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Also reviews for the latest episodes of The Flash, Teen Titans Go!, and Mike Judge's Beavis And Butt-Head, the season finales of Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and Law & Order: Organized Crime, and the comic book miniseries The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born.



Howard The Duck

First of all this is a negative review. A VERY negative review. The film is terrible. But I'm not only casting shade on this movie. I think movies of this era were so bad that Howard's badness is a symptom of the problem rather than an anomaly of the era.

I mentioned in my recent review to Cool World that it was a bad film. But the script was not actually any worse than the average film from that era. I can't say the same defense for Howard The Duck, but all of the negative reviews and bad press drives me crazy in hindsight because I feel like there were ill-intentions behind all of it. Yes, the movie is worse than most stuff from back then. But most stuff was so bad it's not actually MUCH worse. And it pisses me off that while that's true, the movie was piled on and on. Critics and audiences made it a punchline because it was the first movie in a long time worse than the lousy stuff both audiences, and yes, even CRITICS accepted. Back then a LOT of crappy movies did great box office. And many of them got good reviews too. I feel like the pile-on on this movie feels so egregious because it's ridiculous a movie had to specifically be THIS bad to create any distance in acceptance of quality from stuff like Police Academy, Porky's, and The Goonies. Now none of those films are as bad as this. But they aren't THAT much better and are still terrible. And I feel like this specific pile-on was easier for audiences and critics to do rather than a self-reflection of their own low standards. The fact that Howard The Duck is the actual line is embarrassing.

I haven't reviewed Ishtar or Hudson Hawk yet, but if I did I imagine I'd feel the same way. Critics in the 1980's never argued in good faith. So I will concede the movie is horrible and worse than most stuff back then. And I still think the level of vitriol aimed at it is entirely disproportionate and totally unfair. *.




The Flash "A New World: Part 3: Changes"

I will not miss this show at all. This episode aggravated me so much I regret getting involved with the Arrowverse at all. I won't lie. Crisis On Infinite Earths was awesome (awful Lex Luthor stuff aside). But to put up with 9 seasons of this crap and many other seasons of similarly crappy shows? That's a LOT of work to put into for five great episodes. I deeply regret it.

I have always questioned whether the producers understood how much resentment they'd built into the audience by suggesting this random former D.A. character Cecile is actually the most powerful metahuman in existence. Representation is fine. But you can't put an entirely original civilian character in the DC Universe and suggest she's one of the heavy hitters. I don't agree with rightwing trolls about anything. So I resent the show giving them such easy fire. It's not because Cecile is a powerful woman of color which is why I resent it. It's because the show is not supposed to be ABOUT her.

And when it comes to the show not reading the fandom correctly, did the show REALLY think we'd be pleased and cheer them on undoing Eddie Thawne's heroic sacrifice and turning him into the ultimate Big Bad of the series? This is speaking as a person who never liked Eddie. Why the HELL would the show bring him back just to make me hate him? Does the show not understand ANYTHING about drama? Or worse yet, TV audiences? This is such a dumbass punk move I feel stupid for having to complain about it. Much less in the freaking penultimate episode.

This is when decent shows up their game to leave a favorable legacy to both their fans and their critics. It amazes me the show is as sloppily written as ever, and in some very big ways worse than ever.

I'm giving that zero stars. I wouldn't necessarily give a bad episode of this exact quality earlier in the season (or even a previous one) the lowest grade possible. But it's the second to last episode and it's this bad. That must be commented on and penalized. 0.




Teen Titans Go! "Plot Holes"

Amusing.

Just for the record, using Scott Menville as the celebrity guest is fine. Simply because I believe the dude deserves to be a household name at this point.

Never noticed those specific plotholes about Independence Day and Armageddon before. Good points.

Silliness. ***1/2.

Teen Titans Go! "Utility Belt"

The ending was nice, and the Utility Belt IS cool. But honestly? The rest of the episode was too mean. Didn't enjoy it. **.




Mike Judge's Beavis And Butt-Head "Sad Boys / Are You There God? It's Me, Beavis."

Sad Boys

This was too cynical, even for this show.

And I was as grossed out by the reality show segment as the boys were. *.

Are You There God? It's Me Beavis

Another episode more depressing than funny. It was amusing when Butt-Head told Beavis never to mention the story about scoring with the car ever again. And frankly I like it on the rare occasions where Butt-Head is actually scared of Beavis.

But the cartoon was still a drag. *1/2.

Episode Overall: *.




Law & Order "Open Wounds"

I thought it was good. The problem with the relaunch is that there's a guilty verdict every week. Not only did Price not want to prosecute that case, I don't think he made the case to the jury. It makes no sense that the jury voted the way they did. And while I liked the episode exploring notions of empathy and responsibility, while the relaunch is ALWAYS so cut-throat in its verdicts none of that nuance actually matters. It's simply empty rhetoric at this point.

But no, it was good to see Jack's relationship with his daughter sour over this case, and it was good of the show for reminding the viewer of Price's trauma. But if the show were better than it is it could have made a powerful statement about it. But because the show is so formulaic it was good instead of amazing. ****.




Law & Order: Special Victims Unit "All Pain Is One Malady"

Great stuff.

Manny's mother is like the worst, and I love how Bruno talked her down.

Stabler's scene with Liv about the present is amazing. I love how much growth these two have gone through over the decades.

McGrath is an actual menace. We've never liked the character, but his erratic behavior is starting to damage investigations. And he blames everybody else for his own failings. He sucks. I miss Garland.

The ending was a big "Whuh oh" moment. Didn't feel like much a season finale moment, but it was pretty dire anyways. ****1/2.




Law & Order: Organized Crime "With Many Names"

That ending was nice.

Worst Christmas ever. That Kyle is one creepy kid.

What a bad ending for Whelan. I was a little shocked.

Solid ending. ****.




The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born 1 (Marvel Comics)

The Gunslinger Born: Part 1

Interestingly the first comic adaptation of the flashback of the first book is better than the book. I think the first Dark Tower book is ALL kinds of gross and shady, and this had enough time and distance to make some of the more horrible ideas sound interesting.

I never really took note of Roland saying he didn't train David, he "friended" him before. What a great way to put that before Facebook was ever thought up.

If I have a negative note it's that the very first words in the comic were NOT "The Man In Black fled across the desert, and the Gunslinger followed." Yes the first page leads UP to those words. But if you are telling the origin story to this franchise right, they MUST be the first words.

But it's surprisingly better than The Gunslinger book. ****.

The Sacred Geography Of Mid-World

Robin Furth wrote a whole bunch of supplementary prose and essays as back-ups to fill up the pages of the comic. I don't believe they were included when the comic was reprinted in Trade Paperback form. But I'm rereading the original comics, so I'll review them too.

This one is interesting. It also includes an illustrated map of the Barony Of New Canaan.

King Connections of Note: Twinners from "The Talisman" are referenced, as is Todash space, sort of as a reference to "The Mist". ****.

Issue Overall: ****.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born 2 (Marvel Comics)

The Gunslinger Born: Part 2

Too gross for my liking, but that's Rhea of the Coos for you.

Clay Reynolds killing the dude he was cheating at cards with was kinda badass though.

When discussing Marten's many names the one I could tell was on the tips of the writer's tongue but went unmentioned was Randall Flagg.

The Crimson King is a spider monster here, more in line with the idea of him from "Insomnia" than his final appearance in the last Dark Tower book.

Not great. **1/2.

Maerlyn's Rainbow

This origin story of Arthur Eld, the Crimson King, and the Wizard's Rainbow is boss though. Robin Furth had some great ideas about Mid-World that were sadly retconned in "The Wind Through The Keyhole". For instance here Maerlyn is a dark and evil figure but King himself later suggests Maerlyn is benevolent.

King Connections: The creatures described in Todash Space most definitely resemble the monsters from "The Mist".

Cool stuff. *****.

Issue Overall: ***.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born 3 (Marvel Comics)

The Gunslinger Born: Part 3

This one is kind of fun. Cuthbert steals the show getting the drop on Roy Depape the way he does. He's so funny.

The previous issue speculates that Marten and John Farson are one and the same. Here it's confirmed that they are in fact different people, a decision King came to midway through the books. The cool thing about the comics is that in the books the characters declare Farson a psychopath and a total monster who wants to cause chaos and bring about the end of everything. But the truth is we never SEE Farson in the books, so as far as we know, that could just be Affiliation propaganda. But when we see him in the comics with the human skin mask and playing cricket with human heads, he's every bit the sociopath the books claimed he was.

Roland however was a total ass to Susan at the dinner. And I thought that in the book too. ***1/2.

The Guns Of Deschain

Interesting. ***.

Issue Overall: ***1/2.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born 4 (Marvel Comics)

The Gunslinger Born: Part 4

Roy Depape is SUCH a cold-blooded bastard, and I'm glad the scene where the weedeater hopefully asks him what kind of metal his information has bought him, Depape says "Lead," and shoots him is included. The book is pretty long, so that scene might have gotten a bit lost with everything else going on. The briefer comic highlighting it makes it seem as memorable as a moment that cruel and badass should be.

That being said, I wasn't bowled over by the rest of the issue. We were in kind of a holding pattern for most of it (even though we got extra scenes of Marten and George Latigo not seen in the book) and the cliffhanger was gross. I mean, the scene is gross in the book too, but I sure as hell don't think they should have ended the issue with it. ***.

The Laughing Mirror: Part I

This prose story also didn't interest me much. **.

Issue Overall: **1/2.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born 5 (Marvel Comics)

The Gunslinger Born: Part 5

The artwork of a nude Susan wandering off in a trance to cut her own hair was quite beautiful.

You can hate Roland all you want. But I think when he told Cuthbert that Jonas did what he did to steal their guile, and with him he succeeded, he was right. Yes, he was probably right for all the wrong reasons. But it says something that a Roland working at diminished judgment is still usually more on-the-ball about things like that than Cuthbert is.

Cool. ****.

The Laughing Mirror: Part II: The Seduction Of Rhea

Very interesting and creepy origin story for Rhea.

King Connections of Note: Rhea is from Delain, and a version of her is indeed mentioned in "The Eyes Of The Dragon", although because the Coos is mentioned there, the entire story probably takes place on a different level of The Dark Tower. ****.

The Laughing Mirror: Part III: The Corruption Of Jonas

One of the things I love about Robin Furth is that she often points out how stupid and counterproductive the all-or-nothing Gunslinger test is. Every failure is creating a skilled gunman in exile set against Gilead and ripe for Farson's machinations. Part of the reason Gilead fell to a false prophet like Farson is because on some level it DESERVED to fall.

Furth takes some amazing liberties here, envisioning Jonas as Cort's foster brother, and the idea that he was an actual good person, who turned into a victim and was warped by the shard of the mirror. There is very little pity to be had for the Jonas as seen in the book. For Furth to explain that his corruption was not his own decision is interesting (even if I disagree to the subtext there on a moral level). *****.

Issue Overall: ****.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born 6 (Marvel Comics)

The Gunslinger Born: Part 6

Dire happenings. I was never crazy at how the flashback in Wizard And Glass ended so it's no surprise I didn't much dig this issue.

One REAL beef. In the book it's suggested Jonas DOES actually care about and digs Coral Thorin. I don't like the comic suggesting the opposite, because in the book it was his ONLY noticeable virtue. I don't like the suggestion in hindsight that it wasn't real. **.

Charyou Tree: Part I: The History Of The Charyou Tree

Scary concept. And it sounds real-world plausible too. Stephen King's version of Shirley Jackson's The Lottery. ***1/2.

A Gunslingers Guns:

Essay talking about the various types of guns gunslingers and their apprentices use in Gilead, followed by the famous Gunslinger Litany. *****.

Issue Overall: ***.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born 7 (Marvel Comics)

The Gunslinger Born: Part 7

I'm glad they used a bit of a lighter touch on Susan's death. The full-panel spread is dynamic but I felt King was milking her supposed virtue in that scene in the book beyond all credibility. Roland left you and your unborn child to be burned at the stake for his damned Tower, Susan. You are actually ALLOWED to be pissed about that. ***.

Charyou Tree: Part II: Come, Reap!

Pretty bleak story.

King Connections: The Red Witch comes from Garlan, one of the lands from "The Eyes Of The Dragon". According to The Dark Tower Concordance, Robin Furth does NOT believe that story takes place in the same Universe as Mid-World, at least not on Our Roland's level of The Tower. It very interesting how much Eyes Of The Dragon stuff she puts in these essays while that is true. ****.

Issue Overall: ***1/2.

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