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matt_zimmerAlso reviews for the first batch of Disney+ episodes of Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures, the latest The Simpsons Disney+ short, the latest episodes of The Flash, Titans, Mike Judge's Beavis And Butt-Head, Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and Law & Order: Organized Crime, and the short story collection Everything's Eventual.
Star Wars Visions "Sith"
The animation is gorgeous. Admittedly, Lola looks a little too Uncanny Valley, but the animation on the backgrounds and objects is eye-popping and dazzling.
I am a sucker for any Star Wars story where characters decide to choose their own destinies. Those stories are few and far between.
I like that she's an artist. That's a believable reason to want to give the Sith life up. I also love that the little robot has more firepower than we expected (and we are all relieved she managed to repair him at the end too).
Very cool. ****.
Star Wars Visions "Screecher's Reach"
For a short starring kids, that was a shockingly bleak ending.
The cartoony character designs were nice, but it's really amazing how fluid the animation is. You don't ever really see animation that great with those kinds of designs anymore.
I loved the little kids repeatedly saying "arse" in an Irish accent too.
Major props must go to the fact that the design of Screecher is genuinely scary. It is VERY hard to nail a design that is frightening all by itself. Scorpius from Farscape qualified, but that's the only one off the top of my head. The great animation DID do some heavy lifting as well, but so did Wayne Pygram, so the comparison is still apt.
Really shockingly hopeless short. ***.
Star Wars Visions "In The Stars"
I can't decide if that was stop-motion or CGI simulated stop-motion like The Lego Movie. I'm leaning towards the second thing because I don't think TRUE stop-motion ever looks that good.
This short is a good reminder of all of the wanton misery and destruction the Empire inflicted on innocent worlds incapable of fighting back. I think we always think of the Empire only as the bad guys who took out the Jedi but in reality, they made every part of the galaxy worse.
The little kid was TOO precocious. Which is another word for annoying.
Still, that was a visual feast. Trying to figure out if it was real or not. The credits didn't say for sure either way. ***1/2.
Star Wars Visions "I Am Your Mother"
Aardman does Star Wars? HELL. YES.
This IS stop-motion and believably so because it's not TOO amazing. And I love that the humans have the Aardman teeth.
The episode title is a gas too.
The best part of this show is the variations in tone. A goofy family comedy plays equally well as some of the more horrific stuff.
SO great. *****.
Star Wars Visions "Journey To The Dark Head"
I am not what you would call a big Anime Guy. But whenever I DO see it, I can totally get the appeal.
The story wasn't such of a much, but oooh, pretty! ***.
Star Wars Visions "The Spy Dancer"
Even for a series with NOTHING but great animation, that was bananas. The dance sequences alone need to be seen to be believed.
I liked the short going for the Big Drama and Big Hurt by making the Imperial the Spy Dancer's kidnapped son. And by the end even he doesn't know what to think. Things seem so up in the air (and we'll never see the resolution) but I still found that a bit of a hopeful note to go out on.
One last thing: the dialogue in the short is very believable and naturalistic. This is usually a problem for Star Wars, so when stuff like this and Andor have realistic sounding characters, I take notice and approve.
Pretty great. ****.
Star Wars Visions "The Bandits Of Golak"
Weirdly I didn't much care for the animation in this one. Like "Sith" the humans look too Uncanny Valley. Unlike "Sith" the rest of the visuals aren't beautiful enough to make me forgive that.
The action sequences are exciting enough I suppose (although I object to the techno beat in the background of the light saber duel) and the script is pretty good. Best of all the soft-spoken blue dude is obviously the same species as Thrawn. The character animation in the short was subpar. Except for him. The evil expressions on his face were quite excellent.
All right, but didn't exactly set the canon on-fire. ***.
Star Wars Visions "The Pit"
I thought the end was too sad and the "Follow The Light" thing more cringe than inspiring.
But still, this episode is a good reminder, that despite the fact that Andor saw fit to muddy the political waters, the truth is the Empire has no redeeming qualities. I have always argued that the reason the Republic fell in the first place is because it DESERVED to fall. Centuries of cronyism and corruption made a Separatist Movement necessary. When someone as completely unqualified as Jar-Jar Binks is gifted a Senate seat for being friends with Padme Amidala you know the corruption is thick and the organization NEEDS to be burned from the ground up. What's amazing here is all of the good will the Empire could have potentially gained from the wider galaxy at large for cleaning up that corruption immediately went into the crapper, and they instantly became far more corrupt and evil than the Republic ever was on its worst day. It's took centuries for people having enough of the Jedis crap. The Empire made creating a Rebellion to topple it a necessity in pretty much record time.
I liked how the animation LOOKED. But I didn't much like how it animated. It was choppy, which is a choice in anime styles, but I've never dug it.
The tag with the graffiti was nice though. No lie.
So-so. **1/2.
Star Wars Visions "Aau's Song"
More stop-motion, I think real, dealing with puppets instead of clay figures, like the old Rankin Bass specials. The plush characters are especially cute and appealing.
The story is quiet, slight, and more than a little boring. Also Aau's father always trying to get her to stop singing was annoying because I saw the ending coming a mile away.
I liked the music in the short very much. Just for the record.
It was cute but nothing special. ***.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "The Young Jedi / Yoda's Mission"
The Young Jedi
That was nowhere NEAR as bad as those awful shorts hinted the show would be. I'm not saying it will NEVER turn into Spidey And His Amazing Friends or Muppet Babies 2019. But it isn't that YET.
I also dig that this is literally the first Star Wars TV show since the Ewoks and Droids cartoons in the 1980's to have a theme song / main title. It amazes me how averse to that Star Wars has been over the years. I think the tune is a little mundane myself but I'm glad it exists.
Not bad. ***.
Yoda's Mission
I like the idea that the kid pirate Taborr has a chip on his shoulder and is mistreated by other criminals. If the bad guys on Spidey ever had motivations that relatable I might not hate that show as much as I do.
Also not terrible. ***.
Episode Overall: ***.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Nash's Race Day / The Lost Jedi Ship"
Nash's Race Day
Nothing objectionable. Which as far as me and preschool shows go, is my version of a rave review. ****.
The Lost Jedi Ship
Despite the Droid losing his courage I liked meeting a Droid who basically did his own thing and his service to others was done on his own clock. Sort of refreshing. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ****.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Get Well Nubs / The Junk Giant"
Get Well Nubs
The toddler moral was a little too annoyingly obvious, even for a preschool show.
Also, why didn't they use their light sabers to scare off the creature to begin with? *1/2.
The Junk Giant
It's going to get old quick if every time the Jedi investigate a crime, it turns out to be Taborr. But that seems the most likely future for this show.
I have to admit, I dug the heartwarming ending. I thought it was very sweet. ***.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Lys And The Snowy Mountain Rescue / Attack Of The Training Droids"
Lys And The Snowy Mountain Rescue
That was pretty much adorable. I am not made of stone.
Also should point out that the climax was more exciting and tension filled than a preschool show actually needs to be. ****.
Attack Of The Training Droids
Sort of a much less compelling version of The Sorcerer's Apprentice.
I think Yoda is utterly written out of character here. The biggest take I had from both Obi-Wan AND Yoda from the first six movies and The Clone Wars is that they were both hugely unfair and brutal Jedi taskmasters who never let up, and treated both Anakin and Luke with open contempt and dislike. For Obi-Wan this is a good narrative excuse for Anakin to turn against the Jedi if his Master clearly doesn't like him. For Yoda and Luke, I just believe he is a crappy trainer.
There is a way out of this plot inconsistency. It could be suggested Yoda and helpful and friendly to the kids when he trains them because they ARE just little kids. But frankly, that seems out of character for the jerkish and unwise Yoda Lucas showed us. I want to believe this version of Yoda is possible. But I don't he is. I think he's being badly written instead. *1/2.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "The Jellyfruit Pursuit / Creature Safari"
The Jellyfruit Pursuit
Honestly, that was a little TOO adorable. I mentioned I'm not made of stone, and I DO like cuteness. But I don't think any Star Wars project should be THIS cute.
That said, I liked the older pirates making fun of Taborr for essentially robbing a kid and his grandmother because it shows why he has a chip on his shoulder. Nash offering him a fruit at the end was nice too but of course he still completely resists the message about the offering.
My teeth hurt. My teeth shouldn't hurt watching Star Wars. **1/2.
Creature Safari
Another cartoon too cute for its own good but I DO like that it's the show giving us more examples of multifaceted Droids. It's amazing the best Droid representations in the entire franchise might turn out to be on this show. But I wouldn't actually rule that out. Droids are treated like equals with their own agency for once. And I like that fact. ***.
Episode Overall: ***.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Squadron / Forest Defenders"
Squadron
I laughed at the "That's a yes," thing from Nash. Not much in Disney Junior is funny. But that got a chuckle out of me. ***.
Forest Defenders
Channeling The Lorax here Big Time.
The good: It's refreshing the culprit isn't Taborr. The bad: Did it have to be a giant chicken? This show is already hurting Star Wars' credibility. Even that's too far.
Eh. **1/2.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "The Jedi And The Thief / The Missing Kibbin"
The Jedi And The Thief
I like Ace a lot and I like that she and Zia weirdly seem to be friends.
Another point in Zia's favor is she instantly dislikes the Taborr costume on the training Droid. She's concerned for the right reasons, and the fact that she made it a teaching moment says she is a teacher who actually has her head on straight. ****.
The Missing Kibbin
I would think a bounty hunter being hired to find a missing pet would be considered a career low point.
Anson is weirdly cute. I don't even understand WHY he is. He just is.
Cute episode in general. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ****.
Maggie Simpson In Not Quite Rogue One
They need to stop doing these. It's not good for the franchise.
Pretty much NOBODY likes the Disney+ shorts. They believe them to be badly written, badly conceived, with somewhat daggy pop culture references, and simply put, NOT funny. But you are pretty much just describing Seasons 11-19 to me.
No, the real reason I can't stand the shorts has nothing to do with their quality. If they were funny and biting I still wouldn't like them. In 1990, The Simpsons was the show raging against the establishment, and along with Twin Peaks, started a literal revolution in television. The Simpsons in 2023 as seen in the Disney+ shorts have totally sold out and now tow the company line in an obnoxious and obvious manner. Even if the shorts were GOOD I'd hate them for that. The fact that they suck is actually the least objectionable thing about them to me. 0.
The Flash "A New World, Part 1: Reunions"
The entire final season has been a disappointment and feels like a waste of time. I'm glad they are apparently "Going Big" for the final four episodes.
Not that it was precisely a good episode. I felt a lot of the stuff with the Allens was not believable or credible.
Liked that they got Victor Garber for a voice cameo of an annoyed Stein on the phone.
Really interesting ending, mostly because I'm glad Rick Cosnett isn't actually playing Eddie. I never liked Eddie Thawne and this being somebody entirely different is a cool twist.
Eobard is the pettiest and stupidest supervillain ever. All of his misery is entirely of his own making.
Here it's implied the Barry who shook his head at Flashpoint Barry to NOT save his mother is from THIS timeline, but I could have sworn they revealed it was a Flash from a DIFFERENT timeline earlier on the series. If I'm wrong, kudos to the show for foresight and planning. If I'm not, pretend I didn't just say that.
I forgot to mention this in earlier reviews but I'm a little sad Iris went back to the straightened hair. I liked the braids. What happened was I bet toxic fans threw a snit and Candice Patton went back to the old look simply to shut them up. She does not deserve ANY of the crap "fans" have thrown at her. It's enraging.
We also learn that Thawne's initial plan was NOT to kill Nora, but simply young Barry himself. That actually makes a LOT more sense than targeting Nora, so the tragedy would eventually birth his greatest nemesis, but it's sort of disappointing to have the mystery resolved anyways. Even if it's the right resolution.
Not great. But promising at least. ***1/2.
Titans "Project Starfire"
Boring and dreary. On-brand for this show.
Why the HELL is Barb actually secretly working with Jason? I DID like Jason saying Tim would be a better Robin than him.
When Dick starts talking about the darkness that consumes you I tune out. It's not just the worst of this show. It's the worst of all superhero stuff.
Crappy week. *.
Mike Judge's Beavis And Butt-Head "Hellhole / Take A Bow"
Hellhole
A little too stupid, even for Beavis and Butt-Head. The warped thing is at the end they are upset they are still actually alive. Part of me doesn't blame them. ***.
Take A Bow
It's SO weird and refreshing seeing Butt-Head actually remorseful about hurting Beavis and feeling bad. He doesn't exactly apologize at the end but he does say he's glad he didn't die.
Just that alone justify angels singing. Take a bow, Michael. Great ending.
The stuff with the guy chugging the Mountain Dew is Classic Beavis And Butt-Head, and why I'm glad the show has expanded from JUST music videos. Trash TV and web videos deserve deconstruction from these idiots too. *****.
Episode Overall: ****.
Law & Order "Class Retreat"
Remember when this used to be the realistic cops and lawyers show?
The things the judges on this show allow are ridiculous. And I'm sick of the show having the clients change their pleas to insanity mid-trial and Price never points out how their entire credibility is shot by them doing that. It's so freaking tiresome. *1/2.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit "Debatable"
That was a good week. Carisi did did great, I think. However the defense attorney was kind of stupid to put that guy on the stand without knowing his whole history. A good lawyer never asks a person on the stand a question they don't already know the answer to. Law & Order is riddled with bad lawyers.
I like the girl Naomi too. I hope she does become a lawyer someday. ****.
Law & Order: Organized Crime "Pareto Principle"
WHAT?! Mind blown. Can't wait for next week.
There was a lot of funny humor in the episode. Stabler's interrogation was both mesmerizing and weirdly hysterical. It's why this show has value.
I especially loved the prison guard in the police car with the lifer hit man, "Does this mean I don't get my smokes?" Those guys don't want much, do they?
I dunno how they'll explain Kathy next week, and I sure as hell don't know if they can even come up with a halfway good explanation. But it's exciting to think about. ****1/2.
Everything's Eventual by Stephen King
This is probably King's best short story collection so far. I don't love every story, but the amount of pure stinkers is MUCH lower than in Night Shift, Skeleton Crew, and Nightmares And Dreamscapes. King's short story writing is on a more solid footing here.
It should also be mentioned that both the title story "Everything's Eventual" and "The Little Sisters Of Eluria" both tie HEAVILY into "The Dark Tower" so the book is required reading for King fans for that alone. I don't much dig the Eluria story, but "Everything's Eventual" is totally Eventual. Hell, I think a LOT of the stories in this collection are. A turning point for King's short fiction. Collection Overall: ****1/2.
Autopsy Room Four
It's a funny and scary story with a hilarious ending. If you don't laugh at the final line in the story, there's something wrong with you.
King Connections: The Autopsy room is in Derry.
The story is by turns horrific and hilarious. ****.
The Man In The Black Suit
Scary story but it's a rare King story that is probably PG-13 at worst. Unlike "The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon", "The Eyes Of The Dragon", or "The House On Maple Street", I wouldn't recommend it to children (they wouldn't dig it). But like "The Doctor's Case" and "The Colorado Kid" King uses a lighter touch with language and violence.
King Connections of Note: The Narrator Gary mentions him having written for the newspaper The Castle Rock Call.
In the Afterward King admits he's surprised so many people like it and that it shows creators are often poor judges of their own work. But I lean more towards King's thinking in finding it average instead of great. The visual description of the Man In The Black Suit himself is pretty frightening. But I feel the story itself leaves something to be desired. ***.
All That You Love Will Be Carried Away
It's a really interesting premise and story but I wish King had fought the New Yorker harder for the happy ending for Alfie he had planned.
But it's a great idea for a story and Alfie and his worries about the book of graffiti sayings being read and misinterpreted after he died are entirely relatable. I guess I'm a sucker for guys whose last name is Zimmer.
I think the most fun and interesting thing about the story is Alfie's deconstruction of the graffiti messages and what he thinks they mean. It's almost like a scholarly poem review over stuff that might simply be pure insanity. And Alfie is right that if it IS merely insanity, that should probably be documented and studied anyways.
I hope those lights came on at the end, and that Alfie actually wrote that book he was thinking about. I hope that very much. ***1/2.
The Death Of Jack Hamilton
In the accompanying Afterward King talks about how the outlaws of the Depression-era fascinated him, and yeah, he wrung a DAMN good story out of it. All things being equal, the story of how Johnnie Dillinger got the scar on his lip is one of my favorites in this entire collection. The stuff with Homer and the flies is unbelievable and when King says that part is true, I STILL don't believe it!
Homer paints a very compassionate picture of Dillinger outside of the rest of history. Which is both fascinating and understandable. And you realize many criminals and monsters aren't considered such by their friends and loved ones. Johnnie Dillinger walked on his hands as Red Hamilton lay dying just to make him feel better. I love that bit.
The hijacking of the car from the family is fun because the mother is such a wet hen that Dillinger pretty much has to turn off the charm and let her know as personable as he is, he DOES actually mean business. I was kind of annoyed with her too.
It seems like King actually did some research here which is totally not usual for him. I'm impressed.
One of the best stories in the entire book. *****.
In The Deathroom
I love the idea that King wanted to write a Kafka type story of a hellish deathroom but give it a happy ending. Why the hell not? It's one of the benefits of being a writer. You can write whatever the hell you want. Either way King got a gripping and exciting yarn out of it. Cathartic ending if you ask me. Fletcher is a great and sympathetic hero. ****.
The Little Sisters Of Eluria
I have never been crazy about King's Dark Tower stories set entirely in Mid-World with no characters from OUR world to interact with Roland. And yeah a great deal of this is gross (The sisters eating Roland's spend made me want to wretch). Because Mid-World is a pit.
That being said the ending felt a bit beautiful and as if it belonged in a better story than this one.
King Connections:
Some of Tak's chants from "Desperation" can be heard and the comic adaptation of the story more fully ties it into it. John Norman is from Delain, the setting of " The Eyes Of The Dragon". Here it is described as a kingdom of stories. What ever happened to that storyteller anyways and where is the sequel to that we've always been promised? The Little Sisters and their tents can also be seen in the Territories in "Black House".
Didn't dig it. **.
Everything's Eventual
This is a great story. I think the thing I like is that Dinky's kind of jerk. He's a homophobe and just all around unpleasant. And yet when push comes to shove, he decides to fight back against the way he's been used and all of the bad things he was tricked into doing. I like that some people are not above redemption.
King Connections of Note:
Surprisingly Dinky returns in the final book of "The Dark Tower" series, as one of the renegade Breakers who helps Roland and his tet. Dinky talks about "Golden Years", a TV show created and mostly written by Stephen King back in the early 1990's. Him saying most people wouldn't remember it is probably true. Its run on network TV was ridiculously brief.
The story is totally eventual. ****1/2.
L.T.'s Theory Of Pets
It's a funny and enjoyable story but I don't agree with King that the horrific ending fits. It doesn't RUIN the story by any means. But it also doesn't feel like the right ending either. This is sometimes a problem for King, and considering he always writes through the story with no outline and unsure of the ending, it's actually sort of impressive The Wrong Ending doesn't happen more often than it does.
But this is the wrong ending. ***1/2.
The Road Virus Heads North
This is an old-school Stephen King horror short story. That is not a compliment. The main character suffers from horror movie related stupidity like in the most cliched of his earlier short fiction. About the best thing I can say is that I forgot Kinnell managed to save his Aunt Trudy which is actually a bit refreshing. But the rest of the story is a drag.
King connections: Derry again. *1/2.
Lunch At The Gotham Cafe
The story is gruesome but it's also perversely funny. King nails it in the foreword: The divorcing couple are FAR crazier than the murderous Maitre D. By far. Which is the most subversive thing about it. What I especially like is it's told in first person by the male in the relationship. He doesn't seem to understand how crazy he and his wife sound to the reader upon him writing all this down.
The story also made a striking cover for the book too. I really like it. ****.
That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is In French
I hate this story and its bummer ending, and it's patently the kind of story I'd hate. If it IS Hell, I dislike the notion Carol has probably been condemned to it for having an abortion.
But truthfully, as much as I hate the story, I will give it this: King says in the Afterward he THINKS it's about Hell and the notion that Hell is repetition. I like the fact that not only is he not sure, despite having written the damn story, but he apparently is allowing the reader to come up with their own interpretation for what is going on. I can't think of an interpretation where I don't think the story sucks, but it's good I'm allowed one. That kind of thing proves King is a good writer / storyteller, even if I hate the story in question. *.
1408
This is easily the scariest story in the collection. King never planned to finish it, but it's good he did. It is SO scary.
King doesn't actually scare me too much usually. This specific story gives me the willies.
As much as I hate the main character Mike Eslin is how awesome I think the character of Olin is. Imagine if Stuart Ullman from The Shining were actually awesome and ten steps ahead of Jack Torrance and you'll get the tiniest inkling of why I think he's cool.
King Connections: The story was originally a writers' exercise in King's how-to guide "On Writing". King invited people on his website to come up with their own endings to the scenario before ultimately deciding that actually sounded like a dandy idea for him to do himself.
That was awesome. *****.
Riding The Bullet
The ending to this horror story is surprisingly measured, considering the terrible choice Alan was forced to make. But I think despite the fact that the choice didn't work out as horribly for his mother as he thought it would, just the fact that he made it at all is the real drama and tragedy of the story. I think 7 years for her considering her lifestyle was DAMN fair if you ask me. But it won't stop Alan's feelings of guilt and responsibility.
And really would any of us that young made a different choice than he did? I'm trying to picture myself agreeing to ride off with George Staub instead of my mother at 21 and I just can't do it.
King is annoyed more people talk about the format of the ebook rather than the story itself. My impression of the story is that it's not especially scary as far as King goes. But it explores big themes of love and betrayal in a real and relatable way. I wonder if that's a review King ever expected someone to note about it. I'm also pretty sure he would dig the fact that the aspect of the story that resonated with me was the emotional stuff instead of the surface scares. ***1/2.
Lucky Quarter
This is a pleasant, quick read. But I never for the life of me could ever figure out the point to it or what King was trying to say when he wrote it. Even the foreword is no help. It tells how King got the idea, and the fact that he wrote the story long-hand, but I still don't freaking get it. **1/2.
Star Wars Visions "Sith"
The animation is gorgeous. Admittedly, Lola looks a little too Uncanny Valley, but the animation on the backgrounds and objects is eye-popping and dazzling.
I am a sucker for any Star Wars story where characters decide to choose their own destinies. Those stories are few and far between.
I like that she's an artist. That's a believable reason to want to give the Sith life up. I also love that the little robot has more firepower than we expected (and we are all relieved she managed to repair him at the end too).
Very cool. ****.
Star Wars Visions "Screecher's Reach"
For a short starring kids, that was a shockingly bleak ending.
The cartoony character designs were nice, but it's really amazing how fluid the animation is. You don't ever really see animation that great with those kinds of designs anymore.
I loved the little kids repeatedly saying "arse" in an Irish accent too.
Major props must go to the fact that the design of Screecher is genuinely scary. It is VERY hard to nail a design that is frightening all by itself. Scorpius from Farscape qualified, but that's the only one off the top of my head. The great animation DID do some heavy lifting as well, but so did Wayne Pygram, so the comparison is still apt.
Really shockingly hopeless short. ***.
Star Wars Visions "In The Stars"
I can't decide if that was stop-motion or CGI simulated stop-motion like The Lego Movie. I'm leaning towards the second thing because I don't think TRUE stop-motion ever looks that good.
This short is a good reminder of all of the wanton misery and destruction the Empire inflicted on innocent worlds incapable of fighting back. I think we always think of the Empire only as the bad guys who took out the Jedi but in reality, they made every part of the galaxy worse.
The little kid was TOO precocious. Which is another word for annoying.
Still, that was a visual feast. Trying to figure out if it was real or not. The credits didn't say for sure either way. ***1/2.
Star Wars Visions "I Am Your Mother"
Aardman does Star Wars? HELL. YES.
This IS stop-motion and believably so because it's not TOO amazing. And I love that the humans have the Aardman teeth.
The episode title is a gas too.
The best part of this show is the variations in tone. A goofy family comedy plays equally well as some of the more horrific stuff.
SO great. *****.
Star Wars Visions "Journey To The Dark Head"
I am not what you would call a big Anime Guy. But whenever I DO see it, I can totally get the appeal.
The story wasn't such of a much, but oooh, pretty! ***.
Star Wars Visions "The Spy Dancer"
Even for a series with NOTHING but great animation, that was bananas. The dance sequences alone need to be seen to be believed.
I liked the short going for the Big Drama and Big Hurt by making the Imperial the Spy Dancer's kidnapped son. And by the end even he doesn't know what to think. Things seem so up in the air (and we'll never see the resolution) but I still found that a bit of a hopeful note to go out on.
One last thing: the dialogue in the short is very believable and naturalistic. This is usually a problem for Star Wars, so when stuff like this and Andor have realistic sounding characters, I take notice and approve.
Pretty great. ****.
Star Wars Visions "The Bandits Of Golak"
Weirdly I didn't much care for the animation in this one. Like "Sith" the humans look too Uncanny Valley. Unlike "Sith" the rest of the visuals aren't beautiful enough to make me forgive that.
The action sequences are exciting enough I suppose (although I object to the techno beat in the background of the light saber duel) and the script is pretty good. Best of all the soft-spoken blue dude is obviously the same species as Thrawn. The character animation in the short was subpar. Except for him. The evil expressions on his face were quite excellent.
All right, but didn't exactly set the canon on-fire. ***.
Star Wars Visions "The Pit"
I thought the end was too sad and the "Follow The Light" thing more cringe than inspiring.
But still, this episode is a good reminder, that despite the fact that Andor saw fit to muddy the political waters, the truth is the Empire has no redeeming qualities. I have always argued that the reason the Republic fell in the first place is because it DESERVED to fall. Centuries of cronyism and corruption made a Separatist Movement necessary. When someone as completely unqualified as Jar-Jar Binks is gifted a Senate seat for being friends with Padme Amidala you know the corruption is thick and the organization NEEDS to be burned from the ground up. What's amazing here is all of the good will the Empire could have potentially gained from the wider galaxy at large for cleaning up that corruption immediately went into the crapper, and they instantly became far more corrupt and evil than the Republic ever was on its worst day. It's took centuries for people having enough of the Jedis crap. The Empire made creating a Rebellion to topple it a necessity in pretty much record time.
I liked how the animation LOOKED. But I didn't much like how it animated. It was choppy, which is a choice in anime styles, but I've never dug it.
The tag with the graffiti was nice though. No lie.
So-so. **1/2.
Star Wars Visions "Aau's Song"
More stop-motion, I think real, dealing with puppets instead of clay figures, like the old Rankin Bass specials. The plush characters are especially cute and appealing.
The story is quiet, slight, and more than a little boring. Also Aau's father always trying to get her to stop singing was annoying because I saw the ending coming a mile away.
I liked the music in the short very much. Just for the record.
It was cute but nothing special. ***.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "The Young Jedi / Yoda's Mission"
The Young Jedi
That was nowhere NEAR as bad as those awful shorts hinted the show would be. I'm not saying it will NEVER turn into Spidey And His Amazing Friends or Muppet Babies 2019. But it isn't that YET.
I also dig that this is literally the first Star Wars TV show since the Ewoks and Droids cartoons in the 1980's to have a theme song / main title. It amazes me how averse to that Star Wars has been over the years. I think the tune is a little mundane myself but I'm glad it exists.
Not bad. ***.
Yoda's Mission
I like the idea that the kid pirate Taborr has a chip on his shoulder and is mistreated by other criminals. If the bad guys on Spidey ever had motivations that relatable I might not hate that show as much as I do.
Also not terrible. ***.
Episode Overall: ***.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Nash's Race Day / The Lost Jedi Ship"
Nash's Race Day
Nothing objectionable. Which as far as me and preschool shows go, is my version of a rave review. ****.
The Lost Jedi Ship
Despite the Droid losing his courage I liked meeting a Droid who basically did his own thing and his service to others was done on his own clock. Sort of refreshing. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ****.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Get Well Nubs / The Junk Giant"
Get Well Nubs
The toddler moral was a little too annoyingly obvious, even for a preschool show.
Also, why didn't they use their light sabers to scare off the creature to begin with? *1/2.
The Junk Giant
It's going to get old quick if every time the Jedi investigate a crime, it turns out to be Taborr. But that seems the most likely future for this show.
I have to admit, I dug the heartwarming ending. I thought it was very sweet. ***.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Lys And The Snowy Mountain Rescue / Attack Of The Training Droids"
Lys And The Snowy Mountain Rescue
That was pretty much adorable. I am not made of stone.
Also should point out that the climax was more exciting and tension filled than a preschool show actually needs to be. ****.
Attack Of The Training Droids
Sort of a much less compelling version of The Sorcerer's Apprentice.
I think Yoda is utterly written out of character here. The biggest take I had from both Obi-Wan AND Yoda from the first six movies and The Clone Wars is that they were both hugely unfair and brutal Jedi taskmasters who never let up, and treated both Anakin and Luke with open contempt and dislike. For Obi-Wan this is a good narrative excuse for Anakin to turn against the Jedi if his Master clearly doesn't like him. For Yoda and Luke, I just believe he is a crappy trainer.
There is a way out of this plot inconsistency. It could be suggested Yoda and helpful and friendly to the kids when he trains them because they ARE just little kids. But frankly, that seems out of character for the jerkish and unwise Yoda Lucas showed us. I want to believe this version of Yoda is possible. But I don't he is. I think he's being badly written instead. *1/2.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "The Jellyfruit Pursuit / Creature Safari"
The Jellyfruit Pursuit
Honestly, that was a little TOO adorable. I mentioned I'm not made of stone, and I DO like cuteness. But I don't think any Star Wars project should be THIS cute.
That said, I liked the older pirates making fun of Taborr for essentially robbing a kid and his grandmother because it shows why he has a chip on his shoulder. Nash offering him a fruit at the end was nice too but of course he still completely resists the message about the offering.
My teeth hurt. My teeth shouldn't hurt watching Star Wars. **1/2.
Creature Safari
Another cartoon too cute for its own good but I DO like that it's the show giving us more examples of multifaceted Droids. It's amazing the best Droid representations in the entire franchise might turn out to be on this show. But I wouldn't actually rule that out. Droids are treated like equals with their own agency for once. And I like that fact. ***.
Episode Overall: ***.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "Squadron / Forest Defenders"
Squadron
I laughed at the "That's a yes," thing from Nash. Not much in Disney Junior is funny. But that got a chuckle out of me. ***.
Forest Defenders
Channeling The Lorax here Big Time.
The good: It's refreshing the culprit isn't Taborr. The bad: Did it have to be a giant chicken? This show is already hurting Star Wars' credibility. Even that's too far.
Eh. **1/2.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures "The Jedi And The Thief / The Missing Kibbin"
The Jedi And The Thief
I like Ace a lot and I like that she and Zia weirdly seem to be friends.
Another point in Zia's favor is she instantly dislikes the Taborr costume on the training Droid. She's concerned for the right reasons, and the fact that she made it a teaching moment says she is a teacher who actually has her head on straight. ****.
The Missing Kibbin
I would think a bounty hunter being hired to find a missing pet would be considered a career low point.
Anson is weirdly cute. I don't even understand WHY he is. He just is.
Cute episode in general. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ****.
Maggie Simpson In Not Quite Rogue One
They need to stop doing these. It's not good for the franchise.
Pretty much NOBODY likes the Disney+ shorts. They believe them to be badly written, badly conceived, with somewhat daggy pop culture references, and simply put, NOT funny. But you are pretty much just describing Seasons 11-19 to me.
No, the real reason I can't stand the shorts has nothing to do with their quality. If they were funny and biting I still wouldn't like them. In 1990, The Simpsons was the show raging against the establishment, and along with Twin Peaks, started a literal revolution in television. The Simpsons in 2023 as seen in the Disney+ shorts have totally sold out and now tow the company line in an obnoxious and obvious manner. Even if the shorts were GOOD I'd hate them for that. The fact that they suck is actually the least objectionable thing about them to me. 0.
The Flash "A New World, Part 1: Reunions"
The entire final season has been a disappointment and feels like a waste of time. I'm glad they are apparently "Going Big" for the final four episodes.
Not that it was precisely a good episode. I felt a lot of the stuff with the Allens was not believable or credible.
Liked that they got Victor Garber for a voice cameo of an annoyed Stein on the phone.
Really interesting ending, mostly because I'm glad Rick Cosnett isn't actually playing Eddie. I never liked Eddie Thawne and this being somebody entirely different is a cool twist.
Eobard is the pettiest and stupidest supervillain ever. All of his misery is entirely of his own making.
Here it's implied the Barry who shook his head at Flashpoint Barry to NOT save his mother is from THIS timeline, but I could have sworn they revealed it was a Flash from a DIFFERENT timeline earlier on the series. If I'm wrong, kudos to the show for foresight and planning. If I'm not, pretend I didn't just say that.
I forgot to mention this in earlier reviews but I'm a little sad Iris went back to the straightened hair. I liked the braids. What happened was I bet toxic fans threw a snit and Candice Patton went back to the old look simply to shut them up. She does not deserve ANY of the crap "fans" have thrown at her. It's enraging.
We also learn that Thawne's initial plan was NOT to kill Nora, but simply young Barry himself. That actually makes a LOT more sense than targeting Nora, so the tragedy would eventually birth his greatest nemesis, but it's sort of disappointing to have the mystery resolved anyways. Even if it's the right resolution.
Not great. But promising at least. ***1/2.
Titans "Project Starfire"
Boring and dreary. On-brand for this show.
Why the HELL is Barb actually secretly working with Jason? I DID like Jason saying Tim would be a better Robin than him.
When Dick starts talking about the darkness that consumes you I tune out. It's not just the worst of this show. It's the worst of all superhero stuff.
Crappy week. *.
Mike Judge's Beavis And Butt-Head "Hellhole / Take A Bow"
Hellhole
A little too stupid, even for Beavis and Butt-Head. The warped thing is at the end they are upset they are still actually alive. Part of me doesn't blame them. ***.
Take A Bow
It's SO weird and refreshing seeing Butt-Head actually remorseful about hurting Beavis and feeling bad. He doesn't exactly apologize at the end but he does say he's glad he didn't die.
Just that alone justify angels singing. Take a bow, Michael. Great ending.
The stuff with the guy chugging the Mountain Dew is Classic Beavis And Butt-Head, and why I'm glad the show has expanded from JUST music videos. Trash TV and web videos deserve deconstruction from these idiots too. *****.
Episode Overall: ****.
Law & Order "Class Retreat"
Remember when this used to be the realistic cops and lawyers show?
The things the judges on this show allow are ridiculous. And I'm sick of the show having the clients change their pleas to insanity mid-trial and Price never points out how their entire credibility is shot by them doing that. It's so freaking tiresome. *1/2.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit "Debatable"
That was a good week. Carisi did did great, I think. However the defense attorney was kind of stupid to put that guy on the stand without knowing his whole history. A good lawyer never asks a person on the stand a question they don't already know the answer to. Law & Order is riddled with bad lawyers.
I like the girl Naomi too. I hope she does become a lawyer someday. ****.
Law & Order: Organized Crime "Pareto Principle"
WHAT?! Mind blown. Can't wait for next week.
There was a lot of funny humor in the episode. Stabler's interrogation was both mesmerizing and weirdly hysterical. It's why this show has value.
I especially loved the prison guard in the police car with the lifer hit man, "Does this mean I don't get my smokes?" Those guys don't want much, do they?
I dunno how they'll explain Kathy next week, and I sure as hell don't know if they can even come up with a halfway good explanation. But it's exciting to think about. ****1/2.
Everything's Eventual by Stephen King
This is probably King's best short story collection so far. I don't love every story, but the amount of pure stinkers is MUCH lower than in Night Shift, Skeleton Crew, and Nightmares And Dreamscapes. King's short story writing is on a more solid footing here.
It should also be mentioned that both the title story "Everything's Eventual" and "The Little Sisters Of Eluria" both tie HEAVILY into "The Dark Tower" so the book is required reading for King fans for that alone. I don't much dig the Eluria story, but "Everything's Eventual" is totally Eventual. Hell, I think a LOT of the stories in this collection are. A turning point for King's short fiction. Collection Overall: ****1/2.
Autopsy Room Four
It's a funny and scary story with a hilarious ending. If you don't laugh at the final line in the story, there's something wrong with you.
King Connections: The Autopsy room is in Derry.
The story is by turns horrific and hilarious. ****.
The Man In The Black Suit
Scary story but it's a rare King story that is probably PG-13 at worst. Unlike "The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon", "The Eyes Of The Dragon", or "The House On Maple Street", I wouldn't recommend it to children (they wouldn't dig it). But like "The Doctor's Case" and "The Colorado Kid" King uses a lighter touch with language and violence.
King Connections of Note: The Narrator Gary mentions him having written for the newspaper The Castle Rock Call.
In the Afterward King admits he's surprised so many people like it and that it shows creators are often poor judges of their own work. But I lean more towards King's thinking in finding it average instead of great. The visual description of the Man In The Black Suit himself is pretty frightening. But I feel the story itself leaves something to be desired. ***.
All That You Love Will Be Carried Away
It's a really interesting premise and story but I wish King had fought the New Yorker harder for the happy ending for Alfie he had planned.
But it's a great idea for a story and Alfie and his worries about the book of graffiti sayings being read and misinterpreted after he died are entirely relatable. I guess I'm a sucker for guys whose last name is Zimmer.
I think the most fun and interesting thing about the story is Alfie's deconstruction of the graffiti messages and what he thinks they mean. It's almost like a scholarly poem review over stuff that might simply be pure insanity. And Alfie is right that if it IS merely insanity, that should probably be documented and studied anyways.
I hope those lights came on at the end, and that Alfie actually wrote that book he was thinking about. I hope that very much. ***1/2.
The Death Of Jack Hamilton
In the accompanying Afterward King talks about how the outlaws of the Depression-era fascinated him, and yeah, he wrung a DAMN good story out of it. All things being equal, the story of how Johnnie Dillinger got the scar on his lip is one of my favorites in this entire collection. The stuff with Homer and the flies is unbelievable and when King says that part is true, I STILL don't believe it!
Homer paints a very compassionate picture of Dillinger outside of the rest of history. Which is both fascinating and understandable. And you realize many criminals and monsters aren't considered such by their friends and loved ones. Johnnie Dillinger walked on his hands as Red Hamilton lay dying just to make him feel better. I love that bit.
The hijacking of the car from the family is fun because the mother is such a wet hen that Dillinger pretty much has to turn off the charm and let her know as personable as he is, he DOES actually mean business. I was kind of annoyed with her too.
It seems like King actually did some research here which is totally not usual for him. I'm impressed.
One of the best stories in the entire book. *****.
In The Deathroom
I love the idea that King wanted to write a Kafka type story of a hellish deathroom but give it a happy ending. Why the hell not? It's one of the benefits of being a writer. You can write whatever the hell you want. Either way King got a gripping and exciting yarn out of it. Cathartic ending if you ask me. Fletcher is a great and sympathetic hero. ****.
The Little Sisters Of Eluria
I have never been crazy about King's Dark Tower stories set entirely in Mid-World with no characters from OUR world to interact with Roland. And yeah a great deal of this is gross (The sisters eating Roland's spend made me want to wretch). Because Mid-World is a pit.
That being said the ending felt a bit beautiful and as if it belonged in a better story than this one.
King Connections:
Some of Tak's chants from "Desperation" can be heard and the comic adaptation of the story more fully ties it into it. John Norman is from Delain, the setting of " The Eyes Of The Dragon". Here it is described as a kingdom of stories. What ever happened to that storyteller anyways and where is the sequel to that we've always been promised? The Little Sisters and their tents can also be seen in the Territories in "Black House".
Didn't dig it. **.
Everything's Eventual
This is a great story. I think the thing I like is that Dinky's kind of jerk. He's a homophobe and just all around unpleasant. And yet when push comes to shove, he decides to fight back against the way he's been used and all of the bad things he was tricked into doing. I like that some people are not above redemption.
King Connections of Note:
Surprisingly Dinky returns in the final book of "The Dark Tower" series, as one of the renegade Breakers who helps Roland and his tet. Dinky talks about "Golden Years", a TV show created and mostly written by Stephen King back in the early 1990's. Him saying most people wouldn't remember it is probably true. Its run on network TV was ridiculously brief.
The story is totally eventual. ****1/2.
L.T.'s Theory Of Pets
It's a funny and enjoyable story but I don't agree with King that the horrific ending fits. It doesn't RUIN the story by any means. But it also doesn't feel like the right ending either. This is sometimes a problem for King, and considering he always writes through the story with no outline and unsure of the ending, it's actually sort of impressive The Wrong Ending doesn't happen more often than it does.
But this is the wrong ending. ***1/2.
The Road Virus Heads North
This is an old-school Stephen King horror short story. That is not a compliment. The main character suffers from horror movie related stupidity like in the most cliched of his earlier short fiction. About the best thing I can say is that I forgot Kinnell managed to save his Aunt Trudy which is actually a bit refreshing. But the rest of the story is a drag.
King connections: Derry again. *1/2.
Lunch At The Gotham Cafe
The story is gruesome but it's also perversely funny. King nails it in the foreword: The divorcing couple are FAR crazier than the murderous Maitre D. By far. Which is the most subversive thing about it. What I especially like is it's told in first person by the male in the relationship. He doesn't seem to understand how crazy he and his wife sound to the reader upon him writing all this down.
The story also made a striking cover for the book too. I really like it. ****.
That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is In French
I hate this story and its bummer ending, and it's patently the kind of story I'd hate. If it IS Hell, I dislike the notion Carol has probably been condemned to it for having an abortion.
But truthfully, as much as I hate the story, I will give it this: King says in the Afterward he THINKS it's about Hell and the notion that Hell is repetition. I like the fact that not only is he not sure, despite having written the damn story, but he apparently is allowing the reader to come up with their own interpretation for what is going on. I can't think of an interpretation where I don't think the story sucks, but it's good I'm allowed one. That kind of thing proves King is a good writer / storyteller, even if I hate the story in question. *.
1408
This is easily the scariest story in the collection. King never planned to finish it, but it's good he did. It is SO scary.
King doesn't actually scare me too much usually. This specific story gives me the willies.
As much as I hate the main character Mike Eslin is how awesome I think the character of Olin is. Imagine if Stuart Ullman from The Shining were actually awesome and ten steps ahead of Jack Torrance and you'll get the tiniest inkling of why I think he's cool.
King Connections: The story was originally a writers' exercise in King's how-to guide "On Writing". King invited people on his website to come up with their own endings to the scenario before ultimately deciding that actually sounded like a dandy idea for him to do himself.
That was awesome. *****.
Riding The Bullet
The ending to this horror story is surprisingly measured, considering the terrible choice Alan was forced to make. But I think despite the fact that the choice didn't work out as horribly for his mother as he thought it would, just the fact that he made it at all is the real drama and tragedy of the story. I think 7 years for her considering her lifestyle was DAMN fair if you ask me. But it won't stop Alan's feelings of guilt and responsibility.
And really would any of us that young made a different choice than he did? I'm trying to picture myself agreeing to ride off with George Staub instead of my mother at 21 and I just can't do it.
King is annoyed more people talk about the format of the ebook rather than the story itself. My impression of the story is that it's not especially scary as far as King goes. But it explores big themes of love and betrayal in a real and relatable way. I wonder if that's a review King ever expected someone to note about it. I'm also pretty sure he would dig the fact that the aspect of the story that resonated with me was the emotional stuff instead of the surface scares. ***1/2.
Lucky Quarter
This is a pleasant, quick read. But I never for the life of me could ever figure out the point to it or what King was trying to say when he wrote it. Even the foreword is no help. It tells how King got the idea, and the fact that he wrote the story long-hand, but I still don't freaking get it. **1/2.
