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Thoughts about mental illness.
Apr. 14th, 2012 02:05 pmI've been struggling with my illness lately and I feel like saying a few observations I've made about the mentally ill community and how society treats us and how we treat each other. I should probably have set this entry on private or at least disabled comments but if I didn't want an opinion, I'd probably not say this in the first place.
In my mind there are two kinds of mentally ill people: the high-functioning and the low-functioning. I think there are sometimes ranges in between but I think it's sort of like why Siskel and Ebert only give thumbs up or thumbs down: you either are, or you aren't high functioning. Definitely some wiggle room on the spectrum but I don't think there's much. Here's something you may NOT know about high-functioning mentally ill people: they tend to look down on low-functioning mentally ill people with disdain. REAL disdain, bordering on disgust. I sometimes think they can actually be harsher on the low-functioning Mentally ill than society in general is. Probably because they've been through a lot of ordeals and traumas themselves but they remember to wipe every time and don't see why everyone else can't.
Frankly, I carry a great deal of prejudice against the low-functioning too but for a slightly different reason: they scare the h*ll out of me. I've had several violent run-ins with truly disturbed people when I was in the State Hospital and if I see someone who even LOOKS a little bit "off" I cross the street to avoid them. I stay out of dangerous situations to the point that I want EVERYONE, even the attractive, clean, young woman in a smart business suit to keep their distance from me at all times. This means I do not engage in many romantic relationships but frankly that's fine with me. I still have nightmares about my ex-roommate who I saw in the 11:00 O'Clock news who escaped the hospital and held a knife to his grandmother's throat. Can't believe I used to sleep NEXT to that psycho.
Seriously. I know how damaging the stigma of mental illness is. But sometimes I think if you actually understand it a bit you know where the line of acceptable behavior is even among the most fargone.
As for me? I'm on the very high functioning side but frankly you wouldn't know it if you just met me. My demeaner and dress is just a bit "off" and I talk a bit too loudly in public. But even though I may seem a bit strange in real life, I take great pains to keep myself clean and I an REALLY good with money which for the mentally ill, is a biggie (I'm one of the only people in my program who is his own repayee). I also think I'm practically the only mentally ill person alive who not only doesn't smoke, but has never smoked.
I sometimes wonder if the biases I feel are wrong. But my experiences tell me differently. But then, how is that any different than any other type of bigotry? I don't know the answer. I wish I did.
In my mind there are two kinds of mentally ill people: the high-functioning and the low-functioning. I think there are sometimes ranges in between but I think it's sort of like why Siskel and Ebert only give thumbs up or thumbs down: you either are, or you aren't high functioning. Definitely some wiggle room on the spectrum but I don't think there's much. Here's something you may NOT know about high-functioning mentally ill people: they tend to look down on low-functioning mentally ill people with disdain. REAL disdain, bordering on disgust. I sometimes think they can actually be harsher on the low-functioning Mentally ill than society in general is. Probably because they've been through a lot of ordeals and traumas themselves but they remember to wipe every time and don't see why everyone else can't.
Frankly, I carry a great deal of prejudice against the low-functioning too but for a slightly different reason: they scare the h*ll out of me. I've had several violent run-ins with truly disturbed people when I was in the State Hospital and if I see someone who even LOOKS a little bit "off" I cross the street to avoid them. I stay out of dangerous situations to the point that I want EVERYONE, even the attractive, clean, young woman in a smart business suit to keep their distance from me at all times. This means I do not engage in many romantic relationships but frankly that's fine with me. I still have nightmares about my ex-roommate who I saw in the 11:00 O'Clock news who escaped the hospital and held a knife to his grandmother's throat. Can't believe I used to sleep NEXT to that psycho.
Seriously. I know how damaging the stigma of mental illness is. But sometimes I think if you actually understand it a bit you know where the line of acceptable behavior is even among the most fargone.
As for me? I'm on the very high functioning side but frankly you wouldn't know it if you just met me. My demeaner and dress is just a bit "off" and I talk a bit too loudly in public. But even though I may seem a bit strange in real life, I take great pains to keep myself clean and I an REALLY good with money which for the mentally ill, is a biggie (I'm one of the only people in my program who is his own repayee). I also think I'm practically the only mentally ill person alive who not only doesn't smoke, but has never smoked.
I sometimes wonder if the biases I feel are wrong. But my experiences tell me differently. But then, how is that any different than any other type of bigotry? I don't know the answer. I wish I did.
