Dreamworks' "Dog Man" Review (Spoilers)
Jul. 15th, 2025 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matt_zimmerAlso a review for the comic book collection Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham: The Complete Collection: Vol. 1.
Dreamworks' Dog Man
My opinion was overwhelmingly favorable. I loved most of it. Unfortunately there are two or three things in the film I thought were bad. I would love to give something I enjoyed that much five stars. But I can't do it for this film. Even if I wanted to.
The biggest flaw of the movie is the very reason I put off watching it. And I was kind of right to, because it's exactly as bad I as feared it would be. But has anyone pointed out Dog Man's origin story isn't actually funny? It's gruesome, horrible, and freaking tragic, and I hated every inch of it. And let me be blunt. It's wholly fucking unnecessary. Dav Pilkey never needed to put the readers / viewers OR Dog Man through that To Get From There To Here. You don't actually need such a horrific rationalization for a cartoon Dog policeman. Pilkey was totally overthinking things.
Another bad thing that I hate to point out is that the film is FILLED with interesting characters, but Dog Man himself is literally the least interesting one. That should NEVER be the case for a character whose name is in the title of the freaking movie.
Less bad than those two things (but it still made me cross) is it sickeningly ends on a dance party. Ugh. The reason I ALMOST forgive it is the moment only lasts five seconds, and they cut away before it really starts. But THAT being this movie's actual stopping point (there are no tags) is quite irksome.
Let's talk about what worked. A LOT of it did.
Lil' Petey is quite cute, but the thing I love about him is the depths of pathos he allows Petey Sr. to explore. It weirdly leads to an actual redemption arc for Petey. I think probably the greatest dramatic moment is at the very end, where the "Undo" button FINALLY comes in the mail, and Petey disgustedly says, "Never," before tossing it down the sewer. That kind of shit is my whole freaking jam.
I also love the fact that people in the film are always poking holes in and criticizing the logic of the ridiculous things that are said or happen. Funniest of all, the complaints are all done in a realistic observational manner, which makes them even funnier and more relatable. It's poking fun of the story in real-time, and as the creator of Gilda And Meek, I LOVE that specific thing. Better yet, they do it without ever once lazily breaking the fourth wall. Also my jam.
Little disappointed in Flippy's ending, but truthfully I didn't think they could think of anything else to do with him. The deleted scenes proved me wrong however.
Here is why Lil' Petey and Petey are amazing. Petey angrily says that his dad abandoned him, and asks Lil' Petey if he has any idea how that feels. And Lil' Petey calmly says, "Yes. And I forgave YOU."
Again, this shit is my jam.
I mean, the idea of Petey designing Robo-Flippy to punish "do-gooders" really blows back on him in an obvious and personal way. It's very well done.
Speaking of Petey, an evil cat desperate to be an arch-villain, despite not actually being evil deep down? Was I the only person who IMMEDIATELY flashed back to Petey Pate from Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures? Maybe Dav Pilkey never heard of that character (that show aired from 1987-1989) but it's SO similar in both premise and execution (and of course, name) that if I were Ralph Bakshi, I'd have my lawyers handy.
Who am I kidding? Bakshi is SO freaking lazy that he hasn't even bothered to sue Peter Jackson for The Lord Of The Rings yet (and still!), despite Jackson CLEARLY ripping off SEVERAL moments from his cartoon version, literally shot-for-shot. Pilkey is safe because suing for Petey Pate would involve Bakshi getting his lazy ass off the couch. He hasn't made a movie in decades. You think he's up to a huge lawsuit? C'mon now.
I loved the movie but I acknowledge its faults. Normally I love movies I love that have glaring faults (because it gives me something to criticize, which is also my jam). But in this rare case, I believe the few bad things in the movie just should have been avoided altogether. ****.
Deleted And Extended Scenes
When Director Peter Hastings cuts an unnecessary scene from the book, it tends to be the right call. Some of the extended scenes he's trimmed are cute though. And the Epilogue IN NO WAY SHOULD HAVE FUCKING BEEN CUT IN THE FIRST PLACE! Jesus Wept! Overall: ***1/2.
Sewer Ball Chase
This extended scene occurs during the one part of the movie I genuinely hate every part of (the beginning). Prolonging it helps NOTHING. 0.
Petey Robs Bank Of Jim
Weirdly named bank. ***1/2.
Lil' Petey Adoption People
Peter Hastings says this scene was in the book. If it was, it really shouldn't have been. A total misfire. **.
Petey Puppet Time
This is funny. They probably should have completed it and kept it in the movie. ****1/2.
Dog Man Chopper Hang Glider
Yet another seen from the book Hastings cut, and another scene I think probably shouldn't have been in the book in the first place. **1/2.
Revenge Of The Bank Of Jim
This extended version of this scene is pretty great. The drawings in the animatic are really good. ****1/2.
Butler Business
It's a great scene, and I DO love the original character of Butler. But I agree with Hastings' reasons for cutting it. The full redemption is too soon, and with the wrong character. ***1/2.
Flippy In Jail Epilogue
This not only should have been in the movie. It should have been the tag! I surmised while watching the film that they probably couldn't think of a good ending for Flippy. But I was wrong! They did! And they cut it! What were they thinking? *****.
Trailer
I have noticed that if a rare movie is both outrageous and sincere, the trailer will often suck. There's no proper way to sell that experience.
The proof? Galaxy Quest is one of the most beloved movies of all time. Its trailer is entirely accurate and doesn't misrepresent a single thing in the film. And yet the movie STILL look awful and unfunny without the context of the heart and Star Trek tributes. I wondered if that would happen for this sick and weird premise that somehow still wears its heart on its sleeve.
Yes, and no. Yes, the trailer is poor (there is NO way to polish that turd of an origin story) but weirdly, except for the origin bit itself, the movie itself looks alright. Which just shows that trailers have come a long way since Galaxy Quest. ***1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham: The Complete Collection: Vol. 1
Normally when you reread comics you loved as a kid, they don't hold up. But this experience was not entirely unpleasant. Some of this Marvel Universe spoof is genuinely funny, and the artwork (particularly that of Steve Mellor) tends to look amazing.
There are of course some unfortunate dated stereotypes and sexism, but a bit less than I expected. The back-up stories featuring animal versions of other Marvel characters were always my favorite part of each issue.
I never liked Spider-Ham on Ultimate Spider-Man or the Guardians Of The Galaxy cartoon. Even the Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse version made me unhappy. Because of rights issues, people adapting Spider-Ham never delve into the Furniverse. and all of the crazy Marvel animal versions there are. Even worse is that on Ultimate Spider-Man, Peter Porker is a cartoon pig who lives on a farm instead of the urban tight parody of Peter Parker the comic was.
I would LOVE to someday get a Spider-Ham cartoon that properly uses the premise. But alas, that doesn't appear to be in the cards.
Fun Fact: I have a Spider-Ham plushie. Collection Overall: ****.
Marvel Tails Starring Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham: With Hulk Bunny & Captain Americat (No 1)
Stan Lee Presents Marvel Tails: Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "If He Should Punch Me!"
Incredible Hulk Bunny! Captain Americat!
I had almost the entire regular run of the comic as a kid (missing issue 9) but I didn't own the Marvel Tails debut special. This is my first time reading it.
Weird Captain Americat doesn't have any superpowers.
Steve Mouser isn't much of a pun. Also interesting that he and Bruce Bunny have secret identities. Not all in on Mouser working as a reporter for the Daily Beagle, but whatever.
The ending is totally Scooby Doo as well. ***1/2.
Goose Rider
So funny. And I love the art by Steve Mellor. ****.
Issue Overall: ****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 1)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham Visits "The Mysterious Island Of Ducktor Doom!"
I freaking LOVE the designs of not only J. Jonah Jackal, but the Junior Newsboys too.
The later Fantastic Furs short story will change the roster, which happens a LOT in this book, and is the thing that's always annoyed me most about it.
The Kangaroo Court was an amazing groaner.
Spider-Ham is definitely a STAR Comics comic, and the ending is very much in the vein of that. Good stuff. ****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 2)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "Of Buzzards And Bullfrogs"
I laughed at the Newsstand and Discount Fireworks outlet.
I also loved the clothesline with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck's outfits.
Funny. ***1/2.
The Uncanny X-Bugs
They're Uncanny! They're Bugs! They're hyphenated!
Steve Mellor's art continues to be amazing and hilarious. I especially love the picture of Wolverine-Bug slicing Magsquito to ribbons. Slice!
Hilarious. *****.
Issue Overall: ****1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 3)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "The Town That Never Grew Up!"
Honestly, kind of racist. And the end gag wasn't funny to me, it was sad.
On the plus side, I felt very much like the story was structured like a Carl Barks tale. **1/2..
Iron Mouse
Nagneto. The comic AGAIN retconning the Marvel hero spoofs. ***1/2.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 4)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "20,000-To-One Leagues Under The Sea"
There is really no "House style" in this book, but Fred Hembeck's stuff is WAY too off-model. Everyone looks too big and human-shaped.
Peter talks about "Sweating like a human". There are no humans in this franchise, so how does he know about them? Musta been from one of his trips through the Spider-Verse.
Good, but I didn't care for the art. ***.
Croctor Strange, Master Of The Misfit Arts! "Big Snack Attack"
I love "I am not as hot as the big pig."
Funny. ***1/2.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 5)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "The Old Goats At Home"
Jeremiah is a little twerp.
There is actually a murder that happens in the background. Spider-Ham was always edgier than other kiddie comics.
The ending rug-pulls were a little too crazy, or if you want to be less generous, stupid.
The book has done better. ***.
Tales Of Arfgard Starring Thrr, Dog Of Thunder
The bit of Thrr chasing cars cracks me up.
How do you punish Looky? Rub his nose in it and hit him with a newspaper!
Wet dog smell will defeateth the mightiest villain!
Fun! ****.
Issue Overall: **1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 6)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Salad Daze"
The "drama" could be confused for satire, especially considering how Aunt May is always getting knocked out in Spider-Man, and Ducktor Doom's vegetable army has me wanting to really lean into that interpretation. I think they are actually making fun of that moment. ****.
Awful Flight
I'm sensing the writers really, REALLY don't like Alpha Flight. I'm WORRIED about it, to put it another way.
This reminds me a bit of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, specifically the pen pals bit. It's basically doing absolutely NO research about the place in question (in this case, Canada) and using the laziest cliches and most offensive stereotypes instead. The pen pals bit has aged badly because it's TOO deliberately offensive. The Canadian jokes are still pretty funny here, specifically because they are so ignorant.
Usually parodies in this comic are down to puns. This? I feel like the writers REALLY dislike Alpha Flight and its tropes. It worries me. ****.
Issue Overall: ****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 7)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "A Blitz In Time!"
Actual Nazis! Really outside of most kiddie comics.
It feels inappropriate to give Jonah nostalgic feeling for the Blitz and World War II, not to mention bad taste. But the truth is the things he is remembering fondly about the time period were actually REALLY good things. It's a weird, almost cringe moment for that reason.
Peter doesn't actually give back the clothes he stole off the clothesline, but because it's a kiddie comic they remember to have him show regret about that.
Great issue. ****1/2.
Deerdevil, The Cloven-Hooved Mammal Without Fear
Feel like King-Pig should have been the baddie rather than Sanity Claws.
Loved the "John!" "Marsha!" bit. That's an anachronism now, but trust me if you grew up in the mid-20th Century (or even the 1980's like I did) that bit is hilarious. ***1/2.
Issue Overall: ****1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 8)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Pigs Over Tokyo Or Kimono My House!"
Hog-zilla!
It happened. The comic FINALLY remembered that since it IS parody, they can do other stuff besides Marvel Comics and not get sued.
My favorite line is Upton saying "This place is the joint!"
I also loved Raymond Bear and Gentlemen Prefer Clams.
Jonah claims after the destruction that newspapers don't care about urban renewal. Is that a political opinion I just sensed?
Loved the jokes. What the difference between Hog-zilla and Orson Whales? Half a shirt size. What is the green squishy stuff between Hog-zilla's toes? Turtles.
Hilarious. *****.
Silver Squirrel
This was always my favorite Spider-Ham back-up story in the day. I knew jack-shit about the Silver Surfer but "Ahhh, Shaddup!" always cracked me up.
I love when the Watchdog is beseeching him to help humanity he puts a gun to his own head.
I'm kind of thinking Norrin Radd probably needed to channel Screwy Squirrel a bit more. *****.
Issue Overall: *****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 9)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Uncouth Sweet Tooth Or B.O. Go Home!"
E.T. parody. B.O. is kinda low-hanging fruit as far as initials go, but this has never been the comic for subtlety.
Jonah breaking the fourth wall about the comic getting sued by Steven Spielbird strikes me as a bit unnecessary.
Interestingly, this was the one Spider-Ham issue of the regular run I didn't own. This is my first time reading this.
Orson Whales was name-dropped in the last issue but we finally see him. It looks to be a War Of The Worlds parody until it turns into E.T.
Funny issue. ***1/2.
The Asinine Torch Vs. The Sub-Marsupial
As I have never read this, I was curious what the back-up story would be. Not worth waiting 40 years for is my thought.
Yeah, that was weird. ***.
Issue Overall: ***1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 10)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "The Lost Temple Of The Golden Retriever!"
On the surface the colonialism of this Indiana Jones parody seems offensive, but as the story goes along, the fact that the Natives seem to have gotten the best of Winston Caribou at every turn feels a bit subversive. The giant golden fire hydrant temple (best gag of the issue, by the way) being made of brass means they swindled Winston! Even better was the part where Bunsen explains WHY the natives have neglected to help their new "God" upon the Terrible Terriers' attack. It's because they are rational and know if he's a God he doesn't need their help, and if he's a fraud he doesn't DESERVE their help. I love that bit.
The Terrible Terriers subplot at the beginning leans VERY heavily into Spider-Ham, more than most issues do at the beginning. This is almost certainly due to the fact that Peter is unable to suit up in the adventure itself.
The story seems a bit vulgar, but it's cleverer than it appears at first glance. ***1/2.
Prince Kaymar, The Sub-Merchandizer
This is what I hate about this franchise. JUST last issue it was the Sub-Marsupial (way better pun by the way). I feel like the Spider-Ham Marvel Universe would feel stronger and more cohesive if the parodies and continuity were consistent with each other.
Also need to point out not a single funny thing happens in the issue. Add some unusually drab artwork and the story is a dud. *.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 11)
Dog Dame Afternoon
The artwork is unusually strong (the opening splash page is phenomenal) but the story feels incredibly weak. Not just Jonah's creepiness at the beginning, but Peter's oafishness towards Joan Collie too. Also the idea that Peter cheated on his 10th grade chemistry exam is a bad joke in that it's the parody forgetting the precise thing it's actually parodying. Peter Parker is a fucking chemistry GENIUS. Peter Porker ought to be too.
The only decent joke was the obvious unmasked reveal of Joan where she quips it was obvious she was the bad guy as she was the only woman in the story.
Great art, but the story left much to be desired. ***.
Ant Ant
A dude with strength of an ant is not the brag Marvel Comics think it is.
Also, I am disturbed at how sexy I find Waspbunny. ****.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 12)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "Edam And Weep" Or "The Gouda, The Bad, And The Ugly"
Kingpig! Finally!
And there's that amazing Marvel 25th Anniversary Cover. Even Muppet Babies had one of these.
The beauty pageant stuff was sexist, but it was kind of noted the behavior of the male judges was appalling, so it's a offense draw.
The Bee-yonder and the Black Spidersuit could have been amazing, but it's dropped in the next issue. Spidey in the Black Suit makes a cameo in "Secret Furs", the back-up story to the final issue.
Interestingly, the Black Suit in this continuity has nothing to do with the Venom Symbiont, or any alien stuff whatsoever. It's just a snazzy costume change.
Miami Vice's turn to get parodied this issue.
Decent. ***1/2.
Fantastic Fur
Galactypus! All in!
Loved the sound effect "Harm!"
And the trees and the birdies and--
What'd I say? ***1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 13)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Old McDonald's House Of Horrors"
Peter's cowardice grated because it made no freaking sense.
And here is the problem with the franchise: Pinhead. He references that Spidey put him in prison "Last month".
So Kingpig turned into Pinhead because either the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing, or the writers just don't give a shit.
It might be the first thing in this instance, but I think it ultimately comes down to option 2.
Didn't like it at all. *1/2.
Nick Furry, Agent Of S.H.E.E.P
Was Deathlok this woebegone and obnoxious back in the day? If was even a tenth as insufferable as Deathsquawk I see why Marvel wound up using him sparingly.
The roast chicken joke at the end made NO fucking sense for the Universe we are in.
Didn't dig this either. **.
Issue Overall: *1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 14)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Heavy Mental Music"
I still remember the bit of Ozzy Ostrich biting the head off the chocolate bunny. That's good comedy right there.
I love the sound effects "Trample!", "Trample Again!", and "Even More Trample!"
The story broke the fourth wall a little bit too much for my tastes. Also, although Spider-Ham hints the story is gonna end abruptly, that doesn't make me forgive it.
Memorable but imperfect. ***1/2.
Captain Americat
The good: They didn't change the animal version.
The not-so-good: His design is entirely different than the version than appeared in Marvel Tails. That aggravates me.
And despite Steve Mellor's fun artwork, the story itself isn't that great. ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 15)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "To Oink Or Not To Oink" Or "The Days Of Swine And Roses"
I have to say that is the absolute WORST origin story I have seen for ANY version of Spider-Man. Have the fans even read this issue? They ought to be going into conniptions.
On the plus (and minus) side: Mary-Jane Waterbuffalo is surprisingly sexy. Which disturbs me.
The Hobgobbler has a great design.
Hit and miss. **1/2.
The Mighty Scavengers
Kangaroo the Conqueror? Yes, please. ****.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 16)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "Porker Fried Rice" Or "Ghung King Of The Road"
I liked this because it's the first issue dealing with Marvel Furniverse continuity properly. Proper appearances by Captain Americat, Iron Mouse, Nick Furry, and even Magsquito.
Paste Pot Peep, and Baron Zebro are great, but unsure of both the Mad Stinker and Mandarintail.
When I read this back in the day I had NO idea who Doc Clamson was, but now? Chef's kiss!
Using the premise properly finally. A pity it's the second-to-last issue. ****.
Croak & Badger
As far as parodies go, I didn't see much of Cloak And Dagger in this one. Not very effective for that. Steve Mellor's art's good though. **1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No 17)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Pig Out!"
Dark opening. Normally scenes of attempted suicide in 2025 are given a trigger warning ahead of time, but this is played for laughs.
The entire story feels forced and lame. And before you say "That's all superhero comics, so the satire is working properly" the lameness here is quite unintentional.
The pentameter of the rapping cat is entirely off. Rhyming isn't always easy, but if you do it wrong, it's really noticeable.
I wish the final Spider-Han story had been better. **1/2.
Secret Furs
The final back-up story however is spectacular. It feels like a very cynical shot at the worst excesses of comic book commercialism and pandering in the 1980's, with its harshest critiques saved for the parent company's current output. Was something this gutsy and subversive only allowed because it's the final issue? Whatever the reason it exists, it makes the comic go out with a bang.
For the record, the X-Bugs romance between Kitty-Bug and Colossus-Bug is creepy because the romance between their Mutant counterparts was. And the story adds Wolverine-Bug and Storm Bug into the quadrangle because we haven't thrown up in our mouths quite enough.
I feel like Doctor Octopussycat should have been in the main Spider-Ham book itself.
A very funny (and delightfully mean) shot at Marvel Comics from... Marvel Comics? Yeah, this is the final issue. *****.
Issue Overall: ***1/2.
Character Drawings By Steve Mellor
These are fantastic. *****.
Dreamworks' Dog Man
My opinion was overwhelmingly favorable. I loved most of it. Unfortunately there are two or three things in the film I thought were bad. I would love to give something I enjoyed that much five stars. But I can't do it for this film. Even if I wanted to.
The biggest flaw of the movie is the very reason I put off watching it. And I was kind of right to, because it's exactly as bad I as feared it would be. But has anyone pointed out Dog Man's origin story isn't actually funny? It's gruesome, horrible, and freaking tragic, and I hated every inch of it. And let me be blunt. It's wholly fucking unnecessary. Dav Pilkey never needed to put the readers / viewers OR Dog Man through that To Get From There To Here. You don't actually need such a horrific rationalization for a cartoon Dog policeman. Pilkey was totally overthinking things.
Another bad thing that I hate to point out is that the film is FILLED with interesting characters, but Dog Man himself is literally the least interesting one. That should NEVER be the case for a character whose name is in the title of the freaking movie.
Less bad than those two things (but it still made me cross) is it sickeningly ends on a dance party. Ugh. The reason I ALMOST forgive it is the moment only lasts five seconds, and they cut away before it really starts. But THAT being this movie's actual stopping point (there are no tags) is quite irksome.
Let's talk about what worked. A LOT of it did.
Lil' Petey is quite cute, but the thing I love about him is the depths of pathos he allows Petey Sr. to explore. It weirdly leads to an actual redemption arc for Petey. I think probably the greatest dramatic moment is at the very end, where the "Undo" button FINALLY comes in the mail, and Petey disgustedly says, "Never," before tossing it down the sewer. That kind of shit is my whole freaking jam.
I also love the fact that people in the film are always poking holes in and criticizing the logic of the ridiculous things that are said or happen. Funniest of all, the complaints are all done in a realistic observational manner, which makes them even funnier and more relatable. It's poking fun of the story in real-time, and as the creator of Gilda And Meek, I LOVE that specific thing. Better yet, they do it without ever once lazily breaking the fourth wall. Also my jam.
Little disappointed in Flippy's ending, but truthfully I didn't think they could think of anything else to do with him. The deleted scenes proved me wrong however.
Here is why Lil' Petey and Petey are amazing. Petey angrily says that his dad abandoned him, and asks Lil' Petey if he has any idea how that feels. And Lil' Petey calmly says, "Yes. And I forgave YOU."
Again, this shit is my jam.
I mean, the idea of Petey designing Robo-Flippy to punish "do-gooders" really blows back on him in an obvious and personal way. It's very well done.
Speaking of Petey, an evil cat desperate to be an arch-villain, despite not actually being evil deep down? Was I the only person who IMMEDIATELY flashed back to Petey Pate from Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures? Maybe Dav Pilkey never heard of that character (that show aired from 1987-1989) but it's SO similar in both premise and execution (and of course, name) that if I were Ralph Bakshi, I'd have my lawyers handy.
Who am I kidding? Bakshi is SO freaking lazy that he hasn't even bothered to sue Peter Jackson for The Lord Of The Rings yet (and still!), despite Jackson CLEARLY ripping off SEVERAL moments from his cartoon version, literally shot-for-shot. Pilkey is safe because suing for Petey Pate would involve Bakshi getting his lazy ass off the couch. He hasn't made a movie in decades. You think he's up to a huge lawsuit? C'mon now.
I loved the movie but I acknowledge its faults. Normally I love movies I love that have glaring faults (because it gives me something to criticize, which is also my jam). But in this rare case, I believe the few bad things in the movie just should have been avoided altogether. ****.
Deleted And Extended Scenes
When Director Peter Hastings cuts an unnecessary scene from the book, it tends to be the right call. Some of the extended scenes he's trimmed are cute though. And the Epilogue IN NO WAY SHOULD HAVE FUCKING BEEN CUT IN THE FIRST PLACE! Jesus Wept! Overall: ***1/2.
Sewer Ball Chase
This extended scene occurs during the one part of the movie I genuinely hate every part of (the beginning). Prolonging it helps NOTHING. 0.
Petey Robs Bank Of Jim
Weirdly named bank. ***1/2.
Lil' Petey Adoption People
Peter Hastings says this scene was in the book. If it was, it really shouldn't have been. A total misfire. **.
Petey Puppet Time
This is funny. They probably should have completed it and kept it in the movie. ****1/2.
Dog Man Chopper Hang Glider
Yet another seen from the book Hastings cut, and another scene I think probably shouldn't have been in the book in the first place. **1/2.
Revenge Of The Bank Of Jim
This extended version of this scene is pretty great. The drawings in the animatic are really good. ****1/2.
Butler Business
It's a great scene, and I DO love the original character of Butler. But I agree with Hastings' reasons for cutting it. The full redemption is too soon, and with the wrong character. ***1/2.
Flippy In Jail Epilogue
This not only should have been in the movie. It should have been the tag! I surmised while watching the film that they probably couldn't think of a good ending for Flippy. But I was wrong! They did! And they cut it! What were they thinking? *****.
Trailer
I have noticed that if a rare movie is both outrageous and sincere, the trailer will often suck. There's no proper way to sell that experience.
The proof? Galaxy Quest is one of the most beloved movies of all time. Its trailer is entirely accurate and doesn't misrepresent a single thing in the film. And yet the movie STILL look awful and unfunny without the context of the heart and Star Trek tributes. I wondered if that would happen for this sick and weird premise that somehow still wears its heart on its sleeve.
Yes, and no. Yes, the trailer is poor (there is NO way to polish that turd of an origin story) but weirdly, except for the origin bit itself, the movie itself looks alright. Which just shows that trailers have come a long way since Galaxy Quest. ***1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham: The Complete Collection: Vol. 1
Normally when you reread comics you loved as a kid, they don't hold up. But this experience was not entirely unpleasant. Some of this Marvel Universe spoof is genuinely funny, and the artwork (particularly that of Steve Mellor) tends to look amazing.
There are of course some unfortunate dated stereotypes and sexism, but a bit less than I expected. The back-up stories featuring animal versions of other Marvel characters were always my favorite part of each issue.
I never liked Spider-Ham on Ultimate Spider-Man or the Guardians Of The Galaxy cartoon. Even the Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse version made me unhappy. Because of rights issues, people adapting Spider-Ham never delve into the Furniverse. and all of the crazy Marvel animal versions there are. Even worse is that on Ultimate Spider-Man, Peter Porker is a cartoon pig who lives on a farm instead of the urban tight parody of Peter Parker the comic was.
I would LOVE to someday get a Spider-Ham cartoon that properly uses the premise. But alas, that doesn't appear to be in the cards.
Fun Fact: I have a Spider-Ham plushie. Collection Overall: ****.
Marvel Tails Starring Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham: With Hulk Bunny & Captain Americat (No 1)
Stan Lee Presents Marvel Tails: Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "If He Should Punch Me!"
Incredible Hulk Bunny! Captain Americat!
I had almost the entire regular run of the comic as a kid (missing issue 9) but I didn't own the Marvel Tails debut special. This is my first time reading it.
Weird Captain Americat doesn't have any superpowers.
Steve Mouser isn't much of a pun. Also interesting that he and Bruce Bunny have secret identities. Not all in on Mouser working as a reporter for the Daily Beagle, but whatever.
The ending is totally Scooby Doo as well. ***1/2.
Goose Rider
So funny. And I love the art by Steve Mellor. ****.
Issue Overall: ****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 1)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham Visits "The Mysterious Island Of Ducktor Doom!"
I freaking LOVE the designs of not only J. Jonah Jackal, but the Junior Newsboys too.
The later Fantastic Furs short story will change the roster, which happens a LOT in this book, and is the thing that's always annoyed me most about it.
The Kangaroo Court was an amazing groaner.
Spider-Ham is definitely a STAR Comics comic, and the ending is very much in the vein of that. Good stuff. ****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 2)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "Of Buzzards And Bullfrogs"
I laughed at the Newsstand and Discount Fireworks outlet.
I also loved the clothesline with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck's outfits.
Funny. ***1/2.
The Uncanny X-Bugs
They're Uncanny! They're Bugs! They're hyphenated!
Steve Mellor's art continues to be amazing and hilarious. I especially love the picture of Wolverine-Bug slicing Magsquito to ribbons. Slice!
Hilarious. *****.
Issue Overall: ****1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 3)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "The Town That Never Grew Up!"
Honestly, kind of racist. And the end gag wasn't funny to me, it was sad.
On the plus side, I felt very much like the story was structured like a Carl Barks tale. **1/2..
Iron Mouse
Nagneto. The comic AGAIN retconning the Marvel hero spoofs. ***1/2.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 4)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "20,000-To-One Leagues Under The Sea"
There is really no "House style" in this book, but Fred Hembeck's stuff is WAY too off-model. Everyone looks too big and human-shaped.
Peter talks about "Sweating like a human". There are no humans in this franchise, so how does he know about them? Musta been from one of his trips through the Spider-Verse.
Good, but I didn't care for the art. ***.
Croctor Strange, Master Of The Misfit Arts! "Big Snack Attack"
I love "I am not as hot as the big pig."
Funny. ***1/2.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 5)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "The Old Goats At Home"
Jeremiah is a little twerp.
There is actually a murder that happens in the background. Spider-Ham was always edgier than other kiddie comics.
The ending rug-pulls were a little too crazy, or if you want to be less generous, stupid.
The book has done better. ***.
Tales Of Arfgard Starring Thrr, Dog Of Thunder
The bit of Thrr chasing cars cracks me up.
How do you punish Looky? Rub his nose in it and hit him with a newspaper!
Wet dog smell will defeateth the mightiest villain!
Fun! ****.
Issue Overall: **1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 6)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Salad Daze"
The "drama" could be confused for satire, especially considering how Aunt May is always getting knocked out in Spider-Man, and Ducktor Doom's vegetable army has me wanting to really lean into that interpretation. I think they are actually making fun of that moment. ****.
Awful Flight
I'm sensing the writers really, REALLY don't like Alpha Flight. I'm WORRIED about it, to put it another way.
This reminds me a bit of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, specifically the pen pals bit. It's basically doing absolutely NO research about the place in question (in this case, Canada) and using the laziest cliches and most offensive stereotypes instead. The pen pals bit has aged badly because it's TOO deliberately offensive. The Canadian jokes are still pretty funny here, specifically because they are so ignorant.
Usually parodies in this comic are down to puns. This? I feel like the writers REALLY dislike Alpha Flight and its tropes. It worries me. ****.
Issue Overall: ****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 7)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "A Blitz In Time!"
Actual Nazis! Really outside of most kiddie comics.
It feels inappropriate to give Jonah nostalgic feeling for the Blitz and World War II, not to mention bad taste. But the truth is the things he is remembering fondly about the time period were actually REALLY good things. It's a weird, almost cringe moment for that reason.
Peter doesn't actually give back the clothes he stole off the clothesline, but because it's a kiddie comic they remember to have him show regret about that.
Great issue. ****1/2.
Deerdevil, The Cloven-Hooved Mammal Without Fear
Feel like King-Pig should have been the baddie rather than Sanity Claws.
Loved the "John!" "Marsha!" bit. That's an anachronism now, but trust me if you grew up in the mid-20th Century (or even the 1980's like I did) that bit is hilarious. ***1/2.
Issue Overall: ****1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 8)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Pigs Over Tokyo Or Kimono My House!"
Hog-zilla!
It happened. The comic FINALLY remembered that since it IS parody, they can do other stuff besides Marvel Comics and not get sued.
My favorite line is Upton saying "This place is the joint!"
I also loved Raymond Bear and Gentlemen Prefer Clams.
Jonah claims after the destruction that newspapers don't care about urban renewal. Is that a political opinion I just sensed?
Loved the jokes. What the difference between Hog-zilla and Orson Whales? Half a shirt size. What is the green squishy stuff between Hog-zilla's toes? Turtles.
Hilarious. *****.
Silver Squirrel
This was always my favorite Spider-Ham back-up story in the day. I knew jack-shit about the Silver Surfer but "Ahhh, Shaddup!" always cracked me up.
I love when the Watchdog is beseeching him to help humanity he puts a gun to his own head.
I'm kind of thinking Norrin Radd probably needed to channel Screwy Squirrel a bit more. *****.
Issue Overall: *****.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 9)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Uncouth Sweet Tooth Or B.O. Go Home!"
E.T. parody. B.O. is kinda low-hanging fruit as far as initials go, but this has never been the comic for subtlety.
Jonah breaking the fourth wall about the comic getting sued by Steven Spielbird strikes me as a bit unnecessary.
Interestingly, this was the one Spider-Ham issue of the regular run I didn't own. This is my first time reading this.
Orson Whales was name-dropped in the last issue but we finally see him. It looks to be a War Of The Worlds parody until it turns into E.T.
Funny issue. ***1/2.
The Asinine Torch Vs. The Sub-Marsupial
As I have never read this, I was curious what the back-up story would be. Not worth waiting 40 years for is my thought.
Yeah, that was weird. ***.
Issue Overall: ***1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 10)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "The Lost Temple Of The Golden Retriever!"
On the surface the colonialism of this Indiana Jones parody seems offensive, but as the story goes along, the fact that the Natives seem to have gotten the best of Winston Caribou at every turn feels a bit subversive. The giant golden fire hydrant temple (best gag of the issue, by the way) being made of brass means they swindled Winston! Even better was the part where Bunsen explains WHY the natives have neglected to help their new "God" upon the Terrible Terriers' attack. It's because they are rational and know if he's a God he doesn't need their help, and if he's a fraud he doesn't DESERVE their help. I love that bit.
The Terrible Terriers subplot at the beginning leans VERY heavily into Spider-Ham, more than most issues do at the beginning. This is almost certainly due to the fact that Peter is unable to suit up in the adventure itself.
The story seems a bit vulgar, but it's cleverer than it appears at first glance. ***1/2.
Prince Kaymar, The Sub-Merchandizer
This is what I hate about this franchise. JUST last issue it was the Sub-Marsupial (way better pun by the way). I feel like the Spider-Ham Marvel Universe would feel stronger and more cohesive if the parodies and continuity were consistent with each other.
Also need to point out not a single funny thing happens in the issue. Add some unusually drab artwork and the story is a dud. *.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 11)
Dog Dame Afternoon
The artwork is unusually strong (the opening splash page is phenomenal) but the story feels incredibly weak. Not just Jonah's creepiness at the beginning, but Peter's oafishness towards Joan Collie too. Also the idea that Peter cheated on his 10th grade chemistry exam is a bad joke in that it's the parody forgetting the precise thing it's actually parodying. Peter Parker is a fucking chemistry GENIUS. Peter Porker ought to be too.
The only decent joke was the obvious unmasked reveal of Joan where she quips it was obvious she was the bad guy as she was the only woman in the story.
Great art, but the story left much to be desired. ***.
Ant Ant
A dude with strength of an ant is not the brag Marvel Comics think it is.
Also, I am disturbed at how sexy I find Waspbunny. ****.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 12)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "Edam And Weep" Or "The Gouda, The Bad, And The Ugly"
Kingpig! Finally!
And there's that amazing Marvel 25th Anniversary Cover. Even Muppet Babies had one of these.
The beauty pageant stuff was sexist, but it was kind of noted the behavior of the male judges was appalling, so it's a offense draw.
The Bee-yonder and the Black Spidersuit could have been amazing, but it's dropped in the next issue. Spidey in the Black Suit makes a cameo in "Secret Furs", the back-up story to the final issue.
Interestingly, the Black Suit in this continuity has nothing to do with the Venom Symbiont, or any alien stuff whatsoever. It's just a snazzy costume change.
Miami Vice's turn to get parodied this issue.
Decent. ***1/2.
Fantastic Fur
Galactypus! All in!
Loved the sound effect "Harm!"
And the trees and the birdies and--
What'd I say? ***1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 13)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Old McDonald's House Of Horrors"
Peter's cowardice grated because it made no freaking sense.
And here is the problem with the franchise: Pinhead. He references that Spidey put him in prison "Last month".
So Kingpig turned into Pinhead because either the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing, or the writers just don't give a shit.
It might be the first thing in this instance, but I think it ultimately comes down to option 2.
Didn't like it at all. *1/2.
Nick Furry, Agent Of S.H.E.E.P
Was Deathlok this woebegone and obnoxious back in the day? If was even a tenth as insufferable as Deathsquawk I see why Marvel wound up using him sparingly.
The roast chicken joke at the end made NO fucking sense for the Universe we are in.
Didn't dig this either. **.
Issue Overall: *1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 14)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Heavy Mental Music"
I still remember the bit of Ozzy Ostrich biting the head off the chocolate bunny. That's good comedy right there.
I love the sound effects "Trample!", "Trample Again!", and "Even More Trample!"
The story broke the fourth wall a little bit too much for my tastes. Also, although Spider-Ham hints the story is gonna end abruptly, that doesn't make me forgive it.
Memorable but imperfect. ***1/2.
Captain Americat
The good: They didn't change the animal version.
The not-so-good: His design is entirely different than the version than appeared in Marvel Tails. That aggravates me.
And despite Steve Mellor's fun artwork, the story itself isn't that great. ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 15)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "To Oink Or Not To Oink" Or "The Days Of Swine And Roses"
I have to say that is the absolute WORST origin story I have seen for ANY version of Spider-Man. Have the fans even read this issue? They ought to be going into conniptions.
On the plus (and minus) side: Mary-Jane Waterbuffalo is surprisingly sexy. Which disturbs me.
The Hobgobbler has a great design.
Hit and miss. **1/2.
The Mighty Scavengers
Kangaroo the Conqueror? Yes, please. ****.
Issue Overall: ***.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No. 16)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham In "Porker Fried Rice" Or "Ghung King Of The Road"
I liked this because it's the first issue dealing with Marvel Furniverse continuity properly. Proper appearances by Captain Americat, Iron Mouse, Nick Furry, and even Magsquito.
Paste Pot Peep, and Baron Zebro are great, but unsure of both the Mad Stinker and Mandarintail.
When I read this back in the day I had NO idea who Doc Clamson was, but now? Chef's kiss!
Using the premise properly finally. A pity it's the second-to-last issue. ****.
Croak & Badger
As far as parodies go, I didn't see much of Cloak And Dagger in this one. Not very effective for that. Steve Mellor's art's good though. **1/2.
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham (No 17)
Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham "Pig Out!"
Dark opening. Normally scenes of attempted suicide in 2025 are given a trigger warning ahead of time, but this is played for laughs.
The entire story feels forced and lame. And before you say "That's all superhero comics, so the satire is working properly" the lameness here is quite unintentional.
The pentameter of the rapping cat is entirely off. Rhyming isn't always easy, but if you do it wrong, it's really noticeable.
I wish the final Spider-Han story had been better. **1/2.
Secret Furs
The final back-up story however is spectacular. It feels like a very cynical shot at the worst excesses of comic book commercialism and pandering in the 1980's, with its harshest critiques saved for the parent company's current output. Was something this gutsy and subversive only allowed because it's the final issue? Whatever the reason it exists, it makes the comic go out with a bang.
For the record, the X-Bugs romance between Kitty-Bug and Colossus-Bug is creepy because the romance between their Mutant counterparts was. And the story adds Wolverine-Bug and Storm Bug into the quadrangle because we haven't thrown up in our mouths quite enough.
I feel like Doctor Octopussycat should have been in the main Spider-Ham book itself.
A very funny (and delightfully mean) shot at Marvel Comics from... Marvel Comics? Yeah, this is the final issue. *****.
Issue Overall: ***1/2.
Character Drawings By Steve Mellor
These are fantastic. *****.
