Twin Peaks "The Return: Part 12" Review (Spoilers)

[matt_zimmer]

Did a marathon watch of Justice League Action on OnDemand so we'll be reviewing a ton of those episodes too. Also reviews for the latest episodes of Teen Titans Go!, DC Super Hero Girls, The Powerpuff Girls, Marvel's Spider-Man Shorts, and the Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy Shorts, the first 8 shorts of the new cartoon Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny, and the latest episodes of Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures, Mickey Mouse, The Lion Guard, Tangled: The Series, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Combiner Force, American Dad!, and The Mist.

Upcoming reviews include Doctor Who: Series 9, Class: Series 1, The X-Files: Season 10, Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Blu-Ray), Ant-Man (Blu-Ray), Captain America: Civil War (Blu-Ray), Doctor Strange (Blu-Ray), Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 2, Marvel's Agent Carter: Season 1, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), X-Men: Days Of Future Past: The Rogue Cut, Deadpool, X-Men: Apocalypse (Blu-Ray), Logan, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 1, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 2, Zootopia, Moana (Blu-Ray), Tangled: Before Ever After (DVD), Inside Out (Blu-Ray), The Good Dinosaur (Blu-Ray), Finding Dory (Blu-Ray), Once Upon A Time: Season 5, The BFG, Tomorrowland, Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Blu-Ray), Star Wars Rebels: Season 2, Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales, Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures: Season One, Jim Henson's Turkey Hollow (DVD), Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (Blu-Ray), Teen Titans Go!: Get In Pig Out, DC Super Hero Girls: Intergalactic Games, The LEGO Batman Movie, Justice League Dark, Teen Titans: The Judas Contract, Batman And Harley Quinn, Suicide Squad (Blu-Ray), The Flash: Season 2, Arrow: Season 4, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 1, Supergirl: Season 1, Vixen: The Movie, Gotham: Season 2, iZombie: Season 1, iZombie: Season 2, Lucifer: Season 1, Be Cool Scooby Doo!: Spooky Kooky Fun!, Wabbit: A Looney Tunes Prod.: Hare-Raising Tales, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies: Extended Edition, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Beyond The Known Universe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Earth's Last Stand, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Super Shredder, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Half-Shell Heroes: Blast To The Past, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows, Power Rangers (2017), Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Megaforce: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Super Megaforce: The Complete Season, Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Season 1, Heroes Reborn: The Complete Series, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1: Water, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 2: Earth, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire, The Legend Of Korra: The Complete Series, Haven: Season 5 - Vol. 1, Haven: The Final Season, Under The Dome: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, Sleepy Hollow: Season 3, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 2, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 3, The Jurassic Park Trilogy, Jurassic World, Back To The Future: The Complete Animated Series, Shaun The Sheep Movie (Blu-Ray), Shaun The Sheep: The Farmer's Llamas, 12 Monkeys: Season 1, 12 Monkeys: Season 2, Grimm: Season 4, Grimm: Season 5, Grimm: Season 6, The Wonder Years: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 5, The Wonder Years: Season 6, The Peanuts Movie, Peanuts By Schulz: Snoopy Tales, Peanuts By Schulz: Go Team Go!, Bob's Burgers: Season 5, Ghostbusters: Answer The Call, Community: Season 6, Hannibal: Season 2, Hannibal: Season 3, Danger Mouse: The Complete Series, Prison Break: Season 5, Game Of Thrones: Season 5, and Game of Thrones: Season 6.



Twin Peaks "The Return: Part 12"

I predicted when I rewatch all this later, this will wind up being my least favorite hour of the miniseries. It bordered on dreadful.

First up, Audrey: There is NO way a knob like Clark Middleton deserves a goddess like Sherilyn Fenn. But then seeing the way she acted, maybe he did. Him refusing to tell her about the other end of the phone call was the perfect revenge against that type of abuse. There are small ways a dump like Charlie can get back at a dish like Audrey. That is one of them.

Gordon's girlfriend takes a ridiculous amount of time to leave the room. When he told Albert he worried about him, I was like "The wrong friend is worrying about the wrong friend." But considering Albert's expression and refusal to indulge Gordon, maybe he isn't.

We finally got an explanation for the Blue Rose cases 25 years later. Once of the frustrating things about Twin Peaks being canceled when it was, is that unlike Lynch's other projects, the mythology holds together. There was a lot of unexplainable stuff. But the sense I always got from the Black lodge and other mysteries is that Lynch and Mark Frost DID have those answers written down somewhere, and the series just never got around to them because its run was so short. The Return has confirmed this hypothesis to me many times so far.

The scene with Ben Horne and Sheriff Truman was pretty much the only scene I actually liked in the episode. Richard Beymer was great.

I was beyond frustrated that the Sarah Palmer stuff went absolutely nowhere. Maybe we'll get back to it next week. But Lynch is usually able to make something like that a TINY bit interesting at first glance. And this was just infuriating.

I've had enough of Dr. Amp. It's just the same joke over and over again. Stop. Now.

I like Carl on the relaunch far more than I did in Fire Walk With Me.

Diane's realization that something is going down in Twin Peaks said "I'm going to have to visit the town that ruined my life." And I'm guessing for the first time ever.

That sucked. *.



Justice League Action "Supernatural Adventures In Babysitting"

I adore the moment when Stargirl reveals her secret identity to Timmy to comfort him. That was unbearably sweet. And when Timmy proclaims a man was in the house when his dad gets home, I was like "Courtney is SO busted for underage sex!" Then he says "It was Batman!" and I'm all smiles. I love that Batman gave him a Smartphone. That feels absolutely right to me.

Funny that Klarion didn't ultimately want Morgaine Le Fey's branding iron.

I also love Stargirl confusing Constantine for a hobo. I can see it.

I adore that ending of Courtney unmasking herself and Batman getting the kid a Smartphone. SO much. ****.

Justice League Action "Booster's Gold"

Swim away! Swim away!

I love that people in the future have "developed" short attention spans. Booster only saw the first ten minutes of Jurassic Park. What a slog.

The boxing glove arrow and Legion ring made appearances.

I like that when Green Arrow does his monologue about the right to destroy a future utopian society, Booster takes the matter out of his hands. What was that, buddy? I wasn't listening.

Arrow is a dumb name. There. I said it.

Booster makes everything better. ****.

Justice League Action "Booray For Bizarro"

Love getting a self-aware evil version of Amazo. Finally HE'S the bad guy rather than Luthor or Ivo.

I also love that Bizarro's screwed-up brain is the thing that fudges him up. I also love that Bizarro thinks Space Cabbie is the smartest man in the galaxy.

Appearance by Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) but he didn't get any lines.

Fun. ****.

Justice League Action "Best Day Ever"

Loved it.

Love that Batman not only has Ace, but he dresses him up in the costume.

How does Joker know Desaad?

Big Belly Burger is a thing! I love that Joker can't decide between the rocketship and the rainbow unicorn. His lunacy is gender neutral.

I love Lex trying to plead innocent, Superman not buying it, and then Lex shooting him after saying "Worth a shot."

And I love that he ultimately helped the heroes. Joker's plan was a good one. But a .2% chance of surviving isn't good enough for Lex. He planned to take out the most dangerous person there. And that's Joker, not Superman.

Great. ****1/2.

Justice League Action "The Cube Root"

Not in the face!

Stein got old.

Mr. Terrific has a similar character design to Sinestro. That's who I confused him for in the theme song.

All right but not great. **1/2.

Justice League Action "Superman's Pal, Sid Sharp"

Okay, I liked the last newspaper headline, but that pretty much sucked otherwise. Jon Lovitz is one of the most annoying actors around, and Sid is the same.

Interesting that this version of Darkseid in MUCH bigger than Superman. The DCAU version is the same size.

I like that with the lack of embargoes we can actually get some of the non-superpowered supporting casts in this show.

Sucked. *.

Justice League Action "Quality Time"

Superman sucks at bowling. Another thing he has in common with Barack Obama. Weird that Batman suggested that in the first place.

I guess Zatanna and Cyborg know Batman's secret identity.

Who is the horned chick?

Pretty good, but not great. ***1/2.

Justice League Action "Selfie Help"

Is Space Cabbie a member of the Justice League or not? Because he seems totally useless to me.

When Batman wants to get to Apokalips... he takes a cab. Right.

Cute episode though. Why haven't they thought of putting ads in selfies before? ***1/2.

Teen Titans Go! "The Day The Night Stopped Beginning To Shine And Became Dark Even Though It Was The Day: Chapter Two: The Story In Your Eyes"

The stuff on the songscape with the Dragon was great and I was tickled that they decided to bring B.E.R. back together for the special. ****1/2.

Teen Titans Go! "The Day The Night Stopped Beginning To Shine And Became Dark Even Though It Was The Day: Chapter Three: Playing Hard To Get"

This is probably the first legit adventure on the show. We've seen the Titans supposedly on missions before this, but those were all jokes. This is technically too, but the Titans actually take it seriously, which is first.

If this show doesn't wind up giving B.E.R. a second wind and a new following and reason to get the band back together, I don't know what would.

I am a little amazed how bad Cee-Lo's voice is when singing the song. When he isn't telling his ex to f*** herself, his voice is quite off-key.

This was awesome. *****.

Teen Titans Go! "The Day The Night Stopped Beginning To Shine And Became Dark Even Though It Was The Day: Chapter Four: The Night Begins To Shine"

That was phenomenal. Yeah, I know it's a satire of this kind of stuff, and is actually making fun of it, but it's still awesome. I would go so far as to say that if the entire series had been like this, no-one would ever have had a problem with it. *****.

DC Super Hero Girls "Fresh Ares: Part 2"

Diana grabs the soup out of Ares' hands. "No redemption arc for you!"

Still love Ares' Scooby Doo villain design. ****.

DC Super Hero Girls "Fresh Ares: Part 3"

Anyone else think it's unlikely that Miss Martian can shapeshift into Catwoman so well, that she passes a retinal scan? Because I don't buy that for a second. **.




Preacher "Pig"

I hate Herr Starr almost as much as the Saint of the Killers, but in fairness to Starr, he's actually funny, which means I'll tolerate him. I was less surprised that he shot his last potential recruit rival in the head than the fact that the other guy didn't think of it first.

I wonder if Cassidy will make Dennis a vampire. I wonder because I haven't really seen any of the many vampire downsides to being one in this universe that you see in other genre shows. You don't have to drink blood unless you're mortally wounded, and the only legit seeming weakness is sunlight. Unless it actually damns your soul, or some other downside we don't know about, I don't get why Cassidy is so reluctant.

I am amused the French professor seems nonplussed at both Dennis referring to Cassidy as a father, and then Cassidy never correcting that.

Jessie lacks empathy. It is hinted the reason he told Tulip he felt nothing was wrong was because he felt a piece of his soul missing (great sign of the apocalypse, as pointed out by the conman), but dang, Tulip's hurting and Jessie, who supposedly loves her, can't measure up a lick of sympathy for her genuine trauma. I've said before that before Genesis, I imagine Jessie was an outright cr*ppy minister.

I love the scam Jessie, Tulip, and Cassidy pulled on the fight club at the beginning. I love that not only did it work, but that those doofuses weren't even mad when Tulip came back to rub their noses in how badly they screwed them.

I hate Herr Starr and Jessie, and I love Cassidy and Tulip. Middling week. ***1/2.




The Powerpuff Girls "Imagine That"

Wow, Him's voice was MUCH scarier on the original series. Hate it now. There is nothing special or eerie about it.

Buttercup actually likes the Conductor of Doom.

I did laugh at "For Joey! Yeesh!" But I was mostly disappointed by this version of Him. *.




Marvel's Spider-Man "Origins: Part 4"

Peter thought up Webface before Spider-Man? ***.

Marvel's Spider-Man "Origins: Part 5"

Peter saying he was going to remember this day for the rest of his life was ominous.

Stan the Man!

Peter is a LOT more culpable here in letting the thief go than in other recent versions. You saw why Toby Maguire decided not to help, and Andrew Garfield's refusal actually seemed justified to me (at least until he stole the milk). But here Peter doesn't help without thinking. It doesn't make a ton of sense, even if stuff like that happens quickly. But it does demonstrate that Peter does NOT have the mindset to be a hero at this point. ****1/2.

Marvel's Spider-Man "Origin: Part 6"

It's weird (and good) to have a serious Spider-Man cartoon for once. I loved it. *****.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Pick Up The Pieces"

I like that Peter is so dumb he still collects cassette tapes. ****.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Starlord vs. Modok!"

I love that Rocket makes up fake missions for Peter. Getting a giant stuffed animal qualifies.

I loved Quill's reaction to Modok too. He has baby arms and legs! That he does. That he does. ****.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Drax Attacks"

Drax is very, very dumb. And very, very funny.

Drax doesn't mean the meaning of the word Princess Strawberry Rainbow Golden Hair.

Drax is VERY lucky that Ferris wheel was empty.

Fun. ****1/2.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Rocket! Groot! Man-Thing!"

Man-Thing is a total rip-off of Swamp Thing.

Why ARE butterflies called butterflies? I don't see no butter on 'em!

Mostly lame. *1/2.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Gamora Strikes!"

Who doesn't like cake?

I like that Gamora thinks human bully children are crueler than Thanos.

For the record, I am well aware this is a TV-Y7 show. In real-life, boys that age would have wagered Gamora taking her top off.

Pretty good. ***1/2.

Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy "Guardians Reunited!"

"Dude, Where's My Chair?" is like the worst movie title ever.

Awww! Man-Thing's a good guy? Who knew?

All right conclusion. ***.




Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "Sands Of Jakku"

Take note, DC Super Hero Girls. This is how you properly aim a genre project at little girls.

What do I know? Maybe they'll hate it for not being girlie enough. But it's high quality enough to be enjoyed by everyone. Which is something most projects designed for little girls are not. *****.

Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "BB-8 Bandit"

That was SO great! I'm loving this show! *****.

Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "Ewok Escape"

I seem to be the only person who loves the Ewoks.

"Dealt with them"? Was that Stormtrooper just using a euphemism for Ewok genocide? The Empire sucks. ****.

Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "The Padawan Path"

Least favorite episode so far. Anakin's character design sucks. Well, Anakin HIMSELF sucks, so perhaps that's to be expected. **.

Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "Beasts Of Echo Base"

What? Leia dealt with the Wampa before Luke and Han did! And unlike Luke, she never got punked by it.

I love that the Wampa thinks Chewie's a teddy bear. Heh. ****1/2.

Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "The Imposter Inside"

Love Padme kicking butt and taking names.

A war over utensils? Miss Manners would approve. ****.

Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "The Stranger"

Can I just state for the record how awesome Rogue One and The Force Awakens were for introducing the female heroes they did? Jyn is outright cool. ****1/2.

Star Wars: Forces Of Destiny "Bounty Of Trouble"

Sabine! I like how these shorts seem to be linking all of the projects, old and now, live-action and animated, together. ****1/2.

Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures "The Tower Of Alistan Nor"

Rowan can hug his way out of anything. He so cute.

5 minute showers are not gonna cut it for Admiral Ackbar.

Next time they go someplace, ROG-R is just gonna stay on silent mode.

The Emperor is so funny.

Darth Vader's actions at the end were pretty hardcore for a Lego project.

Fun. ***1/2.

Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures "The Embersteel Blade"

Best line goes to Darth Vader: "You may resume your cowardly panicking."

Loved Kordy's bluff of pretending to be a shapeshifter acting offended to have to change shape. She is not there to do tricks! Great bluff.

I can't believe Zander bought a ship with the Rebellion's money. That idiot is a menace.

I love that that planet has a hotline for royal family ransoms. I love that the hold music is the Star Wars Cantina thing. Graballa hates that song.

I love the idea that Graballa is cool with waiting 50 years to turn a profit. 50 years is nothing to a Hutt!

Good episode but I just wanna smack Zander. ****.

Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures "The Storms Of Taul"

Okay, now the Emperor is abusing sarcasm.

Love Hondo.

Kordy's blue milk allegory does not hold up to scrutiny to ROG-R.

M-OC knows how to make the worst things sound even worse. He is such a bad@$$.

Love Rowan's lightning rod trick.

This season is much better than the first. ****1/2.

Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures "Return To The Wheel"

I love Darth asking Graballa why he's doing this.

They couldn't get Boba Fett! I love how insulted that makes the other bounty hunters.

"So just to be clear, the hairless Wampa is off the table?" I love ROG-R.

Kordy is NOT taking this away from Rowan.

Can you imagine getting onto an elevator... and then Darth Vader steps on it? How horrifying! How do you make small talk with THAT?! Most awkward ride ever!

"Find out if the Empire... is building a new Death Star!" Admiral Ackbar gets the best line readings.

Great episode. ****.




Mickey Mouse "Touchdown And Out"

The Beagle Boys and the Chernabog from Fantasia? Oh snap!

I laughed at Mickey, Donald, and Goofy literally get their keisters handed to them.

I like the moral at the end that one touchdown will not win a team a game. It's a moral victory though.

Funny. ****1/2.

Mickey Mouse "Locked In Love"

I love the J-Pop music during the chase scene and I laughed at Mickey trying to gnaw his own arm off. ****.

The Lion Guard "The Rise Of Scar"

That was great, even though we didn't actually see much of Scar, and the episode was more a promise of more of him to come. That being said, I do not think the visions of Mufasa needed to be explained or confirmed to be real. I was perfectly happy when part of me thought those conversations were Simba and Kion looking inward and imagining what he'd say. The continuity hold together surprisingly well with Rafiki's previous "Lions of the Past" statements, and the reveal that everyone can see the lions when Kion does the Roar. Part of me is miffed that it is no longer open to interpretation. But it's the fact that the explanation fits in with everything that came before which is why I don't ultimately mind it.

Rafiki's new apprentice turned out to be much less of a hindrance than the previews hinted. They hinted her being tempted over to the dark side and that never happened once.

I would have found it interesting if Scar had repented in the vision similar to Jacob Marley. Of course, that would have defeated the hype, but that definitely would have been the most interesting twist.

Fuli is the first female member of the Lion Guard? Why has that never come up before? Why is it Fuli didn't already know that?

One of the best episodes of the show. *****.

Tangled: The Series "In Like Flynn"

That was great. Rapunzel's horrible pranks were a hilarious subplot. And just when you think she will NEVER get it, you realize the joke's on Cassandra. Twice! Good one.

I loved Eugene's reaction to learning the Royal seal was, well, a SEAL. I love that they freed him at the end, and that his name was Trevor Junior.

I love the stuff with the guards arguing over quiche. This is the way this cartoon is superior to all previous Disney TV cartoons: Realistic dialogue and observational humor. This is literally the first Disney TV cartoon that feels like a truly modern project.

The King calls Eugene "Son" pretty early on the episode. That is the thing I would have taken from the King's true feelings towards him, not Cassandra's opinion meant to demoralize him.

The King is even worse at pranks than Rapunzel. Even if Rapunzel isn't actually PRANKING someone, and is in fact doing constructive vandalism, she at least gets the reactions she's looking for. Which says she is better at this than her father, and probably better at this than we think.

Great episode of a great show. *****.

Tangled: The Series "Great Expotations"

Rapunzel is not stupid. Rapunzel is merely literal. And that fact that she is so enthusiastic about learning about things she doesn't yet understand makes her endearing. She wants to try EVERYTHING which is something I love. It must be a tough needle for the producers to thread without making her look like a blonde bimbo, but the producers thread it masterfully, and I never think the character unintelligent. That is a sign of good writing.

Even if I hate the character of the science judge, I love his design. I bet that would have worked fabulously in 3-D computer animation.

Good episode. ***1/2.




Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "Osoroshi No Tabi - Scary Journey"

Five seasons. Five seasons and a dead Sensei and the Turtles STILL don't know enough not to go blundering into situations they don't understand. The Three Stooges and Roger Rabbit. And they've never stopped being that.

Also the fake-out death thing only works if the audience believes it. And since the show IS about the Turtles, you know it's fake. Which makes it pointless, and the pathos it tries to wring from the scenario completely unearned. That was outright bad storytelling. This was an outright bad episode.

Any good things? I finally understand exactly what Tanooki Mario is. I never got that before now (although the statue thing still puzzles me).

Sucky episode. *.




Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Combiner Force "Guilty As Charged"

I like that Bee feels like a total d*ck upon realizing Blastwave is mute. He had that EXACT disability back on Transformers Prime and knows how frustrating it is. Luckily, that also means he know Cybertronian Sign Language. Which comes in handy here.

I liked this episode, as predictable as it ultimately was. ****1/2.




American Dad! "The Life And Times Of Stan Smith"

The jokes are what people show up for because Roger's BJ's are s***. Love that.

I kind of feel the idea that Stan sold his soul should have far reaching consequences for the rest of the series and not played as a joke. Then again, it's possible he never DID sell his soul. It was hinted in the Apocalypse Christmas episode that Stan is currently living in his personal version of Heaven. Which means he's already dead, this Satan is fake, and his soul is safe. I'd like to get a better answer in a future episode.

Heaven has slaves. This is one of those horrible yet masterful jokes American Dad does. Family Guy does horrible jokes too, but none of them are as clever or thought provoking as American Dad's always are. They always make me wince. And think at the same time.

Pretty good but I'd like to see future fall-out from this. ***1/2.

American Dad! "The B*tchin' Race"

Another episode that shows that Stan and Hayley actually have more in common than they don't.

I like Steve's amazement that a nice bed isn't something Hayley finds worth fighting for.

I also love the hardcore way Stan alphaed the yaks. Good seeing that crazy Thai general again too. Even HE knows Stan was snubbed by Dick's bachelor party.

I love that the Heaven kid's mother actually hates him. Because I do too, and I would have been furious if I was the only person who did.

I love that Klaus plays a daily game of Russian Roulette. For fun.

Funny episode. ****.




The Mist "The Devil You Know"

I used to think Natalie was crazy. But her explanation of the Mist fighting infections made a lot of sense. And seeing how she was attacked by the supposedly Christian side means she actually has the high ground.

The stuff Kevin and the experiments was terrifying. Despite what the doctor said, he was evil and cray cray.

Pretty spooky week. ****.