"A Wrinkle In Time" Review (Spoilers)

[matt_zimmer]

Also reviews for the latest episodes of DC Super Hero Girls, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow, The Flash, Black Lightning, Gotham, iZombie, Lucifer, Unikitty, and Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., the season premiere of Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy: Mission Break-Out!, and the latest episodes of Marvel Funko Shorts, Once Upon A Time, The Simpsons, The X-Files, Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel, Bob's Burgers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Family Guy, American Dad!, The Last Man On Earth, The Blacklist, and Blindspot.

Upcoming reviews include Twin Peaks: The Return (Blu-Ray), Doctor Who: Series 9, Doctor Who: Series 10, Class: Series 1, The X-Files: Season 10, Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Blu-Ray), Ant-Man (Blu-Ray), Captain America: Civil War (Blu-Ray), Doctor Strange (Blu-Ray), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (Blu-Ray), Spider-Man: Homecoming (Blu-Ray), Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 2, Marvel's Agent Carter: Season 1, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), X-Men: Days Of Future Past: The Rogue Cut, Deadpool, X-Men: Apocalypse (Blu-Ray), Logan, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 1, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 2, Zootopia, Moana (Blu-Ray), Tangled: Before Ever After (DVD), DuckTales: Woo-oo (DVD), Inside Out (Blu-Ray), The Good Dinosaur (Blu-Ray), Finding Dory (Blu-Ray), Cars 3 (Blu-Ray), Coco (Blu-Ray), Once Upon A Time: Season 5, Once Upon A Time: Season 6, The BFG, Tomorrowland, Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Blu-Ray), Star Wars Rebels: Season 2, Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales, Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures: Season One, Jim Henson's Turkey Hollow (DVD), Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (Blu-Ray), Static Shock: Season 3, Justice League Action: Superpowers Unite!, Teen Titans Go!: Get In Pig Out, Teen Titans Go!: Recess Is Over, DC Super Hero Girls: Intergalactic Games, LEGO DC Super Hero Girls: Brain Drain, The LEGO Batman Movie, LEGO DC Comics Super Heroes: The Flash, Batman Vs. Two-Face, Scooby Doo! & Batman: The Brave And The Bold, Batman: Gotham By Gaslight, Suicide Squad (Blu-Ray), Wonder Woman (Blu-Ray), Justice League (Blu-Ray), The Flash: Season 2, The Flash: Season 3, Arrow: Season 4, Arrow: Season 5, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 1, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 2, Supergirl: Season 1, Supergirl: Season 2 Vixen: The Movie, Gotham: Season 2, Gotham: Season 3, iZombie: Season 1, iZombie: Season 2, iZombie: Season 3, Lucifer: Season 1, Lucifer: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 5, Be Cool Scooby Doo!: Spooky Kooky Fun!, Wabbit: A Looney Tunes Prod.: Hare-Raising Tales, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies: Extended Edition, The Simpsons: Season 18, Red Dwarf XII, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Beyond The Known Universe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Earth's Last Stand, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Super Shredder, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Wanted: Bebop & Rocksteady, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Final Chapters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Half-Shell Heroes: Blast To The Past, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows, Power Rangers (2017), Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Megaforce: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Super Megaforce: The Complete Season, Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Season 1, Heroes Reborn: The Complete Series, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1: Water, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 2: Earth, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire, The Legend Of Korra: The Complete Series, The Ren And Stimpy Show: Seasons 1 & 2, The Ren And Stimpy Show: Seasons 3 and a Half-ish, The Ren And Stimpy Show: Season 5 & Some More Of 4, Haven: Season 5 - Vol. 1, Haven: The Final Season, The Dark Tower, IT, Under The Dome: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, Sleepy Hollow: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 4, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 2, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 3, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 4, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, The Jurassic Park Trilogy, Jurassic World, Back To The Future: The Complete Animated Series, Shaun The Sheep Movie (Blu-Ray), Shaun The Sheep: The Farmer's Llamas, 12 Monkeys: Season 1, 12 Monkeys: Season 2, Grimm: Season 4, Grimm: Season 5, Grimm: Season 6, The Wonder Years: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 5, The Wonder Years: Season 6, The Peanuts Movie, Peanuts By Schulz: Snoopy Tales, Peanuts By Schulz: Go Team Go!, Peanuts By Schulz: School Days, Bob's Burgers: Season 5, Home Movies: Seasons 1 & 2, Home Movies: Season 3 & 4, Ghostbusters: Answer The Call, Community: Season 6, Danger Mouse: The Complete Series, Game Of Thrones: Season 5, and Game of Thrones: Season 6.



A Wrinkle In Time

It was a dark and stormy night.

I was actually pretty nervous getting ready to watch this. A Wrinkle In Time was one of my favorite books as a kid (along with Mrs. Frisby And The Rats Of NIMH) and I didn't know what to expect. It is literally the first sci-fi story I ever loved, and it spoke to me in a way Star Wars never did. Mostly because it was science based, rather than fantasy based, and trusted the kids who read the book to keep up with it, even if they didn't completely understand it.

How was the adaptation? It's not everything it could be, which is true of every book-to-film adaptation ever. But it did everything I needed it to.

First off. The elephant in the room: How is the kid who plays Charles Wallace? That is an impossible role to cast simply because the kid has to be like six years old, able to speak in complete sentences (and use big words!) and be able to give off love and warmth and pure hatred and evil at various points in the story. It is an impossible ask for a kid that young.

The kid they got was great. Like the movie, he did everything he needed to. I don't know if he's an actual 6-year-old, or if they cast a super tiny ten year old, but he looks and acts the part perfectly. I cannot believe they got that part of the book right. Because of Charles Wallace, I expected a film adaptation to be impossible, or at least for the movie to cheat and age him up, thereby ruining what is actually amazing about the character. But the kid they got was amazing, even if I'm not sure of his actual age.

The Murray twins Sandy and Dennis are absent, which tells me the potential franchise is not really looking ahead to sequels. If the movie makes money, they can still go ahead with A Wind In The Door, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet, and MAYBE An Acceptable Time down the road, but Many Waters is not going to be happening. I'm okay with that, because the twins might have made the central cast of THIS movie bigger than it actually needed to be.

How are the Mrses.? Oprah is good as Mrs. Which (although I miss her supposedly severe accent) and while Mindy Kaling would not have been my first choice as Mrs. Who, she totally works. I have mixed feelings about Reese Witherspoon as Mrs. Whatsit. She is far too beautiful for how I always imagined the character to be. I always pictured her as a middle-aged homeless woman in tattered rags, and Witherspoon's "rags" aren't actually rags at all. They are pristine and white which is all wrong. That being said, even though this is a different Mrs. Whatsit than I am used to, she still kind of works. It's been awhile since I read the book, but she strikes me here as a little more openly antagonistic to Meg, which works great, especially because of the "faults" gift.

I thought the creature that Mrs. Whatsit turns into looks neat, but I kind of wish they had gone with the winged Centaur from the book. Just because Mrs. Whatsit actually changes gender when she becomes the Centaur and that was pretty much my first exposure to a transgendered character in fiction. She's not REALLY a transgendered person, but her gender is fluid, and that's the first time I had ever seen that idea anywhere.

The Man With The X-Ray Eyes was good, but he made such an impression in the book, that I am a little amazed at how small his role is here. But in hindsight it's probably the same length it was in the book (although he shows up twice in the book instead of once). But the role seemed bigger than it was because the character made such a huge impression.

The awful gated community was better in the book. I miss the notion of one of the kids accidentally bouncing the ball out of sync, and the mom rushing to bring them inside before The It notices. It's still properly creepy in the movie, but it's creepy because it's a weird visual, and the fascist and depressing undertones are not clearly spelled out. I think it was one thing the movie didn't get right. What's interesting is that I can't imagine it would have been too much more difficult to do it the way it was in the book. The out of sync kid and a couple of extra lines to explain what is happening would have made the scene work equally well. I didn't know why they didn't do that, just the same way I don't know why they didn't do the proper Shrieking Shack in Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban. It wouldn't have taken TOO much time and the movie would have been better for it.

Zack Galifianakis is literally the last person I would have thought to cast as the Happy Medium (who is a woman in the book), but he sort of works. It's almost hard to tell it's him, because he plays the role as straight as it needs to be, and does zero mugging with it. It was a very interesting choice.

How are Meg and Calvin? I love the idea that Meg's a girl of color just because it doesn't actually matter, and it gives girls of color someone to identify with. Unfortunately, that also means they have to say the clearly white Charles Wallace is adopted, because I don't imagine they could have found a better kid in any circumstance. I also like that Calvin is white because it makes it a budding interracial romance. It's nice that Meg is biracial, but funnily enough, I always pictured Calvin as biracial in the book. He's tall, athletic, and cool, so I never really pictured the white boy next door for him. But I never pictured Meg as biracial either, so it works either way.

I see why they got rid of the blind aliens who communicate with thought. Both because they were unneeded, and would make the movie longer, and also because Meg is completely naked in that scene. That's fine for a book. Not so much a movie with a child actor.

Speaking of nudity, I love that Calvin and Charles Wallace cover their eyes when Mrs. Whatsit's clothes fly off during her transformation. Simply because I would not have done that in their place. Reese is hawt.

Mr. Jenkins was a miscast. That guy is far too foxy for Mr. Jenkins. Although he's also a knob. As he should be.

I was looking forward to this movie, and worried about it at the same time. I don't expect it to be as well received by critics as the book was, simply because most movie reviewers are unintelligent, and smart children's entertainment frightens them. But it's the fact that the movie is smart, and doesn't talk down to kids, which is the thing it has most in common with the book. ****1/2.




DC Super Hero Girls "Pet Peeved, Part 1"

That was tiresome. That was stupid. That was badly written. That was unfunny. But do you know what?

That was also successful. Because this show is the definition of the "Mommy! Mommy! I want that! Buy me that!" cartoon. And now I want plushes of the Superpets. I'd be angrier if the series was one of those shows invested in high quality storytelling for kids, and did amazing stuff every week. But no, it's specifically designed to sell crap. How can I begrudge it for doing its job so well? ***.




DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "Amazing Grace"

That was legitimately nice. I enjoyed every inch of it. And it bothers me that so few Arrowverse episodes ARE actually nice and fun to watch. I should be able to enjoy a TV I watch. It IS just a TV show, not a cardiovascular workout, or even a rollercoaster. Sometimes just sitting back and enjoying an hour of television is good enough. The sad thing is that it's not just the Arrowverse that rarely does episodes like this anymore. It's all television, comedy and drama alike. And that's a crying shame.

Do you know what this episode was? Quantum Leap. One of the nice episodes of Quantum Leap, not the ones with Sam being framed for rape by an evil Leaper, or Al leering over the female guest cast. It's nice to just watch something without an ever-present knot in my stomach.

And the tribute card for Axl at the end shows exactly why this episode was so nice. It didn't go out with a bang. It went out with a tribute to a fictional rat.

I personally think that fundamentalists objecting to the deviltry of rock and roll music is not just wrong-headed and misguided. It's counterproductive to their goals. Nate mentions that music has started revolutions. But it never would have if people weren't told that it held a secret dark power in the first place. I can picture being a kid listening to the preacher talking about how kids shouldn't listen to this stuff or they'll get ideas, but the main message I would get as a kid hearing that is that the music had ideas in it in the first place, which would never have occurred to me otherwise. And once you put the idea in a kids head that the music is dangerous to society, YOU are the one who told that kid what is worth rebelling about. The music didn't put that idea in their head. YOU did. Because it's just music.

I like that the Preacher seems reasonable by the end (and not especially racist). I like that fact because they DID bother to point out that Tennessee in the 1960's DID suck for people like Amaya and Wally.

Zari is telling Wally that time travel is like precision surgery, not a chainsaw. I'm pretty sure the analogy has been raised before that the Legends ARE the chainsaw, and the chainsaw is totally necessary. What is particularly ironic about this particular lesson from Zari is that Wally IS actually being helpful throughout the episode, and solving problems the group usually has to put a lot of time and effort into solving. So while talking and relating to people is nice, it's also nice to be able to instantly zip the record across town to the Radio Station.

Rory being so upset about the dead rat says that he is, deep down, perhaps the most innocent character on the show, or would be if Wally didn't come on-board.

Were I Brandon Routh, I would have refused to do the rat eulogy. I'd be all "I was Superman, for God's sakes!" Either Routh is a much better team player than he needs to be, or he needs a better agent. One or the other.

Axl's ghost was a genius twist, and shows the value of doing a quiet episode. You can still do mindblowing and awesome stuff without killing off half the cast every other week. I would put that moment up in coolness cred to any of the rest of the life and death sci-fijinxs the series engages in. You can quote me on that.

The only thing that didn't work was the casting for Elvis. I already object to the idea that they clearly hired an actor and a different singing voice for him. But if they WERE gonna do that, wouldn't it actually make sense to cast a kid that LOOKED like Elvis? At all? If you ARE going to hire a fake-sounding singing second voice for Elvis, there is no reason not to get a lookalike. Am I wrong in thinking that?

I presume many fans will hate the episode because it was so small, and had so few actual stakes. But that's the thing I appreciated most about it. *****.

The Flash "Run, Iris, Run"

I was waiting for Iris to bring up Savatar with Ralph by the end of the episode, when he told her she never risked her life. In truth she was the closest member of Team Flash ever to death who still survived. She had more skin in the game than anyone else.

The episode was pretty good. I like Cisco being annoyed that Caitlin never saw Spider-Man 2. You know what? That was a great movie. I don't if it wasn't MCU, it was probably the best Spider-Man film.

It doesn't ultimately matter how fast your synapses are firing if your head is on fire. Wise lesson there.

Favorable impression of the episode. ***1/2.

Black Lightning "The Book Of Revelations"

Oh, my God! I freaking love this show! So much! SO great!

I think Jefferson is the best superhero mentor into the entire Arrowverse. Hell, he might be the best trainer in all of DC. He is so smart. He gets Anissa to reason her way out of the problems herself, while getting her to think of all the different aspects to them. And when she saves his life due to her noticing a danger he missed, his eyes light up in pure joy. He is truly happy with her in that moment. Fatherly love and pride.

I mean, this is especially refreshing considering how much Oliver Queen sucks at training new recruits. Granted Oliver usually isn't directly related to those recruits, but I have to think Jefferson's method would be more successful than sinking an arrow into your charge's back to teach them a lesson. And it's weird that Arrow asks me to believe differently.

I also love that she truly appreciates his rude quips to Henderson. She finds them as funny as they actually are.

I love that as he's describing in joy Anissa's Crowning Moment of Awesome to Lynn, she has such a pensive look on her face. Truthfully, it's because she has bad news about Gambi, but he looks a little worried that she's mad because he revealed he almost died. And I think in most instances she would be. But because she has to give him the bad news she does, she doesn't act like she has the high ground, and is willing to cut him some slack. Which is great.

Jennifer stuff: First off, I love Jennifer's new braids. I also love that Jennifer going to Anissa shows the difference in their personalities. Anissa keeps it a secret and tries to figure it out herself. Jennifer immediately farms out the task. Either she's super lazy, or smarter than Anissa, because I think her approach is the smarter one. Although just based upon the shoddy work she did at Lynn's office, laziness is not out of the question.

And just like that, Lightning is born.

Can you believe Lady Eve was practically sainted by the community after her death? It's frickin' infuriating.

I'm glad they brought Lala back. I thought it was a mistake to kill him off, especially as soon as they did. I can't wait to find out what the deal is with the Lawanda visions and tattoo.

I think perhaps the producers are hoping that the audience feels that Jefferson is being too hard on Gambi. But the producers made an error in judgment regarding this. They put Gambi in too many scenes conspiring with bad guys. If we JUST saw him and Lady Eve, I'd think Jefferson was being unreasonable. But as of now, even though Gambi's story of protecting Jefferson all along is completely plausible, it's equally plausible he's lying, and a bad guy. Because based upon the scenes we've seen him in with various villains, it almost looks like he's playing all sides.

Now I DON'T think Gambi is a villain, and I DO think he's on Jefferson's side. But the series went a little too far in the other direction for me to sympathize with his plight. Which I think was a clear mistake on the producer's part. I don't feel as bad for Gambi as I need to for the drama to properly land.

But this was a great episode, and this is a great series. *****.

Gotham "A Dark Knight: Reunion"

Do you know what? That was unequivocally a great episode. There were a couple of things that I didn't like, but the truth is, I don't HAVE to nitpick every single Gotham episode to death. I just merely choose to. I am under no obligation to pretend a great episode is less-than simply because the series as a whole is. I am allowed to enjoy the good stuff. And if I do, I think it's important that I admit that, and say what worked, and how the series should be doing things usually. This is going to be a largely positive review.

First off, the stuff with Ed was great. I personally think Riddler is dumber than Ed, simply because the suicide "out" never occurred to him. For a guy like Ed, to protect Lee, that's probably the best option. In Riddler's defense, he used that to his own advantage later on. But I am 100% certain he was as freaked out by the notion as he seemed, because he was too dumb to predict that Ed is the kind of guy who WOULD give his life to protect Lee. Without a second thought. And if Riddler was truly all he was cracked up to be, he would have already known this about himself.

Penguin calling Ed Riddler for the first time was the worth the wait. I am looking forward to what comes next, because I actually think that at this point, their very cool friendship, which was the best part of season 2, can probably be fully repaired. Why do I think this? Because from where I sat, they nearly kissed. They snapped out of it (similar to how Ed and Lee snapped out of it before they did) but unlike Lee, Ed didn't act like it was a total mistake.

Sophia is garbage. I used to want to see the Penguin take her down. Then I wanted to see Lee take her down. Now I want to see every single character team up (perhaps sans Ivy) to take her down.

Harvey was right about something in the shoot-out with Jim near the beginning. He paid his dues and actually earned the Captaincy. But Jim was right too. He didn't deserve to keep it because he sucked at it so much. And I liked him telling Jim what happened was entirely on him. Because I don't entirely agree. Yeah, him losing the job to Jim was 100% his fault. But Jim handled it absolutely atrociously, and didn't treat him like the friend he was supposed to be. Maybe part of the reason Jim admitted what he did to Harvey at the end, was because it was his way to tell Harvey he didn't actually REALLY have any right to look him in the eye and say, "Harvey Bullock you have been relieved of duty," as if he barely knew the guy. I hope that's the case, and that is the interpretation I am going to choose to believe. Not because I think that is what the show is ultimately going to go with. But simply because I actually enjoyed this episode enough to give it that benefit of the doubt.

Ivy's fight with Selina was great because Selina was smart enough to work her way into a proper stalemate. Or did she? She still destroyed the Lazarus water. Ivy may have thought it was a stalemate herself, but the truth is Selina accomplished her objective, and walked away from a serial killer unscathed. As far as I'm concerned this is Selina=1, Ivy=0.

I liked most of the stuff with Bruce and Alfred, but there was one moment I didn't like. But at least the episode made the moment I didn't like moot. The series doesn't usually bother to do that. I love Selina telling Bruce like a dope that if he really wants Alfred back in his life, he could actually apologize to him (like a person would). Then he does that whole public apology calling him a father to him at the party. What I didn't like is that Alfred didn't reject Bruce in that moment at all, but Bruce acted like he did. He says he's sorry he ever made contact with him, which as far as I'm concerned, made that entire apology completely insincere. But the reason I disliked it was because Alfred wasn't exactly refusing to help Bruce. He simply pointed out that in a very real way, he literally is unable to help Bruce in the way he truly needs. He's gonna have to do the hard stuff himself. It wasn't a rejection. It was an affirmation of the faith he was putting in the kid. And I disliked that Bruce was too naïve to instantly see what he was saying.

For the record, Alfred was under no obligation in my mind to forgive Bruce, for ANYTHING, even AFTER the apology. Part of the reason Bruce's immediate anger in that moment bothered me was because if he actually didn't understand that an apology is more than a public declaration, and that he WAS actually going to have to change his behavior, and put in some work in the relationship (which is what Alfred was telling him all along), he's still the emo, entitled brat he's been for the past few weeks.

But I like that he and Alfred reconciled, because he kind of finally understood what Alfred was talking about in embracing all parts of himself. And if he's able to do that, and able to articulate WHY he is doing it to Alfred, then Alfred can come home without feeling bad about it.

Unusually strong episode. Since I grade the TV shows I watch on a curve, this is an easy five star episode. *****.




iZombine "Brainless In Seattle, Part 1"

This is pretty much the show at its best and its worst. At the same time.

Let's talk about the good. Blaine's "interrogation" at the end was brilliant. First off, of course he's the one who stole the cure. And he just entirely wasted a dose of it to get information from a newly turned human he couldn't actually get through torture. Genius. And it reminds that as much as I usually hate Ravi and Major, Blaine is truly the most detestable person on the show.

I also love watching Chase squirm because he sucks so much. He didn't see this coming? He didn't think creating 10,000 zombies wasn't overkill, and that people wouldn't be willing to line up to donate their brains to extortionists and terrorists? Organ donation is a selfless act. I would personally never want to give to Chase's specific cause. Ever. It's actually obscene.

Fun fact: Peyton still seems to be into Ravi. Let me just say now and for the record, I DO NOT FREAKING GET IT.

The show is at its worst because I think the brain Liv ate was the wrong personality for the scenario. It bothers me that every week Liv inherits a goofy personality, when not every single person is on Earth is goofy. Quantum Leap was also a silly sci-fi premise, where the hero changed into different personas each episode. But the show still had Sam be Ku Klux Klan member, a rape victim, and a black man living in the South in the 1950's. It used the premise to explore different types of social issues facing different random people. It wasn't Sam doing the Carmen Miranda dance on-stage at a beauty pageant EVERY single week. Except on this show, it somehow is. And I kind of feel like this was the wrong week for it.

Annie is not a hopeless, romantic character. Or at least she shouldn't be. She is a victim of horrific violence who went through an actual trauma of being murdered by a serial killer. Why the show not only thinks I'd rather see the goofy, worry-free girl, rather than the woman who almost survived a night of horror puzzles me, because Liv is the goofy girl every other week. This would actually be something new for the audience. Some people think Rose McIver deserves an Emmy for Liv. I don't. At all. I might if she actually did like Scott Bakula, and had to stretch her skills every week in equally comic and dramatic roles based upon the personality, but this show is far too invested in Liz putting on a dominatrix outfit, or talking to her coworkers as if they are her class of preschoolers. All of the people Liz eats are annoying and dumb. She never eats a particularly clever person, or one that is complicated, or actually damaged by legit trauma. Murder victims don't tend to live the care-free lives Liv always experiences. Often times they are abuse victims and sex workers who have been beaten down by life. I don't want or expect that every week. But the show acting like that stuff isn't actually part and parcel of most murder investigations, shows that even though on some level, the show wants me to take Liv's struggles with being on the outside of humanity looking in, I never actually do.

This show wants to explore alienation and the life and death problems of a group of people who don't fit in anywhere. Except it is unwilling to show the audience any type of real unpleasant reality these people Liv absorbs have had to go through. And I think that is very wrong. What is so terrible to me is that Rob Thomas was NOT afraid to show seriously sucky people and situations on Veronica Mars. I am disappointed most of all in this show because I know Thomas is capable of better.

Also disturbing is the fact that Annie looks to be around 15 years old at best, and Alan is in his late 20's, and that fact that nobody Chris Hansoned him, strikes me as equally wrong as the goofy brain. I love that idea that Liv's heart melts upon him screaming in agony over her death. But I'd love it even more if it was pointed out their entire romance was a façade, and this guy was an equal chump for believing it. And possibly very lucky to not go to prison for statutory rape.

Aggravating episode. ***.

Lucifer "Let Pinhead Sing!"

How self-involved is Linda? She can't help turning Lucifer's therapy session all about herself.

Tom Welling is an amazingly bad singer.

There will be nitpickers who complain that since Lucifer supposedly never lies, he shouldn't be telling Bob, who he just met, that's he's his favorite person on Earth. Here's the thing: I truly believe he means it when he says it. Look at the loving look on Tom Ellis' face. That passes mythology muster with me.

I like Lucifer pointing out to "Pinhead" that being under a rock itself would be painful.

Dan's so dumb, he thinks he and Pierce are friends. Isn't he just useless? He is basically the first person besides Lucifer himself Pierce has ever opened up to, and he wants to drop it immediately because Pierce's thoughts disturb him so much. If that was the case, maybe he shouldn't have offered to be an ear in the first place.

Speaking of that, I love that Charlotte wants to hear Linda's problem because she wants to become less self-involved. I don't think that actually tracks for why a person is in therapy, but it works for me.

That being said, Linda consenting her mediating her personal dispute with Maze was beyond unprofessional. It's not like Linda isn't the worst and most unethical fictional therapist I have ever seen, but that was so extra sucky, I thought it bared mentioning here.

I personally agree with Maze that she did nothing wrong. If conflict resolution exists to admit fault on both sides, it's worthless. Because both sides are not always at fault. And I think a lot of people get away with the amount of crap they do because they've convinced the person they've wronged that they are equally responsible for the mess THEY started. That is a problem with society, and I don't like that this show is feeding into it.

I'm sure some conflict resolution knob will argue with me that Maze is being too unreasonable and too unforgiving. But so what? Why should she be reasonable and forgiving about this? What specific thing has Linda done to deserve that reason and forgiveness? If Linda was not the absolute hottest of messes dialed up to 11 at all times, about every single thing, I might think Maze should go easier on her. In fact, this is actually Linda's selfish chicken actions finally coming home to roost, and it is about freaking time.

I like the idea that the singer thinks spending time at Lucifer's penthouse doesn't sound so bad after all. The Devil IS supposed to be appealing.

That "I Will Survive" sequence was SO painful to witness. Ugh. Television. I hate it. I hate everything about it.

The manager was the worst suspect ever. As he noted, why kill the Golden Goose for one Egg? I can't believe Chloe arrested him after that. Her quip about him maybe not liking the Goose SOUNDS like it makes sense, but it doesn't really. It don't matter how much the Goose's personality sucks. If it poops up Golden Eggs on a regular basis, you keep it around.

I hated the ending. I hate whenever this show turns into the Devil making moon-eyes at a morose, hot woman. That's not why I watch this show and never was.

A mixed bag. Lucifer doting over background characters was charming, but not much else was. ***.




Unikitty "Too Many Unikitties"

You look up the definition of the words "Too much" in the dictionary, and there is a picture of this episode.

Loved the Western opening, and the design of Unikitty's head shaped brain.

Everyone's Unikitty rages were great designs.

Why does Richard randomly have a butt in one scene?

I love that the way to get Puppycorn to remember he's a dog is to TELL him he's a dog. He might as well have a Staples Easy Button on his forehead too.

A little too insane for me, but parts of it were definitely funny. ***.

Unikitty "Film Fest"

"In my day we called them flippy flap lookie talkies." I'll have to remember that one.

Loved the live action footage and car crash.

I laughed at "Smooth Jerkington" saying he didn't even want Dr. Notfox. He just wanted her off the market. That's a great joke.

I love Dr. Fox's movie. I am one of those people who believes seeing heroes make a ton of correct decisions and kicking butt is equally as interesting as watching them make a ton of mistakes. More so, because it rarely happens. And geniuses DO tend to love musicals.

Richard's film absolutely sucked. He should be grateful people mistook for a comedy. Because if the audience actually knew how precisely lame it was, they'd hate it.

Fun episode. I don't even want to watch it. I just want it off the market. ****.

Unikitty "Unikitty News"

I expected a better episode than the one we got based on that title.

Poor Brock. At least he tries. God bless him.

I like Dr. Fox saying "Excelsior!". Equally funny was her suggesting parental supervision, and Richard immediately interjecting that he doesn't think she should do this.

For some reason, the idea that Unikingdom only has one TV station depresses me. There are more than a few hints that Unikingdom is fascist dictatorship, and that everyone outside of the palace is unhappy, but that notion sort of brought that idea home in the same way the sparkle jar did in the second episode.

Should have been better. **1/2.




Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Principia"

If I was Strucker's age, and a girl like Ruby looked at me that way, I'd stay too.

The Hammer jokes were so dumb. And SO funny!

Deek is now my favorite part of the season. It's amazing how much I disliked him in space, considering how much I love him now. I love that he realized the truth before Fitzsimmons did. And Twinkies are probably God's gift to anyone who has never had one.

I don't trust Mack's friend. Because the kind of friend he is is the precise type of character this show uses for "surprise" betrayals. I bet you in a few weeks time he'll be standing over Mack with a gun and Mutant Enemy will think I should be impressed with that particular "twist". No, the actual twist would be if he was exactly what Mack thinks he is. But Mutant Enemy is not that production company. It goes for the clichés and acts like they are surprises. It's a wonder anyone still puts up with this crap.

Ruby tells Strucker upon showing him the Absorbing Man that he obviously remembered all this. What's cool about that is that she isn't actually monologuing for his sake. It's for OURS. In case the AUDIENCE didn't remember. And I like that the show was smart enough to point out that she didn't actually need to explain anything, and chalked the exposition up to human nature, rather than necessity.

I like that it looks like not every single episode in the back end of the season will be about the world ending. I don't want to watch that show anyways.

Love that Mack is smart enough to bring back a robot so that Elena has new arms, without Fitz having to go nuts with the Gravitonium. Her wide grin said everything.

She's stumped. Big a groaner as "Don't touch this, Hammer." But still funny.

A good week. ****.




Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy: Mission Break-Out! "Mission Break-Out"

Oooh, that was SO much fun. Best episode in a couple of seasons.

The elevator ride was hilarious, especially when everyone got flung back and forth and up and down. And I love that Uncle Stan is not falling for Peter's dumb trick of Peter moving the Collector's hand and mouth. When he says the controls are voice-activated, I'm rolling.

Peter actually LIKES that prison? He is such a dumb@$$.

Howard the Duck! Voiced by Seth Green! And Fing Fang Foom! As bad as the Collector's zoo is for the exhibits, I cannot deny I wouldn't mind visiting there as a spectator.

Add Drax's "Who's a good rhinopus?" and you pretty much have the best episode ever. *****.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy: Mission Break-Out! "Back In The New York Groove"

The more I think about it, the more I realize how wholly inadequate a representative to the stars for Earth Peter Quill is. Rocket is solely impressed by Spider-Man's intelligence only because Starlord is so dumb. And that sort of strikes me as a crying shame.

Symbiote Thanos was a good way to get him out of the center of the Earth. Unfortunately for Thanos, he now has a few additional weaknesses he wouldn't have if he wasn't wearing it. Let's hope the Guardians are smart enough to exploit those next week.

TWO guys named Peter! Almost as fun to realize as in Batman v Superman that both Bruce and Clark's mother's name are Martha.

Good episode. ****.

Marvel / Funko "Ant-Man's Robot Rumble! Little Robot, Big Problem"

The Funko shorts really show a diverse selection of heroes.

For the record, Chips Ahoy Oreos are nummy. Unless that's a Biggie Iggy. Which is nummier. ***1/2.




Once Upon A Time "Knightfall"

Mother Gothel sucks. Big time and completely.

I loved Regina's scene with Lucy at the end. Which just makes me wonder why Roni didn't seek her out much earlier. This particular "Operation" team-up was long overdue.

Rumplestilkskin's behavior in the flashbacks was quite different than usual. He's nervous, and even though he threatens Ahab, his demeanor strikes me as harmless. Which begs the question as to why he was locked up in the first place. TBD...

His make-up is also more understated too, and he looks a bit more human.

Maui's Hook, huh? I suspect if the show had lasted another season, we would have gotten Moana in Season 8.

I love how empathetic Weaver is with Tilly, and the tightrope he has to walk to not reveal to Rogers that she's his daughter. Just like the flashbacks, Rumple is far more gentle than he used to be. As always this season, Weaver and Rogers were the best part of the episode (not counting Regina's scene at the end).

Regina finally believing Lucy was so great because it's finally an affirmation to this poor girl from somebody who is actually on her side, and wants a happy ending for Henry too. Next week is going to be a lot of fun for that reason.

Good week. ***1/2.




The Simpsons "Homer Is Where The Art Is"

Let me be frank. I was highly skeptical of the episode when it started. I don't think ANY animated show can quite accurately replicate the visual aesthetic of 70's detective shows, much less one in this particular art style. But even if the opening sequence didn't work, the rest of it did. I shouldn't be too shocked. Recent seasons of The Simpsons tend to knock it out of the park when they legitimately mess with the formula. And no, having the cast as Game of Thrones stand-ins doesn't count. The show currently tends to always put in extra effort when they experiment and try new things. And this episode is a good example of that.

The Simpsons has done it's share of mysteries in the past. But as far as I can recall, this was the first legit mystery spoof. All of the other mysteries are things that could be solved by the audience. That's why the Sideshow Bob episodes and Who Shot Mr. Burns are so great. But this is actually making fun of how stupid the genre really is. Maybe Maggie Simpson shooting Mr. Burns is dumb, but it has nothing on the idea of security guards with different identical twin brothers being beaten up and replaced by their doubles to steal the painting. That's just unfair nonsense. And frankly, so is a lot of 70's television. And then Mr. Burns builds an identical museum down the street that nobody notices. And then Lisa switches the paining with a tote bag and nobody notices. You can sort of get across how badly 70's crime dramas sucked simply with Manacek's appallingly sexist dialogue. But two sets of identical twin security guards being the solution shows precisely how much those shows used to suck and insult your intelligence. There is such a thing a good mystery. And most of those shows with few exceptions (Columbo comes to mind) are definitely not that.

And the show saying the culprit (at least the first one) was "surprising" because it was the person we had never seen or heard of before, says the show gets how bad those shows suck, and the reasons they do.

I like the idea that Homer actually likes the painting. And the show doesn't overthink it beyond that. Which is good. You can't predict when a piece of art will speak to somebody, and you can't tell who it will wind up speaking to. Sometimes it's a person you wouldn't expect. That's how art works. I really like the notion that Homer's feelings toward the painting are so simple, because if this was season 14, Lisa would have been the one who painted it, and Homer thoughtlessly sold it, and he was at the auction house to get it back. And I like that the show doesn't do crap like that anymore, at least not in circumstances like these. Homer being horrible to Lisa is no longer the go-to for Simpsons drama, just Homer and Marge's marriage disintegrating on a weekly basis isn't that much of a problem anymore either. And I like that about the episode and the show.

Now we know where Eddie's been. Fired. Makes sense.

The auction dude saying that the gentleman on the phone promised to boil their skulls until they were rat toilets made me realize I would have liked very much to have heard Moe say that particular rant. I love the moment because it's the show acknowledging for once how upsetting Moe's horrible behavior is to an outside observer. Because it really IS upsetting. Really. I laugh, but I really shouldn't. It borders on tragic that he gets away with what he does. And that's probably why he's my second least favorite character on the show outside of Apu.

Going out to dinner with Marge does not mean what Manacek hopes it does.

Love the Steven Hawking tribute card with him and Lisa flying on the wheelchair. I miss him already.

I could watch The Simpsons trying new stuff all day. What a great episode. *****.




The X-Files "Nothing Lasts Forever"

The episode title seems appropriate. This will probably wind up being the second to last episode ever.

Before we get into it, let's talk about the elephant in the room: The next week's preview. It referred to the finale as the "Season Finale", rather than "Series Finale". Which tells me something REALLY bad. Chris Carter is gonna screw us big-time, with no recourse or way out, and Fox is hoping to soften the blow. If we were not headed for a terrible cliffhanger in what is almost certainly going to be the last episode, Fox would be selling it as the last episode.

How was this week? A bit ghoulish, to be honest. The series has always portrayed religious people as crazy, but this episode didn't actually pick a side, and said it was ALL religious people. The chick stabbing people in the heart in the name of God struck me as no less crazy as the Hollywood starlet who drinks human blood, and her husband who sews himself together with people to live forever. Everybody is just out of their freaking minds this episode.

Even Scully. I am amused and a bit alarmed that Scully's faith in God ultimately happened for an utterly stupid reason. Because she got a dog. And honestly, I betting there are a ton of people with faith stories similar to that. Scully is just rare in that she is self-aware and self-deprecating enough to be willing to admit it.

I love Mulder asking if she cut her hair, and her responding "Are you kidding me?"

The Mulder and Scully stuff was great in a way the case wasn't. I was invested in these two people, and what they mean to each other. I don't really care about all of the aliens and monsters and cults, and never did. Which is why I am so upset that next week is probably going to be unresolved. Both of these characters deserve better, but Chris Carter has NEVER looked out for his actors, the show's fans, or the actual health of his franchise. And I feel like we are going to crash and burn next week.

But hey, Joel McHale's voice cameo was fun, no?

I liked the second to last episode. But it also told me I am probably going to hate the last. ***1/2.




Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Caught Red-Handed"

I like that the title of the episode addresses both the sitcom plot, and the color of the Ranger involved.

Oooh, monster Zord! Mommy! Mommy! I want that!

Sort of cool to see the Rangers lose for once. They are lucky they weren't killed.

Speaking of which, does it now strike anyone else as weird that the Zord control room doesn't have chairs or seat-belts? The Rangers are just tumbling all over the place because they are all standing and unsecured.

Also, I thought the whole "have the actor flap around wildly while we shake the camera" thing went out of style with Star Trek, but here we are.

Does Victor seriously think that monster is a rare rhino? What a dumb@$$.

Not bad. ***1/2.




Bob's Burgers "The Secret Ceramic Room Of Secrets"

Episodes where the kids look for a lost legendary item or treasure always wind up great and this was no exception.

Mr. Frond is the worst, in a show filled with nothing but terrible adults besides Bob. Oh, right, Frond. Nobody wants a relatable guidance counselor. People love you because you are already perfect. Is it any wonder this narcissist is stacking votes in a school political election? There is unintentional subtext here, no doubt.

Teddy is annoying too. But at least he looks cute in those glasses. Him giving the kids power tools pretty much made him the best dangerous uncle ever.

That woman making piñatas of her kids screams stranger danger. What, your parents don't do this? I think the kids were wise to leave when they did.

Linda: "Aw, my little Genie's weenie." You know, if Gene had an ounce of self-respect, he would be absolutely mortified by his mother saying that. It's kind of refreshing that Gene is not ashamed of his parents like most kids his age, but really, dude, check your mom. Now. Not cool.

And I like the moral that Louise learned at the end: You don't want to wind up like Mr. Frond. If the show ever teaches us anything, it is that.

Great episode. ****1/2.




Brooklyn Nine-Nine "Safe House"

I am glad Raymond was right at the end. Because if Murphy hadn't made a move on them, Kevin would be right to want a divorce. I love that Kevin is outraged that there is a Nic Cage movie that is a period piece about a mandolin, and an Oscar winning film about the perils of alcoholism. Frankly, he's right to be p*ssed. It's not like he didn't watch all the movies Jake wanted. It strikes me as incredibly tone-deaf and unfair that Jake didn't consider that those were the types of movies he'd like.

Stephanie Beatriz deserves an Emmy nom for this episode. As convincing as she sounds to the hairdresser, there is a deep seated seething and loathing screaming just under the surface. If the hairdresser were smarter, she'd take note at how visibly unhappy Diaz seemed to be with her stories. Of course, the hairdresser seems pretty unhappy herself, so maybe she just thought she found a fellow traveler.

It is very unsurprising, yet amazing, that Gina knows the precise mannerisms and things to say to get the hairdresser to open up. Frankly, it's also not credible. I might have been able to believe it if she had surveyed her for five minutes, and did a brief sizing up, but she never laid eyes on her. Either Gina has superpowers, or the writers are being lazy. I sadly think it's the second thing.

I love it whenever Scully is useful for a mundane reason. It happens quite surprisingly frequently. But there is no part of Hitchcock that is ever helpful, or even likable. I don't get why they pair a character as detestable as Hitchcock with one as lovable as Scully.

Fun to get Kevin into the Disguise Power Walk for once. But what I like especially about Kevin is that he is not cut out for nonsense. Holt is very serious and square, but there is a reason Kevin thinks he's the funny one. He is at home with the nonsense, even if he doesn't engage in it himself. And that is a vast difference between the two, and probably the main reason Kevin is so unhappy. Holt would probably enjoy on some level spending a month watching bad movies with Jake. He'd complain the whole time, but he wouldn't actually hate it. But Kevin does, and that's why he is so angry. And I don't blame him. And the only thing that could possibly have fixed that marriage was Holt being right. I thank God he was.

"I Think We Need To Talk About Kevin", "Kevin Can Wait", "Everybody Loves Raymond". Got all of those out of your system, Jake?

Great episode. I've missed the show. ****.




Family Guy "Send In Stewie, Please"

Hi. It's me, Matt. I just wanted to state for the record that I was one of those few Family Guy viewers who absolutely adored "Brian and Stewie" both for messing with the formula, and putting some actual moving drama between the characters. That was a polarizing episode, and I stood on the side of those who loved Family Guy for taking the risk with it it did. I love it when Family Guy takes risks.

I want that on the books before I explain why this episode didn't work.

The ending bothered me. Yeah, it's a hugely subversive and dark thing that Stewie murders the therapist for learning his secrets, but this episode was billed as Stewie opening up and facing his demons. Even if the audience knows them, he still hasn't done that if he cannot share it with a single other person. Basically the episode was sold as revelatory, when in reality, it hit the Total Reset Button, and the things explored will never be referenced again, much less acted like it was canon. So, no this episode failed in having the character reveal something and grow. Because he didn't. I don't care if I learned something. It doesn't matter if the show is unwilling to have a character deal with stuff.

I also hated Stewie's wild guess monologue about the therapist's love life. Part of me thought it was genius as it was going on, because I expected the bottom to drop out. And I expected that the longer it went, the funnier the bottom would be. I expected the therapist to state that was his son in the photo after all that. And that would have been perfect. Because by Stewie focusing so heavily on constructing a gay fantasy life for a person he's never met before, perhaps that is the big hint and reveal that Stewie is actually gay. As the rant kept going I was like "Either Stewie is scary insightful or gay." And it feels very weird to me that I resent that that tirade was him being insightful. Because it also makes him insufferable.

The boogers during the Hamilton thing were nauseating. I truthfully didn't actually like MUCH in the episode, but that was the one thing I outright hated. It was so disgusting.

About the only thing I liked, was something I actually loved. The therapist's passive-aggressive refusal to acknowledge that Stewie had a British accent. It was bordering on cruel at several points ("I honest can't tell the difference" is something only a total b@stard would say), but I love it because maybe an actual British person wouldn't be all that impressed with Seth MacFarlane. Maybe there are people overseas who don't think his voicework is as spot-on as many Americans do. It was not just a cruel shot at Stewie, it was a self-deprecating admission from Seth MacFarlane himself that his accents are not actually researched or practiced ahead of time, and that he just wings it like the big phony he actually is. And I like that idea. But it's the only thing in the episode I did actually enjoy

I think this episode was total misfire. **.

American Dad! "(You Gotta) Strike For Your Right"

Klaus' monologue to the censors is him pondering the basic cable of life.

Speaking of the s-word, that whiffle ball bat says that Avery is into some weird ****.

I love the idea that watching Breaking Bad backwards is an audio treasure map. You think Vince Gilligan created the show to be a beloved, multiple award-winning drama? C'mon, man.

And only Francine understands the mind of Vince Pelican.

I love Jackson asking if there was a chant that rhyme with "free colonoscopies forever." I also love that Hayley's presentation was SO good, Bullock not only gives into all the demands, but he fires Stan for being a scab. I especially like that Hayley's dumb enough to negotiate herself into being taken hostage.

I love that the treasure map leads to Vince Gilligan's buried corpse. What, did you actually think he was a genius? C'mon, man.

I love that the moral seems to be that the best way to take down an organization from the inside is to unionize them. That isn't a moral I agree with, but it IS legitimately funny. Why isn't that true of South Park anymore?

Loved the episode. ****1/2.




The Last Man On Earth "Hamilton/Berg"

You'd figure after a winter hiatus that long the conclusion wouldn't be so predictable. But it was. Not only was there no other reason for the puzzle box plot earlier in the season to exist, but the stupid recap spoiled that it was gonna be an issue. This is why I think television needs to do away with recaps.

I cannot believe everybody disbelieved Todd about that. In the situation they are in, that is not something to not take seriously. Didn't Tallahassee prove to Melissa that you don't joke or dismiss about life and death situations? I might have accepted this episode before that one. Not after.

Melissa was right to keep Jasper's hiding place a secret, and she was also right that Karl needed to be killed immediately. To Karl's credit, he knows the only solution, and doesn't try to get away. I don't think he was ever going to change, but just the fact that he accepted that and allowed what needed to happen to happen means that he did anyways.

The only surprising thing in the episode was Carol drawing the short straw. It was a mistake to have Tandy let her off the hook. Not only was she the last person I expected to get the straw, but her actually having to face that for more than five minutes would have been great drama. They could still even do the puzzle box ending. Except for Carol, it wouldn't have been random. It would have been a literal godsend.

It is any wonder this episode didn't impress me? **1/2.




The Blacklist "The Capricorn Killer"

Yeah, that sucked. I suspected Diamondback was the killer, but was pleasantly surprised to be wrong. I suspected the therapist was a killer, and was pleasantly surprised to be right. But the last ten minutes of the episode pissed me off like few other endings.

Graves being killed was disgusting. You can almost excuse Singleton last week as the black sacrifice, because it gave Liz stopping Garvey stakes. This was just genre at its worst.

Liz letting the therapist go at the end was disgusting too. She says she's doing it for the same reason Red does stuff like that. Except Red is a criminal and is expected to do stuff like that. Liz is an FBI agent and is expected to put people like this away.

But I called it last week when I said she was a quack. I was just underselling it.

For the record, I suspect she's actually the Sandman too. It's possible the reason the girl trusted her enough to put on her shoes is because she was a woman. Or more likely, they are actually related.

And finally I hate this episode because this was the first one we saw Red outright lie to Liz, with no plausible deniability. While it's nice he saved that poor kid's life, the fact that he is still covering for Garvey means I hate him in a way I haven't since he left Mr. Kaplan for dead.

I pretty much hated every single character during this. *.




Blindspot "Deductions"

Crawford suggests Ronan should see his face when he joked about the poison. I did see his face and it was confusion. Because Ronan is smart enough to know that if he WAS poisoned, he'd already be feeling it.

I jumped upon that guy getting shot and the villain saying "No talking please." That was hardcore.

I haven't seen Ron Rifkin in anything in awhile. He's aged a great deal since Alias.

Decent episode. ***1/2.