![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matt_zimmerLJ won't let me post the entire review so I'm splitting it in two.
Once Upon A Time: The Complete Fourth Season
Once Upon A Time made a mistake. A big one. This season, the series decided to explore what makes a hero and what makes a villain. The writers thought it would be cool to show that Snow White and Prince Charming, the most pure and innocent characters on the show, once committed an evil act. They were trying to build a redemption story for characters we had no idea actually needed one.
Big mistake. Because the "sin" they had those two commit was so shockingly, horribly evil that there is no way these two should be redeemed. I no longer think of them as heroes and realize the fact that they have been shockingly covering this up and lying about it this entire time means they never were. The series wanted to do something that Emma would have a hard time forgiving. But of course she's gonna. She's their daughter. She can get past this eventually.
But that doesn't mean I or the rest of the audience has to. This is no part of me that considers Snow and David trying to repair their relationship with their daughter sympathetic while they are still constantly rationalizing and using b.s. justifications for what they did, even up to the tail end of the season. If the writers consistently showed they were sorry, even if I didn't forgive them, I probably wouldn't hate them. But they refuse to take responsibility and lie and continue to destroy other people's happiness to protect the delusions that they are actually good people. It's absolutely sickening and now I hate Mary Margaret and David and I will never forgive them. Ever. And I'm a little bit appalled that the writers think I should.
That reminds me. I probably shouldn't rewatch the Buffyverse anytime soon. I used to think all of the redemption arcs were cool, but I know if I rewatched the franchise now I'd feel similarly dark for some of the characters. Willow does not deserve to be on Sabbatical with Giles in England. She should be in prison for the rest of her life. I think the same thing about Snow and David.
What's interesting to me is that this changes the subtext of the entire series. Because if they ALWAYS sucked this bad, that means they were never the good guys. Regina is apparently the hero of the story and always has been. Anyone who goes up against Snow White and Prince Charming is on the side of angels in my mind.
For the record, the season's other big problem isn't as big of a problem since I saw the season finale. I had been tearing my hair out in rage over how Rumplestiltskin was destroying his happy ending for the stupidest of reasons until "Operation Mongoose" gave him a great one: "Who could EVER love a Beast?" Suddenly Rumple doesn't suck anymore.
Something about Frozen this season too...
Best episodes of the season are the Frozen saga coming to a head (Shattered Sight), Ursula's origin story (Poor Unfortunately Soul), and the two part season finale set in an alternate universe (Operation Mongoose). Worst episodes are the Snow and David spotlights "Unforgiven" and "Best Laid Plans". What were the writers' thinking? Season overall. *.
A Tale Of Two Sisters:
The worst season of Once Upon A Time does indeed get off to a troubling start. Not as bad as the rest of the season that followed it, but there were serious warning signs the shows was going off the rails. It's weird that the same thing happened to Grimm, a show with a similar premise, in the exact same year. Unlike Grimm, I think Once can recover, but they'll have to work at it a bit. Let's start off with the problems for the episode. Sven as a cartoon Reindeer just obliterated whatever credibility the show had built up over the previous three seasons. And I think I can better put into words why the Beauty and the Beast dancing scene rankles me so. I always hated it but I realize now that the reason it sucks so much is because it is phony and hurts the integrity of the show. Instead of the show being an exploration of good and evil using classic fairy tales characters, it is now a corporate synergy project for the Walt Disney Company. And there is no magic left. That is exactly why such a slavish adaptation of Frozen was as ill-advised and clumsily handled as it was. By feeding the Disney beast, the show stopped being magical and something I could believe in. It is now cynical and a cheap cross-promotional tool. And it never should have become that. I'm still steamed about it. What else? The idea of Sleepy as designated driver is so ludicrous I was angry the writers expected me not only to find something that dumb funny, but buy into it for a second in the first place. Not gonna happen. I would also find Rumplestiltskin's scene at Baelfire's grave more touching if I didn't know what he was going to do later in the season. And having Henry reach out to Regina not being the first thing the heroes would try beggars belief. I know they needed to isolate Regina for the episode but how dumb are Snow, Emma, and David not to think of having Henry be the one to call her in the first place? He should have been the ONLY one attempting to reach out. I liked finally learning the Enchanted Forest's proper name (Misthaven) but think it's a bit ridiculous this is actually the first time it's come up. Really? I love Elsa's "I will find you" because it ties back into Snow and David (when they didn't suck). I like that Emma considers it her mission to bring back ALL of the happy endings, even for Regina. The Author isn't called the Author here. Regina calls him "the Writer of these stories". It doesn't drip off the tongue the way The Author does, but there's just something iconic about the way she phrased it. Zelina Watch: If it WAS Zelina all along, she never should have forgiven Regina at the end. Verdict: Doesn't play. Trouble ahead. **1/2.
White Out:
I kind of love how upset Snow was to be thrust into a leadership position. How goofy a town is Storybrooke? Who is and isn't mayor depends on who cast the curse. At least Snow was finally able to admit there were probably larger reasons as to why Regina was evil. But I'm going to call b.s. on the idea that Snow was able to figure out how to get the power on by using the lessons she learned as the mother of an infant. I am not as stupid as the show thinks I am. I admittedly love the idea of Bo Peep as a sinister Warlord, and think it plays terrifically with David being a shepherd. But... dang, her actress was awful. I don't even mind that she was an old crone (I like that idea, actually). It's just that her accent was so fake you could tell it was a put-on. And Josh Dallas' wig was bad. Bad enough that I needed to comment on it. It was beyond distracting. And Once is the kind of dumb show that believes a person can learn how to professionally swordfight in an afternoon. It would be one thing if the show simply stated that David was unnaturally gifted at it, but they weren't even smart enough to do that. This show doesn't think much of its audience. And as annoying as Henry was this season, I kind of love him refusing to leave the stoop because he missed his room. That's a kid reaction, which is why I think it moved Regina in the first place. And I'll say it: I love Anna's actress (Elizabeth Lail) but I would have loved it even more if they had snagged Kristen Bell. She probably would have done it too (see her slumming on Heroes). Maybe she was too busy? But that cute chick they got was the next best thing. How dumb is Mary-Margaret? She actually thought David and Emma were serious about their bullfighting and Lazer Tag jokes. Best line reading goes to Josh Dallas as David: "Sure, Joan. Anything for Kristoff's fiance." It wasn't even a funny line. It's just the way Dallas delivered it was hilarious. And Giancarlo Esposito was sorely missed. The best thing about Revolution's cancelation was that his time was freed up so he could do this show again. ***1/2.
Rocky Road:
Good and bad. Let's start off with the biggest thing that was literally good and bad: Henry enthusiastically creating Operation Mongoose with Regina. It was a great moment for Regina. Because it had been established that her motivations for finding the Author were initially sinister. By deciding to tell Henry the truth, that means they no longer will be. That's cool. Unfortunately, Henry being so supportive of Regina pretty much turns him into the obnoxious "Gee whiz!" kid his detractors claim he was in the first three seasons, but wasn't. Genre show fans automatically hate all kids, particularly if they are smart, and the Henry from the first three seasons never deserved that hate. But now because of his role as Regina's supporter this season, he is every bit as annoying as people say he is. Another good and bad thing: the Knave of Hearts being made a series regular. He was the best thing about Once Upon A Time In Wonderland and I'm delighted to see him again. But he was utterly wasted in season four. We STILL never got a flashback for him or a reveal to what happened to him and Anastasia. And that's infuriating. I loved his line upon learning Storybrooke had two sheriffs: "That's not even fair, is it?" Speaking of infuriating, anyone else find it maddening that Archie is lecturing Snow on the street about the burdens of new motherhood and being mayor while obliviously standing there and not offering to help Snow get Neal into the stroller? Jebus! Emma stating that everyone she's been with is dead is a good moment because, oh snap! It's true! And we may not have realized it before she said it. The reveal of Rumple at the end is just as annoying as it was when I first saw it. I think the thing that angered me so much is that before that moment, all of the evil things Rumple had previously done on the series were so he could be reunited with his son and save Belle's life. I loved the idea that the Dark One's ultimate motivations were benevolent, especially because he did such horrible things to achieve them. But there is no higher noble purpose behind his actions now, and I kind of think the writers ruined the most interesting thing about his character. They rehabilitated that idea in the season finale with the "Who could ever love a Beast?" moment, but until then Rumple looks unsympathetic for the first time in the show's history. Hook trying to blackmail him was beyond stupid. The correct response would have been for him to immediately report his suspicions to Belle and then have her try to attempt to use the fake dagger to summon Gold without her telling Gold Hook was involved. It might have even saved their marriage. I also thought it was stupid that Elsa gave in to Hans threatening Kristoff's life like that. Because Hans is not some bank robber in a police stand off with nothing to lose. Elsa should have accurately pointed out that the second Hans killed Kristoff, she would kill him. And since it is a true threat, he would have stood down immediately. That was not something a rich and pampered prince would be willing to die over. Kristoff nitpicking Hans over the definition of the word "Widow" shows that he is and always has been a doof. I loved him making fun of Hans for not checking if there was someone inside the urn, but someone should have pointed out that's what HE should have done too. And how does Hook still not know what a phone is? He just presses the Emma button. I loved him smiling as he told Elsa they were heading into danger (with a little luck). Regina making fun of Snow's bluebird paintings in the mayor's office was mad-funny. Rumple lying right to Emma's face: Boy, it sure would be handy if Emma had a superpower to tell when people are lying to her! Zelina watch: Robin's kiss not curing Marian. Verdict: Plays. Big time. Because I now realize it SHOULD have worked even if Robin didn't love Marian, because Marian still loved Robin. But if it's Zelina, there are two reasons it's not happening. ***1/2.
The Apprentice:
Killian is a moron for ever believing Gold's story that he had Lindsay MacDonaldish Evil Hand Issues. Why? Because Killian was always a good person. In fact, his entire reason for becoming a pirate was noble. He was rebelling against the corruption of the establishment which is pretty much the definition of good. Speaking of morons, I love Emma stating about the Knave of Hearts "Every village needs its idiot". Best description of Will Scarlett ever. Am I the only one who thinks it was cold-hearted that Henry tricked Gold into letting him work for him by stating his was the closest thing he had to a father? That was brutal. I love Robert Carlyle's line reading on "Why, well not? We had a deal," to Anna. The way he said it was mockingly gleeful and you pretty much realize Rumple has had this precise conversation a thousand times before, and is having a private joke at her expense. That's probably why he was so furious she came out on top at the end. He never pictured this slow-witted chick besting him and he underestimated her. Loved Anna asking him if there was something wrong with his skin. And the scene where Anna considers killing him is interesting because the viewer is perfectly aware that Anna cannot actually kill him without the dagger but you were still interested to see if she would make the attempt. Rumple's life is never on the line, Anna's virtue is. And it was a pleasant shock seeing Brad Dourif as the Dark One Zoso at the beginning. Do you know what fell flat? Elsa's joke to Emma asking her if she was merely wearing a corset and where the rest of her dress was. That landed with a thud. Because Elsa's gown is just as revealing as Emma's number so they really should have either picked a different character to say it, or (my preference) not done a joke that stupid in the first place. This was a good episode, even if the characters were dumber than usual. ****.
Breaking Glass:
Once Regina admitted to Emma the real reason she kidnapped Sidney (to kill Marian) I knew she wasn't gonna turn evil. 'Cause that was the whole plan, and she wouldn't have admitted it unless she had really changed her mind. I absolutely adore the innocent way Emma tells Regina she wants to be her friend. It immediately disarmed the Evil Queen and I can see why. Aside from being completely vulnerable and genuine, it is quite obvious Regina has never had a friend in her entire life. This is unprecedented. That look on Lana Parilla's face said that maybe as mad as she was, it would be kind of foolish not to pray on this idea. Because it's an opportunity she's never had, and one unlikely to be shared among anyone else in Storybrooke. I have to say I think Flashback Emma was way too harsh on Lily. That was the point of the story, I guess, but after Lily's genuine and heartfelt apology, the emotion running through Emma's mind should have been forgiveness. Heck, just the fact that Lily got her out of that dire jam at the beginning of the episode kind of meant that Emma sort of OWED her a second chance. And as bad as Lily is, she never points that out. The episode wasn't perfect. I think the plot of Elsa in the woods chasing after a fake Anna fails so badly because it is the Frozen story spinning it's wheels and not going anywhere. I think it would have been perfectly acceptable to me if Elsa did not appear in the episode, and the Frozen story outside of the Snow Queen took a rest for 45 minutes. Elsa seemed shoe-horned into the story when she shouldn't have been. I also groaned at the stupidity of the idea of Snow believing David freed the Knave to give her a victory. I was like "Oh come on, Snow! The universe is not as stupid as you are." ***1/2.
Family Business:
The moral of this episode was ill-advised. Because what Belle did to Rumple is ten times worse than anything he's ever done to her. And we shouldn't be thinking that while he is being such a scumbag. Even worse, he forgives her! Granted, part of that is largely guilt, but even if the dagger was a fake, the intent behind Belle's actions were a bigger violation than the Dark One has ever done to her. Which is the first example this season of the writers foolishly having the characters act worse than they should. Unlike Snow and David and Lily, I'll forgive Belle, and pretty easily. But Rumple should NEVER have the high ground at any point this season considering the amount of lying and violence he has committed, and just by him forgiving Belle, for whatever the reason, he does. There were definitely some cool things in the episode. I loved Regina calling Hook "Captain Guyliner" and talking about storming an evil ice creak truck, and Hook cracking that everybody in Storybrooke seems to be related to each other (which is true!). I also keep forgetting Killian is over 200 years old. Because you'd figure that would mean he was smarter. It also means he's robbing the cradle with Emma. The Rock Troll and the Memory Stone made me roll my eyes. Nothing is ever simple, or non-cliched with magic in this show, is it? I think fiction has so many rules about magic that every storytelling decision in boxed in because if it. This was no different. I also loved seeing the Swiss merchant from Frozen (Oaken). That was cute. And I loved Kristoff pointing out that Anna is a lousy judge of character after she says she's a great one simply for the fact that she agreed to marry Hans ten minutes after meeting him. I kind of love that no matter what kind of happy ending is in store for her and Kristoff, he's NEVER gonna let her forget it. There are housewives out there who hold a grudge for decades for far less against their husbands. Kristoff just struck gold in the "high ground" department and is pretty much guaranteed to never lose it. Lucky guy. Can I just point out to Regina that her plan to have Robin fall back in love with Marian sucked? How's a brother supposed to do that when his lady's in a coma? You can't regain chemistry with someone who is unconscious. She's asking something of Robin that no-one would be able to do especially with their real love still in the picture. Think, Regina, think. Best tell him it's hopeless. It also happens to be the truth. Plot hole: Later in the season Belle recognizes Merlin's gauntlet in Gold's shop. But she sees the Sorcerer's Hat Box here and doesn't recognize it in the premiere. Zelina Watch: Marian seems to be in a genuine coma and truly near death. Verdict: doesn't play. I would think Zelina would have been able to cure herself, and pretty easily. Too cute by half. **1/2.
The Snow Queen:
The series at its best and worst. Let's talk about the best: Ingrid is easily the most sympathetic villain on the show since Rumplestiltskin. And I STILL feel worse for her. I think the show failed to make me care for Regina, Pan, and Zelina, even though they obviously tried hard. But Ingrid's story is so tragic that it is clear that whatever her motives are now, she is not actually a villain. Now to get to the bad... her story was TOO tragic. I think Once way overdoes it on the tragedy in the background of the heroes and villains, and I don't think it should do that. The Enchanted Forest should be a place where happy endings are possible. It shouldn't be a PG-rated Westoros. Frankly, Misthaven, and Agrabah, and all of the distant lands they have shown us are actual pits and hellholes. There's a misogyny and accepted cruelty there and caste systems that I don't want to root for. A happy ending isn't Snow and David ruling the dictatorship. And I kind of resent that the show extended that unpleasantness to Arendelle. Hans was plenty bad in the movie. They didn't need to make Arendelle full of child predators or the Duke of Weaselton a rapist. At this point, I don't actually want to see the heroes return to the fictitious lands for potential happy endings. Because Storybrooke is already ten times better than every other place we've ever visited. And they have Mommy and Me classes for Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White! Speaking of bad, Snow seems to regret showing fear to Emma upon Emma accidentally hitting David with the lamp. Do you know what she SHOULD have regretted? Pulling Neal away from Emma when she tried to hold him after the bottle incident. I have to say, just doing that makes her the worst mother in the world, and says that she prefers Neal to Emma and telegraphs this. What is shocking to me is that Snow seems oblivious to how appalling behavior that actually is. She doesn't even realize something significant has happened when Emma's entire world is destroyed. I have to say all of this "monster" stuff was badly written. Why is that the first word out of Hook's mouth upon seeing the Sheriff's station destroyed? For all he knew it could have been an accident (and it was). The writers were hoping I'd hate Hook for that, but I don't because that is not something any person in the real world would say. Even in the Enchanted forest there are natural disasters. That would be the first thought for anyone. I also thought the kidnapper's sneer of "monster" at the beginning sucked too. He says it right before he dies, but the truth is that what happened to him happened so quickly that a person would not have been able to register what happened in that moment, much less call the person who did that a monster for it. The show was looking for excuses to call Ingrid and Emma monsters and wasn't usually able to come up with good ones. Plot hole: If Emma has never seen Lord of the Rings, how does she know Elvish is from that franchise? That whole "Wesselton" thing was embarrassingly stupid. Out of all of the dumb things from Frozen to mention, this was probably the only thing dumber than "Chocolate!". I just realized this was the first scene between Robin Hood and Will Scarlett on the mothershow. It was worth the wait. Some seriously great stuff and I am still dying to know what happened to the Red Queen. When is Once Upon A Time In Wonderland getting a Blu-Ray release, anyways? Henry telling his mother he was getting married was pretty much the only funny thing he said this season, made doubly amusing by the fact that Regina actually seemed concerned about the joke. I also liked Gold's joke about furniture polish being a magic potion: it makes old things new again. Gerda stating she had already paid magic's price was heartbreaking. That was probably the only sad thing in the episode I liked. Hit and miss. ***1/2.
Smash The Mirror:
This episode contains the single biggest plothole the series has ever given us, and I'm taking off a whopping two stars for it. It is inexcusable. This was Emma's biggest superpower fail ever. She NEVER should have trusted Gold, and known he was lying to her immediately. The worst part is that I think on some level the writers knew this. Usually when Emma is a sucker they come up with a lame justification or excuse why it didn't work. This example was SO egregious, with no possible explanation other than bad writing, that I think the writers were kind of just hoping we didn't notice. They were wrong. Big time. Also the Frozen flashbacks sucked and showed a big reason why mind control is always so spotty on genre shows: you aren't ever aware if the actor you hired can pull it off ahead of time until it's too late. And let me just say that Elizabeth Lail was laughable at trying to play angry and hateful. She sucks at it, which is probably why she was cast as Anna in the first place. But Anna was still adorable during the ruse scene. How does she even know what a book report is? Killian's talking-phone call confession to Emma where he poured his heart out was amazing. Colin O'Donoghue proved in that moment to be a greater actor than I ever suspected. I love Regina shellacking Snow and Charming over their crappy parenting in wanting Emma to lose her powers. Because this should have been obvious to anyone. Her exasperation was shared by me. My single favorite moment in the episode, and one of the best scenes of the season, was when Gold gleefully declares to Hook "You're my oldest friend!" I cracked up at that and I still think it is the funniest thing Rumple as Gold has ever said. Usually if they are going for a laugh line they use Dark One Rumple. But this was so funny BECAUSE it was Gold. I love Will trying to pick the lock of the library only for Robin to point out it was open and that its hours were until 10. "Very generous." Heh. Will's Cat In The Hat line ("I've seen stranger") was bloody brilliant too. And I love his lunch and dinner. Query: why is Will so shocked at a pop-up book? He DID have a Storybrooke identity at one point, right? And if Snow gets a quarter from the Hope Commission every time she says something stupid, she's stinking rich. And it is fitting it is Elsa who came to Emma's rescue. It was a nice moment for the two of them and absolutely the right moment. Wonderful. Why does Emma supposedly hate Happy? Didn't get those jokes and they were never explained. It seems to me who dies and who is simply put into suspended animation when Ingrid freezes them makes no sense. There doesn't seem to be a hard and fast rule and I think there probably should have been. Timothy Webber turned out to be one of the season's brightest surprises as the Sorcerer's Apprentice. This was one of his finer outings. Still, this episode was problematic (to say the least). ***.
Fall:
When David says at the end to Snow that nothing can destroy their love I actually laughed. It's pathological with these two. It's like they're in a cult and their God is "Good always wins", no matter HOW many times they keep being proven wrong. They'll just set another date for the Rapture. I loved Anna's line making fun of Hans' rolling around in gold bars as being weird and painful. Scrooge McDuck is in reality, a freak. What I love about Anna and Kristoff is that they don't act like heroes facing their deaths should. They question the logic and syntax of their captors without ever being smart enough to realize how much trouble they are in. At least they'll get the last word in. Anna's "We sang together" is problematic though. It hints that musical numbers are actually a thing in Arendelle which hurts the integrity of the Narrative. Oh well. Snow, as much as she sucks, had two great lines. The first was the true statement that Regina had an easier time being mayor because she only had to worry about one villain and it was herself. Her also refusing to wish upon hope and faith for the precise reason that "Elsa's blind faith is the thing that's really screwing us now!" was excellent. And for a split second, she got it. I enjoyed the exchange between Anna and Elsa of Anna declaring "What a funny looking world!" and Elsa saying "Right?" in response. I also loved Regina's response to Robin when he said he wasn't afraid of her: "You should be." Boy, howdy! A good one. ****.
Shattered Sight:
I love this episode. And I always have. I love the idea of the Snow Queen's happy ending being her dying. Because really, her sister's love is all she ever wanted, and not many people get to die in moments of pure joy. Besides, if it is as hinted, the Afterlife exists in the Onceverse (which makes sense because the Bible is a collection of stories) so that means she IS reunited with them. I loved the moment so much because Ingrid's first reaction, although the correct one, had to suck for her. It was horror. It meant that the entire life she had led since she had been put in that urn was a waste of time and energy. And then she smiles big and realizes "No it wasn't!". It got her to that moment. Which wouldn't have happened had she not followed the Sorcerer's Apprentice's design. And finally, an actual slugfest between Snow White and the Evil Queen? Long overdue. The only disappointing thing about this big moment is that one of them didn't wind up killing each other (I was rooting for Regina). "I WAS TEN!" And their reaction to waking up is laughing at Regina's ridiculous outfit. Emma had a nice snap against it too. Speaking of nice snaps, I loved David making fun of Kristoff for selling ice in Arendelle. Kristoff was pretty much the one person who was still lovable under the curse. But I'll give Snow and David credit for something: even when they both hated each other, they STILL wanted to protect their baby. That actually strikes me as a bit of a plot hole, but I'll choose to interpret that as a sign of good character (of which they were sorely lacking this season). I love that when Hook is trying to fetch Henry he's needling him for info on what Emma thinks of him. And Hook has never seen Home Alone. Dumb gag, but he is precisely the character who would have fallen for it. I liked the little moment at the beginning in the flashback of the 80's punk rockers giving Ingrid the hairy eyeball. Yeah, right. INGRID is the one who supposedly looks ridiculous. Do you know what else I liked? How good Ingrid was at the foster mom stuff in the beginning. She wound up taking things too far, too fast, but her bonding with Emma that night was cool because it was genuine, and you could tell Ingrid hated Kevin too. Don't we all? I also loved getting the flashback filled in of Emma's confrontation of Ingrid in the ice cream shop. It reminds me that Emma was a VERY unpleasant character during season one. I think we only forgave that because everyone else in town (except Henry) was even more unlikable, but if the Emma of Season 1 dropped into the current season, she would be considered an even bigger drip than Leroy. Plot hole alert: If killing Ingrid was the only way to stop the Shattered Sight curse, why did Anna's curse go away by itself earlier in the season? I notice stuff like that, writers. Funniest moment was Mary Margaret's outrage at David selling her out to the Evil Queen. That was a perfect moment because he did it without hesitation, and for good reason, and yet part of her is still inexplicably offended. Maybe their love IS actually deeper than we thought. Loved Leroy yelling "He's coming!" They should change Happy's name to Scary. Doc screaming at Dopey to say something was hilarious too. The idea the episode had of Gold taking over the entire world would have been VERY cool to see at some point but it probably won't happen now (since Emma is currently the Dark One). Ingrid calling Harry Potter fictional is interesting because as she is from the Realm of Story, she is too. Very meta moment that is made even more interesting by the end of the year. One of the best episodes of the season. The season sucked, but that didn't stop this from being dynamite. Does this episodes contain any flaws? One, and it of course involves how much Ginnifer Goodwin sucks as Snow White. I kind of realized during this scene part of the reason I hate Snow so much is due entirely to Goodwin, and I didn't know that before she says that she a murderer, that she was only pretending to be sorry, but that she didn't really mean it. Goodwin was going for cold-hearted and chilling, but it came across as ridiculous and babyish. It came across as about as scary as a toddler pointing his finger at his nursery school class and yelling "Bang! Bang!". So I realize now that it's not entirely bad writing that makes me hate Snow so much. But the episode is perfect otherwise. *****.
Heroes And Villains:
I loved the expression on Robert Carlyle's face at the town line. He knew what was going to happen the entire time, and he knew it was going to happen no matter what he said. He played the moment as if he knew his bargaining in that moment was nothing more than a stage of grief, and he was just trying to prolong it for as long as possible. His "I'm afraid," broke my heart because you could tell he meant it. I also love how he played the moment in the flashback after getting the "ransom note" with Belle in it. He is genuinely concerned and worried for her, and I think only shows so much outward emotion towards her well-being because he is alone. I'm not even sure HE knew quite how much he cared about her before that moment. And while we're on the subject, Carlyle's reaction to Belle's statement that if he planned to kill her he would have done it long ago is priceless. Carlyle can not only bring the heartbreak, but the big funny too. I love Belle trying to get Henry to stop calling her Grandma without hurting his feelings. I'm not a woman, but I would have allowed it. It's cute and funny for the precise reason that Belle looks the way she does. Maybe in 20 or 30 years it will be less-so, but for the Thanksgivings at present, it's charming. Fave moment was Regina angrily telling Emma she wasn't in the mood for a hope speech, and Emma derisively telling her she isn't her mother, and just thought she could use a drinking buddy. I like that moment because it shows that Emma knows that Snow is full of $#!+, but is just too polite to say so in her presence. Which is fabulous. I liked them drinking to Gold's misfortune too. Ursula stating she hated the Author already based on the pretentious name made me love her instantly. And the whole Camelot thing from season five is so flawlessly set up here. This whole show hangs together better than you'd imagine. Bad things? The "Chocolate!" moment. This show at its most cloying and cutesy. Admittedly, that was FROZEN at its most cloying and cutesy too, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Zelina Watch: Before being forced to leave town Marian is supportive of Regina's relationship to Robin and offers to step aside should Robin choose Regina. Verdict: Doesn't play. At all. Probably the most inconsistent thing possible. Because Zelina is only interested in causing Regina pain. There is no part of making peace that does that. The weird thing is that the writers claim they ALWAYS knew Marian was Zelina, so it is inexplicable why they'd even do this in the first place. ***1/2.
Once Upon A Time: The Complete Fourth Season
Once Upon A Time made a mistake. A big one. This season, the series decided to explore what makes a hero and what makes a villain. The writers thought it would be cool to show that Snow White and Prince Charming, the most pure and innocent characters on the show, once committed an evil act. They were trying to build a redemption story for characters we had no idea actually needed one.
Big mistake. Because the "sin" they had those two commit was so shockingly, horribly evil that there is no way these two should be redeemed. I no longer think of them as heroes and realize the fact that they have been shockingly covering this up and lying about it this entire time means they never were. The series wanted to do something that Emma would have a hard time forgiving. But of course she's gonna. She's their daughter. She can get past this eventually.
But that doesn't mean I or the rest of the audience has to. This is no part of me that considers Snow and David trying to repair their relationship with their daughter sympathetic while they are still constantly rationalizing and using b.s. justifications for what they did, even up to the tail end of the season. If the writers consistently showed they were sorry, even if I didn't forgive them, I probably wouldn't hate them. But they refuse to take responsibility and lie and continue to destroy other people's happiness to protect the delusions that they are actually good people. It's absolutely sickening and now I hate Mary Margaret and David and I will never forgive them. Ever. And I'm a little bit appalled that the writers think I should.
That reminds me. I probably shouldn't rewatch the Buffyverse anytime soon. I used to think all of the redemption arcs were cool, but I know if I rewatched the franchise now I'd feel similarly dark for some of the characters. Willow does not deserve to be on Sabbatical with Giles in England. She should be in prison for the rest of her life. I think the same thing about Snow and David.
What's interesting to me is that this changes the subtext of the entire series. Because if they ALWAYS sucked this bad, that means they were never the good guys. Regina is apparently the hero of the story and always has been. Anyone who goes up against Snow White and Prince Charming is on the side of angels in my mind.
For the record, the season's other big problem isn't as big of a problem since I saw the season finale. I had been tearing my hair out in rage over how Rumplestiltskin was destroying his happy ending for the stupidest of reasons until "Operation Mongoose" gave him a great one: "Who could EVER love a Beast?" Suddenly Rumple doesn't suck anymore.
Something about Frozen this season too...
Best episodes of the season are the Frozen saga coming to a head (Shattered Sight), Ursula's origin story (Poor Unfortunately Soul), and the two part season finale set in an alternate universe (Operation Mongoose). Worst episodes are the Snow and David spotlights "Unforgiven" and "Best Laid Plans". What were the writers' thinking? Season overall. *.
A Tale Of Two Sisters:
The worst season of Once Upon A Time does indeed get off to a troubling start. Not as bad as the rest of the season that followed it, but there were serious warning signs the shows was going off the rails. It's weird that the same thing happened to Grimm, a show with a similar premise, in the exact same year. Unlike Grimm, I think Once can recover, but they'll have to work at it a bit. Let's start off with the problems for the episode. Sven as a cartoon Reindeer just obliterated whatever credibility the show had built up over the previous three seasons. And I think I can better put into words why the Beauty and the Beast dancing scene rankles me so. I always hated it but I realize now that the reason it sucks so much is because it is phony and hurts the integrity of the show. Instead of the show being an exploration of good and evil using classic fairy tales characters, it is now a corporate synergy project for the Walt Disney Company. And there is no magic left. That is exactly why such a slavish adaptation of Frozen was as ill-advised and clumsily handled as it was. By feeding the Disney beast, the show stopped being magical and something I could believe in. It is now cynical and a cheap cross-promotional tool. And it never should have become that. I'm still steamed about it. What else? The idea of Sleepy as designated driver is so ludicrous I was angry the writers expected me not only to find something that dumb funny, but buy into it for a second in the first place. Not gonna happen. I would also find Rumplestiltskin's scene at Baelfire's grave more touching if I didn't know what he was going to do later in the season. And having Henry reach out to Regina not being the first thing the heroes would try beggars belief. I know they needed to isolate Regina for the episode but how dumb are Snow, Emma, and David not to think of having Henry be the one to call her in the first place? He should have been the ONLY one attempting to reach out. I liked finally learning the Enchanted Forest's proper name (Misthaven) but think it's a bit ridiculous this is actually the first time it's come up. Really? I love Elsa's "I will find you" because it ties back into Snow and David (when they didn't suck). I like that Emma considers it her mission to bring back ALL of the happy endings, even for Regina. The Author isn't called the Author here. Regina calls him "the Writer of these stories". It doesn't drip off the tongue the way The Author does, but there's just something iconic about the way she phrased it. Zelina Watch: If it WAS Zelina all along, she never should have forgiven Regina at the end. Verdict: Doesn't play. Trouble ahead. **1/2.
White Out:
I kind of love how upset Snow was to be thrust into a leadership position. How goofy a town is Storybrooke? Who is and isn't mayor depends on who cast the curse. At least Snow was finally able to admit there were probably larger reasons as to why Regina was evil. But I'm going to call b.s. on the idea that Snow was able to figure out how to get the power on by using the lessons she learned as the mother of an infant. I am not as stupid as the show thinks I am. I admittedly love the idea of Bo Peep as a sinister Warlord, and think it plays terrifically with David being a shepherd. But... dang, her actress was awful. I don't even mind that she was an old crone (I like that idea, actually). It's just that her accent was so fake you could tell it was a put-on. And Josh Dallas' wig was bad. Bad enough that I needed to comment on it. It was beyond distracting. And Once is the kind of dumb show that believes a person can learn how to professionally swordfight in an afternoon. It would be one thing if the show simply stated that David was unnaturally gifted at it, but they weren't even smart enough to do that. This show doesn't think much of its audience. And as annoying as Henry was this season, I kind of love him refusing to leave the stoop because he missed his room. That's a kid reaction, which is why I think it moved Regina in the first place. And I'll say it: I love Anna's actress (Elizabeth Lail) but I would have loved it even more if they had snagged Kristen Bell. She probably would have done it too (see her slumming on Heroes). Maybe she was too busy? But that cute chick they got was the next best thing. How dumb is Mary-Margaret? She actually thought David and Emma were serious about their bullfighting and Lazer Tag jokes. Best line reading goes to Josh Dallas as David: "Sure, Joan. Anything for Kristoff's fiance." It wasn't even a funny line. It's just the way Dallas delivered it was hilarious. And Giancarlo Esposito was sorely missed. The best thing about Revolution's cancelation was that his time was freed up so he could do this show again. ***1/2.
Rocky Road:
Good and bad. Let's start off with the biggest thing that was literally good and bad: Henry enthusiastically creating Operation Mongoose with Regina. It was a great moment for Regina. Because it had been established that her motivations for finding the Author were initially sinister. By deciding to tell Henry the truth, that means they no longer will be. That's cool. Unfortunately, Henry being so supportive of Regina pretty much turns him into the obnoxious "Gee whiz!" kid his detractors claim he was in the first three seasons, but wasn't. Genre show fans automatically hate all kids, particularly if they are smart, and the Henry from the first three seasons never deserved that hate. But now because of his role as Regina's supporter this season, he is every bit as annoying as people say he is. Another good and bad thing: the Knave of Hearts being made a series regular. He was the best thing about Once Upon A Time In Wonderland and I'm delighted to see him again. But he was utterly wasted in season four. We STILL never got a flashback for him or a reveal to what happened to him and Anastasia. And that's infuriating. I loved his line upon learning Storybrooke had two sheriffs: "That's not even fair, is it?" Speaking of infuriating, anyone else find it maddening that Archie is lecturing Snow on the street about the burdens of new motherhood and being mayor while obliviously standing there and not offering to help Snow get Neal into the stroller? Jebus! Emma stating that everyone she's been with is dead is a good moment because, oh snap! It's true! And we may not have realized it before she said it. The reveal of Rumple at the end is just as annoying as it was when I first saw it. I think the thing that angered me so much is that before that moment, all of the evil things Rumple had previously done on the series were so he could be reunited with his son and save Belle's life. I loved the idea that the Dark One's ultimate motivations were benevolent, especially because he did such horrible things to achieve them. But there is no higher noble purpose behind his actions now, and I kind of think the writers ruined the most interesting thing about his character. They rehabilitated that idea in the season finale with the "Who could ever love a Beast?" moment, but until then Rumple looks unsympathetic for the first time in the show's history. Hook trying to blackmail him was beyond stupid. The correct response would have been for him to immediately report his suspicions to Belle and then have her try to attempt to use the fake dagger to summon Gold without her telling Gold Hook was involved. It might have even saved their marriage. I also thought it was stupid that Elsa gave in to Hans threatening Kristoff's life like that. Because Hans is not some bank robber in a police stand off with nothing to lose. Elsa should have accurately pointed out that the second Hans killed Kristoff, she would kill him. And since it is a true threat, he would have stood down immediately. That was not something a rich and pampered prince would be willing to die over. Kristoff nitpicking Hans over the definition of the word "Widow" shows that he is and always has been a doof. I loved him making fun of Hans for not checking if there was someone inside the urn, but someone should have pointed out that's what HE should have done too. And how does Hook still not know what a phone is? He just presses the Emma button. I loved him smiling as he told Elsa they were heading into danger (with a little luck). Regina making fun of Snow's bluebird paintings in the mayor's office was mad-funny. Rumple lying right to Emma's face: Boy, it sure would be handy if Emma had a superpower to tell when people are lying to her! Zelina watch: Robin's kiss not curing Marian. Verdict: Plays. Big time. Because I now realize it SHOULD have worked even if Robin didn't love Marian, because Marian still loved Robin. But if it's Zelina, there are two reasons it's not happening. ***1/2.
The Apprentice:
Killian is a moron for ever believing Gold's story that he had Lindsay MacDonaldish Evil Hand Issues. Why? Because Killian was always a good person. In fact, his entire reason for becoming a pirate was noble. He was rebelling against the corruption of the establishment which is pretty much the definition of good. Speaking of morons, I love Emma stating about the Knave of Hearts "Every village needs its idiot". Best description of Will Scarlett ever. Am I the only one who thinks it was cold-hearted that Henry tricked Gold into letting him work for him by stating his was the closest thing he had to a father? That was brutal. I love Robert Carlyle's line reading on "Why, well not? We had a deal," to Anna. The way he said it was mockingly gleeful and you pretty much realize Rumple has had this precise conversation a thousand times before, and is having a private joke at her expense. That's probably why he was so furious she came out on top at the end. He never pictured this slow-witted chick besting him and he underestimated her. Loved Anna asking him if there was something wrong with his skin. And the scene where Anna considers killing him is interesting because the viewer is perfectly aware that Anna cannot actually kill him without the dagger but you were still interested to see if she would make the attempt. Rumple's life is never on the line, Anna's virtue is. And it was a pleasant shock seeing Brad Dourif as the Dark One Zoso at the beginning. Do you know what fell flat? Elsa's joke to Emma asking her if she was merely wearing a corset and where the rest of her dress was. That landed with a thud. Because Elsa's gown is just as revealing as Emma's number so they really should have either picked a different character to say it, or (my preference) not done a joke that stupid in the first place. This was a good episode, even if the characters were dumber than usual. ****.
Breaking Glass:
Once Regina admitted to Emma the real reason she kidnapped Sidney (to kill Marian) I knew she wasn't gonna turn evil. 'Cause that was the whole plan, and she wouldn't have admitted it unless she had really changed her mind. I absolutely adore the innocent way Emma tells Regina she wants to be her friend. It immediately disarmed the Evil Queen and I can see why. Aside from being completely vulnerable and genuine, it is quite obvious Regina has never had a friend in her entire life. This is unprecedented. That look on Lana Parilla's face said that maybe as mad as she was, it would be kind of foolish not to pray on this idea. Because it's an opportunity she's never had, and one unlikely to be shared among anyone else in Storybrooke. I have to say I think Flashback Emma was way too harsh on Lily. That was the point of the story, I guess, but after Lily's genuine and heartfelt apology, the emotion running through Emma's mind should have been forgiveness. Heck, just the fact that Lily got her out of that dire jam at the beginning of the episode kind of meant that Emma sort of OWED her a second chance. And as bad as Lily is, she never points that out. The episode wasn't perfect. I think the plot of Elsa in the woods chasing after a fake Anna fails so badly because it is the Frozen story spinning it's wheels and not going anywhere. I think it would have been perfectly acceptable to me if Elsa did not appear in the episode, and the Frozen story outside of the Snow Queen took a rest for 45 minutes. Elsa seemed shoe-horned into the story when she shouldn't have been. I also groaned at the stupidity of the idea of Snow believing David freed the Knave to give her a victory. I was like "Oh come on, Snow! The universe is not as stupid as you are." ***1/2.
Family Business:
The moral of this episode was ill-advised. Because what Belle did to Rumple is ten times worse than anything he's ever done to her. And we shouldn't be thinking that while he is being such a scumbag. Even worse, he forgives her! Granted, part of that is largely guilt, but even if the dagger was a fake, the intent behind Belle's actions were a bigger violation than the Dark One has ever done to her. Which is the first example this season of the writers foolishly having the characters act worse than they should. Unlike Snow and David and Lily, I'll forgive Belle, and pretty easily. But Rumple should NEVER have the high ground at any point this season considering the amount of lying and violence he has committed, and just by him forgiving Belle, for whatever the reason, he does. There were definitely some cool things in the episode. I loved Regina calling Hook "Captain Guyliner" and talking about storming an evil ice creak truck, and Hook cracking that everybody in Storybrooke seems to be related to each other (which is true!). I also keep forgetting Killian is over 200 years old. Because you'd figure that would mean he was smarter. It also means he's robbing the cradle with Emma. The Rock Troll and the Memory Stone made me roll my eyes. Nothing is ever simple, or non-cliched with magic in this show, is it? I think fiction has so many rules about magic that every storytelling decision in boxed in because if it. This was no different. I also loved seeing the Swiss merchant from Frozen (Oaken). That was cute. And I loved Kristoff pointing out that Anna is a lousy judge of character after she says she's a great one simply for the fact that she agreed to marry Hans ten minutes after meeting him. I kind of love that no matter what kind of happy ending is in store for her and Kristoff, he's NEVER gonna let her forget it. There are housewives out there who hold a grudge for decades for far less against their husbands. Kristoff just struck gold in the "high ground" department and is pretty much guaranteed to never lose it. Lucky guy. Can I just point out to Regina that her plan to have Robin fall back in love with Marian sucked? How's a brother supposed to do that when his lady's in a coma? You can't regain chemistry with someone who is unconscious. She's asking something of Robin that no-one would be able to do especially with their real love still in the picture. Think, Regina, think. Best tell him it's hopeless. It also happens to be the truth. Plot hole: Later in the season Belle recognizes Merlin's gauntlet in Gold's shop. But she sees the Sorcerer's Hat Box here and doesn't recognize it in the premiere. Zelina Watch: Marian seems to be in a genuine coma and truly near death. Verdict: doesn't play. I would think Zelina would have been able to cure herself, and pretty easily. Too cute by half. **1/2.
The Snow Queen:
The series at its best and worst. Let's talk about the best: Ingrid is easily the most sympathetic villain on the show since Rumplestiltskin. And I STILL feel worse for her. I think the show failed to make me care for Regina, Pan, and Zelina, even though they obviously tried hard. But Ingrid's story is so tragic that it is clear that whatever her motives are now, she is not actually a villain. Now to get to the bad... her story was TOO tragic. I think Once way overdoes it on the tragedy in the background of the heroes and villains, and I don't think it should do that. The Enchanted Forest should be a place where happy endings are possible. It shouldn't be a PG-rated Westoros. Frankly, Misthaven, and Agrabah, and all of the distant lands they have shown us are actual pits and hellholes. There's a misogyny and accepted cruelty there and caste systems that I don't want to root for. A happy ending isn't Snow and David ruling the dictatorship. And I kind of resent that the show extended that unpleasantness to Arendelle. Hans was plenty bad in the movie. They didn't need to make Arendelle full of child predators or the Duke of Weaselton a rapist. At this point, I don't actually want to see the heroes return to the fictitious lands for potential happy endings. Because Storybrooke is already ten times better than every other place we've ever visited. And they have Mommy and Me classes for Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White! Speaking of bad, Snow seems to regret showing fear to Emma upon Emma accidentally hitting David with the lamp. Do you know what she SHOULD have regretted? Pulling Neal away from Emma when she tried to hold him after the bottle incident. I have to say, just doing that makes her the worst mother in the world, and says that she prefers Neal to Emma and telegraphs this. What is shocking to me is that Snow seems oblivious to how appalling behavior that actually is. She doesn't even realize something significant has happened when Emma's entire world is destroyed. I have to say all of this "monster" stuff was badly written. Why is that the first word out of Hook's mouth upon seeing the Sheriff's station destroyed? For all he knew it could have been an accident (and it was). The writers were hoping I'd hate Hook for that, but I don't because that is not something any person in the real world would say. Even in the Enchanted forest there are natural disasters. That would be the first thought for anyone. I also thought the kidnapper's sneer of "monster" at the beginning sucked too. He says it right before he dies, but the truth is that what happened to him happened so quickly that a person would not have been able to register what happened in that moment, much less call the person who did that a monster for it. The show was looking for excuses to call Ingrid and Emma monsters and wasn't usually able to come up with good ones. Plot hole: If Emma has never seen Lord of the Rings, how does she know Elvish is from that franchise? That whole "Wesselton" thing was embarrassingly stupid. Out of all of the dumb things from Frozen to mention, this was probably the only thing dumber than "Chocolate!". I just realized this was the first scene between Robin Hood and Will Scarlett on the mothershow. It was worth the wait. Some seriously great stuff and I am still dying to know what happened to the Red Queen. When is Once Upon A Time In Wonderland getting a Blu-Ray release, anyways? Henry telling his mother he was getting married was pretty much the only funny thing he said this season, made doubly amusing by the fact that Regina actually seemed concerned about the joke. I also liked Gold's joke about furniture polish being a magic potion: it makes old things new again. Gerda stating she had already paid magic's price was heartbreaking. That was probably the only sad thing in the episode I liked. Hit and miss. ***1/2.
Smash The Mirror:
This episode contains the single biggest plothole the series has ever given us, and I'm taking off a whopping two stars for it. It is inexcusable. This was Emma's biggest superpower fail ever. She NEVER should have trusted Gold, and known he was lying to her immediately. The worst part is that I think on some level the writers knew this. Usually when Emma is a sucker they come up with a lame justification or excuse why it didn't work. This example was SO egregious, with no possible explanation other than bad writing, that I think the writers were kind of just hoping we didn't notice. They were wrong. Big time. Also the Frozen flashbacks sucked and showed a big reason why mind control is always so spotty on genre shows: you aren't ever aware if the actor you hired can pull it off ahead of time until it's too late. And let me just say that Elizabeth Lail was laughable at trying to play angry and hateful. She sucks at it, which is probably why she was cast as Anna in the first place. But Anna was still adorable during the ruse scene. How does she even know what a book report is? Killian's talking-phone call confession to Emma where he poured his heart out was amazing. Colin O'Donoghue proved in that moment to be a greater actor than I ever suspected. I love Regina shellacking Snow and Charming over their crappy parenting in wanting Emma to lose her powers. Because this should have been obvious to anyone. Her exasperation was shared by me. My single favorite moment in the episode, and one of the best scenes of the season, was when Gold gleefully declares to Hook "You're my oldest friend!" I cracked up at that and I still think it is the funniest thing Rumple as Gold has ever said. Usually if they are going for a laugh line they use Dark One Rumple. But this was so funny BECAUSE it was Gold. I love Will trying to pick the lock of the library only for Robin to point out it was open and that its hours were until 10. "Very generous." Heh. Will's Cat In The Hat line ("I've seen stranger") was bloody brilliant too. And I love his lunch and dinner. Query: why is Will so shocked at a pop-up book? He DID have a Storybrooke identity at one point, right? And if Snow gets a quarter from the Hope Commission every time she says something stupid, she's stinking rich. And it is fitting it is Elsa who came to Emma's rescue. It was a nice moment for the two of them and absolutely the right moment. Wonderful. Why does Emma supposedly hate Happy? Didn't get those jokes and they were never explained. It seems to me who dies and who is simply put into suspended animation when Ingrid freezes them makes no sense. There doesn't seem to be a hard and fast rule and I think there probably should have been. Timothy Webber turned out to be one of the season's brightest surprises as the Sorcerer's Apprentice. This was one of his finer outings. Still, this episode was problematic (to say the least). ***.
Fall:
When David says at the end to Snow that nothing can destroy their love I actually laughed. It's pathological with these two. It's like they're in a cult and their God is "Good always wins", no matter HOW many times they keep being proven wrong. They'll just set another date for the Rapture. I loved Anna's line making fun of Hans' rolling around in gold bars as being weird and painful. Scrooge McDuck is in reality, a freak. What I love about Anna and Kristoff is that they don't act like heroes facing their deaths should. They question the logic and syntax of their captors without ever being smart enough to realize how much trouble they are in. At least they'll get the last word in. Anna's "We sang together" is problematic though. It hints that musical numbers are actually a thing in Arendelle which hurts the integrity of the Narrative. Oh well. Snow, as much as she sucks, had two great lines. The first was the true statement that Regina had an easier time being mayor because she only had to worry about one villain and it was herself. Her also refusing to wish upon hope and faith for the precise reason that "Elsa's blind faith is the thing that's really screwing us now!" was excellent. And for a split second, she got it. I enjoyed the exchange between Anna and Elsa of Anna declaring "What a funny looking world!" and Elsa saying "Right?" in response. I also loved Regina's response to Robin when he said he wasn't afraid of her: "You should be." Boy, howdy! A good one. ****.
Shattered Sight:
I love this episode. And I always have. I love the idea of the Snow Queen's happy ending being her dying. Because really, her sister's love is all she ever wanted, and not many people get to die in moments of pure joy. Besides, if it is as hinted, the Afterlife exists in the Onceverse (which makes sense because the Bible is a collection of stories) so that means she IS reunited with them. I loved the moment so much because Ingrid's first reaction, although the correct one, had to suck for her. It was horror. It meant that the entire life she had led since she had been put in that urn was a waste of time and energy. And then she smiles big and realizes "No it wasn't!". It got her to that moment. Which wouldn't have happened had she not followed the Sorcerer's Apprentice's design. And finally, an actual slugfest between Snow White and the Evil Queen? Long overdue. The only disappointing thing about this big moment is that one of them didn't wind up killing each other (I was rooting for Regina). "I WAS TEN!" And their reaction to waking up is laughing at Regina's ridiculous outfit. Emma had a nice snap against it too. Speaking of nice snaps, I loved David making fun of Kristoff for selling ice in Arendelle. Kristoff was pretty much the one person who was still lovable under the curse. But I'll give Snow and David credit for something: even when they both hated each other, they STILL wanted to protect their baby. That actually strikes me as a bit of a plot hole, but I'll choose to interpret that as a sign of good character (of which they were sorely lacking this season). I love that when Hook is trying to fetch Henry he's needling him for info on what Emma thinks of him. And Hook has never seen Home Alone. Dumb gag, but he is precisely the character who would have fallen for it. I liked the little moment at the beginning in the flashback of the 80's punk rockers giving Ingrid the hairy eyeball. Yeah, right. INGRID is the one who supposedly looks ridiculous. Do you know what else I liked? How good Ingrid was at the foster mom stuff in the beginning. She wound up taking things too far, too fast, but her bonding with Emma that night was cool because it was genuine, and you could tell Ingrid hated Kevin too. Don't we all? I also loved getting the flashback filled in of Emma's confrontation of Ingrid in the ice cream shop. It reminds me that Emma was a VERY unpleasant character during season one. I think we only forgave that because everyone else in town (except Henry) was even more unlikable, but if the Emma of Season 1 dropped into the current season, she would be considered an even bigger drip than Leroy. Plot hole alert: If killing Ingrid was the only way to stop the Shattered Sight curse, why did Anna's curse go away by itself earlier in the season? I notice stuff like that, writers. Funniest moment was Mary Margaret's outrage at David selling her out to the Evil Queen. That was a perfect moment because he did it without hesitation, and for good reason, and yet part of her is still inexplicably offended. Maybe their love IS actually deeper than we thought. Loved Leroy yelling "He's coming!" They should change Happy's name to Scary. Doc screaming at Dopey to say something was hilarious too. The idea the episode had of Gold taking over the entire world would have been VERY cool to see at some point but it probably won't happen now (since Emma is currently the Dark One). Ingrid calling Harry Potter fictional is interesting because as she is from the Realm of Story, she is too. Very meta moment that is made even more interesting by the end of the year. One of the best episodes of the season. The season sucked, but that didn't stop this from being dynamite. Does this episodes contain any flaws? One, and it of course involves how much Ginnifer Goodwin sucks as Snow White. I kind of realized during this scene part of the reason I hate Snow so much is due entirely to Goodwin, and I didn't know that before she says that she a murderer, that she was only pretending to be sorry, but that she didn't really mean it. Goodwin was going for cold-hearted and chilling, but it came across as ridiculous and babyish. It came across as about as scary as a toddler pointing his finger at his nursery school class and yelling "Bang! Bang!". So I realize now that it's not entirely bad writing that makes me hate Snow so much. But the episode is perfect otherwise. *****.
Heroes And Villains:
I loved the expression on Robert Carlyle's face at the town line. He knew what was going to happen the entire time, and he knew it was going to happen no matter what he said. He played the moment as if he knew his bargaining in that moment was nothing more than a stage of grief, and he was just trying to prolong it for as long as possible. His "I'm afraid," broke my heart because you could tell he meant it. I also love how he played the moment in the flashback after getting the "ransom note" with Belle in it. He is genuinely concerned and worried for her, and I think only shows so much outward emotion towards her well-being because he is alone. I'm not even sure HE knew quite how much he cared about her before that moment. And while we're on the subject, Carlyle's reaction to Belle's statement that if he planned to kill her he would have done it long ago is priceless. Carlyle can not only bring the heartbreak, but the big funny too. I love Belle trying to get Henry to stop calling her Grandma without hurting his feelings. I'm not a woman, but I would have allowed it. It's cute and funny for the precise reason that Belle looks the way she does. Maybe in 20 or 30 years it will be less-so, but for the Thanksgivings at present, it's charming. Fave moment was Regina angrily telling Emma she wasn't in the mood for a hope speech, and Emma derisively telling her she isn't her mother, and just thought she could use a drinking buddy. I like that moment because it shows that Emma knows that Snow is full of $#!+, but is just too polite to say so in her presence. Which is fabulous. I liked them drinking to Gold's misfortune too. Ursula stating she hated the Author already based on the pretentious name made me love her instantly. And the whole Camelot thing from season five is so flawlessly set up here. This whole show hangs together better than you'd imagine. Bad things? The "Chocolate!" moment. This show at its most cloying and cutesy. Admittedly, that was FROZEN at its most cloying and cutesy too, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Zelina Watch: Before being forced to leave town Marian is supportive of Regina's relationship to Robin and offers to step aside should Robin choose Regina. Verdict: Doesn't play. At all. Probably the most inconsistent thing possible. Because Zelina is only interested in causing Regina pain. There is no part of making peace that does that. The weird thing is that the writers claim they ALWAYS knew Marian was Zelina, so it is inexplicable why they'd even do this in the first place. ***1/2.
