"Twin Peaks: The Final Dossier" Review (MAJOR SPOILERS!)

[matt_zimmer]

Also reviews for the latest episodes of Teen Titans Go!, Supergirl, The Flash, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow, and Arrow, the first six episodes of the web series Freedom Fighters: The Ray, the latest episodes of Gotham, Lucifer, The Powerpuff Girls, Ben 10, and Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., the web series Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Slingshot, the latest episodes of The Gifted, Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy, Marvel's Avengers: Secret Wars, DuckTales, Tangled: The Series, The Lion Guard, and Once Upon A Time, the season finale of Power Rangers: Ninja Steel, the latest episode of The Simpsons, the season finale of The Orville, the latest episodes of Family Guy, Brooklyn Nina-Nine, The Last Man On Earth, and Ghosted, the series premiere of Happy!, and the latest episodes of Van Helsing, and Blindspot.

Upcoming reviews include Twin Peaks: The Return (Blu-Ray), Doctor Who: Series 9, Doctor Who: Series 10, Class: Series 1, The X-Files: Season 10, Avengers: Age Of Ultron (Blu-Ray), Ant-Man (Blu-Ray), Captain America: Civil War (Blu-Ray), Doctor Strange (Blu-Ray), Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 (Blu-Ray), Spider-Man: Homecoming (Blu-Ray), Jessica Jones: Season 1, Daredevil: Season 2, Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Season 2, Marvel's Agent Carter: Season 1, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (Blu-Ray), X-Men: Days Of Future Past: The Rogue Cut, Deadpool, X-Men: Apocalypse (Blu-Ray), Logan, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 1, The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes! Season 2, Zootopia, Moana (Blu-Ray), Tangled: Before Ever After (DVD), Inside Out (Blu-Ray), The Good Dinosaur (Blu-Ray), Finding Dory (Blu-Ray), Cars 3 (Blu-Ray), Once Upon A Time: Season 5, The BFG, Tomorrowland, Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Blu-Ray), Star Wars Rebels: Season 2, Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales, Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures: Season One, Jim Henson's Turkey Hollow (DVD), Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them (Blu-Ray), Justice League Action: Superpowers Unite!, Teen Titans Go!: Get In Pig Out, Teen Titans Go!: Recess Is Over, DC Super Hero Girls: Intergalactic Games, LEGO DC Super Hero Girls: Brain Drain, The LEGO Batman Movie, Batman Vs. Two-Face, Suicide Squad (Blu-Ray), Wonder Woman (Blu-Ray), The Flash: Season 2, The Flash: Season 3, Arrow: Season 4, Arrow: Season 5, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 1, DC's Legends Of Tomorrow: Season 2, Supergirl: Season 1, Supergirl: Season 2 Vixen: The Movie, Gotham: Season 2, Gotham: Season 3, iZombie: Season 1, iZombie: Season 2, iZombie: Season 3, Lucifer: Season 1, Lucifer: Season 2, Samurai Jack: Season 5, Be Cool Scooby Doo!: Spooky Kooky Fun!, Wabbit: A Looney Tunes Prod.: Hare-Raising Tales, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug: Extended Edition, The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies: Extended Edition, The Simpsons: Season 18, Red Dwarf XII, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Beyond The Known Universe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Earth's Last Stand, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Super Shredder, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Wanted: Bebop & Rocksteady, Tales Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Final Chapters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Half-Shell Heroes: Blast To The Past, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows, Power Rangers (2017), Power Rangers: Zeo: Volume 2, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: Volume 1, Power Rangers: Turbo: Volume 2, Power Rangers In Space Volume 1, Power Rangers In Space: Volume 2, Power Rangers Samurai: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Megaforce: The Complete Season, Power Rangers: Super Megaforce: The Complete Season, Transformers: Robots In Disguise: Season 1, Heroes Reborn: The Complete Series, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 1: Water, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 2: Earth, Avatar: The Last Airbender: Book 3: Fire, The Legend Of Korra: The Complete Series, Haven: Season 5 - Vol. 1, Haven: The Final Season, The Dark Tower, Under The Dome: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 2, Sleepy Hollow: Season 3, Sleepy Hollow: Season 4, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 2, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 3, Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 4, Airplane! / Airplane II: The Sequel: Double Feature, The Jurassic Park Trilogy, Jurassic World, Back To The Future: The Complete Animated Series, Shaun The Sheep Movie (Blu-Ray), Shaun The Sheep: The Farmer's Llamas, 12 Monkeys: Season 1, 12 Monkeys: Season 2, Grimm: Season 4, Grimm: Season 5, Grimm: Season 6, The Wonder Years: Season 4, The Wonder Years: Season 5, The Wonder Years: Season 6, The Peanuts Movie, Peanuts By Schulz: Snoopy Tales, Peanuts By Schulz: Go Team Go!, Bob's Burgers: Season 5, Ghostbusters: Answer The Call, Community: Season 6, Danger Mouse: The Complete Series, Prison Break: Season 5, Game Of Thrones: Season 5, and Game of Thrones: Season 6.



Teen Titans Go! "BBCYFSBDAY"

Here is a good rule of thumb. If a white guy starts off a rap with "My name is and I'm here to say," they are definitely a terrible person deep down. You might want to leave the room, just to be safe. If the white guy doing that rap's name is either Derek or Justin, you might want to leave the state.

And that's all I have to say for this week. ***1/2.




Supergirl "Reign"

Much to unload here. Let's get started.

Imra is not helping. At all. This would be SO much easier if she were a b****. What Kara needs right now is somebody to hate and blame. And Imra is too amazing to fault. She is totally screwing with Kara's grieving process right now. I mean, if this isn't actually Imra's fault, then that just means that Kara's misery is random and pointless. And there is no worse kind of misery than someone believing it happened to them bordered on the coincidental. Frankly, were I Kara, I might be more inclined to listen to Coville's religiosity. Because then this cr*p might actually MEAN something. And that's a straw I might want to grasp at.

However I felt like Kara complaining she was pretty was totally missing the mark. It's hard to believe that the episode where she makes that particular childish observation was written by two women, because it is completely irrelevant to how and why Kara should be suffering. If that's one of Kara's actual problems with her, I sympathize a LOT less with Kara and her value system, than I would have had she not even cared.

Speaking of Coville, his heart is in the right place, but he is too crazy to do Kara any good. Either that or he's stupid. Deep down, he can believe all of this religious stuff about the Kryptonians, but if he wants to give Kara a legitimate warning about something, he would do well to dial it down a few notches. This is information that Kara desperately needed. That she was inclined to disbelieve because of the religious rhetoric attached to it. Were I Coville and not bananas, I would have used a light touch, explained calmly what the situation was, and if asked, offered my opinion as to why it was happening. And it's because he isn't smart or sane enough to do that which is why Kara is not willing to take him seriously. He doesn't treat her like a real person. Which is why Kara doesn't care about what he thinks. And I almost don't blame her.

J'onn's father much prefers this warm brown water. And cocoa beats coffee. Every time.

I found it endearing that Winn just assumes that Hank doesn't know what Star Wars is, because one of the fabulous things about various incarnations of J'onn I've seen, is that he's a total Earth Pop-culture and junk food sponge. And that makes you love him more in that he's embraced the cheesier aspects of humanity, rather than things like great literature and religious texts. J'onn does NOT gravitate towards what the big shots on Earth consider important. And that makes him all the more relatable because I personally don't either. He likes Hall and Oates, not Mozart. I don't share THAT opinion, but I like that J'onn has it.

P.S. Shakespeare is boring and filled with plot holes. None of the problems Shakespeare's characters suffer through would even BE a problem if they had even a LICK of common sense. Discuss.

On that note, I was not bored by the episode. ****.

The Flash "Don't Run"

That wasn't perfect for me (I'm going to miss the guy who played Devoe) but it was still a hell of a lot better than last season's winter cliffhanger. That made me dread the rest of the season. This made me excited for it.

And Devoe's is smart. Killing Barry is the longest of longshots, so it makes sense to frame him for a crime he will be unwilling to disprove to take him off the gameboard. What I don't get is what happens next. Why did Thinker even mess with Flash at all? He could have probably found Dominic and switched bodies under the radar if he had the mind to. Why does he need the Flash out of the way? What is the Enlightenment?

Iris choosing to save Caitlin was incredibly smart. I'd almost say selfless, but Iris is right that Barry can take of himself. The question that remains is can the Flash still operate if Barry is supposed to be in prison? He can pretty much escape from any normal jail and nobody's knows Barry's a Meta. Is it possible Barry will wind up saving the day each week while his secret I.D. has a bunch of pillows stuffed under his blanket in his jail cell? The specific nature of the Flash's powers make me wonder if even jail will be able to stop the Flash from operating in secret.

I love that Rory got them a wedding gift. Sure, it was a stolen bunch of toasters, but I loved that he bothered to do that much.

But seriously? An espresso machine from Oliver and Felicity? They might as well have pulled a Batman from JLU and simply given them cash for all of the sentiment expressed by that.

I would much rather get one of those cubes from Jessica Camacho than a break-up cube. I love that they are turning the hilariousness of that device's awkwardness and making it a running gag. I can't wait to see what embarrassing parallel universe cube is next.

Every time I see Katee Sackoff in something, I always think she's a MUCH less impressive actress than her filmography might indicate. The chick doesn't even know how to spell her first name right. She (and Starbuck) are nothing special.

When Devoe isn't in the creepy robot chair with the headgear, his scenes with his wife are quite intimate and moving. I am going to miss that.

Pretty good stopping point. ****.

DC's Legends Of Tomorrow "Beebo The God Of War"

Wait, Wentworth Miller is back on the Waverider? This show suddenly becomes the must watch Arrowverse show for the rest of the season. The talking puppet is simply gravy.

I love how upset Mick is with him when it's revealed he is an equally big disappointment to Snart. And I kind of see why. Just based on Snart's descriptions, Good Rory sounds nothing like our Rory. Whereas Leo strikes me as nearly identical in personality to Leonard. Their ethics, motivations, morals, and goals were somewhat different, but Leo is a LOT like Leonard in using humor to needle people and deliberately get under their skin. I think Leo probably has a more legit reason to be upset over the change in the friend than Rory does.

Don't laugh about Beebo the God of War. Civilizations have risen and fallen over stupider beliefs. It should outrage the viewer that Beebo Day and Christmas are actually interchangeable. But maybe the most outrageous thing is that they probably would be in real life too.

Is Franz Dramah leaving the series or is that mid-season melodrama? I hope it's the latter because I think it's incredibly unfair if that actor has to get fired just because Victor Garber quit.

Knew Mollus was John Noble. Know that voice anywhere. He and Katia Winter (who was also in the episode) were Sleepy Hollow regulars before that show went completely off the rails. Let's hope Legends has a happier ending.

And we finally get to Constantine... I vaguely heard rumblings he might show up some point this season, but it didn't make his appearance at the end any less of a pleasant surprise. Snart back, Grodd seemingly being a major presence, and now Constantine? This used to be the goofiest and most disposable of the Arrowverse shows. Suddenly it is the most relevant. Come February it will no longer be the Arrowverse show I solely watch to keep up with the crossovers. It will be the main show I watch the Arrowverse for. *****.

Arrow "Irreconcilable Differences"

Generally speaking, I enjoy the Arrowverse episodes with character drama more than those with superheroics. That is usually the rule. And yet, this episode feels a bit off to me. And I'll tell you what the mistake was. Maybe it would have been a mistake either way, but I kind of think this is worse. First off, I do not think they should have had Rene betray Oliver in such a fashion. But if they WERE going to do it, I would have liked to have seen it happening, and for this plot turn to have been set up a few weeks in advance. Because this is television, Arrow makes it a surprise to the viewer, and makes them wonder who the traitor could be. But the truth is, just based on what Rene said, he had legit reasons for what he did. And yet, because I didn't actually see it happen, and I didn't actually see Watkins take his daughter away, I do not have the sympathy ready enough to agree with Oliver giving him a second chance. And that's on the show. Frankly, it was a bad idea to do this story turn in the first place, but they picked the worst way to do it.

The second thing that really bothered me was Dig not having Dinah's back. I understand completely why Oliver doesn't trust her, but Dig SHOULD have been sticking up for her. It doesn't actually make me angry at Dig. Because it is completely out of character. It makes me angry at the writers who chose to do that simply so Dinah would have a legit reason to quit the team. You should never, EVER sacrifice the integrity of your characters to make a story juicier. Television almost always does this, which is why all things considered, as far as mediums go, it tends to really suck.

I do not think Cayden is particularly brilliant. He has a whole team of supervillains, and he picked Laurel to watch Lance? That was the dumbest thing ever precisely because of what happened. It should have been a no-brainer not to even involve her in this kidnapping at all. She should have been given a personal day at his expense. Lance would be dead if he had.

Cayden saying you know he could keep his promises because he vowed to destroy the city is supposed to sound bad@$$, but it also doesn't work as far as promises go. Not lying to somebody and keeping your word is much different than setting a goal for yourself and promising people you'll follow through. There are some fabulous, otherwise honest people out there who suck at New Year's resolutions. A vow to do something in the future doesn't mean jack as far as trustworthiness is concerned.

The one thing I liked in the episode was Curtis' perspective about how it felt wrong to be spied upon. What is interesting is that Oliver, Diggle, and Felicity were right to do it on some level. Somebody betrayed the team and that's how you weed them out. But why didn't Dig or Felicity ever have to explain themselves? Why does Curtis always seem to be on the outside of that trust? I actually understand surveilling Wild Dog and Black Canary. They have caused problems in the past. But Curtis feeling insulted and insecure for the surveillance is the correct reaction. Unlike Rene or Dinah, he has never done anything remotely suspicious. As much as I disdain Dig for not sticking up for Dinah is probably a thousand times what I feel for Felicity not sticking up for him. Out of all of the people who left the team tonight, I think Curtis' reason was the most legit.

Actually, there was a second thing I liked now that I think about it. I liked Quentin giving Oliver the watch. Quentin and Oliver's relationship was pretty much the heart and soul of the show for the first four seasons. It was its biggest selling point. It's the biggest reason I watched, and Paul Blackthorne used to be this show's acting MVP, and knocked it out of the park as far as pathos and drama went. But with his stint as the deputy mayor and being in rehab, his role has gotten much smaller. The biggest reason I think it was a mistake to kill off our Laurel (who I legitimately hated and was happy to otherwise see go) was because it made it so that Quentin and Oliver had nothing to fight about, or bond about, or whatever was going on with Laurel that week. The moment where he gives him the watch and tells Oliver he should have a parent at the wedding is something that I had been waiting for all season. It amazes me this is their first dynamite moment this entire year. They used to happen every week.

I should love this episode. But I don't. I think it's a bit badly constructed in order to try and surprise the viewer. And instead I'm disappointed. **1/2.

Freedom Fighters: The Ray "Episode 1"

This must take place before Crisis on Earth X. Not sure I buy the idea of Evil Barry. I also wonder what happened to the rest of the Freedom Fighters besides Red Tornado. Where do Reverse Flash and Captain Cold fit into this?

Solid Premiere. ****.

Freedom Fighters: The Ray "Episode 2"

Wait, they didn't get Stephen Amell or Grant Gustin? This is automatically inferior to Vixen for that reason.

Wondering what the deal with Red Tornado is. ***1/2.

Freedom Fighters: The Ray "Episode 3"

This was both an origin story, and a sequel to the first two episodes. I liked it a lot.

This also got a bit political by pointing out that politicians often are in favor of shutting down programs of the people who don't vote for them. This episode is canny enough to give itself plausible deniability by not explicitly saying this is a partisan problem. But it is. ****1/2.

Freedom Fighters: The Ray "Episode 4"

Ray strikes me as an incredibly irresponsible person in this. **.

Freedom Fighters: The Ray "Episode 5"

That was fun although I'm not happy Ray is the kind of guy who thinks torturing animals is fun.

The trick of him vibrating his molecules was cool.

Good to see Caitlin again too. I theorize this takes place during Flash Season 3. ****1/2.

Freedom Fighters: The Ray "Episode 6"

I always wanted to see Vibe go up against Flash, but this episode reminded me why is probably shouldn't happen. ****.

Gotham "A Dark Knight: Queen Takes Knight"

I disliked that. Perhaps not as intensely as some episodes of Gotham. But outside of some rare nice moments, I felt angry and upset watching this.

Let's get to the couple of nice moments before I start my complaints.

Victor Zsasz being especially moved by Falcone's death felt right to me, as did him betraying Penguin for it. I was fascinated at the amount of grief / non-grief the character did / did not express at the funeral. Were I Oswald I would have probably put all of my efforts during the episode into proving I was innocent specifically to him.

I also love the stuff with Tabby and Butch and it p*sses me off that Drew Powell, as great as he is as Grundy, is no longer usually allowed to play the nuance he did with Butch. I miss Butch. More than any other character. Gotham always gets rid of its best assets

Case in point: John Doman. The specific reason I was so upset at him dying was because it made Sofia right. And she has been such a sloppy player on the Gotham Game of Thrones that I felt tonight's outcome bordered on the coincidental. But he's calling her a disgrace and disappointment, and telling her she's gross for sleeping with the man who killed her brother, and I was cheering. Right up until he hit her, which is standard for this show. This shows loves having righteous men commit violence against women and imply they have it coming. I would have totally been on Carmine's side had he not done that. But this is a show that traffics in depravity.

Speaking of which, this show has ruined Bruce in the same way it has James Gordon. It just took them longer. But I will never like or root for this version of Bruce Wayne ever again. He is unworthy of being Batman and my mind will never change. Here is something extra disgusting: This young kid wakes up in bed with two women. One of the selling points of Gotham was supposed to be that it covered a portion of Bruce Wayne's life that had barely been explored. Am I truly supposed to be happy Batman loses his virginity to a couple of drunken party girls? I keep hearing loser producers like Geoff Johns call comic books grand mythic melodrama that hold up to Shakespeare. Do the producers of Gotham, who are in the RARE position to show a version of Batman lose his virginity, actually think that idea is epic and mythic? Because it strikes me as tawdry and trashy and designed to shock the audience. Epic myths are what the people who make comic books try to sell and justify them as. Tawdry trash is what they actually are. This is definitely a case in point.

Don't even get me started on Professor Pyg dying before Batman even existed.

I don't know how to make this show better. They keep killing off the best characters, and turning the characters that USED to be the best characters into the worst characters. Gotham is not the kind of show that introduces the best aspects of the comic book world to general audiences to show how cool comics can be. They introduce the worst aspects and expect general audiences to have as terrible of taste as the average superhero comic hero fan. The thing that pisses me off, is that the show is still on the air in season four, so general audiences must like it on some level. Which is a whole different level of depressing. Maybe it isn't just comic book fandom that is effed up. Maybe it's all of society. And this show's success leads me to believe it might actually be the second thing.

Golden age of television my ass. *1/2.




Lucifer "The Sinnerman"

Sinnerman speculation follows.

What we know:

He can be influenced by Lucifer, suggesting he is both human and mortal.

He is so desperate to make sure Lucifer doesn't know his desire, he blinded himself, instead of merely trying to escape. This suggests two things to me.

1. Lucifer CAN defeat him, and is the key to doing so.

2. The Sinnerman did not attempt to escape because the police station is precisely where he actually wants to be. Look for big forthcoming Andre Linoge type shenanigans in the coming weeks. Something tells me they are going to regret they caught, rather than killed him.

We also know The Sinnerman is not perfect, and errs on the side of making human mistakes. He is not Xanatos, and prepared for every contingency. Just based on what I just saw, I'm thinking he fully intended to keep Lucifer trapped in that building forever before Maze frakked it up. Had she not, he would not have needed to blind himself at all. That is an actual, quantifiable mistake.

He also knows the truth about Lucifer. No clue how or why that is, or how someone seemingly mortal could have stolen his devil face and given him back his wings. I think the Sinnerman is probably human. That doesn't mean he doesn't traffic is various magics. Lucifer Morningstar IS DC Comics canon, and magic is real in the DC Universe. This incarnation of Lucifer is entirely separate from the rest of the DC shows, but that doesn't mean that magic is never going to come up. I think it must need to at some point out of storytelling necessity. You cannot give Lucifer very many credible villain threats without it.

Pierce is not off of my suspect list. He could actually working with the Sinnerman, and I can't picture why they would have bothered hiring somebody like Tom Welling for that specific role unless they were trying to "surprise" the audience by making Smallville's Clark Kent sinister. Which also leads me to take his and Chloe's ship with a huge grain of salt. I also don't necessarily take the story about the dead brother at face value. Sinnerman's "Do what you've got to do" advice is also not something only state to someone definitively working against him.

P.S. Welling has put on a LOT of weight. It's more muscle than fat which is annoying. Where were those guns when he was Superman?

Speaking of taking ships with a huge grain of salt, I am amazed Maze's very real concerns about Amenadiel never occurred to Linda herself. Maze is right about something: She is her friend and it's like she totally forgot or didn't care about it because she was so enraptured of angels. It again reminds me why I believe Linda is the absolute worst character on the show. She only cares about herself. Lucifer is far less self-involved than she is which amazes me. The fact that she's a therapist borders on the obscene.

Very cool episode. I would go so far and say it's the first one of the season I actually liked. ****.




The Powerpuff Girls "You're A Good Man, Mojo Jojo"

Wow, that was dark and cynical. Just the "Generic Holiday Tree Lighting Day" thing was way too cynical for me. I was already fargone from the episode by the time everyone cheered Mojo blowing up the tree. **.

The Powerpuff Girls "The Trouble With Bubbles"

I absolutely loved it. I love that Buttercup randomly has a pig she can ask Bubbles to take care of.

The sock puppet flashback was an absolute scream, and the explosion at the end reminded me greatly of the theme song to Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

The professor calls it a computer-box? Is he a scientist or what? When he was preening in that green eyesore suit I realized that he has quite a punchable face.

My absolute favorite bit was Blossom saying "Silico! I should have known it was you!" and Buttercup's all, "How could you have possibly known that?" Let's asks Buttercup's follow-up question to that cliche the next time Batman says it.

A delight. ****1/2.

The Powerpuff Girls "A Slight Hiccup"

When they were chugging that soda, I knew something bad was gonna happen.

Little Nicky hates jars! Ask me why I care again?

The Gnat has a truly repulsive character design. Those three little hairs sticking out of his chin make me want to lose my lunch.

That's a bottle! Focus!

I was annoyed they used soundalikes for the Popeye Theme and "It's A Wonderful World". Have there been any creatures on Earth more responsible for terrible entertainment than music licensing lawyers? Well, maybe Michael Bay.

The last shot was dark, and probably the exact same thing Robert Ebert would have complained about in his PPG Movie review.

The stock footage during Bubble's final burp was hilarious.

Pretty good. ***1/2.

Ben 10 "Out To Launch"

Vilgax again already? Cool! Although I'm not sure how I feel about him as a normal, standalone villain of the week.

Captain McCabe Pluses: African American Badass Warrior Goddess.

Captain McCabe Minuses: Sort of braggy, a bit incompetent, and Cree Summer.

I'll call the character a draw. ***1/2.




Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "A Life Spent"

I officially hate this season. It. SUUUUUUUCKS.

Let's start off with having to watch a huge shirtless man beat a young girl half to death. What the h*ll were the producers smoking that made them think that was even remotely acceptable entertainment? I suppose they expect us to cheer when she gruesomely kills him, but instead I'm sick to my stomach. And then she's sold into slavery. This is the kind of actual feminism Joss Whedon's production company traffics in. Remember this the next time that jack@$$ claims he's a feminist icon.

Sigh. It's gonna be that kind of Mutant Enemy season. I had hoped this level of depravity wouldn't effect this show, but it seems to ultimately effect ALL Mutant Enemy shows. Once Whedon gets the bonfides from creating kick-butt female heroes, he either sexually humiliates them, turns them into damsels in distress, or shows unrelated women suffering from horrible violence as a counterpoint to the heroine's supposed awesomeness. I cannot believe I ever used to let this slide, when it is endemic to the entire production company. I am SO over Joss Whedon.

And don't give me the line that he isn't showrunner and is no longer involved. His name is in the credits as executive producer. If he truly objected to the idea of a young girl getting violently beaten on-screen he could have actually done something about it. He should have. That is his freaking job. But he doesn't care, because his entire brand of feminism and liberalism is completely fake and phony, and I am no longer going to fall for it. It NEVER ends with this jag-off. I'm over it. I cannot believe I was ever a fan.

Ugh. Let's try and see if I can discuss the couple other things of note without puking.

1. The multiverse theory is probably wrong. I don't think Quake destroyed the Earth in a parallel timeline. If so, there would be no reason to bring her into the future. The fact that SHIELD and her were both brought to the future says this is something that happened on the MCU Earth, and will occur after the Agents are sent back. They are definitely going home. The trick will be in then making sure that future doesn't come to pass.

2. I think Coulson and Simmons are overthinking the "No kill" policy. As far as the Agents of SHIELD should be concerned, every single person in the future should be an acceptable loss to the team. Because if they prevent the future, none of it will happen. I'm sure that will be the rationalization for showing that girl's beating. But damn it, they actually put it on-screen. It doesn't matter if it is retconned. It is horrific to witness on every level.

If this show was not tied into the larger MCU, I would drop out after this episode. If the show delivers more episodes like this, I will anyways. 0.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Slingshot: Vendetta"

Coulson's goodbye scene with Yoyo was sweet. ****.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Slingshot: John Hancock"

I totally forgot Yoyo didn't know how to speak English when she started the series.

Ross shout-out.

Mace seemed like a major tool at first, didn't he? ****.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Slingshot: Progress"

I love how mad Fitz was at the pickle Yoyo put him in. Sure got Gemma away from the computer, that's for sure. ****.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Slingshot: Reunion"

I like that the reason May is mad is because Yoyo got caught. ***1/2.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Slingshot: Deal Breaker"

Not as much fun as the earlier parts. ***.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Slingshot: Justicia"

When Daisy was talking about Agent Burrows, I thought she meant Lincoln. But then I was like "No, Lincoln Burrows is the guy on Prison Break". Aren't too many guys named Lincoln out there. ***1/2.

The Gifted "outfoX"

The ending surprised me. I expected things to go down a LOT worse. I fully expected the Struckers to blow that building to kingdom come and commit their first mass murder. Them getting captured instead was an unpleasant surprise. I'm especially impressed Andy had the willpower to drop the hand on his own. Another unexpected moment.

I think Esre is working for the Sentinels. I think she's the second asset inside their building. Yeah, Watkins made a GOOD guess about what was going on. But there was no way he could have gotten that massive amount of soldiers and firepower together unless they had a second confirmed source as to what was going on. Esre has been far too snoopy, nosy, and narrow-minded for me to believe she is doing anything but being a hindrance on purpose.

I love that Reed is offended that Caitlin asked him if he had been keeping this from her. It's a natural reaction from Caitlin upon learning that information, but damn, it's still insulting as all h*ll to ever ask of someone you supposedly love and trust. That's probably why she backtracked so quickly.

Reference to the Hellfire Club and the events of X-Men: First Class. Only thing better woulda be a photo of January Jones in a bikini.

That did NOT go the way I expected it to go. ***1/2.




Guardians Of The Galaxy "Unfortunate Son"

That was fun. Korvac had a cool design and the ending was nice too. ****.

Marvel's Avengers: Secret Wars "New Year's Resolution"

Agent Carter! And they actually got Hayley Atwell to voice her! Yay!

I love Howard's perspective that new cars are ugly compared to cars of his era. And they are. But they are also a lot safer which is what matters in my book. Those old gorgeous classic cars were absolute deathtraps.

I love Tony's stunned reaction to learning he'll have a son. I'd be surprised if he doesn't already have a ton of kids out there he doesn't even know about.

Great episode. *****.




DuckTales "The Impossible Summit Of Mt. Neverrest!"

A mountain covered in wormholes is a great concept, and that sledding climax was awesome. I loved the last shot of Scrooge actually getting the map to the top after all. I was unsurprised Scrooge was the ninny (I expected him to be) but I was still amused.

I freaking love this show. ****1/2.

Tangled: The Series "Not In The Mood"

Off episode. Didn't care for it.

My first thought during the opening scene is "Why is Maximus allowed in the palace?" I get he's a cartoon horse, and was at the wedding, but I don't think he should have free reign of the castle either. Poop boundaries, people.

The second thing that bugged me was Xavier giving the elixir to Pascal and Max. Lemme see if I got this straight. He's gonna trust two animals with no opposable thumbs to be able to carefully dole out three drops in three separate glasses? Don't even get me started on Max and Pascal being expected to find the antidote.

The episode was plain dumb. **.

The Lion Guard "Timon And Pumbaa's Christmas"

Someday I am going to explain to every network executive everywhere that sometimes a show's entire premise means you cannot DO a Christmas episode. Sometimes the show will have a clever workaround, (see Dinosaur's Refrigerator Day) but generally speaking, Ice Age and the Flintstones should never do Christmas Specials.

This goes for The Lion King too. The joke is that they do everything wrong, but they shouldn't even know THAT much. A Christmas episode by definition should never happen in a cartoon set in the African wildlands starring actual animals.

That being said, the animation in the lame 12 Ways Of Christmas song would be pass for showstopping in a Disney movie with a Menken / Ashman song instead of an earworm, and I'm a bit tickled Makuu joined the performance. But a Christmas episode in this franchise feels all kinds of wrong. **.




Once Upon A Time "One Little Tear"

I was shocked (in a good way) that Victoria was Rapunzel, just because I expected Disney to do anything protect the Tangled brand. But the idea that Mother Gothel actually corrupted Rapunzel is irresistible.

For the record, no way can ANY woman who spent only a few years in a tower have grown hair that long. The long hair used to be far-fetched simply because hair stops growing at some point and never that long. Now it is far-fetched because there was literally not enough time to become that length.

I didn't expect Rumple to admit to Victoria who he was either. To his credit, he now realizes that helping her was a mistake. I hope he fixes things with Regina next. She can help.

Also for the record, it amazes me that Rumple never considered the Guardian is Henry. It amazes me because he is pretty much my only suspect. Remember, Henry is supposed to be Rumplestiltskin's undoing. He is destined to destroy the power of the Dark One. Now Rumple actually WANTS that. He should be trying to make that prophecy a thing. The prophecy also works because Henry is pure of heart. Frankly, I don't know who the show is kidding by trying to act like it could be anyone other than Henry. Because if it isn't, the writers are bad at their jobs. Because he fits on every level you can think of.

I still have trouble with this version of Rapunzel and Gothel existing in the same Enchanted Forest as Wish World Hook. Technically, Rapunzel should still be the African American version from Season 3. It's one of the things about the new season that doesn't hold together at all (The other major beef is inconsistencies in Wonderland).

Good episode. ****.




Power Rangers: Ninja Steel "Past, Presents, And Future"

It's Christmas so that means Santa and clips shows. Buckle up.

The timestream device being destroyed setting everything right didn't hold up to scrutiny. I would have thought Sara would have had to have returned the Ninja Stars first. It was sort of nice in that they tried to use it to explain why nobody remembered it, but the logic isn't there.

I dip in and out of this franchise so I don't know if there has ever been a Mega Ranger before. I liked the idea.

There have been worse Christmas specials (I looking at you, rapping Roboknight). ***.




The Simpsons "Mr. Lisa's Opus"

Wow, I tend to hate the Future Episodes but I actually liked that one.

Love the updated "Those Were The Days" theme originating in "Lisa's Sax". Excellent to get Norman Lear in on it too.

I love Marge kicking Homer out of bed.

Good future: Liked seeing the genesis of Homer's sobriety.

Bad future: The idea that 20 year old Bart already has two kids is the sort of thing that is why I tend to hate the future episodes.

If Homer is powerless, isn't EVERYONE with power a higher power to him? I also loved the 9.99 realization. The worst thing about 99 cents is that it often DOES seem cheaper psychologically. I cannot buy a 22.99 new release Blu-Ray without subconsciously believing it actually costs 22 dollars.

Lisa and her new friend playing sax and doing funny voices was painful and unfunny. But at least they realized it and stopped.

The good thing about Michael Jackson not doing his own singing back in Season 3's "Stark Raving Dad" is that they can have Kip Lennon return as Leon Kopowski with no problems whatsoever. The Flaming Moe moment seemed a bit less iconic, but perhaps in a non-Kip Lennon episode, it wouldn't be.

Another great callback in Skinner as Norman Bates. We haven't seen that in awhile.

You don't scare me, Al Jean. President Kid Rock would be a step up from what we've got. That's how bad things currently are.

I like the Wiseguy trying to feel superior to Lisa for three seconds before he begs her for food for the rest of his life.

I am surprised by how much I enjoyed that. ****1/2.




The Orville "Mad Idoltry"

This show does better Star Trek than Star Trek does Star Trek. Because Star Trek shows the "horrors" of interference in undeveloped alien cultures. And this episode just sort of took the tack that interference in alien cultures is irrelevant. And it's gonna happen, so quit blaming yourself.

The episode starts off with Kelly making an unusually bone-headed mistake. It is not one even Captain Kirk's crew, as dumb as they were, would ever make. Mercer claims she saved the girl's life, but the girl got up on her own, and it was just a cut. There is a very big possibility Kelly's actions were entirely unnecessary.

And then the show has the crew trying to fix it twice. The first time almost works, which isn't credible within the 30 minute timeframe. But it at least sets up that SOME people are willing to learn the truth. And it also gives a cool role for Twin Peaks vet Lenny Von Dohlen, who is pretty much universally beloved among genre fans, but never seems to get cast in anything anymore. Seth MacFarlane to the rescue!

Speaking of Seth, I'm betting he only wrote this episode as a way to get to kiss Adrianne Padelecki repeatedly. He is so freaking transparent. But it's not like I blame him.

But what I really like is that once the planet is "fixed", their perspective is that all of that crap with the Word of Kelly would have happened with or without Kelly. She was just the excuse. It was the planet's growing pains, and that happens in all societies. Which is frankly a better message than Star Trek EVER gave us with the Prime Directive. The Prime Directive is great at delivering cautionary tales. It's less great in having a planet take responsibility for their own actions. And you kind of get that mostly (not always) the Enterprise treats the less evolved life forms as children. Without remembering Earth went through the exact same crap, and it's actually normal. Starfleet is so sure of its righteousness, and of humanity's ultimate perfection, that is seems to be unwilling to let any planets make their own mistakes. And if they do, they just don't want the blame for it, or to have to take responsibility for actually upsetting the planet's balance just by studying it. But that's precisely what the Heisenberg Principle is. If Starfleet actually wants to explore strange new worlds and new civilizations, they are going to have to acknowledge that just by virtue of doing so, they are effecting those civilizations, whether in ways great or small. They cannot just wash their hands of the rest of the universe if they want to explore it. It doesn't work that way. And it's annoying that the Prime Directive is essentially a way for Starfleet Captains to give themselves a "get out of jail free" card whenever they mess up. The planet they effected has to live with the changes they made. They don't get to go off on a new and different adventure in a new locale the next week. And if Starfleet is unwilling to act like interference is anything but a normal hazard of the job, and instead an unimpeachable ethical dilemma, they are not taking responsibility for whenever they don't leave a place better than they found it. Which is morally wrong and a bad lesson for the audience.

It is an incredibly mature idea that the people who evolved into the cool cucumbers at the end don't blame Ed and Kelly, and in fact looked forward to meeting them and catching up. And like a few generations before that, they were literally Perd Hapley. Not bad as far as evolution goes. They take responsibility for their own actions. Which is an unheard of moral for an contaminated planet on Star Trek. On Star Trek, EVERYTHING seems to be about the Federation and how righteous humanity is. No matter the trouble, Kirk and Picard would always somehow find a way to make it all about themselves. And that really should bother the viewer in hindsight. It kind of does me, and I'm of the unpopular opinion that none of the first five live-action Trek series save Deep Space Nine actually hold up decades later. I hope The Orville will stand the test of time. Due to the dirty jokes and pop culture references, it might not. But dang it, values like the ones this episode espoused means it actually should.

Smart idea not to go the Star Trek cliffhanger route for the first season finale. Even Next Gen didn't do that in seasons one or two. See how the audience responds before taking a risk like that. Once The Orville is better established, I look forward to the kind of cliffhangers Next Gen and DS9 excelled at. Until then, this was a wonderful, self-contained finale. *****.




Family Guy "Crimes And Meg's Demeanor"

Stewie's there. He just wants you to have to sit with what you just said a moment.

A peeping Tom? There is no part of Brian that doesn't suck.

But yeah, Quagmire's good.

My absolute favorite scene was Shepard playing with Stewie as the doll. He brushes the hair, kisses it, and then pulls down the pants to look at the butt. And then he smiles! Sick!

Do you know the messed up thing about Cabbage Patch Kids? They all have interesting butts that WILL make you smile. For some reason every Kid has a tramp stamp of Xavier Roberts on their tuckus.

Chris O'Donnell is a mystery. Good slam. Or was it a compliment? We'll never know.

Meg is a hotter Chris Christie. Nice!

Funny episode although Brian's apartment plot kind of fizzled there, all things considered. But at least he wound up badly hurt twice. And that's the important thing. ***1/2.




Brooklyn Nine-Nine "99"

I was not surprised the Captain was sabotaging the trip, but I was pleasantly surprised at the reason he was. At first I thought it was because he didn't want to leave the 99. Instead it's because he's compromised by what he did for Jake and Rosa. And I love that. The motive is selfless rather than selfish for that reason.

Love Amy going full high-strung at the end. I don't know why Jake actually loved it but I loved that he did. There is no time for clapping.

The trailer exploding actually made me nervous. Finding out Holt was behind it made it seem less worse but if it had been an accident that would have been TOO close.

Rosa being bisexual does not surprise me as Stephanie Beatriz plays the character very masculine. But it is endearing she's self-conscious about that fact, and worried about how the rest of the squad would feel. The 99 IS awesome, but there is no denying that Holt had a harder career than he might have had were he in the closet. Rosa can't be 100% sure she is going to stay in the 99 forever.

Very cool milestone to celebrate. ****1/2.




The Last Man On Earth "Not Appropriate For Miners"

It seems kind of creepy to be setting up a 9 year old with newborns, but what is and isn't creepy in this reality is fungible. The situation is what it is.

I like that Melissa is the voice of reason at the end.

Love Tandy's cookie rant at the end. He is either going to be the best dad ever of the worst. It's probably the second one.

Fred Armison, huh? Neat. ****.




Ghosted "Haunted Hayride"

Wow, what an awesome episode. It's not like this is a GREAT show but this was the best one so far and the first five star one to boot.

Love Max and Leroy making the Alphabet Game interesting for the first time ever. Frankly, this is what EVERYONE should be doing on car rides.

The burger prank was hilarious but I knew it was a prank the entire time. Why didn't Max?

I love Leroy claiming he screamed so Max wouldn't be embarrassed to be the only one screaming. Leroy had some great lines tonight.

I love that the girl they saved turned out to be terrible. Because that has to be true about MANY people who are rescued from certain death. Doctor Who has certain done this more than once.

Fantastic episode. *****.




Happy! "Saint Nick"

This was billed as a funny dark comedy. I don't find it funny at all. It's mostly horrifying. But it's also interesting, visually stimulating, thought-provoking with an incredibly intense performance by Christopher Meloni. This show, even if it doesn't make me laugh, answers the question of what would happen if Wilfred didn't actually suck. It's telling me I am allowed to watch a show with Wilfred's identical premise and not think it is the worst show ever made.

The thing that interested me the most (outside of it looking like EVERYONE, include EVERY cop, works directly for the mafia) was Nick questioning how Happy could have known there were five guys on the other side of the door. Which is the kind of question Elijah Wood's character should have been asking on Wilfred if he weren't such a pushover. There is something larger going on and the reason Nick is figuring he might not be crazy is because hallucinations do not dole out accurate information. They come from the person who has them, so they only know what the person knows. But if Happy can exist elsewhere and relay that information to Nick, something else is going on. One of the things I hated about Wilfred was that Wood was too scared to ask the big obvious questions. I never found out how that show ended, or what the actual deal was because I wound up so disgusted with it. Happy! is the kind of head trip that is going to challenge me. Outside of Happy himself, I do not like any of the characters. But I find many of them VERY electrifying to watch. Mr. Smoothie might wind up being the role of Patrick Fishler's career should the show break out. We'll have to see.

I'm optimistic this show is going to be special. I will be back next week. ****.




Van Helsing "Wakey Wakey"

I really hope Julius isn't actually dead. I doubt he is, simply because he's such a great character and the show would be getting rid of a great asset. But he was so much fun this episode. It's a shame he was turned back AFTER the Apocalypse. His idea of Heaven are nachos and sour cream and onion chips. Could you imagine this guy being able to geek out on all of the other modern foods that would have been available before the uprising? Dude will probably never know the pleasure of a pizza bagel or soft cheese filled pretzels. Everything's new to him. He actually think the "Natch yo cheese" thing is funny. And it would be if you've never heard it before. Now it is the cleverest thing ever. I enjoy Julius rediscovering the modern world almost as much as he does. I really hope he survives.

Good episode. ****.




Blindspot "Adoring Suspect"

A lot of fun. I love that the former child actor was played by Malcolm David Kelly. Hopefully the former Walt from Lost will have as good a career as Keith seems to have.

I love Rich and Jane in the agent's office and the ridiculous way Rich was trying to get him to say random words. I love that when the second code word was "poodle skirt", they paused, because that one was going to be complicated to get him to say. I also love that Bookie says "Oh thank God!" when the FBI shows up.

You should never try to extort hush money from Ronan for the reason shown here. He has other ways to keep someone quiet.

I love what a fanboy Rich was with Keith and how excited he was with the hug at the end. It's stuff like that that tells me his gratitude for Jane and Weller giving him a second chance is genuine. He could never get to do stuff like this as a criminal.

I predict that Weller killed Jane's daughter and we (and possibly Jane) will learn it in the winter finale. I expect him and Jane to break up, because this is television, and television thinks it's perfectly acceptable to have plot twists like this. Have I mentioned I hate television?

The last shot of Reed being let into the secret anti-Hurst headquarters was unbearably cool. Where's he been? Awesome.

Good week. ****.




Twin Peaks: The Final Dossier By Mark Frost

A lot of Peaks Freaks were disappointed by the series finale. And a lot of Peaks Freaks were P.O.-ed that it looks like the Secret History Of Twin Peaks book they shelled out money for had nothing to do with anything. Pull the trigger. Buy this book. It fixes both of those complaints. Completely.

In typical Twin Peaks fashion, it doesn't answer any of the questions. But it points out the right ones to be asking, which is pretty much the best thing a mystery can do for a person. Especially if it seems impossible and unsolved. I have always maintained that there is a cohesive mythology behind Twin Peaks that holds together the way the mythology from The X-Files always falls apart. There ARE answers somewhere in Mark Frost's story Bible that we either haven't gotten to yet, or are something we are supposed to figure out ourselves. And what this book does is remind me that this latest ending feels different than the "Screw You!" cliffhanger of season two. It doesn't so much leave balls in the air, as make you question what is going on. And after reading this book and getting a few clues (if not answers) about what was going on, I love that Twin Peaks is the kind of show willing to challenge the viewer. And this book is amazing (and necessary in my mind) for helping the viewer understand what to make of what they just witnessed. There is an answer. It's not weirdness for the sake of weirdness. But Lynch trusts us each to come up with our own explanations, and Mark Frost points us in the right direction here. Spoilers ahead.

Leo Johnson: Yup. Died. But in perhaps the funniest and most infuriating turn of events, the spiders didn't kill him. Reading Albert Rosenfeld's autopsy report is worth every cent I spent on the book. And it's the first freaking chapter! But no, Leo was shot five times by an unknown assailant. The New Archivist Tammy Preston suspects it was Windom Earle, but since I know more about Earle's fate than she does, I am almost positive it was Mr. C instead, (but she had no way of knowing that). Best part of the autopsy was Albert poking fun at the story hole of the original finale's: Tarantula venom isn't actually toxic enough to kill a person. How did Earle not know that? He could be very well speaking of David Lynch there. Funniest Albert fact is learning he possesses a vinyl jazz record collection numbering in the thousands.

The Jade Ring. Trump's worn it. The Dossier is loathe to name him by name, but Preston's disdain for the guy is evident (as is Mark Frost's). Apparent Lana Milford tried to make him her new sugar daddy until she probably read his accounting books and realized he wasn't actually rich, which is pretty much the most fabulous Trump slam I have ever heard. I have always said if I could do 2016 over again and either have Trump lose or Twin Peaks come back, I'd regretfully prefer Trump losing. 2016-17 has been a net loss that Twin Peaks was NOT able to make up for. That one joke? Helps. A lot.

Audrey Horne. No definitive answers here, but it hints that the idea that she is in a treatment facility is probably a guess in the correct direction. He loveless marriage to an accountant is also a definite thing. But I still don't get why she'd keep a picture of Cooper after all that. Maybe she IS crazy.

Annie Blackburn: This one amazes me. As horribly sad as her ending turned out, I love that I understand it better than the actual Archivist. Preston is an uncannily good detective, and has gotten almost as far as the audience has in understanding what might be going on, but the Annie thing is perfect. When she came back she was catatonic, and didn't speak (shades of Dougie Jones?). Until one day on the anniversary of her reappearance she says two words: "I'm fine." That. Is. AMAZEBALLS. I bet Lynch cracked up when he read that, and I love that she crazily says it every year at the exact same time of the anniversary. I hated the original ending to Twin Peaks. Because of that, I no longer do.

Sarah Palmer. Our guess that she was the young girl in "Got A Light?" that swallowed that bug as she slept near the atomic bomb site seems to be correct. Which shows the value in not answering the questions, but pointing them out instead. It also reveals that she was later involved in an altercation at the bar where the guy's neck got ripped out. We saw that, but the book confirms it actually happened, and she wasn't just crazy and imagining it.

Windom Earle. This reveals that Earle was actually the serial killer he and Cooper were tracking in the case that brought them together (NOT Bob). He was always nuts, and was the one who pushed Cooper and his wife together by manipulating them into it. The book also acknowledges the Twin Peaks books of the 90's by saying "Diane" probably redacted and changed a bit of the tapes' actual contents when it was written down for "personal reasons". It's a really cool idea to be able to acknowledge the earlier books while being able to change what is needed for this story.

Philip Jeffries. I said as I was watching "The Return", that Philip Jeffries' fate struck me as entirely different than Cooper's and Major Briggs'. Cooper and Briggs were victims of the Lodge, and the familiars, and the tulpas, and the what have yous. Philip Jeffries on the other hand looked into the eyes of Hell and decided he'd be running the place inside a week. Preston theorizes about Joudy here. Joudy from mythology is the female equivalent of Baal. Who is known to us now as Beelzebub. Maybe it was not the face of God that turned Jeffries into a teapot.

That idea also gives added significance to the idea that Jeffries told Mr. C he had met Judy before.

Jeffries in Buenos Aires was also mentioned, so The Missing Pieces are canon too.

The Double: Mr. C was behind the glass box in New York City, and was the boss who had that kid watch it for The Entity or Cooper. It is speculated by Preston that because of his criminal empire, Mr. C was possibly a billionaire.

Dr. Jacoby: Interestingly, one of the fascinating things about Jacoby's later years that Preston notes is that after 9/11, the quack psychiatrist who had no idea his most famous client was raped and killed by her own father turned out to be right about everything. She kind of details the fact that Jacoby correctly predicted everything negative that would occur from that, and expresses admiration for the fact that all of the money from the shovels he has sold does NOT line his own pockets, but instead goes to progressive charities. You kind of thought watching the series that the golden shovels were a sell-out cash grab to the rubes. And the dossier makes me realize this isn't the case.

Do you know what else the Dossier made me realize? The Bookhouse Boys group is very similar to a militia. But Preston notes there is patriotic legitimacy behind it and the backing of the local law enforcement. It's not the same thing as the Libertarian gun fetishists at all, which surprised her. It surprised me too, because I never noticed the similarities until an outside person brought them up.

Preston quotes an amazing passage from Margaret Coulson (AKA Lanterman, AKA the Log Lady) that Hawk read at her funeral, and says it sort of made her believe in a higher power in the sense that she kind of got the feeling that someday, the Log Lady is someone she is going to meet somewhere. That's a really cool idea to me.

And finally the book addresses the central puzzle left by the end of the finale. Was Laura Palmer actually killed? Preston (and I presume the rest of the FBI) remember the actual history, but the newspaper clippings and memories of the townsfolk have shifted to "she disappeared". Preston is alarmed that people think that Laura was NOT in that train car and simply vanished. And when she explains isn't so this to the townspeople, they get a dull look and then sort of agree with her version of events. In this new reality of memories, Leland committed suicide a couple of years later, and Sarah is still on the hook for killing a trucker.

Leland's suicide raises questions. Is Maddie still alive? Was the Theresa Banks case ever solved? It's interesting to think about the ways the world is better and worse for Laura not being killed.

The question this raises for me is was that actually Laura Palmer at the end? What year WAS it? Because the owner of the house still should have been Sarah Palmer. My guess is that Cooper and Diane vanished into a new universe (and Diane did it once more as Linda for good measure) with only Cooper understanding that is what happened, and Diane pulling a Betty / Diane from Mulholland Dr., and not realizing she's a different person. The book says Cooper and Diane disappeared after the thing with BOB in the Sheriff's station, and haven't been heard from since. The book also speculates that time travel was involved with Philip Jeffries' appearance in Philadelphia in 1989 (it would explain his disorientation upon learning what year it was), which leads me to wonder if Cooper wondering the year is the correct question. It doesn't answer if she's Laura Palmer, or even if she knows she's Laura Palmer, but time travel and parallel universe crossing seem to be the most likely explanation to me. And what I like about the book is that that was my first guess upon seeing it over the air. And the book sort of validated not the actual guess itself, but the fact that I made it, which shows that Frost and Lynch get what makes audiences tick better than Twin Peaks' weird reputation suggests. It's the fact that none of the major revelations in the book surprised me (outside of the "I'm fine" thing) which is why I loved the book. It made me feel more comfortable by validating my own interpretation. And I think the genius thing about the book is that even if your interpretation is completely different than mine, it's just as possible the book validates THAT interpretation too.

The Twin Peaks Universe we love did NOT just disappear. It's still there, and all of the characters like Norma and Ed still got their happy endings. It's just something about the universe has changed and we aren't quite aware of what it is.

I am always so frustrated with Lynch when he refuses to explain himself in interviews. His perspective that it's up for the viewer to decide has always been "Not good enough!" in my mind. Maybe I was wrong. Because if my guesses are as close as what the book made seem, maybe I'm better at figuring this stuff out than I ever realized. And maybe Lynch knew that about me the entire time, and was simply treating me like an adult. And this book makes me feel like all of my obsessions with Twin Peaks, whether my guesses were right, or far off the mark, were right to the person who mattered: Me. And Twin Peaks stops being just a personal passion project for David Lynch, but it's pretty much the most personal of my fandoms ever, because it's the only fandom that I have as much responsibility as the creator in explaining what I just saw. And it's an incredibly moving and meaningful thing to realize upon the end of this book and Preston's promise to keep fighting, even in a world that scares her and that she doesn't recognize. And suddenly, I am no longer detached to any part of the story. I am a part of it. And that kind of blows my mind.

This book is amazing. I highly recommend it. *****.