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matt_zimmerAlso reviews for the latest episodes of Riverdale, Titans, Batwoman, Supergirl, Black Lightning, Teen Titans Go!, and Marvel's Spider-Man, the premiere of Star Wars: The Mandalorian, the latest episode of Star Wars Resistance, the premiere of Forky Asks A Question, the latest episode of Pixar SparkShorts, the Pixar short Bao, the premiere of The Rocketeer, and the latest episodes of Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Simpsons, Transformers: Cyberverse, Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy, Power Rangers Beast Morphers, Bob's Burgers, Family Guy, The Good Place, Black Jesus, and The Blacklist.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Twelve: The Epiphany"
I liked the ending, and the chilling resolution that the demons came on their own, but the series has started off on thin ice for me.
To start with, did Sabrina ever think about how Theo would perform on the court when she wasn't there? There is no empowerment for him joining the team if he actually sucks. Did not like that.
The other thing perhaps couldn't be helped, but the Satanic rhetoric is wearing really thin. It's disturbing, and it was barely tolerable last year for the simple reason that Sabrina was openly resisting it. Now that she's outwardly embracing it, it's no longer cool and funny. It's dark and upsetting. Newborn blood? Seriously? I think the entire premise of the show is flawed if it has to depend on those types of things to make an impact. It's done for nothing more than shock value, but it makes every person who speaks that way seem horrible. I'm SO over it, so this season will be getting a lot less benefit of the doubt from me. The honeymoon is now over.
I won't deny the premiere was pretty good though. ***1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Thirteen: The Passion Of Sabrina Spellman"
This show is better than Riverdale (much better as a matter of fact), but it still has its problems.
I am glad Sabrina stole the gum at the end, because if she hadn't, the moral would have been shaky. The thing I took from her taking the gum is that the reason she was doing the Dark Lord's will is because she chose to steal the gum when she didn't have to. Now maybe this is a part of her game of brinksmanship (or as she calls it chicken) but I didn't like the subtext of her doing the Dark Lord's bidding beforehand being classified as "darkness". She was being coerced into things she didn't want to do. I think the true mark of evil is intention, and it's not a road to darkness to burn an empty building to save your friends. And I liked that she stole the gum because that was actually more deliberately bad than anything else she did.
For the record, she and Harvey are way too young to have sex anyways. Get back to me in a couple of seasons.
I don't like that Harvey reads Archie Comics. I hate when franchises poke at their reality that way.
Theo's stuff in the locker room shows why the boys of that school suck.
Mrs. Wardwell's reaction to the Passion Play was quite interesting and moving. Michelle Gomez brought her A-game for that.
Solid episode. ****.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Fourteen: Lupercalia"
Honestly? The premise of the episode was appalling. They didn't go through with it but these characters are way too young to be involved in sex rituals. It's all kinds of icky and the reason the Berlanti Archieverse shows suck so much.
I also object to Mrs. Wardwell describing herself as unattractive. I don't know about anyone else, but I've always thought Michelle Gomez was totally hot.
The thing I really appreciated was Theo coming out to his father. They went for the drama and pathos which is not common for modern shows geared at kids and teenagers. Any different orientation is immediately accepted elsewhere and seen as no big deal. In real life? It is. It's hard. And while positive portrayals DO make a positive impact on society in the long run, they are also not the slightest bit authentic to what most real kids face in that situation. This show actually gives the real-world idea the weight and seriousness it deserves, which is great.
The stuff with Hilda was fun too.
But this show is more inappropriate than it is enjoyable. *1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Fifteen: Dr. Cerberus's House Of Horror"
That was so great I wound up upset by the end of it. Why can't Riverdale do this? Not to speak ill of the dead, but Riverdale's biggest adult stars were Luke Perry, Madchen Amick, and Skeet Ulrich. Those are that show's versions of "serious actors". When you looks the stuff that Miranda Otto, Michelle Gomez, and ESPECIALLY Richard Coyle, (who never met a scene he did not chew up and spit out) are doing, it's pathetic. So much so, it's almost obscene. This show has a terrible premise and great writing and cast. Riverdale has a great premise and terrible writing and cast. I can safely say at this point that I outright hate the premise of this show and find it disgusting. It is disturbing the show is still a hundred times what Riverdale is.
Riverdale's idea of a scary story is an escaped lunatic stopping for pancakes at Pops' Diner. The show puts in the bare amount of effort while this show has an eyeless girl screaming at Roz for stealing her eyes. And what's amazing is that none of the nightmare scenarios were TOO clever or creative (Sabrina in space was an outright dud, to be honest) but compared to the tripe Riverdale asks us to swallow on a weekly basis Ambrose having a vision of killing his entire family is quite sensible in contrast. Which disgusts me.
So apparently Veronica Cartwright is still alive, and she looks exactly the same as she did 20 years. One helpful thing about genre is that it always kindly tells me which former X-Files players are still alive and kicking. Cartwright will bury all of us if the fact that she hasn't aged in 20 years is any indication. Still haven't seen Mimi Rogers in anything in a while. Should I be concerned?
Man, I outright hate everything about the show's premise. Except the writing and acting is SO good. Apparently that is the only thing that matters. Riverdale is one of the worst shows on television, and the absolute reverse is true here. Live and learn. A bad premise can be overcome on most weeks. Bad writing and acting cannot save a good premise. *****.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Sixteen: Blackwood"
Zelda sucks in expecting Ambrose to smile for her wedding while Luke has just been killed. What's amazing is that Zelda is going through with the wedding for power, but by legitimizing Blackwood, she paving the way for regressive policies which will strip her of every power she already has. Very timely message.
Ray Wise was a great casting choice as the Antipope. He was not only Leland Palmer, but the actual Devil on Reaper. This show hires the right actors.
That was a great and dire ending. Normally I frown on shows blowing themselves up in the name of temporary drama. But since the concept of this show is so horrible, it doesn't actually matter. Might as well blow it all up. ****1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Seventeen: The Missionaries"
Dark stuff. But the second half of the episode was better than the first.
I am fascinated by the idea that zealot Christian angels are somehow more evil and violent than Satan worshippers. And yet, from real-world experience, that might actually track. It's disturbing to me either way. I just hope it isn't true. But it might be.
When Sabrina asks Harvey and Roz how they could believe that she caused the blindness, I was like, "Gee, I don't know, Sabrina. Maybe because you signed your soul away to Satan and openly worship him. There is also the unpleasant matter of you trying to claim friendship to one of the girls who murdered Harvey's brother." A sin by the way, Sabrina still has not told Harvey about. I actually think it's weird that Sabrina DOES expect her friends to trust her after all that. Theo is a far better advocate than she deserves.
Lemme tell you why the premise of the show is flawed, and why Satan worshiping is stupid to begin with. It is a religion with all sticks and no carrots. There is no selling point to worshiping a God who beheads the only person you love and forces you to eat him. What has Satan ever done for anyone who has worshiped him on this show? Say what you will about the evil missionaries, but the idea of salvation and forgiveness simply by asking for it, is a pretty tempting way to run a religion. It's not the religion's fault the angels have corrupted the message. The message itself is sound, and it makes the unending misery the Satanists pledge themselves to for no reason whatsoever seem especially stupid.
So Sabrina is now a murderer. That's just swell. Remember when I said the concept of the show sucks? That's why.
I remember when Archie Comics had that whole Christian message, and alliance with the Church going on for years. What the h*ll actually happened to that? There is a fascinating story there. I'm sure of it.
But man, that was a pretty exciting and appalling hour of television (in equal measure). ****1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Eighteen: The Miracles Of Sabrina Spellman"
I love the political stuff in the episode. Although the very end was not a shock.
Another X-Files alum appears in William B. Davis. He looks like h*ll. That's what cigarettes will do to you.
That stuff with the mouse in the grinder was disgusting. And Wardwell's creation of Adam was foul too.
I liked the fact that Harvey makes the allusion to Dark Phoenix. The The Descent reference regarding that horrible white zombie woman was appropriate too.
Out of the frying pan... ****.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Nineteen: The Mandrake"
What bothers me about Sabrina immediately trying to get rid of her powers is that she does it without further researching the prophecy to understand exactly how and how not to fulfill it. Considering the stakes, and how prophecies often feed into themselves by tricking the people trying to prevent them, this is something Sabrina needed to take her time on. It's stupid that she was acting as quickly and foolishly as she did.
I would think the suicide perversion wouldn't involve Sabrina killing the Mandrake double, but rather with making herself mortal. That's what it essentially boils down to.
For the record, Blackwood is nuts. Having his twins marry on their 16th birthday to preserve his lineage is about the craziest thing a guy could do. He'll wind up naming his grandson Humperdoo methinks.
The episode wasn't bad, but considering the stakes, the characters were stupid. The good news for the show is that it's not unexpected or unrealistic. Teenagers are famously shortsighted, and always think they have a better handle on situations than they do. But it's still annoying. **1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Twenty: The Mephisto Waltz"
The show I watch with the worst premise just destroyed the premise completely!!! I approve wholeheartedly!! Zounds, I say! Zounds!
Man, last year's finale disappointed me so much so it was a pleasure to get one that basically gave the audience everything they ever wanted, including destroying the Church of Satan, and the main characters' disgusting worship of it. The show is one of the most immoral shows on television based on the premise, so them chickening out is fine with me. It's what should have been happening all along. Whatever season three is, I'll probably enjoy it more than I have been.
I mean, really, the idea that Satan is Sabrina's father, and created her to blaspheme and pervert the Holy Trinity from the Bible is the sickest and most appalling thing I've ever heard. Oh, wait, Satan also wants HER to be his bride, and for ME to hold his beer.
And I've already been enjoying things a fair amount to be honest, no matter how despicable I think the premise and the show is. It also amazes me that the show is from the same people who bring us the hot mess that is Riverdale on a weekly basis. Does the shorter episode order help? I don't get it. At all.
The Fright Club is both a lame and terrible name and a really good one at the same time. Archie Comics in a nutshell.
For the record, Theo makes a shockingly and unexpectedly cool action hero.
Father Blackwell's arc reminds me of the arc of a character from one of my favorite TV shows ever. People ask me what my favorite show is, I say that it's a three-way tie between Justice League Unlimited, Twin Peaks, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Unlike the first two, the latter is criminally underrated, and Blackwood reminds me of Gul Dukat completely. A power-mad insane tyrant whose entire idea of a suicide cult is wrapped up entirely in himself and his own greatness. He is SO deluded.
And they didn't use the words "Make Hell great again" in that order, but that's clearly the thing they are channeling. It works on every level. He's Donald Trump meets Jim Jones. But like Dukat, he doesn't drink the poison himself.
Sabrina wanting to save her boyfriend from Hell is great, because not only is there now still a show, but it's also clearly going to be a mistake. I hope Sabrina does better prep work next season than she did this one. To begin with, before she goes on her quest she's gonna have to find the Spear of Longinus first. If anyone asks, it's on the shelf in Gorilla Grodd's office. But seriously, that needs to be job one.
I wonder what the real Miss Wardwell must think of the idea that Adam seems to have disappeared off of the face of the Earth. Would like to see that explored next season.
I was tickled pink that the show addressed every bad thing I ever thought about it. I expected maybe it would by the series finale, but the end of the second season is FAR cooler. Dynamite finale. *****.
Riverdale "Chapter Sixty-Two: Witness For The Prosecution"
That was tough. This is going to be a long review, but for people not invested enough in the show to go through the entire thing, the episode garnered zero stars as a grade from me. I used to grade shows on a curve, but now I take every episode of every show I watch on its merits. And that sucked. This is going to be a tough review for me.
Before I go further, I am really second-guessing all of the terrible reviews I write for this show. I like writing reviews. I do. But I never wind up reviewing this show like a normal show. Normally, it's fun. I discuss what I liked, what I didn't, my favorite lines, the best and worst moments, it's all fun. I don't and can't do that for this show. I post my reviews at several websites, some locked, some not, and I don't get a ton of feedback for the Riverdale reviews. Not too many places I frequent have a ton of the show's fans present. But what I worry about deeply is any lurker who has read my reviews and thinks I think they are stupid for liking this show, and that my coming down so harshly on this show is an an indictment and a slam on their intelligence and taste. Any lurkers who are Riverdale fans, that concerns me very much. But I don't actually think badly of the show's fans. I get the appeal of the show on the surface. It's Archie Comics meets Twin Peaks. That's great. Every bad review I give this show isn't me slamming the tastes of the fans. I get why this show has fans. What I'm slamming is how badly this show is failing those fans, and teaching them to either be happy with subpar television, or be unable to recognize it. That is not a failure on the show's fans' part. That's a failing of the producers. Any Riverdale fan who loves the show and thinks I like making fun of then for liking the show, I want to assure them, that's not my intention, or why I continue to give this show negative reviews.
After this episode my first reaction was tiredness. You want to know why I'm fed up with the series? Because instead of being able to talk about the high and low points, like I do every other show, I am forced to go into long plodding details into how wrong the show is doing by television. Most shows I review, it takes about five or ten minutes for an average review. I often find myself spending an hour coming up with and going through Riverdale reviews. My frustrations comes from the fact that ultimately, I am putting much more work into the show than any enjoyment I'm getting out of it. I hope any Riverdale fan who thinks I'm a mean Scrooge who hates puppies and kittens will keep in mind that part of my frustration is that this show refuses to simply have a bad week. It always has spectacularly bad weeks that I have to go into detail over. And that's frustrating to me.
Maybe I should give the show up. Maybe that's the answer. But the show is so bad, and I don't hear enough bad things about it elsewhere. If nobody else is calling this show on its cr*p, that leaves me by default. Pretty much if I stop watching the show, the terrorists win. Bad for me, bad for America. Go USA.
So should I review the episode? Very well. This will take awhile and be a total chore.
Upon reading the episode description I wrongly assumed what my biggest objection would be. But the episode description told me the episode was going to suck, but it sucked even worse than I possibly could have believed. But the TV Password description was talking about how Betty and Kevin try to join the FBI. And if you've read my reviews and current opinions of Kevin, you get why I was screaming at the top of my lungs upon reading that. Kevin is outright crazy. Kevin is a criminal only recently severed from a terrorist organization, and one he's only been halfheartedly severed with to begin with. As far as the real-life FBI is concerned, Kevin would not even be allowed into the building. He's the definition of a security risk. I assumed I'd blow my gasket about that, and spend a review talking about why that sucked. But Kevin was the least of that plot's problems. I don't believe that the FBI would ever turn away a person with the serial killer gene. Partly because the science behind that is completely shaky, and partly because somebody who has it might be gifted in other ways. And yet, I feel like the episode trying to use it to have Betty join the FBI to grow as a person and keep her impulses in check doesn't get why the FBI exists. The FBI is not a therapy session for damaged people to work out their hang-ups. It involves catching bad guys and saving lives. And even if that weren't true, the show can't even stick to THAT landing, and has Betty turn on her brother and believe he's a serial killer. Riverdale is why we aren't allowed to have nice things.
And the thing with the cat was ridiculous. I hesitate to go into TOO much detail over why Betty should not feel a shred of guilt over it, but even if Hal was a total monster for asking Betty to do that, putting the cat out of it's misery was not an evil action. It was probably the correct one. The show is asking me to get the serial killer willies from people doing things people who grow up on a farm or in the country do every day. Which brings me to my main objection to the episode, and ultimately the series.
The court and legal stuff sucks.
The series wants me to feel so bad and conflicted about a dead cat, and yet Veronica is spending the episode blackmailing people and covering up a murder her mother committed. At first I was outraged at how stupid the writers were for not knowing that it is illegal for a lawyer to put a witness on the stand if they know they are going to lie. But that error in real-world credibility doesn't even matter as long as we are saying the way out of Hermione's murdering is to extort a pardon from the governor, and act like that's acceptable. Remind me again why Hiram's the bad guy in this scenario, and we are supposed to want HIM in prison? Honestly, last season when Hermione committed the murder, it never once occurred to me that the writers would try to make it so she wouldn't have to take responsibility for it, or that Veronica wouldn't care about it. Why on Earth would I think that? That is an outright crazy storytelling decision. That the show just did. The show fails in ways I could never possibly conceive of it failing. I should not have to say to the writers that Archie characters should not be blithely covering up murders without no value judgment attached to that. When they do the flashforward and arrest Archie, Betty, and Veronica for murdering Jughead, I was like, "So what? Apparently murder's okay on this show so long as you say nice things about Archie's community center when he needs you to." This is not a complaint I ever should have to tell this show. It is should already know that. I feel dumber for having to complain about it.
About Hiram running for Mayor. The real-world says that's plausible. I hate to admit that, but criminals turning to politics is not unheard of. What's crazy is him making the announcement as he's let out of the courtroom upon being freed from prison. The show is stupid for that. That is not a good look for any potential political campaign. The show does not deal with believable problems.
To go back to the FBI stuff, I also hated the part where Betty could recognize the serial killers by their pictures. I hate that. Profiling is a very real and hard skill that people take years to train for. Even the people with a scary knack for it cannot identify killers by photographs. That's ridiculous. And speaking of profiling, that's the show saying it's okay for cops to make snap judgments about people and shoot and kill them for any reason. What's appalling is that in an episode where Archie is trying to get the neighbors of the community center not to judge the kids there for surface reasons, Betty is able to do the same thing and it's considered a talent and an asset instead. The show has a very troubled morality attached to it. It would probably be less problematic if it actually pinned that down. Honestly, I think the TV show Hannibal had a wholly immoral premise, and wholly immoral characters, and asked you to sympathize with and understand wholly immoral things. Except that was the point, so the show was great. You want to make a terrible morals like that land, you have to commit to it. You cannot have Archie throwing clambakes for community center outreach in the meantime.
I'm pretty much disgusted and almost talked out, so I'll launch one final petty surface complaint, that is so stupid, that I can't believe the show did it, and I also can't believe that I'll probably be the only one complaining about it. But after his night confrontation with the kid who went to the center trying to steal hubcaps, Archie takes the mask off so the viewer can see his frustrated expression. He's In The Freaking Field. Can you picture Batman removing his cape and cowl after he chases off every crook? I might detest the superhero nonsense on the show a little less if it wasn't even dumber than the worst superhero nonsense.
Here's hoping next week is boring. I don't like spending an hour a week writing about this show. 0.
Titans "Fallen"
I don't feel the need to do an in-depth review this week, which may be damning in its own way. But I have two observations.
1. That was super boring.
2. The show can't blow itself up every few episodes and ask me to invest in them building it up again. Because they are just going to blow it up again. Which is a really bad idea for any television series, and the precise reason this show cannot be trusted. Yeah, that was a quiet week. But Dick Grayson is sure to be serial-killing prostitutes in the finale. There is no growth on a show like this, and that's one of the biggest reasons I hate it, and it's the biggest reason this is the worst DC film or television project, live-action or animated, of all time. *1/2.
Batwoman "I'll Be Judge, I'll Be Jury"
So now Kate is positive Sophie knows. Because she does.
Lucius Fox is dead in this continuity.
Jack Napier was (or is) the Joker.
Cobblepot brought back firing squads as Mayor? Apparently Gotham is like everywhere else. It gets the leaders it deserves.
The Executioner's story is surprisingly sympathetic. I honestly think Luke took the wrong message from the idea that Stanton was dirty. It means his father's killer hasn't been found yet. You'd figure that would be the actual thing he wants.
Batwoman scares Mary more than Sophie. No wonder.
I love Kate asking if Luke had any hold music. I don't see any of the other major Arrowverse heroes asking that over the comm.
I love that Mary brings up Kate as a person Sophie has hurt and betrayed. Sophie sucks because she obviously never thought of that before.
"Social justice warrior" says Jacob sucks. Only sucky people use that term.
Mouse isn't playing around anymore. I understand why he was as hurt and angry as he was.
I like that Jacob's all "If I can't blame the suit I have to blame myself."
This was pretty good. ****.
Supergirl "Confidence Woman"
The flashbacks filled in a lot of holes. Some of them make Lena more sympathetic and some less. But it holds together all right and makes the show feel less random than it probably is (which is good).
The ending of the episode was pretty strong which is not something I find usual for this show. But I am very curious as to where this is headed next. The previews looks interesting too.
Surprisingly good episode. ****1/2.
Black Lightning "The Book Of Occupation: Chapter Five: Requiem For Tavon"
That was rough. Great though. You knew bad things were coming for Tavon just based on the episode title.
Odell claims he marched with Martin Luther King. He lies about everything to serve his purposes. Why wouldn't he lie about that?
Before the end of Henderson freeing the Reverend and Two-Bits, I thought Henderson was in trouble in the long term. He is clearly and unambiguously unpopular with the citizens of Freeland. If and when the occupation ends, he would have probably been forced to resign. But now that he's sort of revealed to SOME people how he's been secretly fighting back, I'm thinking they can tell the truth about him when it matters, and he can gain cred as an unsung hero, who fought for the city that hated him. That's almost poetic.
Grace didn't know Gambi was white? Anissa talks about him a LOT. It's weird that never came up. You'd also think she would have told him right before they met too.
As bad as Tobias is (and I think he's the worst person on the show outside of Odell), Lynn jamming the needle into his bone without painkillers is super coldblooded. Supposedly there is nothing on Earth more painful than that. And she's a doctor and knows that. And she basically did it as a lark to punish him for talking trash to her. If that doesn't violate the Hippocratic Oath, I don't know what does.
I finished watching the second season of The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina earlier today and it was pretty great. And it got me thinking that it and Legends Of Tomorrow, and this show, are the only decent Berlanti shows on the air. They aren't perfect, and the quality goes up and down. But they are the only shows that haven't degraded to the point of ridiculousness every week. What do these shows all have in common? Shorter episode counts than everything else. I mean Arrow's last way-shortened season is a return to form also, so that must be the answer. Do we really need 22 episodes of subpar Riverdale, Blindspot, Supergirl, Batwoman and The Flash? Because I would be happier with ten to thirteen episode seasons of each, if they were this quality instead of megasucking. Plus, the money saved from shortened seasons of Supergirl, The Flash, and Batwoman could be poured into the annual crossovers instead, which is something I like. I think Crisis On Infinite Earths might wind up amazing. But they probably could have done a LOT more than what I'm hearing with the extra budget of around a season and a half.
For the record, this theory is not foolproof. Titans is 12 - 13 episodes each season, and is the single worst DC project of all time. But Doom Patrol's okay, so Titans is literally the only outlier to this idea. Also for the record, I haven't seen Nancy Drew yet. Riverdale being as bad as it is has gotten me to stay as far the h*ll away from that show as possible.
So that's what I thought about today. It beats the soul-crushing depression of fixating on Jefferson getting beaten up by white cops in front of his students. I mean, that episode was freaking ROUGH. Sheesh. ****1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "Teen Titans Vroom, Pt. 1"
That premise was super dumb but so were all of the Pixar Cars movies and I saw all of them. Who is the true moron here?
I like Dr. Military's voice although I couldn't place it. Although if the show is doing it right he was a famous racecar driver. In fact, I suspect that's the case. Simply because the voice was unpolished and unprofessional which is what I liked about it.
I loved him explaining veterinarians and that his ransom is $400,000 to pay off his medical debt. The duck army also reminded me of Dynamo Duck from Fox Kids. I wonder if that was a deliberate nod. Probably not.
Why don't more villains try to frame the Titans for their own crimes? It's usually just the Titans' words against them.
Fun stuff. ****1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "Teen Titans Vroom, Pt. 2
Chip Racington was also probably voiced by a famous racecar driver. I love that he casually litters and it is never commented on. It's just a super gross character quirk.
Robin is the anchor on the aircraft. Because of course he is. He's the anchor on the team too.
People are going to rage against this episode, I predict, but it is a solid parody. The characters all talk in completely toyetic cadences from Saturday morning cartoons in the 80's. The show doesn't get enough credit for its dialogue, but it is subtle and sublime when it needs to be. I believed every inch that this was a toy commercial disguised as a cartoon. It nailed the mindset perfectly.
I expect this episode to get a lot of cr*p from the usual suspects. But satire is always wasted on the loud and grumpy. This was very a VERY spot-on satire. People who won't appreciate it is will confuse it as a bad episode. In reality is a 100% accurate parody of the terrible shows I grew up with. And that's pretty impressive, because those show were an unusual level of terrible. But I totally recognized them here. It is quite a feat and accomplishment for the show to do this episode as spot-on as it did. *****.
Marvel's Spider-Man "Goblin War: Part One"
That was amazing. Holy poo!
When did this show become great? It like happened all at once with the Superior arc and never let up.
It's telling that Spider-Man accidentally calls Ock his friend as he's fighting the first Goblin.
For the record, I trust Ock far more than I do Harry. Harry is the most likely suspect of being the Goblin King. If it's Norman instead, or the guy who was the Hobgoblin in the comics, I still think Harry's involved. He's been away for far too long to have been up to any good. Plus are we sure he was in Europe when Peter first called him? He could have already been in New York. We also never got any real reactions shots of him when he was alone which is another thing that points towards his guilt.
The one thing I didn't like is the idea that Peter didn't just drop his ID for Gwen and Anya. It worked out okay. But one of the tricky things about ID's is you have to figure out who it's best to tell. Oftentimes telling a person makes things better than keeping the secret. Peter telling Gwen and Anya would solve a LOT of problems including him explaining his recent behavior. The reason Tony Stark revealed his ID is because it solved a ton of problems the ID caused. Frankly, I might even be tempted to tell Max Modell too and tell him the reasons behind his behavior too. The ID is not for the best if it's working against the person. It's one of the interesting things about the concept.
For the record, Miles could be doing a lot more damage control for Peter than he is. Why isn't Miles the guy who snuck into Smythe's lab? Miles is not doing his fair share as Peter's friend or his partner. He didn't even show up in costume tonight.
But man, that was great. Don't turn your back on Harry, Peter. He's been gone far too long. *****.
Star Wars: The Mandalorian "Chapter 1"
I hated the first scene (too violent) but the series slowly won me over after that. It helped when the Mandalorian started talking.
I love the new Star Wars logo.
The end of a baby the same species as Yoda was cool. I also really liked the Bounty Droid and thought it was a shame he got killed off by the Mandalorian at the end. His self-destruct protocol was funny.
Salacious Crumbs roasting on an open fire.
Return of Carbonite.
Those giant land piranha things were freaky.
The end credits were much more like movie credits than TV show credits. That bodes well for both the series and the upcoming Marvel stuff too.
I wound up liking it. ***1/2.
Star Wars Resistance "From Beneath"
I like the design of the dragons. When I saw there was a whole bunch of them I was like "Oh snap!" Snap dragons they were.
I don't like that there is almost no variation in Flik's family's designs. I also thought it was dumb that Flanks got caught in one of the Dragon's mouths (and the Dragon even close it twice!) and still survived.
It was a diverting enough episode. ***1/2.
Forky Asks A Question "What Is Money?"
I love that Forky repeats Hamm's name seven times, and then gets it wrong again in the end. That was a great joke, especially since it wasn't commented on by Hamm and allowed to stand. The best comedy isn't super obvious.
I have to be honest. Forky is not my favorite character, but this was a dang good short. ****1/2.
Pixar SparkShorts "Float"
I don't see what the dad is so embarrassed about. Who doesn't want a flying baby?
I love that the only spoken words are "Why can't you be normal?" This was a great allegory for parents struggling to accept that their kids are different.
Pixar's human characters are a lot less creepy than they used to be. Although they are still a little bit creepy.
Great short. ****1/2.
Bao
That did not work. At all. I have to say, no dialogue worked against Pixar this short. I didn't understand the ending either. Is that young man the dumpling? How? She ate him. Was the dumpling son just a fantasy? Then why is the crazy white woman there in the end? Did she simply put her in her delusion or IS the guy the dumpling? I don't get it. It's not a mystery to puzzle out either. I think the short is clearly trying to say something. It fails because I am unable to decipher what it actually is.
Speaking of that white lady, she truly IS crazy. She has sex with dumplings. She must be into some weird cr*p.
Also, since the short is getting a negative grade anyways, I might as well point out that all of the human designs are completely ugly and unappealing. The short is very unattractive to look at for that reason.
The one bit I liked was the skull and bones dumpling sign on the teenager's room. That was funny. But nothing else was. And since I couldn't tell what happened, I wasn't even moved by it. This is definitely Pixar's worst theatrical short. 1/2.
The Rocketeer "First Flight / Pilot Error"
First Flight:
This appears to try to be a sequel to the actual film. I don't see too much contradiction other than Newsville, when the original was pure Los Angeles and Hollywood. But it would fit otherwise.
"Flying is easy, landing is hard" was from the movie too I think.
I like seeing the news footage of Cliff Secord back in the day.
If there was one thing that bugged me it's that the rocket was already pink out of the box. I think either the producers messed up or were hoping fans of the movie wouldn't notice that.
Frank Welker doing double duty as Grandpa Ambrose and Butch the dog.
Nice introduction. ***1/2.
Pilot Error:
Laura and Harley. I see what they did there.
Tesh is annoying.
I love that one of the episode titles in the premiere had the word "Pilot" in it. That's perfect.
The villains were a little too dumb, but it helps to explain how they are taken down by a seven-year-old girl. ***.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
The Rocketeer "Skyway Robbery / A Doggone Adventure"
Skyway Robbery:
I know it's a preschool show, but the villains are REALLY inferior. Elena of Avalor's villains are fine, as are The Lion Guard's. The only reason the villains are as doofy as they are is so that a seven-year-old girl can believably repeatedly own them. But that's not actually impressive while the villains are as dumb as they are. **1/2.
A Doggone Adventure:
A second female dog lent an extra element to the episode which is good. They are already starting to repeat villains? That is not a good sign.
Didn't much like this either. **1/2.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Cloak And Swaggart"
Loose Lips Melonowski lives up to his name.
That was fun. ***1/2.
Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Jupiter Jim Ahoy!"
Lou Jitsu was a lot cooler when he wasn't Dad.
Speaking of which, judging by the fanboying of Jupiter Jim they were doing this episode, those boys are easily impressed.
"Oh, you're full-on crazy." That explains a LOT!
I love Don asking if they couldn't just get new brothers. I love this show.
Hilarious episode. ***1/2.
The Simpsons "Marge The Lumberjill"
I don't think the story was strong but it had strong individual bits.
Let's start off with the elephant in the room: Grey Griffin. How is she? She doesn't sound a LICK like Russi Taylor, and she's such a well-known voice that it's clear Al Jean did not go through his entire Rolodex for an accurate replacement. She's there, probably affordable, and has been doing this awhile. I get the hire, even if I don't like it. For the record, I'd rather it was her than simply retiring the characters. I just think they might have done better looking a little harder and maybe hiring an unknown or somebody new to voice-acting field. I certainly hope Disney does better by Minnie Mouse.
Time to talk about why the story didn't work. It's supposed to be a story about Homer supporting Marge's self-empowerment, but I agreed with Homer far too much for the show to try and make me swallow that moral. The reason Marge is a lumberjack isn't to make herself feel better, it's to prove to her lame friends that they are wrong that she is boring. I don't think Homer is obligated in the least to support her taking off for a month for such a superficial reason. And it's not like Homer doesn't value her, or is the person making her feel less-than. I mean, his whole routine about how often he misses her is the dream thing a husband could possibly say to a wife, and she's annoyed instead of love-struck. I also noticed that he was cheering her name in the Church when she was doing her lame comedy bit. I think Homer has been quite supportive enough, and doesn't deserved to be ditched for a month because Marge has some hang-ups about what the sucky people in town think.
The Riverdale stuff was accurate except for the teen pregnancy. Everybody there has sex, birth control is never mentioned, and nobody ever gets pregnant. I think the producers are mistaking the parents in jail and solving murders thing as Riverdale trying to be topical in the way Degrassi was. That's not it at all. It's a far safer show than that and never shows any real consequences to questionable behavior. Something tells me the writer saw part of an episode and thought they were an expert. Superficially the show is as dumb as the show thinks. But it's not as topical or edgy as that.
Anger Watkins. They hit pay-dirt with this character and it was great to see him back. Everything he says and does is funny. Kevin Michael Richardson at his best. A character like this could never have been done fifteen or twenty years ago while the show was offensively having Hank Azaria voice all of the black characters in exaggerated Ebonics. Because they took those complaints seriously, they can actually create funny black characters now. And as Anger shows, it's something the show needed.
I feel like the guy picking up the hair in the street to use as a beard would have landed funnier if they were in Springfield and it was someone we knew like Kirk or Gil. The nameless stranger doing that doesn't even register.
In Portland, Comic Book Guy is quirky instead of objectionable. I cannot think of a bigger slam about the people of Portland. That was some New Orleans-level shade right there.
I love Patty and Selma's thing about correcting that they don't want Marge to chop off Homer's head with an ax because he has no neck. Patty and Selma would be a LOT easier for me to hate if the slams they came up with for Homer were less funny. But they always seem to get off some good ones so I find them less repulsive than they actually are.
Some funny jokes can't save a weak story. ***.
Transformers: Cyberverse "Secret Science"
"That was not a request." Wheeljack is helping Shockwave whether he wants to or not.
I didn't like the show calling Bumblebee a "hard light hologram". If he were hard light, Wheeljack would not have been able to pass his hand through him.
I liked him using the same trick to fool Shockwave and to escape. Turnabout is fair play. And Shockwave thought he had finally found a good listener.
I am as fed up and frustrated with Bludgeon's silence as Windblade is. Why did he actually kill Slipstream anyways and kill the Alliance with the Autobots? It's really annoying he still isn't talking.
A good one. ****.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy "Bee Prepared"
This show is REALLY tough to like. Do you know how you could have impressed Bumblebee, Wedge? By doing the job he actually asked you to do.
I am sick of this show using an emergency team, which is a serious and life-saving job, as an excuse to teach the audience toddler lessons by making the Bots stupid and selfish. If I were a parent, I would be going into conniptions over this show. This particular premise means the most the show should be showing kids is safety tips and having good role models to follow. Instead the recruits screw up week after week and learn nothing. I might even excuse it if the show had decent safety lessons for the kids at home attached. But it never does.
If this weren't Aligned Continuity I'd be gone. *.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy "Whirl's Wise-Bot Quest"
That was not a bad one. Mostly because Whirl is the one character who isn't an insolent jerk. But the other good thing is that teaching someone to do a complicated task by practicing and combining smaller, easier to manage tasks, is an appropriate lesson for the show. ***.
Power Rangers Beast Morphers "Gorilla Art"
The real thing Ravi should be embarrassed about isn't the fact that he's an artist. It's that he painted his girlfriend's picture while she was unconscious in his coma chamber. That's super creepy.
Also, Rangers aren't allowed to engage in pastimes like art? No dating is bad enough but the Ranger Headquarters of this incarnation has a fascist undertone lurking beneath it.
"He really sucks!" Are they referring to the villain? Or the actual show?
Why are black SUV's coming to pick up the Rangers? The Rangers have never needed to bum rides before in not only any previous episode, but in any previous version either.
When the villain tricks Steel he says, "Now that we're alone, there is no need for this charade." When he said that I was secretly hoping Steel was evil and a double-agent this entire time. But this show takes the safer and easier way out every time.
There was nothing too objectionable to me here. ***.
Bob's Burgers "The Hawkening: Look Who's Hawking Now"
The last five minutes saved it, and were boss, but I didn't like the episode until then.
The Nobel Prize fantasy says something about Louise that I don't like to think about, and is something even Louise doesn't realize. And it's not something I like the show reminding me of, even if they occasionally do.
But Louise is super dumb. She is only considered a criminal mastermind because her biggest adversaries are Frond and Logan. The girl is legitimately stupid. Part of that is that she's young and values the wrong things, but Louise is not an example of female empowerment as long as she's the kind of person who thinks Mr. and Mrs. Bell hand out prizes to girls who screen movies in small restaurants. And I don't like that. As far as intelligence goes, she's actually closer to Linda than Bob.
Also Tammy and Jocelyn have been getting entirely too much screen-time this season, and they have been more annoying and air-headed in these first few episodes than they have been during the entire course of the series. It was funny for a couple of weeks. Now it's just obnoxious.
What I think happened with them is that them saying something particularly stupid got a big laugh in the writer's room, so now that's ALL they're about. The same thing happened to Peggy Hill. The writers wrote her being unexpectedly stupid about something, it got a huge laugh, and then she was stupid from there on out. I shouldn't have to point out Peggy's stupidity is the biggest reason King Of The Hill became unwatchable. But I fear the show is doing the same thing to Tammy and Jocelyn. I just thank God they aren't main characters. But the fact that they have been used this much this season is alarming enough.
Also, I sick of Gene talking about his wiener. It's not funny or cute, and it's super creepy. I'm had just about enough of this kid.
There were things I liked. I liked Koji saying hugging Bob is like hugging a marshmallow. You know what? That tracks. Bob probably smells bad, but his body type makes him seem like a great person to hug. I believed that moment. Totally.
I liked the resolution of what he was embarrassed about, and I especially liked Louise's make-up scene with Rudy, which ended the episode on a hilarious note when she invites him out to ice cream. "Can I get sprinkles?" "How should I know? You're buying." That is the kind of Louise characterization I love. It makes the fact that she's stupid even harder to bear. The girl can handle her quips.
Shaky until the last five minutes. ***.
Family Guy "Peter And Lois' Wedding"
I think this show nailed the entire problem with the 90's. The people in that decade mistakenly thought they were less dumb than the people in the 70's and the 80's because there was quality music (or at least artistic music) and television available, and the fashions were slightly less ridiculous (if you don't count M.C. Hammer). But I mean, the most popular stuff in the 1990's wasn't Twin Peaks, and The Simpsons was pretty much forgotten during the best years of its entire run. The most popular show was Friends, which was a really cr*ppy TV show in hindsight, that I am amazed people tolerated, much less liked, much less loved. You can throw Seinfeld in my face if you want, but Seinfeld is overrated anyways, and the truth is that show only became huge during it's last cr*ppy few seasons. When it actually WAS worth anything, it was much less popular. Daria was good, and Beavis and Butthead was all right. But the things that won Emmys were the David E Kelly shows, which are pretty much reprehensible in hindsight, and were something I thought were reprehensible at the time too. And Murphy Brown. Ditto. We had very low standards, so that when an actual decent show like Frasier showed up, we went crazy for it, instead realizing it was only decent. There was good stuff, but none of it was usually popular. And the good stuff that WAS popular, wasn't usually popular at the point when it was good.
I could just delete the above paragraph and use the show's appalling example that people used to debate about whether or not Pulp Fiction was better than Forrest Gump. The reason the 90's are NOT All That And A Bag Of Chips is that back then, that was an actual argument. History has settled it in the decades since, and it's pretty clear that Pulp Fiction was revolutionary, while Forrest Gump was an outright cr*ppy movie for the reasons Quagmire stated. People in the 90's liked to act like they recognized quality for the first time ever, but the fact that Forrest Gump beat out both Pulp Fiction AND The Shawshank Redemption for the Best Picture Oscar is something that era will never live down. I don't think we had a bigger national shame until November 2016. What is wrong with us?
I don't like the Jamie Kennedy slam, because the dude was a regular on The Cleveland Show, and if he had been cool with that gag, he would have voiced himself. But Seth MacFarlane shows zero respect or loyalty for the actors who have done him solids in the past, so he did it anyways. There is a legitimate reason the guy is widely loathed in Hollywood. He will turn on you for no reason whatsoever. And ask yourself this? Was the Jamie Kennedy joke even funny? MacFarlane will turn on actors for stuff that isn't even funny. That's how little respect he has for the people he works with. He burns his bridges for no reason at all.
I liked the Joey Lawrence slam very much though. The guy WAS getting solid work for a long time, and Mayim Bialik has DEFINITELY led a charmed life. Granted, Bialik deserves it, and Lawrence was never a great actor to begin with (and Blossom was outright terrible) but it's not fair he went bald either.
The Star Wars observation was good too, although I question the idea that the original trilogy was unimpeachable. Jedi was goofy at points, and every time I see the first one I am bored out of my skull. The prequels were absolutely terrible, and most of the cartoons underwhelmed, but I think The Force Awakens and Rogue One were even better than the stuff from that era, so it's probably for the best it didn't stop. Star Trek would not be the high quality franchise it wound up being thought of as if it stopped at Turnabout Intruder either. You can debate about the quality of certain parts of the canon for both franchises, but both wound up delivering more than one project better than the original later on.
The episode did a pretty accurate description of how middling and underwhelming that Best Decade EVER was in hindsight. It only seemed nice at the time coming off the heels of the 1980's. But that should not have been the freaking bar. Even the 1970's had better movies than the 90's anyways.
Family Guy won the night. ****.
The Good Place "Help Is Other People"
I love the callback to the season one finale with Eleanor and Michael laughing maniacally. That was great.
I was also very impressed with the way they got Brent to realize he was a bad person and apologize at the last second. That was very unexpected and actually meant something.
What I really hope happens next week is that they deal with the fact that Chiti will probably feel a huge sense of betrayal from Eleanor. That should be great.
We are only halfway through the final season? It really feels like we're wrapping up. The best thing about this show is the amount of mythology it blows through in such a short amount of time. ****1/2.
Black Jesus "Hair Tudi"
You know what? That was racist. I love Aaron McGruder, but like Martin Luther King saying the n-word on The Boondocks, this is not something I can defend. As a white person, perhaps my radar is a bit off here. But I know ugliness when I see it.
That being said, there were a number of good things in the episode, which was not usually true for the most Uncle Ruckus of Boondocks episodes. I continue to be shocked at how much I enjoy Shalinka. She is a black woman stereotype, and yet I find the way she speaks great. It's both deliberate and realistic at the same time. It's like they are feeding into the worst stereotypes of black women while having her say shockingly insightful things in that droning way. I find that contradiction very interesting, and something that endears the character to me. It's the fact that Boonie is an idiot which is why I don't feel comfortable with the stereotypes he indulges in. The fact that Shalinka is together makes her funny instead.
"Spell that." Yeah, Shalinka's a keeper.
I was alarmed and a bit uncomfortable with much of Jesus's portrayal here. There were definitely good things about it, but when the Korean woman calls him a liar, she's actually right. That's the show writing the character wrong. Similarly, Jesus' role on the show should be as Ms. Tudi's moral compass. And yet he doesn't say a word about her human trafficking. That is not something Jesus would have tolerated in a previous season. Maybe he wouldn't have stopped her in years past, but his complaining about it would have been unending. He'd be brow-beating her until she gave in to shut him up. Here he doesn't even act like it's an issue.
I liked him complaining that his weed high was getting effed up though. That's just perfect. I like when Jesus complains about petty things. But he used to actually complain about things that matter too.
What's the point of Jesus's superpowers if Boonie can be taken hostage while he's freaking with him?
Ms. Tudi said something about Boonie that says she's a despicable person, and yet, like I GET it. She doesn't actually want him back. She just doesn't want that b-word to have him. I don't approve of those sentiments from any mother. But after witnessing Boonie's gross love-making earlier in the episode, I still understand it.
I love the show exploring the controversy of European beauty standards and black people's hair. And of course that leads back to Jesus being accused of treating his hair. If you REALLY want to p*ss Jesus off, don't lend money in the temples. Tell him he's wearing a perm.
I loved the montage of where Ms. Tudi was getting the hair from. That was funny in the way the shaved Asian slave women were not.
No tribute card for John Witherspoon again. Although he wasn't in the episode, so that may explain it. Either they are saving it for an episode where he has a big role, or for the finale. But I don't like waiting.
Not liking this week. **1/2.
The Blacklist "Dr. Lewis Powell"
Thank God.
I was preparing to get my hate on with the episode but it ended right. One of the biggest problems with head-fakes is that most of them make the show worse than it is. Like wouldn't it be juicy if Francesca was deep undercover for Katerina and learns all about the task force, putting Red in real jeopardy? The head-fake that she's getting the best of Red WOULD be juicy. But it also make the show measurably worse. The reason the show is enjoyable in the first place is because Red is supposed to always know what he's doing and always win. The times in the past when the show stepped away from that is when the show was at its worst. I was fully convinced that the head-fake of Francesca learning of the Task Force would make Red look dumb, or even worse, ineffectual.
Plus, nobody wants Dante to be a traitor, right?
Instead, this was a test for Francesca, and Red saw her bailing coming. It was a gutsy move for the show, because Francesca had been a nice addition, and the fact that she wasn't 100% Team Red could make things interesting. But the head-fake involves making the audience incorrectly think that Red hadn't seen through her the entire time.
I DO have a little bit of a problem with Red killing a woman of color though. But I don't suppose that could actually be helped.
Another fake-out for Dumb Red is Park walking in on the accidental murder of the hit man. Until Liz realizes he WANTED her to see that, and it was part of HER test too. I like that the fact that Park can keep a secret that Liz can't figure out is the thing that makes Liz think she's a good fit.
I like that Aram hates Park not because he believes she's trying to replace Navabi, but rather than she's trying to replace him. Frankly, that strikes me as far more believable. Ever notice how the main characters of this show are SO bad at judging relationships that they always eff up everything Aram touches?
I can't tell if Aram dumped the hot mess at the end or not, but at least he set limits on the crazy behavior. Another head-fake I was worried about.
The suicidal A.I. program was one of the silliest things the show has ever done so I'm knocking points off for it. But maybe not that many because Aram, nerd that is, reveals he's never seen the Terminator films because he doesn't like science fiction with a dark vision of the future of humanity. That's me. I've seen every episode of every incarnation of Star Trek, but have never seen a Terminator, Robocop, Alien, or Predator movie. I've never even seen Blade Runner. The dark future does not appeal to me at all. I like that Aram is like that, especially since he IS a genre nerd.
That was a bad episode as it was going, which turned out to be a good episode in hindsight. I do not mind being tricked by a show if the trick is incorrectly thinking the show is worse than it is. That is a mistake I am always very happy to be corrected about. ***1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Twelve: The Epiphany"
I liked the ending, and the chilling resolution that the demons came on their own, but the series has started off on thin ice for me.
To start with, did Sabrina ever think about how Theo would perform on the court when she wasn't there? There is no empowerment for him joining the team if he actually sucks. Did not like that.
The other thing perhaps couldn't be helped, but the Satanic rhetoric is wearing really thin. It's disturbing, and it was barely tolerable last year for the simple reason that Sabrina was openly resisting it. Now that she's outwardly embracing it, it's no longer cool and funny. It's dark and upsetting. Newborn blood? Seriously? I think the entire premise of the show is flawed if it has to depend on those types of things to make an impact. It's done for nothing more than shock value, but it makes every person who speaks that way seem horrible. I'm SO over it, so this season will be getting a lot less benefit of the doubt from me. The honeymoon is now over.
I won't deny the premiere was pretty good though. ***1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Thirteen: The Passion Of Sabrina Spellman"
This show is better than Riverdale (much better as a matter of fact), but it still has its problems.
I am glad Sabrina stole the gum at the end, because if she hadn't, the moral would have been shaky. The thing I took from her taking the gum is that the reason she was doing the Dark Lord's will is because she chose to steal the gum when she didn't have to. Now maybe this is a part of her game of brinksmanship (or as she calls it chicken) but I didn't like the subtext of her doing the Dark Lord's bidding beforehand being classified as "darkness". She was being coerced into things she didn't want to do. I think the true mark of evil is intention, and it's not a road to darkness to burn an empty building to save your friends. And I liked that she stole the gum because that was actually more deliberately bad than anything else she did.
For the record, she and Harvey are way too young to have sex anyways. Get back to me in a couple of seasons.
I don't like that Harvey reads Archie Comics. I hate when franchises poke at their reality that way.
Theo's stuff in the locker room shows why the boys of that school suck.
Mrs. Wardwell's reaction to the Passion Play was quite interesting and moving. Michelle Gomez brought her A-game for that.
Solid episode. ****.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Fourteen: Lupercalia"
Honestly? The premise of the episode was appalling. They didn't go through with it but these characters are way too young to be involved in sex rituals. It's all kinds of icky and the reason the Berlanti Archieverse shows suck so much.
I also object to Mrs. Wardwell describing herself as unattractive. I don't know about anyone else, but I've always thought Michelle Gomez was totally hot.
The thing I really appreciated was Theo coming out to his father. They went for the drama and pathos which is not common for modern shows geared at kids and teenagers. Any different orientation is immediately accepted elsewhere and seen as no big deal. In real life? It is. It's hard. And while positive portrayals DO make a positive impact on society in the long run, they are also not the slightest bit authentic to what most real kids face in that situation. This show actually gives the real-world idea the weight and seriousness it deserves, which is great.
The stuff with Hilda was fun too.
But this show is more inappropriate than it is enjoyable. *1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Fifteen: Dr. Cerberus's House Of Horror"
That was so great I wound up upset by the end of it. Why can't Riverdale do this? Not to speak ill of the dead, but Riverdale's biggest adult stars were Luke Perry, Madchen Amick, and Skeet Ulrich. Those are that show's versions of "serious actors". When you looks the stuff that Miranda Otto, Michelle Gomez, and ESPECIALLY Richard Coyle, (who never met a scene he did not chew up and spit out) are doing, it's pathetic. So much so, it's almost obscene. This show has a terrible premise and great writing and cast. Riverdale has a great premise and terrible writing and cast. I can safely say at this point that I outright hate the premise of this show and find it disgusting. It is disturbing the show is still a hundred times what Riverdale is.
Riverdale's idea of a scary story is an escaped lunatic stopping for pancakes at Pops' Diner. The show puts in the bare amount of effort while this show has an eyeless girl screaming at Roz for stealing her eyes. And what's amazing is that none of the nightmare scenarios were TOO clever or creative (Sabrina in space was an outright dud, to be honest) but compared to the tripe Riverdale asks us to swallow on a weekly basis Ambrose having a vision of killing his entire family is quite sensible in contrast. Which disgusts me.
So apparently Veronica Cartwright is still alive, and she looks exactly the same as she did 20 years. One helpful thing about genre is that it always kindly tells me which former X-Files players are still alive and kicking. Cartwright will bury all of us if the fact that she hasn't aged in 20 years is any indication. Still haven't seen Mimi Rogers in anything in a while. Should I be concerned?
Man, I outright hate everything about the show's premise. Except the writing and acting is SO good. Apparently that is the only thing that matters. Riverdale is one of the worst shows on television, and the absolute reverse is true here. Live and learn. A bad premise can be overcome on most weeks. Bad writing and acting cannot save a good premise. *****.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Sixteen: Blackwood"
Zelda sucks in expecting Ambrose to smile for her wedding while Luke has just been killed. What's amazing is that Zelda is going through with the wedding for power, but by legitimizing Blackwood, she paving the way for regressive policies which will strip her of every power she already has. Very timely message.
Ray Wise was a great casting choice as the Antipope. He was not only Leland Palmer, but the actual Devil on Reaper. This show hires the right actors.
That was a great and dire ending. Normally I frown on shows blowing themselves up in the name of temporary drama. But since the concept of this show is so horrible, it doesn't actually matter. Might as well blow it all up. ****1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Seventeen: The Missionaries"
Dark stuff. But the second half of the episode was better than the first.
I am fascinated by the idea that zealot Christian angels are somehow more evil and violent than Satan worshippers. And yet, from real-world experience, that might actually track. It's disturbing to me either way. I just hope it isn't true. But it might be.
When Sabrina asks Harvey and Roz how they could believe that she caused the blindness, I was like, "Gee, I don't know, Sabrina. Maybe because you signed your soul away to Satan and openly worship him. There is also the unpleasant matter of you trying to claim friendship to one of the girls who murdered Harvey's brother." A sin by the way, Sabrina still has not told Harvey about. I actually think it's weird that Sabrina DOES expect her friends to trust her after all that. Theo is a far better advocate than she deserves.
Lemme tell you why the premise of the show is flawed, and why Satan worshiping is stupid to begin with. It is a religion with all sticks and no carrots. There is no selling point to worshiping a God who beheads the only person you love and forces you to eat him. What has Satan ever done for anyone who has worshiped him on this show? Say what you will about the evil missionaries, but the idea of salvation and forgiveness simply by asking for it, is a pretty tempting way to run a religion. It's not the religion's fault the angels have corrupted the message. The message itself is sound, and it makes the unending misery the Satanists pledge themselves to for no reason whatsoever seem especially stupid.
So Sabrina is now a murderer. That's just swell. Remember when I said the concept of the show sucks? That's why.
I remember when Archie Comics had that whole Christian message, and alliance with the Church going on for years. What the h*ll actually happened to that? There is a fascinating story there. I'm sure of it.
But man, that was a pretty exciting and appalling hour of television (in equal measure). ****1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Eighteen: The Miracles Of Sabrina Spellman"
I love the political stuff in the episode. Although the very end was not a shock.
Another X-Files alum appears in William B. Davis. He looks like h*ll. That's what cigarettes will do to you.
That stuff with the mouse in the grinder was disgusting. And Wardwell's creation of Adam was foul too.
I liked the fact that Harvey makes the allusion to Dark Phoenix. The The Descent reference regarding that horrible white zombie woman was appropriate too.
Out of the frying pan... ****.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Nineteen: The Mandrake"
What bothers me about Sabrina immediately trying to get rid of her powers is that she does it without further researching the prophecy to understand exactly how and how not to fulfill it. Considering the stakes, and how prophecies often feed into themselves by tricking the people trying to prevent them, this is something Sabrina needed to take her time on. It's stupid that she was acting as quickly and foolishly as she did.
I would think the suicide perversion wouldn't involve Sabrina killing the Mandrake double, but rather with making herself mortal. That's what it essentially boils down to.
For the record, Blackwood is nuts. Having his twins marry on their 16th birthday to preserve his lineage is about the craziest thing a guy could do. He'll wind up naming his grandson Humperdoo methinks.
The episode wasn't bad, but considering the stakes, the characters were stupid. The good news for the show is that it's not unexpected or unrealistic. Teenagers are famously shortsighted, and always think they have a better handle on situations than they do. But it's still annoying. **1/2.
Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina "Chapter Twenty: The Mephisto Waltz"
The show I watch with the worst premise just destroyed the premise completely!!! I approve wholeheartedly!! Zounds, I say! Zounds!
Man, last year's finale disappointed me so much so it was a pleasure to get one that basically gave the audience everything they ever wanted, including destroying the Church of Satan, and the main characters' disgusting worship of it. The show is one of the most immoral shows on television based on the premise, so them chickening out is fine with me. It's what should have been happening all along. Whatever season three is, I'll probably enjoy it more than I have been.
I mean, really, the idea that Satan is Sabrina's father, and created her to blaspheme and pervert the Holy Trinity from the Bible is the sickest and most appalling thing I've ever heard. Oh, wait, Satan also wants HER to be his bride, and for ME to hold his beer.
And I've already been enjoying things a fair amount to be honest, no matter how despicable I think the premise and the show is. It also amazes me that the show is from the same people who bring us the hot mess that is Riverdale on a weekly basis. Does the shorter episode order help? I don't get it. At all.
The Fright Club is both a lame and terrible name and a really good one at the same time. Archie Comics in a nutshell.
For the record, Theo makes a shockingly and unexpectedly cool action hero.
Father Blackwell's arc reminds me of the arc of a character from one of my favorite TV shows ever. People ask me what my favorite show is, I say that it's a three-way tie between Justice League Unlimited, Twin Peaks, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Unlike the first two, the latter is criminally underrated, and Blackwood reminds me of Gul Dukat completely. A power-mad insane tyrant whose entire idea of a suicide cult is wrapped up entirely in himself and his own greatness. He is SO deluded.
And they didn't use the words "Make Hell great again" in that order, but that's clearly the thing they are channeling. It works on every level. He's Donald Trump meets Jim Jones. But like Dukat, he doesn't drink the poison himself.
Sabrina wanting to save her boyfriend from Hell is great, because not only is there now still a show, but it's also clearly going to be a mistake. I hope Sabrina does better prep work next season than she did this one. To begin with, before she goes on her quest she's gonna have to find the Spear of Longinus first. If anyone asks, it's on the shelf in Gorilla Grodd's office. But seriously, that needs to be job one.
I wonder what the real Miss Wardwell must think of the idea that Adam seems to have disappeared off of the face of the Earth. Would like to see that explored next season.
I was tickled pink that the show addressed every bad thing I ever thought about it. I expected maybe it would by the series finale, but the end of the second season is FAR cooler. Dynamite finale. *****.
Riverdale "Chapter Sixty-Two: Witness For The Prosecution"
That was tough. This is going to be a long review, but for people not invested enough in the show to go through the entire thing, the episode garnered zero stars as a grade from me. I used to grade shows on a curve, but now I take every episode of every show I watch on its merits. And that sucked. This is going to be a tough review for me.
Before I go further, I am really second-guessing all of the terrible reviews I write for this show. I like writing reviews. I do. But I never wind up reviewing this show like a normal show. Normally, it's fun. I discuss what I liked, what I didn't, my favorite lines, the best and worst moments, it's all fun. I don't and can't do that for this show. I post my reviews at several websites, some locked, some not, and I don't get a ton of feedback for the Riverdale reviews. Not too many places I frequent have a ton of the show's fans present. But what I worry about deeply is any lurker who has read my reviews and thinks I think they are stupid for liking this show, and that my coming down so harshly on this show is an an indictment and a slam on their intelligence and taste. Any lurkers who are Riverdale fans, that concerns me very much. But I don't actually think badly of the show's fans. I get the appeal of the show on the surface. It's Archie Comics meets Twin Peaks. That's great. Every bad review I give this show isn't me slamming the tastes of the fans. I get why this show has fans. What I'm slamming is how badly this show is failing those fans, and teaching them to either be happy with subpar television, or be unable to recognize it. That is not a failure on the show's fans' part. That's a failing of the producers. Any Riverdale fan who loves the show and thinks I like making fun of then for liking the show, I want to assure them, that's not my intention, or why I continue to give this show negative reviews.
After this episode my first reaction was tiredness. You want to know why I'm fed up with the series? Because instead of being able to talk about the high and low points, like I do every other show, I am forced to go into long plodding details into how wrong the show is doing by television. Most shows I review, it takes about five or ten minutes for an average review. I often find myself spending an hour coming up with and going through Riverdale reviews. My frustrations comes from the fact that ultimately, I am putting much more work into the show than any enjoyment I'm getting out of it. I hope any Riverdale fan who thinks I'm a mean Scrooge who hates puppies and kittens will keep in mind that part of my frustration is that this show refuses to simply have a bad week. It always has spectacularly bad weeks that I have to go into detail over. And that's frustrating to me.
Maybe I should give the show up. Maybe that's the answer. But the show is so bad, and I don't hear enough bad things about it elsewhere. If nobody else is calling this show on its cr*p, that leaves me by default. Pretty much if I stop watching the show, the terrorists win. Bad for me, bad for America. Go USA.
So should I review the episode? Very well. This will take awhile and be a total chore.
Upon reading the episode description I wrongly assumed what my biggest objection would be. But the episode description told me the episode was going to suck, but it sucked even worse than I possibly could have believed. But the TV Password description was talking about how Betty and Kevin try to join the FBI. And if you've read my reviews and current opinions of Kevin, you get why I was screaming at the top of my lungs upon reading that. Kevin is outright crazy. Kevin is a criminal only recently severed from a terrorist organization, and one he's only been halfheartedly severed with to begin with. As far as the real-life FBI is concerned, Kevin would not even be allowed into the building. He's the definition of a security risk. I assumed I'd blow my gasket about that, and spend a review talking about why that sucked. But Kevin was the least of that plot's problems. I don't believe that the FBI would ever turn away a person with the serial killer gene. Partly because the science behind that is completely shaky, and partly because somebody who has it might be gifted in other ways. And yet, I feel like the episode trying to use it to have Betty join the FBI to grow as a person and keep her impulses in check doesn't get why the FBI exists. The FBI is not a therapy session for damaged people to work out their hang-ups. It involves catching bad guys and saving lives. And even if that weren't true, the show can't even stick to THAT landing, and has Betty turn on her brother and believe he's a serial killer. Riverdale is why we aren't allowed to have nice things.
And the thing with the cat was ridiculous. I hesitate to go into TOO much detail over why Betty should not feel a shred of guilt over it, but even if Hal was a total monster for asking Betty to do that, putting the cat out of it's misery was not an evil action. It was probably the correct one. The show is asking me to get the serial killer willies from people doing things people who grow up on a farm or in the country do every day. Which brings me to my main objection to the episode, and ultimately the series.
The court and legal stuff sucks.
The series wants me to feel so bad and conflicted about a dead cat, and yet Veronica is spending the episode blackmailing people and covering up a murder her mother committed. At first I was outraged at how stupid the writers were for not knowing that it is illegal for a lawyer to put a witness on the stand if they know they are going to lie. But that error in real-world credibility doesn't even matter as long as we are saying the way out of Hermione's murdering is to extort a pardon from the governor, and act like that's acceptable. Remind me again why Hiram's the bad guy in this scenario, and we are supposed to want HIM in prison? Honestly, last season when Hermione committed the murder, it never once occurred to me that the writers would try to make it so she wouldn't have to take responsibility for it, or that Veronica wouldn't care about it. Why on Earth would I think that? That is an outright crazy storytelling decision. That the show just did. The show fails in ways I could never possibly conceive of it failing. I should not have to say to the writers that Archie characters should not be blithely covering up murders without no value judgment attached to that. When they do the flashforward and arrest Archie, Betty, and Veronica for murdering Jughead, I was like, "So what? Apparently murder's okay on this show so long as you say nice things about Archie's community center when he needs you to." This is not a complaint I ever should have to tell this show. It is should already know that. I feel dumber for having to complain about it.
About Hiram running for Mayor. The real-world says that's plausible. I hate to admit that, but criminals turning to politics is not unheard of. What's crazy is him making the announcement as he's let out of the courtroom upon being freed from prison. The show is stupid for that. That is not a good look for any potential political campaign. The show does not deal with believable problems.
To go back to the FBI stuff, I also hated the part where Betty could recognize the serial killers by their pictures. I hate that. Profiling is a very real and hard skill that people take years to train for. Even the people with a scary knack for it cannot identify killers by photographs. That's ridiculous. And speaking of profiling, that's the show saying it's okay for cops to make snap judgments about people and shoot and kill them for any reason. What's appalling is that in an episode where Archie is trying to get the neighbors of the community center not to judge the kids there for surface reasons, Betty is able to do the same thing and it's considered a talent and an asset instead. The show has a very troubled morality attached to it. It would probably be less problematic if it actually pinned that down. Honestly, I think the TV show Hannibal had a wholly immoral premise, and wholly immoral characters, and asked you to sympathize with and understand wholly immoral things. Except that was the point, so the show was great. You want to make a terrible morals like that land, you have to commit to it. You cannot have Archie throwing clambakes for community center outreach in the meantime.
I'm pretty much disgusted and almost talked out, so I'll launch one final petty surface complaint, that is so stupid, that I can't believe the show did it, and I also can't believe that I'll probably be the only one complaining about it. But after his night confrontation with the kid who went to the center trying to steal hubcaps, Archie takes the mask off so the viewer can see his frustrated expression. He's In The Freaking Field. Can you picture Batman removing his cape and cowl after he chases off every crook? I might detest the superhero nonsense on the show a little less if it wasn't even dumber than the worst superhero nonsense.
Here's hoping next week is boring. I don't like spending an hour a week writing about this show. 0.
Titans "Fallen"
I don't feel the need to do an in-depth review this week, which may be damning in its own way. But I have two observations.
1. That was super boring.
2. The show can't blow itself up every few episodes and ask me to invest in them building it up again. Because they are just going to blow it up again. Which is a really bad idea for any television series, and the precise reason this show cannot be trusted. Yeah, that was a quiet week. But Dick Grayson is sure to be serial-killing prostitutes in the finale. There is no growth on a show like this, and that's one of the biggest reasons I hate it, and it's the biggest reason this is the worst DC film or television project, live-action or animated, of all time. *1/2.
Batwoman "I'll Be Judge, I'll Be Jury"
So now Kate is positive Sophie knows. Because she does.
Lucius Fox is dead in this continuity.
Jack Napier was (or is) the Joker.
Cobblepot brought back firing squads as Mayor? Apparently Gotham is like everywhere else. It gets the leaders it deserves.
The Executioner's story is surprisingly sympathetic. I honestly think Luke took the wrong message from the idea that Stanton was dirty. It means his father's killer hasn't been found yet. You'd figure that would be the actual thing he wants.
Batwoman scares Mary more than Sophie. No wonder.
I love Kate asking if Luke had any hold music. I don't see any of the other major Arrowverse heroes asking that over the comm.
I love that Mary brings up Kate as a person Sophie has hurt and betrayed. Sophie sucks because she obviously never thought of that before.
"Social justice warrior" says Jacob sucks. Only sucky people use that term.
Mouse isn't playing around anymore. I understand why he was as hurt and angry as he was.
I like that Jacob's all "If I can't blame the suit I have to blame myself."
This was pretty good. ****.
Supergirl "Confidence Woman"
The flashbacks filled in a lot of holes. Some of them make Lena more sympathetic and some less. But it holds together all right and makes the show feel less random than it probably is (which is good).
The ending of the episode was pretty strong which is not something I find usual for this show. But I am very curious as to where this is headed next. The previews looks interesting too.
Surprisingly good episode. ****1/2.
Black Lightning "The Book Of Occupation: Chapter Five: Requiem For Tavon"
That was rough. Great though. You knew bad things were coming for Tavon just based on the episode title.
Odell claims he marched with Martin Luther King. He lies about everything to serve his purposes. Why wouldn't he lie about that?
Before the end of Henderson freeing the Reverend and Two-Bits, I thought Henderson was in trouble in the long term. He is clearly and unambiguously unpopular with the citizens of Freeland. If and when the occupation ends, he would have probably been forced to resign. But now that he's sort of revealed to SOME people how he's been secretly fighting back, I'm thinking they can tell the truth about him when it matters, and he can gain cred as an unsung hero, who fought for the city that hated him. That's almost poetic.
Grace didn't know Gambi was white? Anissa talks about him a LOT. It's weird that never came up. You'd also think she would have told him right before they met too.
As bad as Tobias is (and I think he's the worst person on the show outside of Odell), Lynn jamming the needle into his bone without painkillers is super coldblooded. Supposedly there is nothing on Earth more painful than that. And she's a doctor and knows that. And she basically did it as a lark to punish him for talking trash to her. If that doesn't violate the Hippocratic Oath, I don't know what does.
I finished watching the second season of The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina earlier today and it was pretty great. And it got me thinking that it and Legends Of Tomorrow, and this show, are the only decent Berlanti shows on the air. They aren't perfect, and the quality goes up and down. But they are the only shows that haven't degraded to the point of ridiculousness every week. What do these shows all have in common? Shorter episode counts than everything else. I mean Arrow's last way-shortened season is a return to form also, so that must be the answer. Do we really need 22 episodes of subpar Riverdale, Blindspot, Supergirl, Batwoman and The Flash? Because I would be happier with ten to thirteen episode seasons of each, if they were this quality instead of megasucking. Plus, the money saved from shortened seasons of Supergirl, The Flash, and Batwoman could be poured into the annual crossovers instead, which is something I like. I think Crisis On Infinite Earths might wind up amazing. But they probably could have done a LOT more than what I'm hearing with the extra budget of around a season and a half.
For the record, this theory is not foolproof. Titans is 12 - 13 episodes each season, and is the single worst DC project of all time. But Doom Patrol's okay, so Titans is literally the only outlier to this idea. Also for the record, I haven't seen Nancy Drew yet. Riverdale being as bad as it is has gotten me to stay as far the h*ll away from that show as possible.
So that's what I thought about today. It beats the soul-crushing depression of fixating on Jefferson getting beaten up by white cops in front of his students. I mean, that episode was freaking ROUGH. Sheesh. ****1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "Teen Titans Vroom, Pt. 1"
That premise was super dumb but so were all of the Pixar Cars movies and I saw all of them. Who is the true moron here?
I like Dr. Military's voice although I couldn't place it. Although if the show is doing it right he was a famous racecar driver. In fact, I suspect that's the case. Simply because the voice was unpolished and unprofessional which is what I liked about it.
I loved him explaining veterinarians and that his ransom is $400,000 to pay off his medical debt. The duck army also reminded me of Dynamo Duck from Fox Kids. I wonder if that was a deliberate nod. Probably not.
Why don't more villains try to frame the Titans for their own crimes? It's usually just the Titans' words against them.
Fun stuff. ****1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "Teen Titans Vroom, Pt. 2
Chip Racington was also probably voiced by a famous racecar driver. I love that he casually litters and it is never commented on. It's just a super gross character quirk.
Robin is the anchor on the aircraft. Because of course he is. He's the anchor on the team too.
People are going to rage against this episode, I predict, but it is a solid parody. The characters all talk in completely toyetic cadences from Saturday morning cartoons in the 80's. The show doesn't get enough credit for its dialogue, but it is subtle and sublime when it needs to be. I believed every inch that this was a toy commercial disguised as a cartoon. It nailed the mindset perfectly.
I expect this episode to get a lot of cr*p from the usual suspects. But satire is always wasted on the loud and grumpy. This was very a VERY spot-on satire. People who won't appreciate it is will confuse it as a bad episode. In reality is a 100% accurate parody of the terrible shows I grew up with. And that's pretty impressive, because those show were an unusual level of terrible. But I totally recognized them here. It is quite a feat and accomplishment for the show to do this episode as spot-on as it did. *****.
Marvel's Spider-Man "Goblin War: Part One"
That was amazing. Holy poo!
When did this show become great? It like happened all at once with the Superior arc and never let up.
It's telling that Spider-Man accidentally calls Ock his friend as he's fighting the first Goblin.
For the record, I trust Ock far more than I do Harry. Harry is the most likely suspect of being the Goblin King. If it's Norman instead, or the guy who was the Hobgoblin in the comics, I still think Harry's involved. He's been away for far too long to have been up to any good. Plus are we sure he was in Europe when Peter first called him? He could have already been in New York. We also never got any real reactions shots of him when he was alone which is another thing that points towards his guilt.
The one thing I didn't like is the idea that Peter didn't just drop his ID for Gwen and Anya. It worked out okay. But one of the tricky things about ID's is you have to figure out who it's best to tell. Oftentimes telling a person makes things better than keeping the secret. Peter telling Gwen and Anya would solve a LOT of problems including him explaining his recent behavior. The reason Tony Stark revealed his ID is because it solved a ton of problems the ID caused. Frankly, I might even be tempted to tell Max Modell too and tell him the reasons behind his behavior too. The ID is not for the best if it's working against the person. It's one of the interesting things about the concept.
For the record, Miles could be doing a lot more damage control for Peter than he is. Why isn't Miles the guy who snuck into Smythe's lab? Miles is not doing his fair share as Peter's friend or his partner. He didn't even show up in costume tonight.
But man, that was great. Don't turn your back on Harry, Peter. He's been gone far too long. *****.
Star Wars: The Mandalorian "Chapter 1"
I hated the first scene (too violent) but the series slowly won me over after that. It helped when the Mandalorian started talking.
I love the new Star Wars logo.
The end of a baby the same species as Yoda was cool. I also really liked the Bounty Droid and thought it was a shame he got killed off by the Mandalorian at the end. His self-destruct protocol was funny.
Salacious Crumbs roasting on an open fire.
Return of Carbonite.
Those giant land piranha things were freaky.
The end credits were much more like movie credits than TV show credits. That bodes well for both the series and the upcoming Marvel stuff too.
I wound up liking it. ***1/2.
Star Wars Resistance "From Beneath"
I like the design of the dragons. When I saw there was a whole bunch of them I was like "Oh snap!" Snap dragons they were.
I don't like that there is almost no variation in Flik's family's designs. I also thought it was dumb that Flanks got caught in one of the Dragon's mouths (and the Dragon even close it twice!) and still survived.
It was a diverting enough episode. ***1/2.
Forky Asks A Question "What Is Money?"
I love that Forky repeats Hamm's name seven times, and then gets it wrong again in the end. That was a great joke, especially since it wasn't commented on by Hamm and allowed to stand. The best comedy isn't super obvious.
I have to be honest. Forky is not my favorite character, but this was a dang good short. ****1/2.
Pixar SparkShorts "Float"
I don't see what the dad is so embarrassed about. Who doesn't want a flying baby?
I love that the only spoken words are "Why can't you be normal?" This was a great allegory for parents struggling to accept that their kids are different.
Pixar's human characters are a lot less creepy than they used to be. Although they are still a little bit creepy.
Great short. ****1/2.
Bao
That did not work. At all. I have to say, no dialogue worked against Pixar this short. I didn't understand the ending either. Is that young man the dumpling? How? She ate him. Was the dumpling son just a fantasy? Then why is the crazy white woman there in the end? Did she simply put her in her delusion or IS the guy the dumpling? I don't get it. It's not a mystery to puzzle out either. I think the short is clearly trying to say something. It fails because I am unable to decipher what it actually is.
Speaking of that white lady, she truly IS crazy. She has sex with dumplings. She must be into some weird cr*p.
Also, since the short is getting a negative grade anyways, I might as well point out that all of the human designs are completely ugly and unappealing. The short is very unattractive to look at for that reason.
The one bit I liked was the skull and bones dumpling sign on the teenager's room. That was funny. But nothing else was. And since I couldn't tell what happened, I wasn't even moved by it. This is definitely Pixar's worst theatrical short. 1/2.
The Rocketeer "First Flight / Pilot Error"
First Flight:
This appears to try to be a sequel to the actual film. I don't see too much contradiction other than Newsville, when the original was pure Los Angeles and Hollywood. But it would fit otherwise.
"Flying is easy, landing is hard" was from the movie too I think.
I like seeing the news footage of Cliff Secord back in the day.
If there was one thing that bugged me it's that the rocket was already pink out of the box. I think either the producers messed up or were hoping fans of the movie wouldn't notice that.
Frank Welker doing double duty as Grandpa Ambrose and Butch the dog.
Nice introduction. ***1/2.
Pilot Error:
Laura and Harley. I see what they did there.
Tesh is annoying.
I love that one of the episode titles in the premiere had the word "Pilot" in it. That's perfect.
The villains were a little too dumb, but it helps to explain how they are taken down by a seven-year-old girl. ***.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
The Rocketeer "Skyway Robbery / A Doggone Adventure"
Skyway Robbery:
I know it's a preschool show, but the villains are REALLY inferior. Elena of Avalor's villains are fine, as are The Lion Guard's. The only reason the villains are as doofy as they are is so that a seven-year-old girl can believably repeatedly own them. But that's not actually impressive while the villains are as dumb as they are. **1/2.
A Doggone Adventure:
A second female dog lent an extra element to the episode which is good. They are already starting to repeat villains? That is not a good sign.
Didn't much like this either. **1/2.
Episode Overall: **1/2.
Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Cloak And Swaggart"
Loose Lips Melonowski lives up to his name.
That was fun. ***1/2.
Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Jupiter Jim Ahoy!"
Lou Jitsu was a lot cooler when he wasn't Dad.
Speaking of which, judging by the fanboying of Jupiter Jim they were doing this episode, those boys are easily impressed.
"Oh, you're full-on crazy." That explains a LOT!
I love Don asking if they couldn't just get new brothers. I love this show.
Hilarious episode. ***1/2.
The Simpsons "Marge The Lumberjill"
I don't think the story was strong but it had strong individual bits.
Let's start off with the elephant in the room: Grey Griffin. How is she? She doesn't sound a LICK like Russi Taylor, and she's such a well-known voice that it's clear Al Jean did not go through his entire Rolodex for an accurate replacement. She's there, probably affordable, and has been doing this awhile. I get the hire, even if I don't like it. For the record, I'd rather it was her than simply retiring the characters. I just think they might have done better looking a little harder and maybe hiring an unknown or somebody new to voice-acting field. I certainly hope Disney does better by Minnie Mouse.
Time to talk about why the story didn't work. It's supposed to be a story about Homer supporting Marge's self-empowerment, but I agreed with Homer far too much for the show to try and make me swallow that moral. The reason Marge is a lumberjack isn't to make herself feel better, it's to prove to her lame friends that they are wrong that she is boring. I don't think Homer is obligated in the least to support her taking off for a month for such a superficial reason. And it's not like Homer doesn't value her, or is the person making her feel less-than. I mean, his whole routine about how often he misses her is the dream thing a husband could possibly say to a wife, and she's annoyed instead of love-struck. I also noticed that he was cheering her name in the Church when she was doing her lame comedy bit. I think Homer has been quite supportive enough, and doesn't deserved to be ditched for a month because Marge has some hang-ups about what the sucky people in town think.
The Riverdale stuff was accurate except for the teen pregnancy. Everybody there has sex, birth control is never mentioned, and nobody ever gets pregnant. I think the producers are mistaking the parents in jail and solving murders thing as Riverdale trying to be topical in the way Degrassi was. That's not it at all. It's a far safer show than that and never shows any real consequences to questionable behavior. Something tells me the writer saw part of an episode and thought they were an expert. Superficially the show is as dumb as the show thinks. But it's not as topical or edgy as that.
Anger Watkins. They hit pay-dirt with this character and it was great to see him back. Everything he says and does is funny. Kevin Michael Richardson at his best. A character like this could never have been done fifteen or twenty years ago while the show was offensively having Hank Azaria voice all of the black characters in exaggerated Ebonics. Because they took those complaints seriously, they can actually create funny black characters now. And as Anger shows, it's something the show needed.
I feel like the guy picking up the hair in the street to use as a beard would have landed funnier if they were in Springfield and it was someone we knew like Kirk or Gil. The nameless stranger doing that doesn't even register.
In Portland, Comic Book Guy is quirky instead of objectionable. I cannot think of a bigger slam about the people of Portland. That was some New Orleans-level shade right there.
I love Patty and Selma's thing about correcting that they don't want Marge to chop off Homer's head with an ax because he has no neck. Patty and Selma would be a LOT easier for me to hate if the slams they came up with for Homer were less funny. But they always seem to get off some good ones so I find them less repulsive than they actually are.
Some funny jokes can't save a weak story. ***.
Transformers: Cyberverse "Secret Science"
"That was not a request." Wheeljack is helping Shockwave whether he wants to or not.
I didn't like the show calling Bumblebee a "hard light hologram". If he were hard light, Wheeljack would not have been able to pass his hand through him.
I liked him using the same trick to fool Shockwave and to escape. Turnabout is fair play. And Shockwave thought he had finally found a good listener.
I am as fed up and frustrated with Bludgeon's silence as Windblade is. Why did he actually kill Slipstream anyways and kill the Alliance with the Autobots? It's really annoying he still isn't talking.
A good one. ****.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy "Bee Prepared"
This show is REALLY tough to like. Do you know how you could have impressed Bumblebee, Wedge? By doing the job he actually asked you to do.
I am sick of this show using an emergency team, which is a serious and life-saving job, as an excuse to teach the audience toddler lessons by making the Bots stupid and selfish. If I were a parent, I would be going into conniptions over this show. This particular premise means the most the show should be showing kids is safety tips and having good role models to follow. Instead the recruits screw up week after week and learn nothing. I might even excuse it if the show had decent safety lessons for the kids at home attached. But it never does.
If this weren't Aligned Continuity I'd be gone. *.
Transformers: Rescue Bots Academy "Whirl's Wise-Bot Quest"
That was not a bad one. Mostly because Whirl is the one character who isn't an insolent jerk. But the other good thing is that teaching someone to do a complicated task by practicing and combining smaller, easier to manage tasks, is an appropriate lesson for the show. ***.
Power Rangers Beast Morphers "Gorilla Art"
The real thing Ravi should be embarrassed about isn't the fact that he's an artist. It's that he painted his girlfriend's picture while she was unconscious in his coma chamber. That's super creepy.
Also, Rangers aren't allowed to engage in pastimes like art? No dating is bad enough but the Ranger Headquarters of this incarnation has a fascist undertone lurking beneath it.
"He really sucks!" Are they referring to the villain? Or the actual show?
Why are black SUV's coming to pick up the Rangers? The Rangers have never needed to bum rides before in not only any previous episode, but in any previous version either.
When the villain tricks Steel he says, "Now that we're alone, there is no need for this charade." When he said that I was secretly hoping Steel was evil and a double-agent this entire time. But this show takes the safer and easier way out every time.
There was nothing too objectionable to me here. ***.
Bob's Burgers "The Hawkening: Look Who's Hawking Now"
The last five minutes saved it, and were boss, but I didn't like the episode until then.
The Nobel Prize fantasy says something about Louise that I don't like to think about, and is something even Louise doesn't realize. And it's not something I like the show reminding me of, even if they occasionally do.
But Louise is super dumb. She is only considered a criminal mastermind because her biggest adversaries are Frond and Logan. The girl is legitimately stupid. Part of that is that she's young and values the wrong things, but Louise is not an example of female empowerment as long as she's the kind of person who thinks Mr. and Mrs. Bell hand out prizes to girls who screen movies in small restaurants. And I don't like that. As far as intelligence goes, she's actually closer to Linda than Bob.
Also Tammy and Jocelyn have been getting entirely too much screen-time this season, and they have been more annoying and air-headed in these first few episodes than they have been during the entire course of the series. It was funny for a couple of weeks. Now it's just obnoxious.
What I think happened with them is that them saying something particularly stupid got a big laugh in the writer's room, so now that's ALL they're about. The same thing happened to Peggy Hill. The writers wrote her being unexpectedly stupid about something, it got a huge laugh, and then she was stupid from there on out. I shouldn't have to point out Peggy's stupidity is the biggest reason King Of The Hill became unwatchable. But I fear the show is doing the same thing to Tammy and Jocelyn. I just thank God they aren't main characters. But the fact that they have been used this much this season is alarming enough.
Also, I sick of Gene talking about his wiener. It's not funny or cute, and it's super creepy. I'm had just about enough of this kid.
There were things I liked. I liked Koji saying hugging Bob is like hugging a marshmallow. You know what? That tracks. Bob probably smells bad, but his body type makes him seem like a great person to hug. I believed that moment. Totally.
I liked the resolution of what he was embarrassed about, and I especially liked Louise's make-up scene with Rudy, which ended the episode on a hilarious note when she invites him out to ice cream. "Can I get sprinkles?" "How should I know? You're buying." That is the kind of Louise characterization I love. It makes the fact that she's stupid even harder to bear. The girl can handle her quips.
Shaky until the last five minutes. ***.
Family Guy "Peter And Lois' Wedding"
I think this show nailed the entire problem with the 90's. The people in that decade mistakenly thought they were less dumb than the people in the 70's and the 80's because there was quality music (or at least artistic music) and television available, and the fashions were slightly less ridiculous (if you don't count M.C. Hammer). But I mean, the most popular stuff in the 1990's wasn't Twin Peaks, and The Simpsons was pretty much forgotten during the best years of its entire run. The most popular show was Friends, which was a really cr*ppy TV show in hindsight, that I am amazed people tolerated, much less liked, much less loved. You can throw Seinfeld in my face if you want, but Seinfeld is overrated anyways, and the truth is that show only became huge during it's last cr*ppy few seasons. When it actually WAS worth anything, it was much less popular. Daria was good, and Beavis and Butthead was all right. But the things that won Emmys were the David E Kelly shows, which are pretty much reprehensible in hindsight, and were something I thought were reprehensible at the time too. And Murphy Brown. Ditto. We had very low standards, so that when an actual decent show like Frasier showed up, we went crazy for it, instead realizing it was only decent. There was good stuff, but none of it was usually popular. And the good stuff that WAS popular, wasn't usually popular at the point when it was good.
I could just delete the above paragraph and use the show's appalling example that people used to debate about whether or not Pulp Fiction was better than Forrest Gump. The reason the 90's are NOT All That And A Bag Of Chips is that back then, that was an actual argument. History has settled it in the decades since, and it's pretty clear that Pulp Fiction was revolutionary, while Forrest Gump was an outright cr*ppy movie for the reasons Quagmire stated. People in the 90's liked to act like they recognized quality for the first time ever, but the fact that Forrest Gump beat out both Pulp Fiction AND The Shawshank Redemption for the Best Picture Oscar is something that era will never live down. I don't think we had a bigger national shame until November 2016. What is wrong with us?
I don't like the Jamie Kennedy slam, because the dude was a regular on The Cleveland Show, and if he had been cool with that gag, he would have voiced himself. But Seth MacFarlane shows zero respect or loyalty for the actors who have done him solids in the past, so he did it anyways. There is a legitimate reason the guy is widely loathed in Hollywood. He will turn on you for no reason whatsoever. And ask yourself this? Was the Jamie Kennedy joke even funny? MacFarlane will turn on actors for stuff that isn't even funny. That's how little respect he has for the people he works with. He burns his bridges for no reason at all.
I liked the Joey Lawrence slam very much though. The guy WAS getting solid work for a long time, and Mayim Bialik has DEFINITELY led a charmed life. Granted, Bialik deserves it, and Lawrence was never a great actor to begin with (and Blossom was outright terrible) but it's not fair he went bald either.
The Star Wars observation was good too, although I question the idea that the original trilogy was unimpeachable. Jedi was goofy at points, and every time I see the first one I am bored out of my skull. The prequels were absolutely terrible, and most of the cartoons underwhelmed, but I think The Force Awakens and Rogue One were even better than the stuff from that era, so it's probably for the best it didn't stop. Star Trek would not be the high quality franchise it wound up being thought of as if it stopped at Turnabout Intruder either. You can debate about the quality of certain parts of the canon for both franchises, but both wound up delivering more than one project better than the original later on.
The episode did a pretty accurate description of how middling and underwhelming that Best Decade EVER was in hindsight. It only seemed nice at the time coming off the heels of the 1980's. But that should not have been the freaking bar. Even the 1970's had better movies than the 90's anyways.
Family Guy won the night. ****.
The Good Place "Help Is Other People"
I love the callback to the season one finale with Eleanor and Michael laughing maniacally. That was great.
I was also very impressed with the way they got Brent to realize he was a bad person and apologize at the last second. That was very unexpected and actually meant something.
What I really hope happens next week is that they deal with the fact that Chiti will probably feel a huge sense of betrayal from Eleanor. That should be great.
We are only halfway through the final season? It really feels like we're wrapping up. The best thing about this show is the amount of mythology it blows through in such a short amount of time. ****1/2.
Black Jesus "Hair Tudi"
You know what? That was racist. I love Aaron McGruder, but like Martin Luther King saying the n-word on The Boondocks, this is not something I can defend. As a white person, perhaps my radar is a bit off here. But I know ugliness when I see it.
That being said, there were a number of good things in the episode, which was not usually true for the most Uncle Ruckus of Boondocks episodes. I continue to be shocked at how much I enjoy Shalinka. She is a black woman stereotype, and yet I find the way she speaks great. It's both deliberate and realistic at the same time. It's like they are feeding into the worst stereotypes of black women while having her say shockingly insightful things in that droning way. I find that contradiction very interesting, and something that endears the character to me. It's the fact that Boonie is an idiot which is why I don't feel comfortable with the stereotypes he indulges in. The fact that Shalinka is together makes her funny instead.
"Spell that." Yeah, Shalinka's a keeper.
I was alarmed and a bit uncomfortable with much of Jesus's portrayal here. There were definitely good things about it, but when the Korean woman calls him a liar, she's actually right. That's the show writing the character wrong. Similarly, Jesus' role on the show should be as Ms. Tudi's moral compass. And yet he doesn't say a word about her human trafficking. That is not something Jesus would have tolerated in a previous season. Maybe he wouldn't have stopped her in years past, but his complaining about it would have been unending. He'd be brow-beating her until she gave in to shut him up. Here he doesn't even act like it's an issue.
I liked him complaining that his weed high was getting effed up though. That's just perfect. I like when Jesus complains about petty things. But he used to actually complain about things that matter too.
What's the point of Jesus's superpowers if Boonie can be taken hostage while he's freaking with him?
Ms. Tudi said something about Boonie that says she's a despicable person, and yet, like I GET it. She doesn't actually want him back. She just doesn't want that b-word to have him. I don't approve of those sentiments from any mother. But after witnessing Boonie's gross love-making earlier in the episode, I still understand it.
I love the show exploring the controversy of European beauty standards and black people's hair. And of course that leads back to Jesus being accused of treating his hair. If you REALLY want to p*ss Jesus off, don't lend money in the temples. Tell him he's wearing a perm.
I loved the montage of where Ms. Tudi was getting the hair from. That was funny in the way the shaved Asian slave women were not.
No tribute card for John Witherspoon again. Although he wasn't in the episode, so that may explain it. Either they are saving it for an episode where he has a big role, or for the finale. But I don't like waiting.
Not liking this week. **1/2.
The Blacklist "Dr. Lewis Powell"
Thank God.
I was preparing to get my hate on with the episode but it ended right. One of the biggest problems with head-fakes is that most of them make the show worse than it is. Like wouldn't it be juicy if Francesca was deep undercover for Katerina and learns all about the task force, putting Red in real jeopardy? The head-fake that she's getting the best of Red WOULD be juicy. But it also make the show measurably worse. The reason the show is enjoyable in the first place is because Red is supposed to always know what he's doing and always win. The times in the past when the show stepped away from that is when the show was at its worst. I was fully convinced that the head-fake of Francesca learning of the Task Force would make Red look dumb, or even worse, ineffectual.
Plus, nobody wants Dante to be a traitor, right?
Instead, this was a test for Francesca, and Red saw her bailing coming. It was a gutsy move for the show, because Francesca had been a nice addition, and the fact that she wasn't 100% Team Red could make things interesting. But the head-fake involves making the audience incorrectly think that Red hadn't seen through her the entire time.
I DO have a little bit of a problem with Red killing a woman of color though. But I don't suppose that could actually be helped.
Another fake-out for Dumb Red is Park walking in on the accidental murder of the hit man. Until Liz realizes he WANTED her to see that, and it was part of HER test too. I like that the fact that Park can keep a secret that Liz can't figure out is the thing that makes Liz think she's a good fit.
I like that Aram hates Park not because he believes she's trying to replace Navabi, but rather than she's trying to replace him. Frankly, that strikes me as far more believable. Ever notice how the main characters of this show are SO bad at judging relationships that they always eff up everything Aram touches?
I can't tell if Aram dumped the hot mess at the end or not, but at least he set limits on the crazy behavior. Another head-fake I was worried about.
The suicidal A.I. program was one of the silliest things the show has ever done so I'm knocking points off for it. But maybe not that many because Aram, nerd that is, reveals he's never seen the Terminator films because he doesn't like science fiction with a dark vision of the future of humanity. That's me. I've seen every episode of every incarnation of Star Trek, but have never seen a Terminator, Robocop, Alien, or Predator movie. I've never even seen Blade Runner. The dark future does not appeal to me at all. I like that Aram is like that, especially since he IS a genre nerd.
That was a bad episode as it was going, which turned out to be a good episode in hindsight. I do not mind being tricked by a show if the trick is incorrectly thinking the show is worse than it is. That is a mistake I am always very happy to be corrected about. ***1/2.
Tags:
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Date: 2019-11-16 05:52 pm (UTC)But yeah, I've heard from a number of adults who were bewildered by the short, and I can only imagine what the kids in the audience made of it...
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Date: 2019-11-16 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-16 10:17 pm (UTC)