Riverdale: Season 1 Review (Spoilers)
Sep. 7th, 2018 09:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matt_zimmerAlso reviews for the latest episodes of DC Super Hero Girls, and Ben 10, the series finale of Adventure Time, and the latest episodes of The Lion Guard, DuckTales shorts, Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel, and Transformers: Cyberverse.
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Riverdale "Chapter One: The River's Edge"
This show has a irresistible concept: Archie Comics meets Twin Peaks. Genius.
And it is a LOT like Twin Peaks. A LOT. Not in the supernatural stuff, but Twin Peaks wasn't supernatural to start off with either. But there is a definitely '50's Teen Angel heartthrob vibe going throughout the entire series. I don't really have too many snap judgments about the characters besides Archie himself. I do admittedly love Kevin, who loves closet cases, and Veronica loves him for being gay, and wants him to be her new best friend. But I think the character that I really wound up thinking poorly of is Archie himself. I get he's a teenager, but he treats the women in his life like garbage.
Let's start with Miss Grundy. I should not feel bad for Miss Grundy. She is a literal statutory rapist, and SHE should be the one I hate for what happened. I should resent the fact that she doesn't want to do her job with Archie for a mistake SHE made. But Archie is making her feel incredibly uncomfortable, and as a man putting expectations on a woman, I am appalled I am on her side. I should not be Team Child Rapist under any circumstance, but I weirdly am.
The second horrible thing he did was tell Betty that he's not good enough for her. That's Archie punching her in the face one last time this evening. He's blaming his stupid hang-ups about the two of them entirely on her. You can SAY you just aren't into her, Archie. She DID ask. An honest response is totally fair game. Making her feel like it's her fault is literally the most jerkish way he could have handled that.
So far, so good. It's produced by Berlanti, who has a knack for producing amazing Pilots, and lousy seasons and series. We'll see how this goes, but I was impressed for the first go round. ****1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Two: Touch Of Evil"
And just like that I do a total turnaround on Miss Grundy. Her manipulations of Archie struck me as outright sinister.
Speaking of which, I thought Cheryl was a sociopath BEFORE she was led away in handcuffs. Her scene with Betty horrified me, especially considering what she confessed to later. She cray.
I love Josie and the Pussycat's version of "Sugar, Sugar". A little more teenage cheerleader twerking than I am comfortable with, but the song itself was cute.
Good episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Three: Body Double"
There it is! There is the subpar Bertlantiverse I am used to! Wow, that was some heavy duty portentous and lame nonsense right there. It's episode three, and the show is already a parody of itself.
I didn't know what to make of the racial messages of the episode. A black man menacing and sexually harassing white girls is bad enough, but when they chain him up to torment him, I'm like "Is there not a single person of color on the writing staff who could have like maybe second-guessed this?" But the thing that gets me is that the episode does the pretty cool scene of Josie checking Archie's white privilege at the door with her real experiences as a black woman in a conservative, mostly white town. Maybe the show thinks it can get away with Chuck's behavior and comeuppance because they did that, but I don't think a white producer should be allowed to do bad racial messages provided they use good ones for cover. That strikes me as wrong, and the precise reason Quentin Tarantino sucks and is a total wannabe.
I would have liked the message of female empowerment, except, Jeez, it's misplaced. Basically the show is saying it's wrong for these girls to be slut-shamed. But the show went out of its way to say nothing actually happened. Basically it's taking the position it's only wrong to slut-shame women if they aren't actually sluts. And it should be wrong to do that, period. And if the show is going out of its way to say the victims are "innocent", it's validating the shaming on a very real level.
I also would probably appreciate a moral about not shaming women for their bodies if the show didn't use the episode to totally exploit its half-nude teenage actresses. It's ick that CW shows do that at all, but it's especially ick to do that in an episode with this precise premise.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but Mrs. Cooper is an absolutely despicable person. I like Mr. Andrews. But he is the only adult who isn't actually worse than their kids. These parents are outright appalling. I thought Arthur Weasley and Lucius Malfoy were bad role models. These adults are just plain crazy.
The moment of Jughead saying this was the worst thing that ever happened in the town and that Riverdale would never be the same again was a clever meta moment about the Archie franchise itself.
I found Cheryl walking back her confession at the beginning of the episode as anti-climatic as Coop forgetting who killed Laura Palmer in Episode 3 of Twin Peaks.
That went South FAST. Even Arrow took at least half a season to start sucking. Bad sign to happen to this show in Episode 3. *.
Riverdale "Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show"
I don't get why Archie's father isn't madder at Miss Grundy than he is. NO dad should ever be that chill, even if he's played by Luke Perry.
For the record, because Miss Grundy had a gun and a fake I.D. in her car, an abusive ex is the first place my mind went. It's weird it never occurred to Betty or Veronica.
Also for the record, as crazy as Betty's mother is, her flipping out over finding the gun in the dresser, and then reading her diary was the correct reaction.
I loved the Sheriff telling Kevin not to go around cruising. He asks if there are any nice gay guys in the town, and Kevin says "I am." Deep.
I still can't believe that they haven't changed any of the goofy names from the comics. Jughead, Moose, and Miss Grundy are bad enough. But Smithers? Really? Sheesh.
Decent episode. ***1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Five: Heart Of Darkness"
Nana Blossom is scary.
I liked Archie deferring the captaincy to Reggie. That was cool. What I don't get is why the coach didn't retire the number himself. That should have been a no-brainer.
I love Val's father's utter lack of pretention regarding how sloppy Archie is with his music. While I maybe would not have been that harsh on the songs themselves in his position, he's right that Archie should have been writing them down all along, and that him doing so in one night made them sloppy. He doesn't teach performance, but craft. And I like the idea that if Archie wants his father to take his music seriously, he's going to have to take it seriously himself. And maybe not play football after he's injured his playing hand.
The fashions on this show continue to confound me. Forget Jughead wearing his wool cap indoors at a funeral for a moment. Why does Veronica wear a pearl necklace to a sleepover?
I liked this one. ***1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!"
I was kind of hoping they'd do like they did with Mr. Andrews and Mrs. Cooper and cast a former teen drama star as Polly. But instead of going two generations back like 90210 or Twin Peaks, have it be one generation back like maybe from Veronica Mars or Gossip Girl.
Josie's father is a d-word.
I kind of 'ship Archie and Val now.
Speaking of unlikely 'ships, I was all smiles when Jughead kissed Betty. Even better was the fact that she seemed to dig it.
Good episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Seven: In A Lonely Place"
I like that Jughead went home with his dad at the end. He didn't ultimately stay, but I like that because it wasn't the best thing for Jughead in that moment, and I think he knew that. But it was the best thing for his dad.
I also like Cheryl ultimately deciding to protect Polly at the end. I don't think she knew she was going to do that until she felt her stomach.
It's fun that Veronica and her mother treat each other horribly as a way of negotiating and ultimately making peace. I think that's how high-maintenance women do it anyways.
I also liked Veronica turning things around with the bouncer at the club, and getting his to accept cash simply because raising a fuss would highlight underage drinking and the mayor's daughter. Funny.
I thought the trap Alice sprung at the press conference was absolutely brilliant. I hate that woman but she sure knows how to get ahead of a narrative.
Alice Cooper is almost as funny of a name as Jellybean Jones. She's ten and listens to Pink Floyd on vinyl. She's already plenty cool enough.
Ooh! Jason's jacket! More questions raised by the end there.
The dream at the beginning of the Archie gang in their comics outfits was so funny.
Excellent episode. ****1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Eight: The Outsiders"
I will never get used to the idea of Madchen Amick as a grandmother.
They didn't actually use the word "abortion" but it is very clear why Alice threw her husband out of their house.
I thought Archie was totally wrong to be mad at Jughead for not telling him his father was serpent. It's his dad. He was ashamed. Even Betty wasn't ultimately mad. It was hard enough without Archie making him feel like a liar for it.
I don't think Mr. Jones has to do with Fred's current business woes, or the threats his workers have received. But I did think he was either involved in Jason's death, or knew who the culprit was and was protecting them. He is NOT a good guy, no matter if he and Fred made peace or not. And by the end of the season I was right.
Archie and Jughead calling each other brothers was corny, but made slightly less corny by at least Jughead realizing how cliched the allegory actually was.
Gettin' good. But I think Polly is in for an upcoming world of hurt. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Nine: La Grande Illusion"
Holy poop! Cheryl is crazy!
I think Jughead telling Betty she is holding her family together is outright terrible advice. That puts an unrealistic expectation on her. Maybe he thought he was helping, but now if the family DOES fall apart she'll think it's her fault.
Love Val dumping Archie. I love that Archie's "What would you do?" hypothetical blew up in his face so spectacularly. He thinks he's smartly raising an ethical question, but instead he's giving her a no-brainer in the opposite direction.
Like Ethel being forgiving of Veronica. I kind of like that the show is square enough NOT to have her father successfully commit suicide, or Veronica NOT to have bullied a former classmate to death. This show is still Archie deep down, and uses a MUCH lighter touch than the Arrowverse ever did.
I admire Mrs. Lodge for coming clean to Fred, but I also don't blame him for dumping her for it. Lot of righteous dumping going on in the episode.
Pretty good. But Archie is a moron. ***1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend"
I love Jughead and how uncomfortable he is. And his father convinces him to go back inside because Betty needs him. Him kissing her hands struck me as an incredibly sweet gesture. I'm glad they didn't break up. I agree with Jughead that they are probably on a clock, especially if Archie changes his mind. But I love them together.
Good on Val for not giving Archie a second chance. After tonight, he didn't deserve one.
I am a little bit surprised Cheryl wanted the game of Secrets and Lies. Simply because I would have guessed twincest too. Her obsession with her brother is outright weird. That is not the right game for someone like her to be playing. Now people are less going to remember Archie slept with a teacher, and more that she may have killed her brother because he rejected her advances. As far as murder theories go, her crazy behavior makes it totally plausible.
I love Jughead's dad beating the tar out of Chuck. That guy had that coming. When Mr. Jones yells the party is over and everyone should go home, I instantly realized something amazing that I didn't before: He's an adult, so he technically has authority over the kids. Which is kind of amazing to realize when he gets everybody to leave simply because he says so.
FP's right. Madchen Amick is still hot.
I loved this episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Eleven: To Riverdale And Back Again"
In the long run, Jughead and Betty will be grateful Veronica and Archie searched FP's trailer, but lord that IS the long run. I would not forgive them at anytime in the immediate future. I might if I were Jughead. Not if I were Betty. Because their betrayal wasn't just to Jughead. It was done in such a manner that it made Betty look culpable for it. Honestly, it was not her fault at all. She actually tried to protect Jughead and FP. But lord, were I Jughead I wouldn't see it that way in a million years. And whether Jughead can forgive Archie and Veronica (and my gut says he can) he will never get back to where he was with Betty. Simply because those two screwed him over so. He might forgive her. They got back together by the end of the season. But deep down I don't think he'll ever really trust her again. And that is what the totally betrayed look in her eyes said when she saw Veronica talking to her mother. She knew then and there that her supposed friend just destroyed the love of her life.
And I love that she outright says she loves Jughead. I don't even know if she realized it until she said it, but it's clear at this point her being a little uncomfortable putting a label on their relationship is past tense. And that's what makes what Archie and Veronica did so horrible. Again, it probably helped in the long run. But it didn't help Bughead, which is like the weirdest fan-name for a 'ship ever.
I liked Cheryl's story about flushing the ring. I knew she didn't actually do it (where would the fun be in THAT?) but I liked the lie because it would satisfy her parents. It would actually the smart thing to do which is why they believe her. Except she's holding onto for another unknown reason.
That roomful of wigs was creepy.
I liked Mary telling Alice her headgames wouldn't work on her. Who Fred spends his time with is his business. Can I just reiterate how much I dislike Alice? Aside from the sinister reasons she set up the dinner, the personal and hurtful questions she asked FP were as horrible and rude as anything said by a member of the Blossom clan. I have a really hard time accepting Betty came out of a person this mean-spirited. Yes, it's been hinted that Betty has dark thoughts and crazy impulses. But that is a far cry from being manipulative and cruel. That goes for Polly too. I'm trying to understand how Betty came out of such a sociopath.
Such a huge episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Twelve: Anatomy Of A Murder"
The mystery resolution was a bit underwhelming simply because Clifford was always the prime suspect in my mind. The show is again channeling Twin Peaks into making the guy who acts the craziest and most guilty the actual killer. But one of Twin Peaks' biggest strengths to me (and I know David Lynch would disagree) is that the good thing about the mystery being solved is that it pretty much explains a great deal of the varying characters' weird behaviors in hindsight. It was always Leland, and there was never any other answer. And kills me that Twin Peaks was considered such the mysterious show it was. The resolution to Who Killed Laura Palmer turned out in hindsight to be a no-brainer.
I expect the same feeling if and when I rewatch season one of this show. I'll be like "That explains a LOT" once I see how he's grooming Archie, or hiding the wigs from Polly. His craziness infests the season and we only realize the full level of crazy after the fact.
Once again the Berlantiverse has zero idea how the law actually works. Mary says because Archie broke into the trailer illegally that what he saw is inadmissible in a court of law. Are ALL Berlantiverse writers this stupid? Of course it can. Because Archie is not a cop or an FBI agent. If he took his licks for the crime he committed, his testimony would definitely be allowed in a court of law simply because he's a civilian, and doesn't actually need a warrant. How many Law and Order episodes have we seen the day accidentally being saved by a civilian sticking their nose where it didn't belong, and being willing to testify to that fact? I almost forgive Arrow and The Flash for how badly they bungle their courtroom drama because they are superhero shows. Riverdale is an actual murder mystery. There is NO excuse to get that specific detail wrong. NONE.
I was more than a little annoyed that Kevin decried the Scooby Gang for dragging Joaquin into it. How does Kevin think everyone ELSE feels? Everyone else is in the mess, whether they want to be or not. With the possible exception of Archie himself, who always seems to make himself "Mess Adjacent". But Archie always knows the wrong crowd to hang out with.
As for the "incest" thing I was a little amused and annoyed they thought that was an actual scandal. Third Cousins? So what? That's not even Deep South. That's Buckingham Palace. And it's not like either Polly or Jason were even aware they were distantly related while it was happening. Third cousins isn't even incest in my book. I bet half of the wizards in the Harry Potter Universe would be dismayed to find out this is actually a scandal here. There is probably a reason Molly and Arthur Weasley BOTH have red hair after all.
But why don't the Coopers? If red hair is SUCH a strong Blossom family trait, it doesn't matter if the Coopers changed their names. They should be redheaded stepchildren anyways.
I love how the moment of the gang watching the murder on the computer screen was boarded. The girls start to cry (which makes about as much sense as Donna Hayward sobbing in the Road House on the night of Maddie Ferguson's murder). But it totally plays, as does Betty getting up to make a phone call. Who is she calling and why? And until they cut to Cheryl we don't actually know because the show was clever enough not to show us what the kids saw right away. But the show replays the scene and we are able to match up the kids' reactions to what they are actually seeing.
You know, when Jughead calls Betty Nancy Drew, he's not underselling that notion. Truthfully, were I Jughead, I'd simply be mad she's man-handling another dude, but considering the stakes, that may have been neither here nor there.
I will confess to be disappointed by the reveal. But like Twin Peaks, I expect it will fully hold up in hindsight. ****1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter"
Archie banging Veronica! Gamechanger!
I will always find it weird that Jughead Jones is more cut and physically fit than Archie Andrews. Always.
I can't believe Mayor McCoy is trying to take co-credit for solving the mystery. She truly IS a politician, isn't she?
I like that when describing his foster family Jughead wryly says, "They're nice." Which is like the most backhanded compliment from him ever. Which is why it's fabulous.
I do not feel the least bit sorry for Mrs. Blossom. She was just as responsible for the toxicity in that house as her husband was. She should feel very lucky Cheryl didn't lock her in the house when she burnt it down.
Speaking of going for the softer twist, I was a little bit disappointed Alice didn't get an abortion after all. That would have been a groundbreaking moment for network television. Instead the adopted brother means there's a new season 2 episode to look forward to.
Although the surprise relative I really want? Jughead's evil twin. Don't laugh. You know you want that too.
I love Fred using Betty's speech as an excuse to stick it to Hermione and not be bought out. If Fred survives the cliffhanger, next season should be fun.
Good finale made up entirely of wrap-up, but were I the show, I would have done like Veronica Mars and solved the mystery here too. Again this show is more Twin Peaks, but the truth is, Lynch never WANTED to solve the mystery at ALL, so maybe solving it early wasn't the way to go here. ****1/2.
DC Super Hero Girls "Career Day"
I'm glad Diana told Parasite at the end that his job was important, because I found all of her complaining about having to pick up trash classist and insulting. Were I Rudy, I'd be offended. But Parasite don't say much (or anything) and never did.
School uniforms? When did THAT happen?
So THAT'S how they do it with Lady Justice every week. Hilarious.
Decent episode. ***.
DC Super Hero Girls "Mood Ring"
Grodd and Waller? I just threw up in my mouth a little. ****.
Ben 10: Alien Worlds "XLR8"
It strikes me that they don't really vary up the designs between the aliens on the given planet and the alien Ben morphs into. Seems a bit lazy to me. **1/2.
Ben 10: Alien Worlds "Grey Matter"
Cute! ****.
Adventure Time "Come Along With Me"
It's been a few years since I actually sat down and watched an entire episode of Adventure Time, so upon seeing that, I felt like I must have missed some stuff. But as weird as the visuals and plot turns are if you aren't familiar with them, it did a lot of good things that a series finale should do.
I love that they saved the day through singing. That is a cartoon solution, and one of the reasons cartoons are awesome. And I love that that's the right answer.
I have no idea about the Ice King's real backstory, but what I did see moved me very much. It was a bittersweet sacrifice on behalf of his beloved.
And the wrap-arounds end with the new Jake and Finn confused that the war didn't happen, and the world didn't end. But the heroes went on to live their lives. As surviving heroes are wont to do.
Love that Marceline and Bubblegum were allowed to kiss.
Adventure Time strikes me as the kind of show I could get into in hindsight, if I could binge all the episodes. There might be future DVD purchases in story for me. But as confused and amazed as I was by what I just saw, I was still able to recognize that whatever it was, and whatever it ultimately meant, it was amazing. *****.
The Lion Guard "Cave Of Secrets"
When Makini was talking about the paintings being new to her I remembered NBC's much mocked ad campaign in the 90's that said "If you haven't seen it, it's new to you!"
I swore if the Secret turned out to be a reflection or a mirror I'd throw something at my TV. Now my TV has a spot on it.
I like that the invisible bridge isn't actually magical. It's an "optical illusion" instead. That is hardly more believable, but at the same time it doesn't involve the lions doing things greater than they can actually do, which is something that the show needs to remember more. I think they fudged a couple of things (such as the maze) but the show usually remembers not to make the challenges too tough for actual lions.
To be honest, I didn't much care for that. But it also wasn't terrible. Just not my cup of tea. **1/2.
The Lion Guard "The Zebra Mastermind"
The fact that Kion suspects those idiot attacks are some master plan Xanatos Gambit by Scar tells me Kion is a total dimwit.
I liked Bunga asking if the flowers meant they should have got something for the hyenas too. Bunga is never funny. I will give him his due on a rare occasion he is.
The biggest reason The Lion Guard is going to win is because Scar is literally their only enemy who isn't a total moron. Which is good because the Lion Guard are actually none-too-bright themselves. But Scar's downfall will be because he's a ghost, he has to delegate to and put his faith in utter imbeciles. He doesn't have a chance on the Pridelands Game Of Thrones. ***1/2.
The Lion Guard "The Hyena Resistance"
I knew just based on the episode title, I was going to love the episode. And I was right.
What I love about the Resistance is that it was as successful for as long as it was because it kept itself hidden. If that had been Bunga, he would have blown the secret after the first victory to gloat. But Jasiri knows that her sabotage is most effective if nobody knows that is what is going on. It couldn't last forever, and of course Scar would use the same trick against them once he found out, but luckily there is an eagle-eyed egret out there for when things go pear-shaped.
I had totally forgot that the evil Croc leader was actually competent. We haven't seen him in awhile, and that's probably why. The Lion Guard defeats more unworthy foes more easily. Save the smart guys for the exciting weeks.
I really liked the scene where Scar forced Janja to admit he lied to him about Jasiri's death. What really amuses me about Janja's fear is that Scar is actually toothless. Sure, he can burn him inside the volcano, but if none of the animals go back there, they're pretty much out of that abusive relationship.
For the record, I think the sninks are overthinking Janja's hesitation at Jasiri's offer. It didn't strike me that she was changing his mind. It was more like he was trying to think of a smart rebuttal and reason NOT to do it. And since he's stupid, that means hesitation. After the gratitude for the save, I did not read Janja's body language as being open to changing sides at all. He recognized the "We're the same" catchphrase, but that was recognition as to why he's still alive, not recognition that Jasiri is an legit option for a guy like him. And if the idea that Janja is pondering changing sides is what the sninks are reporting, then they are feeding Scar bad intel, which is another weak link in the Ship of Fools he captains. Janja is stupid, but he's too scared of Scar to actually be disloyal. And if the sninks think differently, they are another one of Scar's minions who are very bad at their jobs.
Man, I loved the episode. I would normally grouse about an egret single-handedly defeating a croc and a jackal, but that's the stupid conceit of the stupid show. I pretty much HAVE to accept it to both enjoy the show, and sleep at night because I enjoy the show. It's not actually credible.
Great episode though. *****.
The Lion Guard "The Underground Adventure"
I liked that. The Zebra is really growing on me, and I like that he demands Tiifu be his best friend. When he cluelessly assures her that he will be with her and her friends while Kion and Bunga go off searching for the aardvark, I realized that for as damaging as his actions usually are, there is zero actual malice in the creature. Which makes me forgive a lot.
Speaking which, I think Bunga talking about the monster in the dark shows why he is unworthy to be in The Lion Guard. He sucks at crisis management completely, because he'd rather hog attention by making a spectacle of himself, than doing what is best and safest for any group he is supposedly trying to protect. I hate him. That being said, him annoying the aardvark into helping bordered on the clever. Bunga's main attribute is that he's annoying. It's about time he used it for good instead of selfishness.
That golden mole rat was cute. I really appreciated that in the episode where a character is afraid of the dark, that she learned it wasn't actually scary from a blind character. That is a very refreshing lesson. Especially because as a mole, the character isn't actually disabled. It's just the mole has been in the dark forever and is not scared of it because that's all he knows. That was a fabulous.
How did the vulture set the fire? How did he learn to pick up sticks that were on fire and carry them across the Pridelands without getting burned? One of the show's biggest problems is that is has the characters acting too much like humans. This was a worse example than usual. Vultures cannot start and / or control fires.
But other than that it was a good episode. I think the show has found a bit of a breakout character with the Zebra Mastermind. Now he just needs a name. ****.
DuckTales "Duckburg's Funniest Home Videos"
Louie can't unsee that.
That's why Louie loves cats. They are so rude.
I hope there are more of these in the future. ****.
Power Rangers: Super Ninja Steel "Dimensions In Danger"
That was bananas. They went all out.
You know, the fight between Tommy and evil robot Tommy was unintentionally funny. But it was also awesome. Which makes the fact that it's unintentionally funny not matter a jot. SO much fun.
Here is my Tommy 'shipping problem: I am Team Tommy / Kimberly Forever, and always will be. But it's never gonna happen. Amy Jo Johnson has pretty much washed her hands of the franchise for the horrible and homophobic way it treated her friend David Yost back in the day. And I understand and agree with her anger about that. So what they should have done instead is reveal Cat is the mother of Tommy's kid. I never shipped Tommy and Cat, but since she was in the episode, it would have been the consolation prize we original series viewers could have used. But they are still dangling the hope beyond hope it's Kimberly. It's a bit maddening, to be honest.
For the record, I am SO glad Jason David Frank got rid of the dumb goatee, at least for this episode. He was looking like the beatnik Ranger in his later appearances.
Surprised Steve Cardenas showed up at all. It was my understanding he had similar hurt feelings about the Yost situation that Johnson did. But he's here. I won't complain.
Tommy's Master Morpher explains ALL of his later appearances in Anniversary specials and the like. Good for the show.
Not quite on Forever Red's level, but blew Mega Force's Legendary Battle out of the water. *****.
Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Love Stings"
Fun fact: It's not actually Valentines' Day.
Also you can apparently says "sucks" on shows for toddlers now. Good to know. But it's when Sesame Street starts having Elmo talking about wanting to choke a b-word which is when I'll have problems.
Venoma's design was super bizarre and creepy. The monster costumes on this show always stink, but they are sometimes really frightening anyways.
So Victor thinks a good way to court a random girl is to shoot arrows at her with suction cups on them? This goes back to notion of the show being made for toddlers. Because the precise reason I wouldn't have him do that were I the producers is the fact that it's imitable. In fact, the fact that it supposedly drives girls away could be a selling point for some boys on Valentines' Day. It is bizarre that this show never seems to think about those specific kinds of messages.
Do you know what I love about The Romeos? Their pursuit of Venoma was a friendly rivalry, instead of each of them going insane, and wanting to destroy the others in jealous rage. Mind control IS the worst trope in genre. I firmly believe that. But when they're all "May the best man win," at least you can't hate them for it. I didn't mind it this week because of that fact.
For the record, I sort of wish the episode were worse. Then I could say it sucks. Because we're apparently allowed to do that now. ***1/2.
Transformers: Cyberverse "The Journey"
Okay, so we've SEEN Grimlock as Banner. I wanna see him as Hulk. They snuck a "Me Grimlock" in there, though. Pretty sneaky, sis.
Bad Optimus:
Telling Bumblebee the ground was shaking. Does that guy simply state every obvious thing that is happening around him?
Good Optimus:
Actually this was one of the best Optimus moments I've seen in years. Since Transformers: Prime at least. But when Optimus realizes the creatures eat Energon, he backs the eff off, realizes the AUTOBOTS are the invaders, and orders everybody into stasis, even if it means his own people might not survive. When Optimus is written right, he has a non-negotiable moral code that he will refuse to deviate from under any circumstance. He is the protector of all life. And if the Transformers project is good, the other Bots listen to this wise advice, and follow it without question. I don't think Robots In Disguise truly understood how badly they were damaging Optimus's character by always having Sideswipe make snarky comments about him under his breath or behind his back. Having people under him who do that is not why Optimus is awesome. And it's nice to get back to Optimus as wise, and well-respected, and listened to, even if I wish it were actually Peter Cullen.
Optimus TBD...:
Telling Bumblebee to switch his scanner from looking for Energon, to looking for Autobots. Shouldn't Bee have already been smart enough to do this himself? Suddenly the notion that Optimus has to point out the ground is shaking to this dimwit holds up to scrutiny just a smidge.
The best episode so far, mainly because as incompetent as Bee is, he isn't actually talking like Wreck-Gar. ****.
Upcoming reviews include Twin Peaks: The Return (Blu-Ray), Doctor Who: Series 9, Doctor Who: Series 10, Class: Series 1, The X-Files: Season 10, Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Blu-Ray), Ant-Man (Blu-Ray), Captain America: Civil War (Blu-Ray), Doctor Strange (Blu-Ray), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (Blu-Ray), Spider-Man: Homecoming (Blu-Ray), Thor: Ragnorok (Blu-Ray), Black Panther (Blu-Ray), Avengers: Infinity War (Blu-Ray), Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 2, Marvel's Agent Carter: Season 1, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), X-Men: Days Of Future Past: The Rogue Cut, Deadpool, X-Men: Apocalypse (Blu-Ray), Logan, Deadpool 2, Legion: Season 1, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 1, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 2, Zootopia, Moana (Blu-Ray), Inside Out (Blu-Ray), The Good Dinosaur (Blu-Ray), Finding Dory (Blu-Ray), Cars 3 (Blu-Ray), Coco (Blu-Ray), Once Upon A Time: Season 5, Once Upon A Time: Season 6, The BFG, Tomorrowland, Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Blu-Ray), Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Blu-Ray), Star Wars Rebels: Season 2, Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures: Season 1, Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (Blu-Ray), Static Shock: Season 4, Justice League Action: Superpowers Unite!, Justice League Action: Battles From Beyond!, Teen Titans Go!: Get In Pig Out, Teen Titans Go!: Recess Is Over, DC Super Hero Girls: Intergalactic Games, LEGO DC Super Hero Girls: Brain Drain, The LEGO Batman Movie, LEGO DC Comics Super Heroes: The Flash, Batman Vs. Two-Face, Scooby Doo! & Batman: The Brave And The Bold, Batman: Gotham By Gaslight, Suicide Squad: Hell To Pay, The Death Of Superman, Batman Ninja, Suicide Squad (Blu-Ray), Wonder Woman (Blu-Ray), Justice League (Blu-Ray), The Flash: Season 2, The Flash: Season 3, Arrow: Season 4, Arrow: Season 5, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 1, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 2, Supergirl: Season 1, Supergirl: Season 2, Vixen: The Movie, Black Lightning: Season 1, Gotham: Season 2, Gotham: Season 3, Gotham: Season 4, iZombie: Season 1, iZombie: Season 2, iZombie: Season 3, Lucifer: Season 1, Lucifer: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 5, Be Cool Scooby Doo!: Spooky Kooky Fun!, Wabbit: A Looney Tunes Prod.: Hare-Raising Tales, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies: Extended Edition, The Simpsons: Season 18, Red Dwarf XII, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Beyond The Known Universe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Earth's Last Stand, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Super Shredder, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Wanted: Bebop & Rocksteady, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Final Chapters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows, Power Rangers (2017), Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Megaforce: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Super Megaforce: The Complete Season, Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Season 1, Heroes Reborn: The Complete Series, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1: Water, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 2: Earth, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire, The Legend Of Korra: The Complete Series, The Ren And Stimpy Show: Seasons 1 & 2, The Ren And Stimpy Show: Seasons 3 and a Half-ish, The Ren And Stimpy Show: Season 5 & Some More Of 4, Haven: Season 5 - Vol. 1, Haven: The Final Season, The Dark Tower, IT, Under The Dome: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, Sleepy Hollow: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 4, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 2, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 3, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 4, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, The Jurassic Park Trilogy, Jurassic World, Back To The Future: The Complete Animated Series, Shaun The Sheep Movie (Blu-Ray), Shaun The Sheep: The Farmer's Llamas, 12 Monkeys: Season 1, 12 Monkeys: Season 2, Grimm: Season 4, Grimm: Season 5, Grimm: Season 6, The Wonder Years: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 5, The Wonder Years: Season 6, The Peanuts Movie, Peanuts By Schulz: Go Team Go!, Peanuts By Schulz: School Days, Bob's Burgers: Season 5, Home Movies: Seasons 1 & 2, Home Movies: Season 3 & 4, Ghostbusters: Answer The Call, Community: Season 6, Danger Mouse: The Complete Series, Game Of Thrones: Season 5, and Game of Thrones: Season 6.
Riverdale "Chapter One: The River's Edge"
This show has a irresistible concept: Archie Comics meets Twin Peaks. Genius.
And it is a LOT like Twin Peaks. A LOT. Not in the supernatural stuff, but Twin Peaks wasn't supernatural to start off with either. But there is a definitely '50's Teen Angel heartthrob vibe going throughout the entire series. I don't really have too many snap judgments about the characters besides Archie himself. I do admittedly love Kevin, who loves closet cases, and Veronica loves him for being gay, and wants him to be her new best friend. But I think the character that I really wound up thinking poorly of is Archie himself. I get he's a teenager, but he treats the women in his life like garbage.
Let's start with Miss Grundy. I should not feel bad for Miss Grundy. She is a literal statutory rapist, and SHE should be the one I hate for what happened. I should resent the fact that she doesn't want to do her job with Archie for a mistake SHE made. But Archie is making her feel incredibly uncomfortable, and as a man putting expectations on a woman, I am appalled I am on her side. I should not be Team Child Rapist under any circumstance, but I weirdly am.
The second horrible thing he did was tell Betty that he's not good enough for her. That's Archie punching her in the face one last time this evening. He's blaming his stupid hang-ups about the two of them entirely on her. You can SAY you just aren't into her, Archie. She DID ask. An honest response is totally fair game. Making her feel like it's her fault is literally the most jerkish way he could have handled that.
So far, so good. It's produced by Berlanti, who has a knack for producing amazing Pilots, and lousy seasons and series. We'll see how this goes, but I was impressed for the first go round. ****1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Two: Touch Of Evil"
And just like that I do a total turnaround on Miss Grundy. Her manipulations of Archie struck me as outright sinister.
Speaking of which, I thought Cheryl was a sociopath BEFORE she was led away in handcuffs. Her scene with Betty horrified me, especially considering what she confessed to later. She cray.
I love Josie and the Pussycat's version of "Sugar, Sugar". A little more teenage cheerleader twerking than I am comfortable with, but the song itself was cute.
Good episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Three: Body Double"
There it is! There is the subpar Bertlantiverse I am used to! Wow, that was some heavy duty portentous and lame nonsense right there. It's episode three, and the show is already a parody of itself.
I didn't know what to make of the racial messages of the episode. A black man menacing and sexually harassing white girls is bad enough, but when they chain him up to torment him, I'm like "Is there not a single person of color on the writing staff who could have like maybe second-guessed this?" But the thing that gets me is that the episode does the pretty cool scene of Josie checking Archie's white privilege at the door with her real experiences as a black woman in a conservative, mostly white town. Maybe the show thinks it can get away with Chuck's behavior and comeuppance because they did that, but I don't think a white producer should be allowed to do bad racial messages provided they use good ones for cover. That strikes me as wrong, and the precise reason Quentin Tarantino sucks and is a total wannabe.
I would have liked the message of female empowerment, except, Jeez, it's misplaced. Basically the show is saying it's wrong for these girls to be slut-shamed. But the show went out of its way to say nothing actually happened. Basically it's taking the position it's only wrong to slut-shame women if they aren't actually sluts. And it should be wrong to do that, period. And if the show is going out of its way to say the victims are "innocent", it's validating the shaming on a very real level.
I also would probably appreciate a moral about not shaming women for their bodies if the show didn't use the episode to totally exploit its half-nude teenage actresses. It's ick that CW shows do that at all, but it's especially ick to do that in an episode with this precise premise.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but Mrs. Cooper is an absolutely despicable person. I like Mr. Andrews. But he is the only adult who isn't actually worse than their kids. These parents are outright appalling. I thought Arthur Weasley and Lucius Malfoy were bad role models. These adults are just plain crazy.
The moment of Jughead saying this was the worst thing that ever happened in the town and that Riverdale would never be the same again was a clever meta moment about the Archie franchise itself.
I found Cheryl walking back her confession at the beginning of the episode as anti-climatic as Coop forgetting who killed Laura Palmer in Episode 3 of Twin Peaks.
That went South FAST. Even Arrow took at least half a season to start sucking. Bad sign to happen to this show in Episode 3. *.
Riverdale "Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show"
I don't get why Archie's father isn't madder at Miss Grundy than he is. NO dad should ever be that chill, even if he's played by Luke Perry.
For the record, because Miss Grundy had a gun and a fake I.D. in her car, an abusive ex is the first place my mind went. It's weird it never occurred to Betty or Veronica.
Also for the record, as crazy as Betty's mother is, her flipping out over finding the gun in the dresser, and then reading her diary was the correct reaction.
I loved the Sheriff telling Kevin not to go around cruising. He asks if there are any nice gay guys in the town, and Kevin says "I am." Deep.
I still can't believe that they haven't changed any of the goofy names from the comics. Jughead, Moose, and Miss Grundy are bad enough. But Smithers? Really? Sheesh.
Decent episode. ***1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Five: Heart Of Darkness"
Nana Blossom is scary.
I liked Archie deferring the captaincy to Reggie. That was cool. What I don't get is why the coach didn't retire the number himself. That should have been a no-brainer.
I love Val's father's utter lack of pretention regarding how sloppy Archie is with his music. While I maybe would not have been that harsh on the songs themselves in his position, he's right that Archie should have been writing them down all along, and that him doing so in one night made them sloppy. He doesn't teach performance, but craft. And I like the idea that if Archie wants his father to take his music seriously, he's going to have to take it seriously himself. And maybe not play football after he's injured his playing hand.
The fashions on this show continue to confound me. Forget Jughead wearing his wool cap indoors at a funeral for a moment. Why does Veronica wear a pearl necklace to a sleepover?
I liked this one. ***1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!"
I was kind of hoping they'd do like they did with Mr. Andrews and Mrs. Cooper and cast a former teen drama star as Polly. But instead of going two generations back like 90210 or Twin Peaks, have it be one generation back like maybe from Veronica Mars or Gossip Girl.
Josie's father is a d-word.
I kind of 'ship Archie and Val now.
Speaking of unlikely 'ships, I was all smiles when Jughead kissed Betty. Even better was the fact that she seemed to dig it.
Good episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Seven: In A Lonely Place"
I like that Jughead went home with his dad at the end. He didn't ultimately stay, but I like that because it wasn't the best thing for Jughead in that moment, and I think he knew that. But it was the best thing for his dad.
I also like Cheryl ultimately deciding to protect Polly at the end. I don't think she knew she was going to do that until she felt her stomach.
It's fun that Veronica and her mother treat each other horribly as a way of negotiating and ultimately making peace. I think that's how high-maintenance women do it anyways.
I also liked Veronica turning things around with the bouncer at the club, and getting his to accept cash simply because raising a fuss would highlight underage drinking and the mayor's daughter. Funny.
I thought the trap Alice sprung at the press conference was absolutely brilliant. I hate that woman but she sure knows how to get ahead of a narrative.
Alice Cooper is almost as funny of a name as Jellybean Jones. She's ten and listens to Pink Floyd on vinyl. She's already plenty cool enough.
Ooh! Jason's jacket! More questions raised by the end there.
The dream at the beginning of the Archie gang in their comics outfits was so funny.
Excellent episode. ****1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Eight: The Outsiders"
I will never get used to the idea of Madchen Amick as a grandmother.
They didn't actually use the word "abortion" but it is very clear why Alice threw her husband out of their house.
I thought Archie was totally wrong to be mad at Jughead for not telling him his father was serpent. It's his dad. He was ashamed. Even Betty wasn't ultimately mad. It was hard enough without Archie making him feel like a liar for it.
I don't think Mr. Jones has to do with Fred's current business woes, or the threats his workers have received. But I did think he was either involved in Jason's death, or knew who the culprit was and was protecting them. He is NOT a good guy, no matter if he and Fred made peace or not. And by the end of the season I was right.
Archie and Jughead calling each other brothers was corny, but made slightly less corny by at least Jughead realizing how cliched the allegory actually was.
Gettin' good. But I think Polly is in for an upcoming world of hurt. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Nine: La Grande Illusion"
Holy poop! Cheryl is crazy!
I think Jughead telling Betty she is holding her family together is outright terrible advice. That puts an unrealistic expectation on her. Maybe he thought he was helping, but now if the family DOES fall apart she'll think it's her fault.
Love Val dumping Archie. I love that Archie's "What would you do?" hypothetical blew up in his face so spectacularly. He thinks he's smartly raising an ethical question, but instead he's giving her a no-brainer in the opposite direction.
Like Ethel being forgiving of Veronica. I kind of like that the show is square enough NOT to have her father successfully commit suicide, or Veronica NOT to have bullied a former classmate to death. This show is still Archie deep down, and uses a MUCH lighter touch than the Arrowverse ever did.
I admire Mrs. Lodge for coming clean to Fred, but I also don't blame him for dumping her for it. Lot of righteous dumping going on in the episode.
Pretty good. But Archie is a moron. ***1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend"
I love Jughead and how uncomfortable he is. And his father convinces him to go back inside because Betty needs him. Him kissing her hands struck me as an incredibly sweet gesture. I'm glad they didn't break up. I agree with Jughead that they are probably on a clock, especially if Archie changes his mind. But I love them together.
Good on Val for not giving Archie a second chance. After tonight, he didn't deserve one.
I am a little bit surprised Cheryl wanted the game of Secrets and Lies. Simply because I would have guessed twincest too. Her obsession with her brother is outright weird. That is not the right game for someone like her to be playing. Now people are less going to remember Archie slept with a teacher, and more that she may have killed her brother because he rejected her advances. As far as murder theories go, her crazy behavior makes it totally plausible.
I love Jughead's dad beating the tar out of Chuck. That guy had that coming. When Mr. Jones yells the party is over and everyone should go home, I instantly realized something amazing that I didn't before: He's an adult, so he technically has authority over the kids. Which is kind of amazing to realize when he gets everybody to leave simply because he says so.
FP's right. Madchen Amick is still hot.
I loved this episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Eleven: To Riverdale And Back Again"
In the long run, Jughead and Betty will be grateful Veronica and Archie searched FP's trailer, but lord that IS the long run. I would not forgive them at anytime in the immediate future. I might if I were Jughead. Not if I were Betty. Because their betrayal wasn't just to Jughead. It was done in such a manner that it made Betty look culpable for it. Honestly, it was not her fault at all. She actually tried to protect Jughead and FP. But lord, were I Jughead I wouldn't see it that way in a million years. And whether Jughead can forgive Archie and Veronica (and my gut says he can) he will never get back to where he was with Betty. Simply because those two screwed him over so. He might forgive her. They got back together by the end of the season. But deep down I don't think he'll ever really trust her again. And that is what the totally betrayed look in her eyes said when she saw Veronica talking to her mother. She knew then and there that her supposed friend just destroyed the love of her life.
And I love that she outright says she loves Jughead. I don't even know if she realized it until she said it, but it's clear at this point her being a little uncomfortable putting a label on their relationship is past tense. And that's what makes what Archie and Veronica did so horrible. Again, it probably helped in the long run. But it didn't help Bughead, which is like the weirdest fan-name for a 'ship ever.
I liked Cheryl's story about flushing the ring. I knew she didn't actually do it (where would the fun be in THAT?) but I liked the lie because it would satisfy her parents. It would actually the smart thing to do which is why they believe her. Except she's holding onto for another unknown reason.
That roomful of wigs was creepy.
I liked Mary telling Alice her headgames wouldn't work on her. Who Fred spends his time with is his business. Can I just reiterate how much I dislike Alice? Aside from the sinister reasons she set up the dinner, the personal and hurtful questions she asked FP were as horrible and rude as anything said by a member of the Blossom clan. I have a really hard time accepting Betty came out of a person this mean-spirited. Yes, it's been hinted that Betty has dark thoughts and crazy impulses. But that is a far cry from being manipulative and cruel. That goes for Polly too. I'm trying to understand how Betty came out of such a sociopath.
Such a huge episode. ****.
Riverdale "Chapter Twelve: Anatomy Of A Murder"
The mystery resolution was a bit underwhelming simply because Clifford was always the prime suspect in my mind. The show is again channeling Twin Peaks into making the guy who acts the craziest and most guilty the actual killer. But one of Twin Peaks' biggest strengths to me (and I know David Lynch would disagree) is that the good thing about the mystery being solved is that it pretty much explains a great deal of the varying characters' weird behaviors in hindsight. It was always Leland, and there was never any other answer. And kills me that Twin Peaks was considered such the mysterious show it was. The resolution to Who Killed Laura Palmer turned out in hindsight to be a no-brainer.
I expect the same feeling if and when I rewatch season one of this show. I'll be like "That explains a LOT" once I see how he's grooming Archie, or hiding the wigs from Polly. His craziness infests the season and we only realize the full level of crazy after the fact.
Once again the Berlantiverse has zero idea how the law actually works. Mary says because Archie broke into the trailer illegally that what he saw is inadmissible in a court of law. Are ALL Berlantiverse writers this stupid? Of course it can. Because Archie is not a cop or an FBI agent. If he took his licks for the crime he committed, his testimony would definitely be allowed in a court of law simply because he's a civilian, and doesn't actually need a warrant. How many Law and Order episodes have we seen the day accidentally being saved by a civilian sticking their nose where it didn't belong, and being willing to testify to that fact? I almost forgive Arrow and The Flash for how badly they bungle their courtroom drama because they are superhero shows. Riverdale is an actual murder mystery. There is NO excuse to get that specific detail wrong. NONE.
I was more than a little annoyed that Kevin decried the Scooby Gang for dragging Joaquin into it. How does Kevin think everyone ELSE feels? Everyone else is in the mess, whether they want to be or not. With the possible exception of Archie himself, who always seems to make himself "Mess Adjacent". But Archie always knows the wrong crowd to hang out with.
As for the "incest" thing I was a little amused and annoyed they thought that was an actual scandal. Third Cousins? So what? That's not even Deep South. That's Buckingham Palace. And it's not like either Polly or Jason were even aware they were distantly related while it was happening. Third cousins isn't even incest in my book. I bet half of the wizards in the Harry Potter Universe would be dismayed to find out this is actually a scandal here. There is probably a reason Molly and Arthur Weasley BOTH have red hair after all.
But why don't the Coopers? If red hair is SUCH a strong Blossom family trait, it doesn't matter if the Coopers changed their names. They should be redheaded stepchildren anyways.
I love how the moment of the gang watching the murder on the computer screen was boarded. The girls start to cry (which makes about as much sense as Donna Hayward sobbing in the Road House on the night of Maddie Ferguson's murder). But it totally plays, as does Betty getting up to make a phone call. Who is she calling and why? And until they cut to Cheryl we don't actually know because the show was clever enough not to show us what the kids saw right away. But the show replays the scene and we are able to match up the kids' reactions to what they are actually seeing.
You know, when Jughead calls Betty Nancy Drew, he's not underselling that notion. Truthfully, were I Jughead, I'd simply be mad she's man-handling another dude, but considering the stakes, that may have been neither here nor there.
I will confess to be disappointed by the reveal. But like Twin Peaks, I expect it will fully hold up in hindsight. ****1/2.
Riverdale "Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter"
Archie banging Veronica! Gamechanger!
I will always find it weird that Jughead Jones is more cut and physically fit than Archie Andrews. Always.
I can't believe Mayor McCoy is trying to take co-credit for solving the mystery. She truly IS a politician, isn't she?
I like that when describing his foster family Jughead wryly says, "They're nice." Which is like the most backhanded compliment from him ever. Which is why it's fabulous.
I do not feel the least bit sorry for Mrs. Blossom. She was just as responsible for the toxicity in that house as her husband was. She should feel very lucky Cheryl didn't lock her in the house when she burnt it down.
Speaking of going for the softer twist, I was a little bit disappointed Alice didn't get an abortion after all. That would have been a groundbreaking moment for network television. Instead the adopted brother means there's a new season 2 episode to look forward to.
Although the surprise relative I really want? Jughead's evil twin. Don't laugh. You know you want that too.
I love Fred using Betty's speech as an excuse to stick it to Hermione and not be bought out. If Fred survives the cliffhanger, next season should be fun.
Good finale made up entirely of wrap-up, but were I the show, I would have done like Veronica Mars and solved the mystery here too. Again this show is more Twin Peaks, but the truth is, Lynch never WANTED to solve the mystery at ALL, so maybe solving it early wasn't the way to go here. ****1/2.
DC Super Hero Girls "Career Day"
I'm glad Diana told Parasite at the end that his job was important, because I found all of her complaining about having to pick up trash classist and insulting. Were I Rudy, I'd be offended. But Parasite don't say much (or anything) and never did.
School uniforms? When did THAT happen?
So THAT'S how they do it with Lady Justice every week. Hilarious.
Decent episode. ***.
DC Super Hero Girls "Mood Ring"
Grodd and Waller? I just threw up in my mouth a little. ****.
Ben 10: Alien Worlds "XLR8"
It strikes me that they don't really vary up the designs between the aliens on the given planet and the alien Ben morphs into. Seems a bit lazy to me. **1/2.
Ben 10: Alien Worlds "Grey Matter"
Cute! ****.
Adventure Time "Come Along With Me"
It's been a few years since I actually sat down and watched an entire episode of Adventure Time, so upon seeing that, I felt like I must have missed some stuff. But as weird as the visuals and plot turns are if you aren't familiar with them, it did a lot of good things that a series finale should do.
I love that they saved the day through singing. That is a cartoon solution, and one of the reasons cartoons are awesome. And I love that that's the right answer.
I have no idea about the Ice King's real backstory, but what I did see moved me very much. It was a bittersweet sacrifice on behalf of his beloved.
And the wrap-arounds end with the new Jake and Finn confused that the war didn't happen, and the world didn't end. But the heroes went on to live their lives. As surviving heroes are wont to do.
Love that Marceline and Bubblegum were allowed to kiss.
Adventure Time strikes me as the kind of show I could get into in hindsight, if I could binge all the episodes. There might be future DVD purchases in story for me. But as confused and amazed as I was by what I just saw, I was still able to recognize that whatever it was, and whatever it ultimately meant, it was amazing. *****.
The Lion Guard "Cave Of Secrets"
When Makini was talking about the paintings being new to her I remembered NBC's much mocked ad campaign in the 90's that said "If you haven't seen it, it's new to you!"
I swore if the Secret turned out to be a reflection or a mirror I'd throw something at my TV. Now my TV has a spot on it.
I like that the invisible bridge isn't actually magical. It's an "optical illusion" instead. That is hardly more believable, but at the same time it doesn't involve the lions doing things greater than they can actually do, which is something that the show needs to remember more. I think they fudged a couple of things (such as the maze) but the show usually remembers not to make the challenges too tough for actual lions.
To be honest, I didn't much care for that. But it also wasn't terrible. Just not my cup of tea. **1/2.
The Lion Guard "The Zebra Mastermind"
The fact that Kion suspects those idiot attacks are some master plan Xanatos Gambit by Scar tells me Kion is a total dimwit.
I liked Bunga asking if the flowers meant they should have got something for the hyenas too. Bunga is never funny. I will give him his due on a rare occasion he is.
The biggest reason The Lion Guard is going to win is because Scar is literally their only enemy who isn't a total moron. Which is good because the Lion Guard are actually none-too-bright themselves. But Scar's downfall will be because he's a ghost, he has to delegate to and put his faith in utter imbeciles. He doesn't have a chance on the Pridelands Game Of Thrones. ***1/2.
The Lion Guard "The Hyena Resistance"
I knew just based on the episode title, I was going to love the episode. And I was right.
What I love about the Resistance is that it was as successful for as long as it was because it kept itself hidden. If that had been Bunga, he would have blown the secret after the first victory to gloat. But Jasiri knows that her sabotage is most effective if nobody knows that is what is going on. It couldn't last forever, and of course Scar would use the same trick against them once he found out, but luckily there is an eagle-eyed egret out there for when things go pear-shaped.
I had totally forgot that the evil Croc leader was actually competent. We haven't seen him in awhile, and that's probably why. The Lion Guard defeats more unworthy foes more easily. Save the smart guys for the exciting weeks.
I really liked the scene where Scar forced Janja to admit he lied to him about Jasiri's death. What really amuses me about Janja's fear is that Scar is actually toothless. Sure, he can burn him inside the volcano, but if none of the animals go back there, they're pretty much out of that abusive relationship.
For the record, I think the sninks are overthinking Janja's hesitation at Jasiri's offer. It didn't strike me that she was changing his mind. It was more like he was trying to think of a smart rebuttal and reason NOT to do it. And since he's stupid, that means hesitation. After the gratitude for the save, I did not read Janja's body language as being open to changing sides at all. He recognized the "We're the same" catchphrase, but that was recognition as to why he's still alive, not recognition that Jasiri is an legit option for a guy like him. And if the idea that Janja is pondering changing sides is what the sninks are reporting, then they are feeding Scar bad intel, which is another weak link in the Ship of Fools he captains. Janja is stupid, but he's too scared of Scar to actually be disloyal. And if the sninks think differently, they are another one of Scar's minions who are very bad at their jobs.
Man, I loved the episode. I would normally grouse about an egret single-handedly defeating a croc and a jackal, but that's the stupid conceit of the stupid show. I pretty much HAVE to accept it to both enjoy the show, and sleep at night because I enjoy the show. It's not actually credible.
Great episode though. *****.
The Lion Guard "The Underground Adventure"
I liked that. The Zebra is really growing on me, and I like that he demands Tiifu be his best friend. When he cluelessly assures her that he will be with her and her friends while Kion and Bunga go off searching for the aardvark, I realized that for as damaging as his actions usually are, there is zero actual malice in the creature. Which makes me forgive a lot.
Speaking which, I think Bunga talking about the monster in the dark shows why he is unworthy to be in The Lion Guard. He sucks at crisis management completely, because he'd rather hog attention by making a spectacle of himself, than doing what is best and safest for any group he is supposedly trying to protect. I hate him. That being said, him annoying the aardvark into helping bordered on the clever. Bunga's main attribute is that he's annoying. It's about time he used it for good instead of selfishness.
That golden mole rat was cute. I really appreciated that in the episode where a character is afraid of the dark, that she learned it wasn't actually scary from a blind character. That is a very refreshing lesson. Especially because as a mole, the character isn't actually disabled. It's just the mole has been in the dark forever and is not scared of it because that's all he knows. That was a fabulous.
How did the vulture set the fire? How did he learn to pick up sticks that were on fire and carry them across the Pridelands without getting burned? One of the show's biggest problems is that is has the characters acting too much like humans. This was a worse example than usual. Vultures cannot start and / or control fires.
But other than that it was a good episode. I think the show has found a bit of a breakout character with the Zebra Mastermind. Now he just needs a name. ****.
DuckTales "Duckburg's Funniest Home Videos"
Louie can't unsee that.
That's why Louie loves cats. They are so rude.
I hope there are more of these in the future. ****.
Power Rangers: Super Ninja Steel "Dimensions In Danger"
That was bananas. They went all out.
You know, the fight between Tommy and evil robot Tommy was unintentionally funny. But it was also awesome. Which makes the fact that it's unintentionally funny not matter a jot. SO much fun.
Here is my Tommy 'shipping problem: I am Team Tommy / Kimberly Forever, and always will be. But it's never gonna happen. Amy Jo Johnson has pretty much washed her hands of the franchise for the horrible and homophobic way it treated her friend David Yost back in the day. And I understand and agree with her anger about that. So what they should have done instead is reveal Cat is the mother of Tommy's kid. I never shipped Tommy and Cat, but since she was in the episode, it would have been the consolation prize we original series viewers could have used. But they are still dangling the hope beyond hope it's Kimberly. It's a bit maddening, to be honest.
For the record, I am SO glad Jason David Frank got rid of the dumb goatee, at least for this episode. He was looking like the beatnik Ranger in his later appearances.
Surprised Steve Cardenas showed up at all. It was my understanding he had similar hurt feelings about the Yost situation that Johnson did. But he's here. I won't complain.
Tommy's Master Morpher explains ALL of his later appearances in Anniversary specials and the like. Good for the show.
Not quite on Forever Red's level, but blew Mega Force's Legendary Battle out of the water. *****.
Power Rangers Super Ninja Steel "Love Stings"
Fun fact: It's not actually Valentines' Day.
Also you can apparently says "sucks" on shows for toddlers now. Good to know. But it's when Sesame Street starts having Elmo talking about wanting to choke a b-word which is when I'll have problems.
Venoma's design was super bizarre and creepy. The monster costumes on this show always stink, but they are sometimes really frightening anyways.
So Victor thinks a good way to court a random girl is to shoot arrows at her with suction cups on them? This goes back to notion of the show being made for toddlers. Because the precise reason I wouldn't have him do that were I the producers is the fact that it's imitable. In fact, the fact that it supposedly drives girls away could be a selling point for some boys on Valentines' Day. It is bizarre that this show never seems to think about those specific kinds of messages.
Do you know what I love about The Romeos? Their pursuit of Venoma was a friendly rivalry, instead of each of them going insane, and wanting to destroy the others in jealous rage. Mind control IS the worst trope in genre. I firmly believe that. But when they're all "May the best man win," at least you can't hate them for it. I didn't mind it this week because of that fact.
For the record, I sort of wish the episode were worse. Then I could say it sucks. Because we're apparently allowed to do that now. ***1/2.
Transformers: Cyberverse "The Journey"
Okay, so we've SEEN Grimlock as Banner. I wanna see him as Hulk. They snuck a "Me Grimlock" in there, though. Pretty sneaky, sis.
Bad Optimus:
Telling Bumblebee the ground was shaking. Does that guy simply state every obvious thing that is happening around him?
Good Optimus:
Actually this was one of the best Optimus moments I've seen in years. Since Transformers: Prime at least. But when Optimus realizes the creatures eat Energon, he backs the eff off, realizes the AUTOBOTS are the invaders, and orders everybody into stasis, even if it means his own people might not survive. When Optimus is written right, he has a non-negotiable moral code that he will refuse to deviate from under any circumstance. He is the protector of all life. And if the Transformers project is good, the other Bots listen to this wise advice, and follow it without question. I don't think Robots In Disguise truly understood how badly they were damaging Optimus's character by always having Sideswipe make snarky comments about him under his breath or behind his back. Having people under him who do that is not why Optimus is awesome. And it's nice to get back to Optimus as wise, and well-respected, and listened to, even if I wish it were actually Peter Cullen.
Optimus TBD...:
Telling Bumblebee to switch his scanner from looking for Energon, to looking for Autobots. Shouldn't Bee have already been smart enough to do this himself? Suddenly the notion that Optimus has to point out the ground is shaking to this dimwit holds up to scrutiny just a smidge.
The best episode so far, mainly because as incompetent as Bee is, he isn't actually talking like Wreck-Gar. ****.
