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matt_zimmerAlso reviews for the latest episodes of Doctor Who, DC Super Hero Girls Super Shorts, Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, Star Wars Resistance, and Bob's Burgers.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows
That was awful.
So I finally got around to seeing this, and I've now seen the entire Michael Bay canon, which lasted a whopping two films before audiences turned away in disgust. And I realized something quite depressing. Nobody will admit this, but in my heart of hearts I know it's true. Taken as a whole, the entire 2012 animated series is far worse than both Michael Bay produced films. Which is telling because this sucked so much.
I'm glad I waited so long to see it, because I can offer a comparison I would not be able to if I hadn't. Remember the recent Cats movie that bombed because the CGI Cats were so creepy and unsettling and hard to look at? This also describes all four Turtles and Splinter, except there is an added gross-out element to these characters. I do not know how any audience member could tolerate sitting in a theater and watching these gross things on a ceiling-high screen. I only watched it on a TV and I wanted to lose my lunch.
All that being said, this is better than the 2012 cartoon because the writing, while boring and no great shakes, wasn't completely incompetent, which was not actually true of the first film. Even still, it was more incompetent than it needed to be. But obviously the movie needed conflict between the Turtles, and they came up with Leo's ridiculous "Compartmentalization of information" moment, which while admirable for a spy franchise, and the precise excuse the characters on Young Justice should be using, doesn't fly for a team that small and isolated. I feel like as far as the conflict and the arcs go, the film was going through the motions. I despise filmmakers who call their films "product". And yet, that is the descriptor that best describes these movies. They are made by committee, with no real thought and effort put into them. This was less bad than the first film, but that doesn't change the fact that the conflict is forced because it only exists because the filmmakers believe a film needs a personal conflict, which is the worst reason ever to create conflict. It's artificial, and I could see that the entire time. To be blunt, and fair, this is the exact argument I use when I slam Young Justice, but I am wholly consistent in knocking that sort of hacky storytelling. I bet you there will be a ton of people who look down on this film's stupidity and yet smugly think Young Justice's equal stupidity is just fine and dandy. Reality check: Neither is actually okay. But at least I'm willing to admit it.
Yeah, Young Justice does fewer gross fart and booger jokes. But that should not be the bar for quality.
Speaking of which, the fart and booger jokes here WERE pretty disgusting. That sort of thing only started happening once Nickelodeon got its hands on the franchise.
Let's get through as much as of the rest of this review as I can stomach.
I like Stephen Amell. But he's not right for the role of Casey Jones. Casey should be dumber, and rougher around the edges. I am also alarmed they made him a police officer. Do you know what you call the kind of person who will destroy a guy's bar when he won't give him information? A dirty cop. I don't see why the film expects me to be impressed by that. The franchise's resident vigilante should never be a cop. Casey's actions in the comics are always debatable. If he's a cop, I find them criminal. No debate left.
You think the Turtles are gross? Bebop, Rocksteady, and Krang were outright revolting.
When Amell says he has one goal I am of course disappointed he doesn't say, "To save this city".
That kid's Transforming Bumblebee costume was neat. I need to get me one of those. They are probably super expensive though, especially in a adult size.
I'm glad this is done, I'm glad 2012 is done, and I think Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is off to a good start. But based on these films and the 2012 series, Nickelodeon has been doing very wrong by this premise for awhile, which is not a complaint I make lightly because the premise is actually flawed in many respects. The fact that these movies and that show couldn't even get the GOOD things about it right says that I think Nick should keep the Turtles in different production hands for whenever they reboot the movies. That was just a loud mess. *.
Doctor Who "Orphan 55"
On the one hand, the reveal that it's a possible future is good. That way it doesn't contradict the rest of the canon, where Earth survives and goes into a new golden age. Plus, perhaps it delivers to the audience a timely message. On the other hand, I'm not sure they even needed to hand us THAT bit of hope. The Doctor keeps rewriting history so often that it makes sense she's effed it up again.
Now to get to the bad: The old woman who's constantly screaming for Benny. Those kind of obnoxious victims have been a staple of the show since Russell T Davies' tenure, and I've pretty much had enough. I'm not going to tolerate it anymore. I get annoying people exist. But the other characters don't actually treat her as annoying, so it's likely the writers don't actually see the problem here. I do. It's unacceptable.
The thumb-sucking thing being the sign-off for Ryan and Bella is great because it's ridiculous on the surface. And yet it means something to how they met.
I felt the ending was unsatisfying in not learning Bella and that woman's ultimate fate, but perhaps an episode with this specific premise would do better not to hand the audience every answer it wanted. I don't have to like that, but I get the choice.
That being said, the episode was not my cup of tea. **1/2.
DC Super Hero Girls Super Shorts "The Commute"
Where did Babs get the One-Man-Band gear? Her utility belt? And she carries a squeegie in it too? Be prepared, I guess. ***.
DC Super Hero Girls Super Shorts "Purse Scratcher"
I like Zatanna mistaking Cheetah for a faux fur. ***1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "Pascal's Dragon"
That dragon was so cute! He and Pascal are twinsies!
I love that the show gave legitimate reasons why Nigel feared dragons. Nigel isn't a monster, he just wants to keep the kingdom safe. And in fact, he relents at the end when he correctly perceives the danger has passed. The complex psychologies of the characters on this show has always been one of its selling points.
I also laughed at the guards giving up the search so easily. I don't blame them. It sure sounded dangerous and more trouble than it was worth.
I love this show. Things are back on track after an underwhelming Season 2. ****.
Star Wars Resistance "The New World"
I liked hearing Griff's backstory about how he and Doza left the Empire. That was very cool.
The fish queen asking Kaz why he was talking so funny was a huge laughline for me. That cracked me up.
That was good. ****.
Star Wars Resistance "No Place Safe"
My favorite part was the end where Yeagar correctly tell Kaz they didn't give up on Tam, she gave up on them, and that it was time to cut her loose. It's about time. And as seen by Kaz's close call here, it was also almost too late.
I'm glad the First Order didn't destroy the fish people, but I'm wondering why they didn't. I thought they said they WEREN'T going to make that mistake for them colluding again.
Tam sucks and I hope the series gives up that ridiculous idea of redeeming her. ***1/2.
Bob's Burgers "Drumforgiven"
I have surprisingly strong negative feelings about that. They surprise me because technically the episode is good. It's funny, has a good story, and works. And yet the characters infuriate me.
I agree with Gene about Louise fighting his battles for him, if only because Louise is a legitimately stupid little girl. How did she think either of those stunts would help Gene at all, especially the glitter thing? I'd be less outraged at fighting her brother's battles if she actually knew how to look out for his best interests.
Frankly, while Louise getting mad over Gene's sadness is admirable on some level, the truth is it is not unreasonable for a shop proprietor to not want a kid who never buys anything to wear out the merchandise and touch it with his dirty hands. And by the end of the episode Gene still can't be bothered to wash his hands. If Louise is a stupid little girl, Gene is a thoughtless little boy. I'd feel better about Louise's outrage if her brother weren't a total twit and the kind of person I cannot stand.
And finally Teddy. Wasn't Linda's sex dream theory hysterical? It's just why does Teddy have to make everything so freaking hard? Everything is an ordeal with him, and I don't know why Bob puts up with it, much less understand any reason he actually should. Teddy is the worst parts of a friendship with none of the benefits. I'm sick to death of that guy.
Did I mention the episode was good? It's weird it was considering how mad it made me. ***.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows
That was awful.
So I finally got around to seeing this, and I've now seen the entire Michael Bay canon, which lasted a whopping two films before audiences turned away in disgust. And I realized something quite depressing. Nobody will admit this, but in my heart of hearts I know it's true. Taken as a whole, the entire 2012 animated series is far worse than both Michael Bay produced films. Which is telling because this sucked so much.
I'm glad I waited so long to see it, because I can offer a comparison I would not be able to if I hadn't. Remember the recent Cats movie that bombed because the CGI Cats were so creepy and unsettling and hard to look at? This also describes all four Turtles and Splinter, except there is an added gross-out element to these characters. I do not know how any audience member could tolerate sitting in a theater and watching these gross things on a ceiling-high screen. I only watched it on a TV and I wanted to lose my lunch.
All that being said, this is better than the 2012 cartoon because the writing, while boring and no great shakes, wasn't completely incompetent, which was not actually true of the first film. Even still, it was more incompetent than it needed to be. But obviously the movie needed conflict between the Turtles, and they came up with Leo's ridiculous "Compartmentalization of information" moment, which while admirable for a spy franchise, and the precise excuse the characters on Young Justice should be using, doesn't fly for a team that small and isolated. I feel like as far as the conflict and the arcs go, the film was going through the motions. I despise filmmakers who call their films "product". And yet, that is the descriptor that best describes these movies. They are made by committee, with no real thought and effort put into them. This was less bad than the first film, but that doesn't change the fact that the conflict is forced because it only exists because the filmmakers believe a film needs a personal conflict, which is the worst reason ever to create conflict. It's artificial, and I could see that the entire time. To be blunt, and fair, this is the exact argument I use when I slam Young Justice, but I am wholly consistent in knocking that sort of hacky storytelling. I bet you there will be a ton of people who look down on this film's stupidity and yet smugly think Young Justice's equal stupidity is just fine and dandy. Reality check: Neither is actually okay. But at least I'm willing to admit it.
Yeah, Young Justice does fewer gross fart and booger jokes. But that should not be the bar for quality.
Speaking of which, the fart and booger jokes here WERE pretty disgusting. That sort of thing only started happening once Nickelodeon got its hands on the franchise.
Let's get through as much as of the rest of this review as I can stomach.
I like Stephen Amell. But he's not right for the role of Casey Jones. Casey should be dumber, and rougher around the edges. I am also alarmed they made him a police officer. Do you know what you call the kind of person who will destroy a guy's bar when he won't give him information? A dirty cop. I don't see why the film expects me to be impressed by that. The franchise's resident vigilante should never be a cop. Casey's actions in the comics are always debatable. If he's a cop, I find them criminal. No debate left.
You think the Turtles are gross? Bebop, Rocksteady, and Krang were outright revolting.
When Amell says he has one goal I am of course disappointed he doesn't say, "To save this city".
That kid's Transforming Bumblebee costume was neat. I need to get me one of those. They are probably super expensive though, especially in a adult size.
I'm glad this is done, I'm glad 2012 is done, and I think Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is off to a good start. But based on these films and the 2012 series, Nickelodeon has been doing very wrong by this premise for awhile, which is not a complaint I make lightly because the premise is actually flawed in many respects. The fact that these movies and that show couldn't even get the GOOD things about it right says that I think Nick should keep the Turtles in different production hands for whenever they reboot the movies. That was just a loud mess. *.
Doctor Who "Orphan 55"
On the one hand, the reveal that it's a possible future is good. That way it doesn't contradict the rest of the canon, where Earth survives and goes into a new golden age. Plus, perhaps it delivers to the audience a timely message. On the other hand, I'm not sure they even needed to hand us THAT bit of hope. The Doctor keeps rewriting history so often that it makes sense she's effed it up again.
Now to get to the bad: The old woman who's constantly screaming for Benny. Those kind of obnoxious victims have been a staple of the show since Russell T Davies' tenure, and I've pretty much had enough. I'm not going to tolerate it anymore. I get annoying people exist. But the other characters don't actually treat her as annoying, so it's likely the writers don't actually see the problem here. I do. It's unacceptable.
The thumb-sucking thing being the sign-off for Ryan and Bella is great because it's ridiculous on the surface. And yet it means something to how they met.
I felt the ending was unsatisfying in not learning Bella and that woman's ultimate fate, but perhaps an episode with this specific premise would do better not to hand the audience every answer it wanted. I don't have to like that, but I get the choice.
That being said, the episode was not my cup of tea. **1/2.
DC Super Hero Girls Super Shorts "The Commute"
Where did Babs get the One-Man-Band gear? Her utility belt? And she carries a squeegie in it too? Be prepared, I guess. ***.
DC Super Hero Girls Super Shorts "Purse Scratcher"
I like Zatanna mistaking Cheetah for a faux fur. ***1/2.
Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure "Pascal's Dragon"
That dragon was so cute! He and Pascal are twinsies!
I love that the show gave legitimate reasons why Nigel feared dragons. Nigel isn't a monster, he just wants to keep the kingdom safe. And in fact, he relents at the end when he correctly perceives the danger has passed. The complex psychologies of the characters on this show has always been one of its selling points.
I also laughed at the guards giving up the search so easily. I don't blame them. It sure sounded dangerous and more trouble than it was worth.
I love this show. Things are back on track after an underwhelming Season 2. ****.
Star Wars Resistance "The New World"
I liked hearing Griff's backstory about how he and Doza left the Empire. That was very cool.
The fish queen asking Kaz why he was talking so funny was a huge laughline for me. That cracked me up.
That was good. ****.
Star Wars Resistance "No Place Safe"
My favorite part was the end where Yeagar correctly tell Kaz they didn't give up on Tam, she gave up on them, and that it was time to cut her loose. It's about time. And as seen by Kaz's close call here, it was also almost too late.
I'm glad the First Order didn't destroy the fish people, but I'm wondering why they didn't. I thought they said they WEREN'T going to make that mistake for them colluding again.
Tam sucks and I hope the series gives up that ridiculous idea of redeeming her. ***1/2.
Bob's Burgers "Drumforgiven"
I have surprisingly strong negative feelings about that. They surprise me because technically the episode is good. It's funny, has a good story, and works. And yet the characters infuriate me.
I agree with Gene about Louise fighting his battles for him, if only because Louise is a legitimately stupid little girl. How did she think either of those stunts would help Gene at all, especially the glitter thing? I'd be less outraged at fighting her brother's battles if she actually knew how to look out for his best interests.
Frankly, while Louise getting mad over Gene's sadness is admirable on some level, the truth is it is not unreasonable for a shop proprietor to not want a kid who never buys anything to wear out the merchandise and touch it with his dirty hands. And by the end of the episode Gene still can't be bothered to wash his hands. If Louise is a stupid little girl, Gene is a thoughtless little boy. I'd feel better about Louise's outrage if her brother weren't a total twit and the kind of person I cannot stand.
And finally Teddy. Wasn't Linda's sex dream theory hysterical? It's just why does Teddy have to make everything so freaking hard? Everything is an ordeal with him, and I don't know why Bob puts up with it, much less understand any reason he actually should. Teddy is the worst parts of a friendship with none of the benefits. I'm sick to death of that guy.
Did I mention the episode was good? It's weird it was considering how mad it made me. ***.
