700 pages long. I used to absolutely adore this book. It's still pretty good, but it saddens me that I no longer do. ***1/2.