"The Secret History Of Twin Peaks" Review (Spoilers)

[matt_zimmer]

Note: The review of this novel was written before I had seen Twin Peaks: The Return.

Also reviews for the season (series?) finale of Marvel's Inhumans, the latest episodes of The Gifted, Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy, Elena Of Avalor, Mickey Mouse, Once Upon A Time, Star Wars Rebels, and The Simpsons, the series finales of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Combiner Force, and the latest episodes of Power Rangers: Ninja Steel, The Orville, Family Guy, Bob's Burgers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Last Man On Earth, Ghosted, The Blacklist, and Blindspot.

Upcoming reviews include Doctor Who: Series 9, Class: Series 1, The X-Files: Season 10, Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Blu-Ray), Ant-Man (Blu-Ray), Captain America: Civil War (Blu-Ray), Doctor Strange (Blu-Ray), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (Blu-Ray), Spider-Man: Homecoming (Blu-Ray), Jessica Jones: Season 1, Daredevil: Season 2, Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 2, Marvel's Agent Carter: Season 1, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), X-Men: Days Of Future Past: The Rogue Cut, Deadpool, X-Men: Apocalypse (Blu-Ray), Logan, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 1, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 2, Zootopia, Moana (Blu-Ray), Tangled: Before Ever After (DVD), Inside Out (Blu-Ray), The Good Dinosaur (Blu-Ray), Finding Dory (Blu-Ray), Once Upon A Time: Season 5, The BFG, Tomorrowland, Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Blu-Ray), Star Wars Rebels: Season 2, Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales, Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures: Season One, Jim Henson's Turkey Hollow (DVD), Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (Blu-Ray), Justice League Action: Superpowers Unite!, Teen Titans Go!: Get In Pig Out, Teen Titans Go!: Recess Is Over, DC Super Hero Girls: Intergalactic Games, LEGO DC Super Hero Girls: Brain Drain, The LEGO Batman Movie, Batman Vs. Two-Face, Suicide Squad (Blu-Ray), Wonder Woman (Blu-Ray), The Flash: Season 2, The Flash: Season 3, Arrow: Season 4, Arrow: Season 5, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 1, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 2, Supergirl: Season 1, Supergirl: Season 2 Vixen: The Movie, Gotham: Season 2, Gotham: Season 3, iZombie: Season 1, iZombie: Season 2, iZombie: Season 3, Lucifer: Season 1, Lucifer: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 5, Be Cool Scooby Doo!: Spooky Kooky Fun!, Wabbit: A Looney Tunes Prod.: Hare-Raising Tales, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Beyond The Known Universe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Earth's Last Stand, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Super Shredder, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Wanted: Bebop & Rocksteady, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Half-Shell Heroes: Blast To The Past, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows, Power Rangers (2017), Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Megaforce: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Super Megaforce: The Complete Season, Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Season 1, Heroes Reborn: The Complete Series, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1: Water, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 2: Earth, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire, The Legend Of Korra: The Complete Series, Haven: Season 5 - Vol. 1, Haven: The Final Season, The Dark Tower, Under The Dome: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, Sleepy Hollow: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 4, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 2, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 3, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 4, The Jurassic Park Trilogy, Jurassic World, Back To The Future: The Complete Animated Series, Shaun The Sheep Movie (Blu-Ray), Shaun The Sheep: The Farmer's Llamas, 12 Monkeys: Season 1, 12 Monkeys: Season 2, Grimm: Season 4, Grimm: Season 5, Grimm: Season 6, The Wonder Years: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 5, The Wonder Years: Season 6, The Peanuts Movie, Peanuts By Schulz: Snoopy Tales, Peanuts By Schulz: Go Team Go!, Bob's Burgers: Season 5, Ghostbusters: Answer The Call, Community: Season 6, Danger Mouse: The Complete Series, Prison Break: Season 5, Game Of Thrones: Season 5, and Game of Thrones: Season 6.



Marvel's The Inhumans "...And Finally: Black Bolt"

The series is still mostly garbage, but as far as season (and possibly series) finales go, that was acceptable. For the sole reason because this show doesn't have a shot in h*ll of being renewed, and I am reasonably satisfied at the stopping point if it is not. This is very unusual for most genre shows on the bubble, which usually end on the cliffhanger no matter what.

Triton being given fish powers through Terragenesis seems unusually cruel since he has to live on the moon, which has no bodies of water. Good for the show for pointing this out.

Maximus has to keep placing his palm on something every hour for Atillan not to be destroyed? Are they saying he never sleeps? This is about the worst thought out plot turn ever.

I love Auron's look upon Maximus saying if he couldn't have Attilan, he'd let it crumble. The look he gave upon her obvious alarm was "Oh, crap, did I just say that out-loud?"

I love the moment where Medusa calls Louise her best friend, and Crystal immediately dismisses the compliment by saying Medusa doesn't have many friends. I love Louise earnestly then saying, "Neither do I." I love that Louise is a woman who will Take. The Freaking. COMPLIMENT.

I love Karnak's scene with Gorgan at the end where he pledges to help him. Great performance from Ken Leung there. Frankly, I didn't know Miles had that in him.

If this is all we get, I'll live with it. ****.

The Gifted "Boxed In"

I think the thing I like best about this show is that it gets better and better as it goes along. It was NOT this great when it started, and yet, if it didn't start the way it did, we wouldn't get this. It reminds me a lot of the Buffyverse in sort of doing the slow-burn.

I appreciated Invisible Man leaving Reed hanging. It's actually because he's a jerk. But "I just wanted to see whose side you were really on," is a perfectly valid reason too.

I was amazed they saved the guy with the bullet wound's life. Usually the black guy who saves the white family winds up the cautionary tale, but I like that because of the superpower aspect, they can save the character to explore exactly what the kids can do with their powers.

I don't remember Memory Girl's name but I completely understand how horrified she was for leaving Turner the way he was. I don't exactly sympathize with Turner. Plenty of people have lost family members without turning genocidal fascists in response. But dang it, removing that particular memory is pretty much at this point asymmetrical warfare. She might has well have killed him if you ask me. Somebody having to suffer that precise loss TWICE is precisely why perhaps Turner's fears about Mutants being out of control and dangerous are perhaps legit on some level.

I kind of like Polaris and Eclipse's stunned reactions to learning Turner's backstory. They were legitimately troubled by it. Because if this one guy had a legit reason to hate Mutants, maybe secretly everybody who hates them does too, and they just don't know it yet. The Mutants are the heroes of the show. But of the Universe? It is not black and white, and maybe those two realized that just then, and for the first time ever.

Blink being mad at Memory Girl sort of ground my gears. Just because of the specific reason Memory Girl did what she did. Blink was saying over and over again a couple of weeks ago that she couldn't create the portal, and that it was impossible, and then ONCE she cares about John, it's no problem whatsoever. Blink is holding back. Blink is not pulling her weight. Blink is not in this fight the way she should be. And if I were Memory Girl, I'd be pretty unapologetic over that fact. She wouldn't have had to do that if Blink were actually committed to the cause, and considered the rest of them friends. That's not too much to ask, even if she hasn't known them for too long.

I like that everyone hates and distrusts Reed. Which is good. He should not be able to walk into the Mutant Underground with a clean slate and all forgiven, especially because he nearly betrayed them in an effort to get back to his family. Even his wife and kids were alarmed to learn that. But he'll be okay there. Because him knowing intimate details of how Sentinel Services work makes him as useful as the most powerful Mutant, and depending on what he knows and succeeds at, maybe more useful than any of them. They can hate him all they want. They'll be better of for him being on their side.

This show is really hitting its stride. ****1/2.

The Gifted “got your siX”

I kind of feel that the conflict felt a bit heavy handed and forced, particularly the stuff in the truck with Andy and Reed. But conflict in X-Men projects often feels contrived. I just assumed because it hadn’t happened on this show before, that it would never happen. Apparently the sermonizing affects even the good X-Men stuff.

I think Polaris is the worst leader ever. I don’t know. “You’ll always be fighting. This is survival, and this is the new normal,” does not strike me as an empowering message for a leader to give. Frankly, Magneto was better at this stuff. Magneto always promised victory, light at the end of the tunnel, and the idea that the Mutants would win and crush humanity, and it would all be worth it. That strikes me as a far more appealing message than “It will never be worth it.” But maybe that’s just me.

I noticed they went back to the idea that Reed was always the shoe in Monopoly. People who watch superhero shows don’t notice or care about those kinds of things, but as someone who is only interested in the character drama, I kind of got the feeling the family was finally whole again entirely from that. Which makes it a good call-back.

Good riddance to Blink. She was NOT pulling her weight. They can do without her.

The fact that the Mutants on this show can use their powers in unexpected ways either solo, or with each other (such as Eclipse darkening the inside of the truck, or Lauren and her new boyfriend making the truck fly while camouflaging it) makes me truly comprehend exactly how inadequate Heroes was for five seasons with the same premise. This is episode 6. NONE of the Evos on Heroes ever worked this well together. And I’m starting to think that is a shame. Tim Kring sucks.

Who is Thunderbird’s father? Didn’t get that reference.

This was a little too much “He’s a mutie! A MUTIE!” to me. **1/2.

The Gifted "eXtreme measures"

Mostly favorable impression.

I like what hot water Eclipse is in with Polaris. Because if the situation was different, they could just break up. But they can't. They live close quarters in a shelter with each other, and work together, and are expecting a baby together to boot. Polaris does not have the luxury of dumping him. They are going to have to figure out a way to live with and deal with his crappy decisions. There isn't much other choice.

I think giving the Senator the stroke was so stupid and outright badly written. Let's say that the plan to do that actually DID work. Wouldn't it have been easier and raised less suspicion to not give her the stroke in the middle of the conference where she is forbidding government interference to this extent? Because even if I hadn't seen the guy in the corner squeezing his fist, my first thought upon seeing that would be "foul play". No question. Turner might not have even questioned a stroke if it had happened earlier in the day, and not in front of a ton of witnesses while she was the stalling the very program that the stroke givers wanted to proceed. I think the writers did it to make a statement about how scary the guys Turner is working with are. Instead, I think they are sloppy. Their theatricality is going to get them caught. It's not sinister, it's stupid.

I was less surprised that Wes was a criminal, and more surprised that he admitted it to Lauren. He did NOT have to do that. She would have believed him if he had denied it, so it was perhaps in his best interest to lie. Except, it seems like he actually cares about her, so he doesn't want to do that.

Blink is one of those characters who always works my last nerve, but I'm hoping that changes next week. When she said that this is her fight now, as bad as I felt for those Mutant kids who died, at least they finally got Blink to give a d*mn. It's been a long time coming, and the character will be better off for it.

Trask huh? That's a bad guy name for sure. If Reed's father worked for them, his father is probably garbage.

Good week. ****.




Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "It's Tricky"

This was obviously aired out of order.

Wraith is a cool character.

The police line-up was very reminiscent of the movie.

"If Rocket ever gets us out of h-" "I'm out." Heh.

Can I again say how refreshing it is that this is the first Marvel cartoon to pay for music rights for famous songs (In this case "Born To Be Wild”)? Even most higher budgeted DC toons don't usually do that.

Dey has some surprisingly sweet fighting moves.

Peter blew up the fourth moon? What a dope.

The bomb turning out to be a prank was absolutely awesome. Yondu at his finest. I love that Dey pardons Quill solely so he has to suffer with the rest of them. Seems a little odd pardon power rests with Dey though.

Fun episode. ****.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "You're No Good"

Baby Sis! Peter loving his sister will never get old.

If the Guardians need help, Peter's got a guy: Sam. When Sam needs help, Peter's got a guy: Cosmo.

Baby Groot! About time.

I like that Peter is angry that "I am Groot!" is the speech that inspires the Believers.

"I've never been that smart," is NOT the most bad@$$ sounding line ever.

"You heard the Starlord!" I see why Peter loves Victoria.

Drax the Destroyer does not enjoy shirts! Nor traveling via magic helmet.

Fun episode. ****.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Behind Gold Eyes"

If Peter hums that Ooga Chaka song again, Rocket will vaporize his vocal chords.

Peter's Earth reference ultimately depressing him because Sam said his grandpa used to play that game was hilarious.

I like Peter calling J'san a lackey. He knows exactly what button to push.

Fun Fact: "Magic Carpet Ride" was the song Zefram Cochrane played as he broke the Warp Barrier for the first time in Star Trek: First Contact.

Good ending. ****1/2.




Elena Of Avalor "The Curse Of El Guapo"

Not much to say but that if I were Gabe, and I heard those guys making fun of my baker father not being able to afford to buy me a good weapon, I'd pull a Rapunzel and hit him over the head with a frying pan.

I like the Captain of Few Words. But I think a better response to the end of the day would have been "Meh."

Decent episode. ***.

Elena Of Avalor "Three Jaquins And A Princess"

Those baby Jaquins were so cute. I want plushies. Now.

I love that Isa got to name one at the end. I also love that Estabon told her it was a great invention at the end too.

Speaking of Estabon, I love "Nobody talks that way about Armando but me!"

Adorable episode. *****.

Mickey Mouse "The Birthday Song"

I was hoping for a whole slew of Disney character cameos at Mickey's party, but not really. We've seen Clara Cluck and Horace before so that was no big whoop. I'm thinking the guy in the Hawaiian shirt may be Gus Goose and if you blink, you'll miss Humphrey the Bear. But this shoulda have been a House Of Mouse level of Easter Eggs. I'm disappointed. **.




Once Upon A Time "Wake Up Call"

I think the handwriting thing is what is damning for Roni. You could almost explain everything else. But now she knows something's up.

I love that Rumple no longer has his goblin look in the new Enchanted Forest. It shows he really has changed.

I honestly think Druzilla waking Regina was smart. Because Roni's life seemed much better and less complicated than Regina's. She was the only one in the curse who was better off. Now she is exactly as pained as she should be, while knowing that she can't do anything about it. What horrible thing happened that made it so Regina doesn't want the Curse undone? Henry's death? Because if that's so, I don't understand how a curse could be keeping him alive.

Good week. ****.

Once Upon A Time "Eloise Gardener"

The idea that Alice is Hook's daughter doesn't hold up as well as it should, simply because Wonderland's Alice should be the one attached to the Wish World. They set up in the premiere that Hyperion Heights has different versions of the same characters, but Wish World's Alice should be Sophie Lowe. It doesn't follow the rules established to be someone else.

I like that Imposter Rap was introduced holding a frying pan.

And yeah, it's pretty clear Rumple is now awake and trying to fix things. Like Regina, I'm betting he doesn't want the curse broken, but I think he's trying to hold things together now that he knows the truth.

I liked this one. ****.

Once Upon A Time "Pretty In Blue"

Like that Nick is Jack and that the Jack in this realm is a boy and a good guy. I also like the idea that Henry instantly trusts him.

Weaver isn't budging with Regina. I think Roni's right that he is faking for another reason. He wouldn't have paused upon the word "Belle" if he wasn't.

I think Regina's next move when she gets back is to go to Lucy. As crazy as the story sounds, she would be better off collecting all of the people who believe it. Because Lucy does, she's a very good potential ally, whether she's just a kid or not.

Predict Zelina is in San Francisco.

We're taking a few weeks off until December. I can live with that ending until then. ****.




Star Wars Rebels "Kindred"

Funny that Zeb isn't madder at Rider nearly shooting his head off when he exited the shuttlecraft.

I thought Hera and Kanan were already a thing.

"How have you people stayed alive so long?" Good line from Rider.

Kanan's real name is Caleb Doom? Interesting. As was the episode. ***1/2.

Star Wars Rebels "Crawler Commanders"

I like the little lizard-looking guy with the headphones.

"Is that what I sound like?" Heh.

Zeb thought it was pretty good.

"I know people!" "Yeah, well if you see any people you know in there, tell them I said ‘Hello’." Double heh.

I like that Visago think Kanan and Zeb are his friends.

"Like Mother said, Once a scoundrel, always a scoundrel." Good Visago line. Also great was "If Visago can fool Empire, Jedi can fit into shaft."

I love the ending. Ezra and Visago's scene made me say "Aww!", and Hera's transmission was filled with unusual hope. I really liked this episode. ****1/2.

Star Wars Rebels "Rebel Assault"

Hera is pretty much a Warrior Goddess throughout this episode. She totally lives up to her name.

Thrawn is so spooky-cool. He's British, Severe looking, and Speaks. Very. Softly. He's a triple threat.

Love the Imperial woman telling Hera that her looking forward to meeting her was a small victory. Star Wars is notoriously a franchise absent cool lines and dialogue (other than the catchphrases). That was an exception.

The Empire's first instinct about the Droid giving it trouble is to deactivate it? They suck.

"You're good at distractions." "I am?" "You are now." Good exchange.

The scene of Kanan riding the motorcycle and nearly colliding with the Loth Wolf was super cool.

Great episode. The quality of this season is much better than the others. ****1/2.




The Simpsons "Grampy Can Ya Hear Me"

This episode ran really short. In addition to using the extended theme, they did a riff on The Adventures Of Ned Flanders with Hans Moleman.

Bart wanting to hold the acceptance letter because it would be the only time he ever would was beyond sad.

Barney's got a new little brother!

"Michigan sucks" is how Ohio State says "Excuse me." Good joke.

I like Bart saying he didn't want Lisa's help on his homework, her saying "Ouch", and him revealing he was just goofing her.

Kenny Hitler? I see what they did there.

I love the Game of Thrones stuff at the end. Unfortunately, the idea they stopped doing nudity once they won Emmys is sadly untrue. But I wish it were.

Pretty good week. ***1/2.

The Simpsons "The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used To Be"

Is it just me, or are political Simpsons episodes no longer any fun? This was just so cynical and depressing. And the story really isn't and should not be. But the jokes made me wince.

Al Jean once did a REALLY good defense of Flanderization. In such an extreme partisan environment, they had to play up Ned as extreme as possible to show even a slight modern day contrast between Ned and Homer. And that is absolutely true. The right has gotten so extreme and crazy that they HAVE to make Ned horrible on some level to keep up.

But that doesn't mean I have to like it. That doesn't mean I don't think Flanders is worse for it. And that's pretty much the jokes in this episode. Flanders should not HAVE to suck this much and these are all things we should not HAVE to make fun of. I stopped watching Saturday Night Live because it depresses me what we have to satirize. I'm grateful The Simpsons doesn't do TOO many political episodes. Because this was no fun.

But hey, Monorail continuity. **1/2.




Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Wanted: Bebop & Rocksteady"

That was a lot of fun. People think the last 87 Turtles crossover was good, but I don't really. Mostly because that episode treated the 87 Turtles as a legit incarnation, and tried to give them a bit of credibility, which in the context of this particular incarnation, does not work at all. Here these 87 Turtles are considered goofy and bug-eyed. And they should be, because they are.

I loved all of the little jokes at the original series' expense. It's a TON of little things, but there are so many that it's amusing. Like the fact that the Turtles don't actually use their weapons. 87 Leonardo says earnestly "But if I swing my sword at someone, they could get a cut. And that would be wrong." That's a great moral for an 80's kiddie cartoon. As cartoon involving ninjas? Not so much.

About the only subversive thing about the Toon Turtles is that their version of Space Heroes is live-action, exactly as gruesome as the cartoon in our universe, and much more disturbing for that fact.

But what does a live-action show actually look like for the 87 Turtles? Inquiring minds want to know.

Some more great "little gripes" are the fact that when 87 Raphael taps a fire hydrant, it doesn't automatically explode. Shredder and Krang seem a little too free with the insults to their employees, especially since Krang looks like a giant pregnant man wearing a brain for a belt. Also interesting that Bebop and Rocksteady realize they are actually smarter than Krang and Shredder upon the gloating moment. And they actually beat Shredder in a fight which is the correct idea too. And it makes sense they turn on Shredder and Krang in the end. They don't want the Earth destroyed. They live here too. I might have even been satisfied with the ending of them wanting to become Superheroes if "Mutant Apocalypse" wasn't the elephant in the room, and the turd in the punchbowl. 87 Bebop just wants to dance, which feels right as well. 2012 Bebop is a dancer too.

Other great "Little moments" included the 87 Turtles thinking news reporters actually wear jumpsuits, and Shredder and Krang realizing that our Turtles showing up was bad because they are actually dangerous. And that was fun too.

All in all, this wasn't enough to wash the taste of Mutant Apocalypse out of my mouth, but it was enjoyable in its own right. And probably the only episode this season where that is true. I sort of see why Nick held off airing it for last. *****.




Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Combiner Force "Freedom Fighters"

Reasonably satisfied with that ending, if not the entire series. Better ending than TMNT got at any rate. It was a little too much "Autobots win because we work together as a team!" but it didn't suck.

I was a little disappointed the High Council were Decepticons in disguise simply because corrupt Autobots were a much more interesting concept. I also think Cyclonus' plan was missing one key element: Megatron's consent to return. In Predacons Rising Megatron seemed pretty clear in disbanding the Decepticons, and that he no longer had the need for conquest. If he hadn't changed his mind, Cyclonus would have been screwed.

Return of Ratchet's "I needed that!" I'm still not sure why that's funny. Must be Jeffrey Combs' line reading.

Good ending. ****.




Power Rangers: Ninja Steel "Galvanax Rises"

"We've been waiting all season for this!" Very meta line there.

This was both good and bad at the same time.

Good:

Mick seeming to be ready to sword-fight.

Bad:

Mick becoming a Ranger. That seemed a bit much.

Good:

Monty and Victor not wanting to hurt the Rangers.

Bad:

Monty defeating the monsters with visible farts.

Good:

Brody's Dad returning at the end.

Bad:

Everybody sings.

So it was all kind of a push.

I don't know if this is the end, or if they'll do a Super Ninja Steel, but it was merely all right. ***.




The Orville “Krill”

This is a VERY Star Trek episode, but in some ways it is Star Trek for the reasons I hate Star Trek. It’s a comedy, so it makes sense it would indulge in this particular trope, but it always drove me nuts on The Next Generation, and greatly diminished how much I ultimately wound up liking that show. And all things considered, I liked it a lot.

But I’d have liked it a LOT more if Data, Wesley, and Geordi weren’t in the background of the viewscreen during diplomatic negotiations, making sarcastic comments, and rude and racist remarks about the aliens and their “strange” appearances on the other end of the viewscreen (and within their earshot). Picard was a master delegator, and every time one of those ‘wipes said something totally offensive that blew over the alien’s head, the alien would ask Picard what the ‘wipe meant by that. And Picard would say they meant nothing, and it was irrelevant, thereby making a liar out of Picard, and undercutting their diplomatic standing. What if the aliens used Ferengi Google later? Starfleet is supposed to be the best and brightest humanity has to offer. And in the first couple of seasons of Next Gen, it was filled with fratboy buttmunches. And this is another reason I think Gene Roddenberry’s lionization as the standard bearer for the spirit of humanity’s goodness is so misplaced. Because literally, the less and less involved he was with the show, the less and less it happened. Gene Roddenberry’s adherents claim Gene believed in the best of humanity. But he also somehow managed to create the worst behaving humans ever.

Weirdly, The Orville’s response is to actually make the deplorable behavior seem even worse. Because even if Wesley, Data, and Geordi’s jokes are unprofessional and horrible, they also aren’t done at times likely to get Picard killed. This mission is deadly serious, and Malloy’s human jokes and mannerisms are giving them away, in a scenario where they will be killed if they are uncovered. They are very fortunate the Krill are as stupid as they are. Any alien species even slightly more insightful, would have been able to recognize when they were being made fun of. That is when Picard would say it was nothing.

To be honest, Ed sucks at this too. While nothing he says is actually jokey or insulting, he sucks at undercover work and fitting into the surroundings. The Krill talk with a very specific and precise cadence. And Ed’s calling ‘em “Dude” and talking about tramp stamps. I don’t care that Ed has never gone undercover before. Because they should have trained him AND Malloy for this at the Academy. And it’s not like the Krill’s instantly arch behavior is all that difficult to figure out how to mirror. Both Ed and Gordon should be a LOT better at this than they are. I WOULD have been better at it than them.

So that’s bad.

The good is REALLY good. I mean really, REALLY good. This is not something I’ve seen Star Trek do, which is kind of a shame, because the idea strikes me as very Star Trek, but The Orville always strikes me as what Star Trek should have been. And in all of the various battle plans we occasionally see The Enterprise, Voyager, and Deep Space Nine make, I kind of would have liked to have seen them plan to destroy a ship full of aliens before realizing there were children on it. And suddenly they have to choose between the Krill committing genocide, or them personally mass murdering a group of innocent children. And of course, one of the Krill kids is curious about humanity, and doesn’t seem to quite swallow the Avis propaganda, and bonds with Ed. And that just makes the choice worse. And suddenly killing everyone else on the ship is the less horrendous option.

Or is it? The female Krill noted that those kids just witnessed Malloy and Mercer murder their entire ship. Even the wide-eyed tolerant one. If he liked and was interested in humanity before this, he certainly doesn’t anymore. They just created a bunch of new hardcore enemies. Which is a subversive moral, because the show is partly arguing that if there are kids involved, it’s safer to leave no survivors. Which is Jihadi thinking. But that’s another essential Star Trek theme. No good deed goes unpunished. That is pretty much why the Prime Directive was created in the first place. But that doesn’t mean you decline to do the good deed anyways. Because Mercer actually DOES have a soul.

Remember when I said this show is Star Trek as it should have been? It had two moments at the beginning that I would have loved to have seen on Star Trek. One was Mercer and Alara getting their wires crossed upon the opening of the hail frequency. I love that. It always works smoothly and perfectly on Star Trek, when it shouldn’t, because there are never any visibly clear signs as to when the Star Trek Captain viewscreen and comm are working. I kind of think there should be a “red light” near the front of room to let the captain know he’s “live”. And if this show is going to be like Star Trek and not do that, at least they aren’t going to insult my intelligence and say the crew doesn’t botch stuff like that all the time WITHOUT the red light.

The second thing is that the panel that was hit and was currently on fire is the fire suppression panel. That is definitely a joke right there, but it is also something that should have been happening on Star Trek too. For example, the artificial gravity NEVER got knocked out once during a battle on all five previous Star Trek series. I suspect The Orville will be busting that particular trope sooner or later too.

Ah, It was the best of Trek, it was the worst of Trek... ***1/2.

The Orville "Majority Rule"

I'm calling this one a misfire. It means well, but the premise simply cannot work as it is.

This show is Star Trek. It's always been Star Trek. And the premise is Doctor Who. Which would be fine (who wants this show to only explore one sci-fi trope?) except for the fact that they tried to attach a Star Trek moral to it, including a false happy ending. There is no real happy ending to this kind of Doctor Who episode. The Doctor meets a planet full of awful people like this, the Daleks or the Cybermen tend to blow them up around the 45 minute mark. And if they don't, the Doctor himself will often do it. Societies as terrible as this one aren't allowed to continue as is. And that cannot work on Star Trek. Because of the Prime Directive of Non-Interference, the crew HAS to leave a fudged up society fudged up. So Star Trek was always VERY careful not to make them TOO fudged up. And this one is entirely, unforgivably fudged up. The thing is, when the Federation has to leave a fudged up society as is, the actual struggle of the episode is not the fudged up society. It's Starfleet having to live with themselves for not being willing to do anything to stop it. The fudged up aliens Star Trek crews tend to meet seem to always be at a major distance with the true humanity and tension of the episode. The ethics revolve around how our characters respond to such backwards people, rather than the ethics of the backwards people themselves.

Here, the fudged up society are the actual bad guys of the episode, and the "solution" revolves around the crew tricking them into freeing John. Except, even though he goes free, nothing has actually changed. Their society is still abhorrent and entirely despicable. It is not a moral victory for the shallow young woman we spent the episode with to merely turn off the TV at the end. If she's the only one doing it, it literally means nothing.

Might I just also point out that this entire mess was John's fault to begin with? They do not teach people at the space academy to be cautious upon entering new alien worlds? That a society might perhaps take offense at somebody grinding up against a statue with no context to it whatsoever? Part of me hates Lamar and Malloy so much because they are terribly unprofessional. Tragically so for their line of work. Usually, it's okay because Mercer isn't much better, so you kind of forgive it. Except Finn, Grayson, and Alara are all being the amazing officers they should be on this mission, which makes me much less likely to think Lamar is anything other than a worthless screw-up, and that this entire mess is his own damn fault. The pregnant woman on the subway thing wasn't Lewis's fault at all. This was Lamar's. Ed tells the admiral that Lamar will never grind up against another statue. The sad thing is Lamar doesn't know you aren't supposed to do that in the first place.

Do you know what I loved? The talk show host pointing out in detail exactly how inappropriate Lamar's hand-slapping entrance was, That was the sort of thing that the show could have played off as a joke, and nobody would have cried foul. But I like that the talk show host is as unamused as he should be by that, and literally itemizes the way that is offensive. That was great.

For the record, I'm betting randomly tapping buttons on strangers' chests probably leads to a ton of sexual harassment. I'm surprised the show didn't point that out.

It's interesting that Batman: The Animated Series' Loren Lester plays Lewis. Because just based on the kind of casting this show does, I'm betting Seth MacFarlane is a fan, and cast him because of it. What is interesting (and different) about this show from Family Guy is that Family Guy is obsessed with terrible 80's cartoons and sitcoms, and whenever they cast an 80's mainstay to poke fun at themselves, it's always from a franchise that is horrible. The references in Family Guy all suggest Seth MacFarlane has terrible tastes.

The references and castings in The Orville suggests the exact opposite. Family Guy is a cynical show, so it is their job to make fun of pop culture, the worse, the funnier. The Orville is a Valentine to Star Trek, so they go the loving tribute route at every opportunity, and tend to cast beloved actors from great shows. It is very telling that a quality show like Batman: The Animated Series has never been referenced on Family Guy once. Not once. And yet, Loren Lester shows up in the 7th episode of The Orville. And it's for this reason why I think The Orville is far superior to Family Guy.

Still, this did not quite work. **.

The Orville "Into The Fold"

Part of me was satisfied with that, and considered it a very enjoyable hour of television. But I can't help it. I've got to nitpick. Elephant in the room.

The thing is, I might not have felt the need to do that if Brannon Braga, the single worst thing to ever happen to Star Trek, hadn't co-written the episode. But Braga's hidden talent is to make storytelling decisions that are so inexplicably bad, that money in the bank premises wind up sucking in spite of how good the set-up actually is. And The Orville was pretty much a perfect Star Trek show in that it didn't engage in Star Trek's worst trope: the bratty, annoying kid. And now it has. Granted, on Star Trek, Wesley is actually helpful, which is an entirely different kind of annoying, but Star Trek (particular Next Gen) has done its share of episodes of unruly kids making situations worse and worse because they are stupid. And as good as the episode is, I think The Orville is worse for introducing that trope to the canon. By far. I was really hoping Braga would never wind up writing an episode of this show. For this precise reason.

But it's not a terrible episode otherwise. The Manilow jokes show that maybe Braga doesn't get the humor of the show, (I'm surprised Seth MacFarlane didn't nix those jokes himself) but on the other hand, the idea that a crew member reported they spilled soy sauce on themselves in the damage report is entirely this show. It's Star Trek with real people. And real people on a Starship would routinely do something that dumb.

The idea that Braga knows what glory holes are depresses me, because he and Jeri Ryan were a thing. I feel bad for her having to date a guy that creepy in hindsight. But Jeri Ryan has ALWAYS had terrible taste in men. It's not like her ex-husband was any less creepy.

I have a feeling that the episode was pitched as an homage to "Lost In Space", but it became so entirely unlike that premise, that I only see the bones of the tribute here.

I am undecided whether Isaac is better to have in a crisis than Data. I think perhaps Data would have been more successful with the kids, but it's the fact that he would have been which is why I'm glad it was Isaac. Data was created by a human to help other humans. Part of his learning process was in making sure to serve humanity in the best way his programming knew how. On the other hand, Isaac does NOT want to serve humanity. He comes from a race of robots (who I think rightly) think all humans suck and are inferior. And just considering how horrible and obnoxious those kids were, that's who I'd rather was in charge. Isaac is not the comfort these kids need. Because I don't think they deserve it. Some harsh truths are more likely to wake them up (such as that their mother may be dead) than the childish indulgences Data would routine engage in. Data would make the kids feel safer, and treat the situation as fun to calm them. But I don't think the kids would actually be safer. Data would never teach a kid, any kid, how to use a phaser. And that's why I think this scenario is better for having Isaac instead of Data.

I haven't seen Brian Thompson in anything in awhile, and he used to be a pretty heavy sci-fi staple in the 90's, and it's just like this show to resurrect all of the bit players of the era. I found Finn putting her hand on his arm, and telling him she knows he's trying to keep her safe incredibly disturbing, for obvious reasons. You can hate Claire all to want for stabbing the dude unawares after he brought her medicine. But his response to the touch said the actual reason she was there. And that makes him disgusting. And while I admire Claire for understanding how men in these situations work, it bothers me that the 24th Century is such a place that Claire DOES recognize that is what is going on. That's the trade-off for The Orville having realistic humans. You relate to the characters better. But it sure is depressing as hell to think this level of sexual harassment and intimidation is still present hundreds of years from now.

Did I mention Penny-Johnson Jerald's performance in the episode was amazing? The show hasn't been on the air long, and though it has done it's share of amazing episodes, none of those amazing episodes had amazing performances. Jerald's very real desperation and pain over the idea of losing her kids is the first great performance on the series. I really want to see Scott Grimes stretch next. Because I know he has it in him.

All things considered, I loved the episode. But the show itself is slightly worse for it existing. ****1/2.

The Orville "Cupid's Dagger"

I hated that. And this is the first episode of the show I've outright hated. It is a special Seth MacFarlane level of suck.

Maybe just what has been going on in the news with all of these celebrities and politicians being busted for rape, molestation, and sexual harassment, but I think Dorulio's pheromones are less a fun way to do a love potion episode, and more actual rape. None of the people who had sex actually wanted to. The decision was entirely out of their hands.

I get the trope. It's The Naked Now / The Naked Time. The difference is in those Trek episodes, it wasn't a person responsible for the horniness. Much less one who benefited from it. It is beyond creepy.

For the record, both The Naked Time and The Naked Now sucked. The Naked Now was probably the second worst Next Gen episode EVER (next to Code Of Honor). I don't see why MacFarlane wants to emulate either.

And can I just say how upset Yafet is starting to make me? Finn is a doctor. She should not have to go to work every day with that guy continually harassing her. It is beyond disturbing that the producers thought it would be "fun" to hook her and Yafet up after all of the gross, creeper, non-stop, unwanted advances he's made towards her.

And they used the pheromone to make a phony peace among warring aliens? Gee, I don't see how THAT could possibly go wrong days from now. This show usually tries very hard to keep one foot in reality. The ambassadors kissing was something that belonged on a cartoon.

I turn on the news and this crap isn't funny. And just based on the premise of the episode, and many, MANY Family Guy episodes, Seth MacFarlane probably doesn't treat women all that hot either. 0.

The Orville "Firestorm"

Ah, the Fear-Nightmare trope. Classic Star Trek device. The good ones are scary, and keep you guessing as to what the ultimate mystery is. I think the best one I've ever seen was DS9's "Things Past". I could not freaking guess what was going on, because each new twist obliterated the previous guess. DS9 was MUCH better than TNG and Voyager at the trope. Enterprise never delivered a scary episode. They tried to, but none of them were successful.

How is The Orville's version? I couldn't guess what was going on, but I think the mystery made a couple of mistakes, so my guess was closer than it would have been had it not made them. Killing off Gordon was the biggest mistake. Then you realize it's all in Alara's head. It was ultimately a simulation, but killing off Gordon instantly tells the audience the scenario isn't actually real. If they hadn't done that, I might have even have accepted Evil Isaac. But because they did, I knew it was fake.

The other big clue was something that couldn't be helped due to the premise, but it's something that I might not have taken TOO much notice of otherwise. Alara was the only person in every scene after a certain point. I might have chalked that up to the episode simply being focused on her. Until Gordon's death made it clear it wasn't real.

The simulation thing was a bad resolution, but it was less bad upon closer inspection. Right before the last act break, Kelly, Ed, and Isaac look like the creeps of the year for putting Alara through that, until it's revealed she put herself through it in the final act. Even still, they had to jump through a ton of unnecessary hoops to explain why she didn't know it was fake all along. But at least they did that much.

Very scary vampire clown. Penny Johnson-Jerald's performance was also freaky as h*ll. And the giant tarantula running down the hall says how far visual effects have progressed since Star Trek's heyday. None of the shows could have afforded to do that in the 1990's.

Joke report:

I like Kelly saying she was maybe talking out of her @$$ and Isaac asking her to please enunciate.

I laughed at Bortus showing up on the holodeck in a Colonial wig.

The revelation that Evil Isaac was Bortus' fear of being bested by a superior opponent was also outstanding.

I love Ed seriously telling everyone to be on the look-up for pies, seltzer bottles, and balloon animals. It's the fact that he doesn't crack a smile that shows how committed Mercer is to the bit.

Not a perfect Fear-Nightmare trope episode. But it Star Trek had done it, I'd be reasonably satisfied. ****.




Family Guy "Three Directors"

Honestly, Lois did not care for the episode.

I would have gone with David Lynch instead of Wes Anderson, but because they did Anderson, they could do the joke of "Don't you wish his movies were that short?"

While the Tarantino and Anderson segments were more tributes than anything else, the Michael Bay thing was an actual slam as to what a hack director that sicko is. Very well done take-down. Not quite the level of Tiny Tom Cruise. But I sensed the contempt oozing from the episode.

I kind of feel this episode would have played better with a tribute card to Carrie Fisher and Adam West at the end. They both got those tribute cards already, but I have a feeling this episode is the last in which both of their roles are so big.

The first two segments were a good natured spoof, so they were fun. The last segment was an actual take-down of a garbage director, so it was much less so. ***1/2.

Family Guy "The D In Apartment 23"

Wow, that episode sucked.

I couldn't figure out the moral. Is the episode saying that society has gotten too sensitive towards racial insults? Because honestly, even if that were true, (and it's not) it's not like Brian is the well-meaning guy who made a simple mistake. This is part of an ongoing racist pattern for him. I'd be more inclined to think he was being treated unfairly, if every single recent episode hadn't been showing that the character is the single worst person who ever lived.

For the record, I don't want to hear about Brian's education anymore. Anyone who think a Baywatch movie is intellectually superior to a Ride-Along movie has absolutely no credibility when it comes to brainpower. I honestly do not get why the show was talking up the Baywatch movie so much. Baywatch sucks.

Even more disturbing was Chris and Meg going on a murder rampage in their school cafeteria. Seriously. It's a bit messed up what this show thinks is funny.

The only thing I liked was Alex Borstein's pained voice performance in the grocery store. That was literally more pathos than Lois has ever had before. Because she didn't even have to look.

I am not one of those people who thinks the recent Family Guy episodes are worse than the original 50. But dang it, episodes like this are why people think that. And this show is always more than happy to give them that fire. *.




Bob's Burgers "Sit Me Baby One More Time"

Dumb episode title.

So THAT'S where leaves come from! The funniest line in the episode was the last.

Kendra and Mr. Boomboom are kind of terrifying.

Zeke's got twigs in his berries.

Love Tina making fun of the fact that Tammy's hair is two different colors, and saying "And THAT is how you freaking do THAT!"

I love Linda gleefully and instantly covering the $35 bill. Unhappy endings are a rarity on this show, and stuff like that is the reason why. Very funny. ****.




Brooklyn Nine-Nine “Bad Beat”

The Buttlympics are such a funny idea. Laughed at Scully stabbing himself in the leg with a pencil. I love how by the end it stopped being a competition and turned into a bonding experience for Rosa, Hitchcock and Scully. That was sweet. I laughed at them rolling their chairs outside to the hotdog stand. Screw society’s rules! I love her sticking up for them with Amy at the end.

I love how upset Amy seems to be getting with Charles’ food truck. This whole thing is spiraling out of control before she can do anything.

Holt is totally circling the hams.

Loved Terry owning Terry Q.

“That was a pooper.” You think, Holt?

I love that his tell is contractions. That is perfect. The double contraction was the giveaway.

Great episode. ****1/2.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine "The Venue"

Terry talking in the third person finally caught up to him. "Are you threatening me?" That got seriously dark, seriously fast.

And of course it's the Vulture. There is no-one else it could be. I am unsurprised Jean is amazing and a Michelle Obama approved awesome. If the Vulture ever fell for someone, she'd have to be. He, of course, doesn't actually deserve her. Seeing her throw down had Amy declare her the coolest person she's ever met. Because she kind of is.

I love that the show had Vulture offer the venue to cover up the cheating. It is a perfect dilemma. Because suddenly Jake and Amy aren't the decent people they think they are. But I like that they ultimately wound up doing the right thing.

Love the Die Hard cake. It has a licorice as a hose hanging off of the side of the building.

Love the look on Terry's face when Charles said his kids were dumb.

Ray saying that if Terry threw the party he'd like him less was Holt playing by the rules established. And Terry learns the lesson. He still has to be loved. But maybe it's better to be loved by people who you love back.

Good episode. ****.




The Last Man On Earth "La Abeula”

Those flashbacks to 2017 (flashpresents?) were the perfect counterpoint to the episode. I knew the bomb was not in the piñata, because somebody HAD to break it and they'd die. The puzzle box is better because I think the only character on the show smart enough to solve one of those is Melissa. It's also another way to put off the problem for the time being.

I like that Carol ultimately fears the virus, Tandy saying that if that happens, none of this matters. And her saying "Well, it's something I CAN do." That both healthy and incredibly sad.

I was annoyed with Melissa. She's basically punishing Todd for something that was entirely her fault. Todd is a better man than me. I would have blamed her straight up and accused her of babying me to assuage her own guilt. Because that's what's going on.

The baby being an adrenaline junkie was not too big of a surprise, but I like the solution to have a stuffed mounted bear hovering over the crib. Good use of the problem.

Tandy falling down a staircase filled with packing peanuts shows the precise reason the end of the world may be more fun for the survivors than the world before it ended. Because that looks like the funnest thing ever, and I'd never be able to do it unless society was completely gone.

Good episode. The flashpresents were a very nice touch. I believe that house may be haunted after all. ****.

The Last Man On Earth "Double Cheeseburger"

The fact that Carol had two painless births, one in her sleep, and one that she had a definite orgasm during, shows me why a lot of the group often outright dislikes Carol and Tandy. Things go a LOT easier for them than they should for people that stupid. It's enough to drive you nuts.

Loved that she named the second girl Mike. Why not? Who is going to make fun of that on the playground?

Todd's cocaine excuse was like the worst alibi ever. I'm surprised Melissa didn't simply slap him for thinking she was that dumb.

Funny episode. ****.




Ghosted “The Machine”

Both Sam McMurray and Harry Groener were pretty big TV staples in the late 80's / early 90's.

I think Leroy's crack about Max's wife was below the belt. It actually p*ssed me off a bit.

Leroy only has VHS cassettes? How is it possible he has one of Creed?

Pretty good. ***1/2.

Ghosted "Sam"

Ally Walker is still a bad@$$ warrior Goddess. Good to know.

Barry started the Matrix Trilogy at Reloaded and never saw the original? That is outright weird.

Max's last name is Jennifer? Did we ever learn that? Because it's such an odd last name that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have forgotten it.

Is it just Max or does Terry suck? Which one's Terry? Exactly.

I know the show is only 22 minutes but Sam turned completely evil far sooner than I expected. That was fun. ***1/2.




The Blacklist "The Kilgannon Corporation"

I love Aram calling Dembe his role model.

Red's description of Dembe leads me to understand exactly why he had the disbelief he did last season over the idea of Dembe ever betraying him. It's because he challenged Red's perception about the world being a terrible place. He wasn't with Red because he owed him, but rather because he could make him better. And Red tells him that if he had died he would have known Dembe was wrong. And as Dembe says "But here I am."

I love that Red and Dembe managed to get the little girl back to her father. I hope her parents feel foolish now for initially fearing Dembe.

Kilgannon Junior selling out his mother while she listened was so shocking that even Red was taken aback. It was clearly a total bluff, but it was one of those threats that you never risk it on the off-chance that it's not. The fact that it didn't work, and Junior tells Red he wanted to kill his mother himself, leaves Red dumbfounded. The only thing he can do is tell her "I'm sorry" in sympathy. Which is why she decides to help him. I do not blame Red for instantly putting a bullet in Junior after all that.

The one weak spot of the episode was the stuff with Tom. The woman he was working with getting shot in the back left a sour taste in my mouth. We'll see what happens with it next week.

Mostly good episode. ****.

The Blacklist "Ian Garvey"

This episode was so sad. The Sound Of Silence was a perfect song for the end. I can't write an extended review for this because I don't know what else I could add. But that was amazing. *****.




Blindspot "Upside Down Craft"

That was so much fun. LOL at Rich Dotcom asking for a soft pretzel.

The reason I knew Rich had not gone back to the darkside is because his initial suggestion to Patterson was to play along until they got the upper hand. It was for this reason I was all smiles when he winked at her.

I cannot believe I ever sympathized with Roman last year. He is a sociopath and that weird therapist last year was completely right about him.

The episode pointed out something interesting: We still don't know Patterson's first name. That's weird, right?

Hilarious episode. ****1/2.

Blindspot "Gunplay Ricochet"

This was pretty much this show at its lamest. I realize that I hate all of the characters besides Patterson (and of course, Rich Dotcom, who is absent).

The sports shirt thing is SO dumb and is not credible that that would ever be tolerated at the FBI. And "Operation: Cuddlefish"? Patterson is as bad at the secret mission names as Henry Mills.

Do you know why NBC sucks so much? They billed this as "the one Blindspot episode of the season you can't miss". NBC never does any of its shows any favors with their misleading promos. NBC decided to perhaps gain a small number of extra viewers at the expense of the faith of the regular viewers. And if the extra people who don't watch the show actually tune in and think something this sucky is the show at its best, they'll never tune in again. Do you know what killed Enterprise on UPN? That network billing every single episode, even the bottle shows focused on loser crew members like Mayweather as an "Event". UPN became the Network Who Cried "Enterprise Event" while NBC is now the Network That Cried "The One Episode Of The Season That You Can't Miss".

This show is the worst. *.




The Secret History Of Twin Peaks by Mark Frost

Brutal honesty? Disappointed. Big time. And I really should not have been. It's a really great book with a really interesting hook and mystery lay-out that is a real page-turner. But I am frustrated because this was sold as a novel that would bridge the gap between the series finale of Twin Peaks and the Showtime relaunch. Now, I don't especially fault them for not wanting to do that, and to keep most of the tension of the cliffhanger in tact, and not reveal what everybody's been doing until then. I get that. But then that's not how they should have sold the book. The selling point was reading the history of the past 25 years and there is literally none of that. The book's narrative stops a day or so after the cliffhanger.

And that doesn't make sense because The Archivist DOES wind up answering a couple of series finale questions (Pete Martell, Hank Jennings, and Andrew Packard died, while Audrey and Ben Horne survived their calamities). But if he disappears right upon an ambiguously disastrous meeting with Coop's doppelganger, there is no way he should have been able to archive Hank's deathbed letter, the papers regarding the bank explosion, or the eventual Ghostwood Estate sale. The timing of when the Archivist vanishes does not make any sense.

I also subversively kind of wish the file had included the missing pages of Laura Palmer's Secret Diary. Why the frak not? The only reason I would think Frost would be hesitant to do that is he wouldn't want to step on Jennifer's Lynch's toes. But if that's the case, he should have asked her to write them! That's what the writers of The Buffy The Vampire Slayer episode "Selfless" did for Joss Whedon when they need an extra, unheard of musical number. I doubt Lynch would have refused either.

Still, if I had known ahead of time the timeframe the book was covering, I would have loved it unreservedly. Because it proves something great about Twin Peaks that I've ALWAYS thought, but that its critics never did. It, along with The X-Files, got bashed for not having the actual background mythology mapped out, and it was accused of the creators that they were making it up as they went along. Chris Carter deserves that slam. The X-Files is the kind of show that can come back fifteen years later and say that all of the mythology we learned in the first nine seasons was a lie, and expect the audience to accept that as a reason the show ignores colonization. I think that is wrong. But many people think the same thing about the Black and White Lodges from Twin Peaks.

I never did and upon reading this book, I realize I was right all along. It weaves all kinds of ambiguous mythology throughout American history, including the jade ring being present during the Lewis and Clark expedition and something Richard Nixon wore too. But I think the most amazing thing to me is they take the absolute nothing character of Dougie Milford (Mayor Milford's horny brother) and make him be MUCH more influential in the mythology than the show was able to reveal in two seasons. He has as big of a connection to the supernatural stuff as Major Briggs, the Log Lady, and even Agent Cooper himself. It just all happened before the series started and we never knew it. And I love that the book actually explores things that happened during the second half of season two (like the Little Pine Weasel and Lana) and hints there might have been larger things going on. Is it possible Lana was assassin and simply effed Dougie to death to shut him up? As the Archivist states, "What a way to go!". And I love that because Lana is a universally reviled character, and yet Frost's first instinct isn't to ignore her, it's to make her interesting for the first time ever. That's what a good writer does when they are handed crap characters.

We also learn that Josie Packard is and was far more evil than the series ever got around to revealing. She was an actual sociopath. The Secret Diary Of Laura Palmer HINTED that, but because we otherwise saw her though Pete and Harry Truman's eyes, we had sympathy for her. The Archivist lets us know it is completely misplaced.

The Archivist also has a dirt low opinion of Hank Jennings, but I think he's a little too hard on him here. Hank's a monster, but that deathbed repentance letter suggests to me that he is NOT a sociopath as the Archivist claims. I'll accept that designation for Josie upon what we learn here. But not Hank.

This book ties the supernatural elements into every weird actual thing that ever existed. Roswell. The Freemasons. The Illuminati. Watergate. Even Scientology. And the reason why I think the mythology of Twin Peaks holds up is because it says that all of that weird stuff is connected. The Black Lodge, the White Lodge, the Red Room, alien abductions, Bigfoot and giant footprints, other dimensions, etc. They are all the same thing and connected to something that possibly has been around longer than mankind. Twin Peaks and The X-Files are very similar in how they maddeningly refuse to answer questions. Twin Peaks is different in that I think that those answers actually exist and the show was never able to get around to exploring them. It's possible the relaunch won't even get that far. But I kind of think the answers to the supernatural stuff is mapped out by Frost SOMEWHERE, even if it might only be in his head. The original series did too many nods to actual myths and legends to have been making it up on the fly. Rewatch the series sometimes. It is amazing how well everything holds up. There is no Black Oil or Supersoldier that comes out of nowhere when the writers want to spin their wheels with the narrative. It all actually fits. And I think this book proves that that was intentional.

I am disappointed in the book for never learning the fate of Cooper's doppelganger. But I never would have been disappointed in a book this well-constructed if I knew ahead of time that wasn't what it actually was. **** for the experience, ***** for the quality. Overall: ****1/2.