Matt Zimmer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
matt_zimmer) wrote2023-03-25 07:20 am
matt_zimmer) wrote2023-03-25 07:20 am
"Aladdin" (2019) Review (Spoilers)
Also reviews for the latest episodes of Teen Titans Go!, Spidey And His Amazing Friends, Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Law & Order: Organized Crime, and the novel Wizard And Glass: The Dark Tower IV.
Aladdin (2019)
I was curious about this. In a way I'm not for any of the other Disney live-action remakes. Why? Because I think the 1992 Aladdin is an outright sucky movie. I've always had issues with it, but I tolerated it for awhile. But every time I see it I like it less and less. And ultimately, I think it's a dud. So my curiosity involved me wondering if the movie in 2023 would fix that 1992's movie glaring faults.
Yes and no. There are definitely some changes for the better. But some aspects of the film are weakened by being in live-action.
Let's talk about the improvements. It's not just that Aladdin was voice by a squeaky voiced white guy that bugged the crap out of me for decades. It's the fact that he and the white woman who played Jasmine didn't even sing their own damn songs! Did I mention they were cast for a flipping musical? What. The. HELL? The cast is the proper ethnicity here, and can sing too, which is just swell. And literally the least the movie could do.
I also dug the fact that the movie made Genie human at the end. The fact that the cartoon didn't feels like an oversight after seeing it here. Basically in the cartoon Aladdin robs him of his reason for being, and he skedaddles off until Disney greenlights a trashy cheap TV show. Here, Genie is allowed to start a family with the woman he likes and travel the world, and get his own happy ending, independent of Aladdin. Which is good.
I also appreciated that they took out the "slaves" line from Prince Ali. I loved Howard Ashman. But that lyric always struck me as deliberately insensitive. Even in the early 90's, Ashman knew it was so and was being edgy. And that always bugged the crap out of me. I get that he died, so they were loathe to mess with the lyrics, but damn. It always made me cringe.
New verses for Arabian Nights, including a brand new bridge! Awesome!
Speaking as someone who DOESN'T like Robin Williams' Genie, I liked Will Smith's version. And not because he was funnier or anything. I just more believed he and Aladdin were friends. Robin Williams Genie is so insane and out there, that as fond as he and Aladdin are for each other, there will never be a real understanding between them or an equal friendship. Cartoon Genie exists out of time and makes pop culture reference from the early 90's Aladdin has NO context for. Smith's Genie is not just less crazy. But the fact that he's grounded and he talks to Aladdin like a real person, instead of as a comedy prop, is why I like him better.
I don't like the Sultan in the movie, but the truth is the fact that I don't hate him is a win. Whatever creepy incestuous daddy issues existed in the cartoon (and they were numerous, blatant, disgusting, and made me shudder in revulsion) are not present here. Also take note, Live-Action Jasmine's goal is to become Sultan herself. Cartoon Jasmine wants to (groan!) "marry for love" (barf). Like-Action Jasmine has it all over cartoon Jasmine and not just because she can actually sing. And no, I'm never letting that go. But really, the 1992 film is flawed in nearly every way.
The Bollywood ending was cute.
Let's talk about things for the worse.
The worst thing to me about the 1992 Aladdin film is the script is outright shoddy. In between amazing song lyrics, the spoken dialogue is unbearably crappy. It fed into every hoary Disney cliche you could possibly imagine to the point where I felt cynical about how calculated and manipulative it was. And while I think in a lot of ways this movie fell OUT of some of those bad tropes, they still did the "trapped" scene. But in 1992, as far as fandom disgust went, "Trapped" was the exact same level for me as Wesley Crusher. I'm not joking. Most people don't see it that way because it's a G-rated cartoon, and clever dialogue is not something most people demand from those projects. But I don't care if it's meant for families, if it's cliched and badly written, no amount of merchandising product placement or Robin Williams mugging will get me to ignore that.
Everybody was like "Why the hell didn't they just get Gilbert Gottfried for Iago?" No offense to Alan Tudyk, who is a fine and funny and versatile voice actor, but what the hell? It's a fair question. But it's far worse of a situation than I feared. Tudyk was hired because for some stupid reason the producers believed live-action Iago should talk like an actual parrot. Cartoon's Iago's entire shtick is he's a rage filled middle-aged dude trapped in the body of a parrot daring the Sultan to offer him another cracker and say "what" again. Iago's frustrations and rants are funny and relatable for that reason. The TV show was able to shift Iago's allegiances to the good guys with no problems simply BECAUSE that shtick of Gottfried's was so relatable. Man, this ain't cutting it.
And while we are discussing live-action failings, I'm sorry, I'll talk smack about the cartoon all day long. But there is no denying the musical numbers were top-notch, and the one great thing about that movie. Yeah Aladdin and Jasmine's singing voices sucked. But you simply can't do the amount of personality and razzle dazzle in live-action CGI as you can in 2-D animation. Literally every musical number looks worse in comparison.
Jafar doesn't work in live action. Without that expressive animated facial design, the character has lost his entire selling point. Live-Action Jafar is the guy I can actually picture answering the census on Family Guy. He's super boring. "You can just put down 'not sure'."
I wish they could have taken out the "street rat" stuff. It's dehumanizing language used against a person of color. And it's not okay. I wish it hadn't been SUCH a huge part of the One Step Ahead song back in 1992.
In my archived review of the cartoon on my Dreamwidth Journal from years back I gave the 1992 film a very generous and undeserved ***1/2, which I would NOT give it today (**1/2 would be me being generous in 2023). So it says I actually like this better than the cartoon if that's where I actually landed here. And it is. ***1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "Always Be Crimefighting"
I love that the Teen Titans have crimefighting leads. That's SO freaking mundane.
I also loved Killer Moth bumping up against the florescent light like an actual moth.
The Titans realizing how easy it would be to steal the wave-skipper was a pretty good comedy of ill-manners.
Funny. ***1/2.
Spidey And His Amazing Friends "Tunnel Trouble / Mystery On Goblin Island"
Tunnel Trouble
This show is stupid. *.
Mystery On Goblin Island
This show is UNBEARABLY stupid.
For the record, what makes the professor believe the museum has a legal claim to the treasure? Sounds like cultural misappropriation to me. Carl Barks eventually got in trouble for this in hindsight for Uncle Scrooge's treasure hunts. A cartoon being produced in 2023 has absolutely no "sign of the times" plausible deniability there.
What an utterly crappy show. 0.
Episode Overall: 1/2.
Law & Order "Deadline"
It was all right. I didn't have too many objections. Other than the runner. ALWAYS the runner.
Could have been worse. But whatever. I'm not giving the series a cookie every time I don't want to punch out my television. That's not the actual bar. **1/2.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit "The Presence Of Absence"
Kudos to the show for actually coming up with an original, super-weird premise they hadn't done yet. Special props from me for the episode being entirely unpredictable. Now that's never been a stickler for me enjoying television, but the truth is Law & Order is a VERY predictable franchise, especially at this point. I thought Carisi's trick with the lights in the courtroom at the end was brilliant, especially having the mystery person turning out to be the suspect's husband, undercutting her entire defense. That poor bastard. He got very little screen-time, but him being The Good Husband probably had to sting on every level after that.
I do disagree with both the show and Carisi about something: I don't think them being lovers in college mattered. If I was on that jury it sure as hell would have zero bearing to me as to the facts of the case. And I'd also understand why she wouldn't have brought it up, wouldn't think her especially dishonest for it, or penalize her for it. And I get as far as people go, I am unusually empathetic about things like this. But I sure as hell couldn't be the only juror to see it that way.
I found the suspect's entire crime pure lunacy. She really had no defense for trying to impregnate her friend without even talking about it with her first. Even if you were to believe her crazy story that she knew it was her the entire time, the fact that she did that specific crazy thing means it's HER version of events that can't be trusted. Not the person understandably embarrassed of a college tryst. Frankly, I think it's actually far-fetched the jury came back Not Guilty on the first degree abuse charge. Trying to deliberately impregnate a person without talking to them about it first is pretty much the definition of "intent", don't you think?
Another thing Carisi should have brought up is the fact that if the defendant truly believed she was being helpful, she wouldn't feign ignorance when the police were targeting the victim's nephew because of the DNA match. She would have owned up to it then and there and call the thing a huge misunderstanding THEN. Instead, she's still trying to get away with it. It's a good episode, but I'm thinking perhaps the writers were a little "sloppy" about that one thing, because once it would be pointed out, they'd basically have her to dead to rights. I'm not gonna talk TOO much crap about the episode for it, but a LOT of times TV does bad writing it hopes you don't notice it to service an otherwise decent story. I'll forgive it since I am aware of that fact.
I read "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy this week, and she guest starred on SVU as a little kid. And her description of the episode she was in made the show, and pretty much every other adult-oriented show she starred on sound as worthless, pathetic, and ridiculous as iCarly. And whether or not I enjoyed the episode, that specific observation stuck with me, and if McCurdy auditioned for this episode and described the plot in horrified tones to her readers, I'd think it sounded as stupid as the humiliating stuff she was forced to do on Sam And Kat. And I said in my review of the book that I was gonna be a LOT tougher on television after having read it. And I guess this is the first review that is true.
I liked the episode, and am giving it a gentleman's four stars for its entertainment value. But "I'm Glad My Mom Died" led me to believe ALL of television is trashy and stupid, even the award-winning stuff, and the plot of this episode, as inventive and unpredictable as it is, totally fed into that. ****.
Law & Order: Organized Crime "Chinatown"
SO good.
Family Guy rules for Law & Order: The killer is always the biggest name in the guest star credits. Now Lost's Francois Chau is hardly Jimmy Smits. But he is also the only guy in the guest star credits I know by name. Of course it's him. The detectives could have looked into the camera and knowingly smiled and nodded at the viewer and it would not have been any less obvious.
Stabler's heat-to-heart and promise at the end was purely awesome and why I love this show.
Solid all around. Jennette McCurdy weighs heavily on me, but I think this is the Law & Order episode of the night she'd probably be least embarrassed of were she in it. Of course knowing her, she'd still be plenty embarrassed. *****.
Wizard And Glass: The Dark Tower IV by Stephen King
As far as Dark Tower books go, the fourth was always my least favorite after the first. And the problem for me is evident here too: Mid-World is a pit, and it's a bummer to experience it without the perspectives of characters from Earths resembling ours like Eddie, Susannah, or Jake. The whole backstory of Roland's past in Mejis us qute ugly and gross on a very real level.
But can I be honest? I liked this reading of it more than I remembered, and I think I can also properly compliment the cool things about it while noting the sucky things.
The best thing is the beginning and the resolution of the cliffhanger with Blaine The Mono from the last book "The Waste Lands". Having Eddie defeat him with dumb jokes is pretty much the only possible resolution (the truckload of dead woodchucks / bowling balls joke still cracks me up) and Roland's chastened over the top pardon crying is made funny when Eddie tells him he can't help his nature, and he realizes that never occurred to him. It is a purely pleasurable opening.
But my favorite bit of that is Eddie remembering his brother told his friends he'd want Eddie in his corner in a crisis. "Because when Eddie is ON, when he's in the [f-wording] zone, he could convince the devil to set himself on fire." Let me blunt. That is the coolest compliment I have ever heard. People have said nice things in my life but nobody has EVER said anything that nice to me. And I like it because we've spent the past two books we've known Eddie believing that Eddie's adoration for his turd of a brother is unwarranted and hindering his growth as a person. That right there says that no matter what Henry's faults are, Eddie is right to worship him after all. And I don't think any of the other characters were ever really allowed to understand that. If Eddie had actually told Roland and Susannah the voice inside his head that told him how to defeat Blaine the Mono was Henry Dean, great sage and eminent junkie, they would have been shocked. It's for that reason I think it's a little bit of a shame Eddie keeps that bit to himself.
Likewise the parallels to the world of "The Stand" are interesting too because things here actually must take place in an alternate Universe from that novel. Not only was the plague widely known about and reported here instead of successfully covered up by the government, it occurred in an entirely different year. King cannily explains this by suggesting that with the weakening of the Beams, perhaps Captain Trips is infecting a multitude of Universes.
One thing I love about the flashback, (and I don't think anyone has spoken up about this) is that despite what a loathsome villain Eldred Jonas is, the fact that he and Coral Thorin truly dig each other and care about each other is interesting because it strikes me as a saving grace for a character with no other redeeming virtues. And that's freaking important to make him feel real and like an actual person. And I'm truly impressed with that this time out. Well done.
I have mixed feeling about Susan's death on the Charyou Tree pyre. As written, it's perfect drama and brings Da Big Hurt to both the reader AND Roland. And I don't know if mid-90's King understood this, but the death did not need to be as perfect as it was to have value. In fact, it's very perfection loses it a lot of credibility in my mind.
Susan goes to her deathly utterly nobly, proclaiming her love for Roland and her wish for him to brighten up the lives of all he touches after she's gone (which of course he always fails to do). It's sort of done to twist the knife for Roland's carelessness regarding not coming to her rescue. But I don't buy it.
Susan, sweetheart, the dude left you for dead for his damned Tower. You are allowed to be pissed at him. Your last thoughts are allowed to be regrets that you ever met this bastard. And maybe that would tarnish Roland's memory of Susan's perfection and virtue, but what I think it would also do is add to his guilt, which would make it worse. It's a beautiful, perfect death. It should not be. The scenario doesn't call for it and hasn't earned it. And really, that's only something I noticed this time out.
Also why does Susan HAVE to be perfect? Why is that expected of her? Roland sure as hell isn't.
The ending is not as bad as "IT", but I think it's one of King's worst endings ever. Truthfully, the flashback to Roland accidentally killing his mother doesn't suck, but all the Wizard of Oz stuff? Terrible. It makes no narrative sense, and only exists because King felt like doing a tribute to it. As a matter of fact, the speculation that the fellow Flagg exists in a story near their own is a far better meta moment than the red shoes and the green palace. It's clunky, not funny, and truly feels like King simply ran out of gas and is throwing random crap at the wall in hopes that it sticks. King rarely uses outlines, which I consider a crazy way to write, but the lucky son of a rat somehow can usually make it work. But no outlines is how the stupid final part of this book comes into being.
After the build-up at the end of the last book, Tick-Tock Man is utterly wasted here. He's killed off immediately for one thing after being being built up as some major future threat. And the sad truth is Randall Flagg is wasted too. Yes, he comes back in the last book, and yes he is explicitly identified as not just Martin Broadcloak but Walter too. But he and Roland never see each other again or get a final confrontation which always pissed me off. Would an outline KILL you, Uncle Stevie? Also pretty sure that the promise that the story of how Roland losing his mother's belt would be told and relevant to the Tower is bogus too.
Not all set-up here isn't paid off later. First mentions of Thunderclap, and the Crimson King seen in "Insomnia" is mentioned here too, and it's suggested Farson took his sigil as his own and answers to HIM. The Afterward written in 1996 shows that even before he was hit by the truck, and would turn that real-world incident into the crucial lynchpin of Keystone Earth's existence, Father Callahan from "'Salem's Lot" was already envisioned to appear in the lands near Thunderclap. The clues King speculates about for the final three books here perhaps suggest that the accident didn't actually change the subtext of the meta plans King probably already had for the franchise. What it probably did though is unintentionally PERFECT them. Ka is a wheel, folks. It always was.
King Connections Of Note: Aside from the stuff from "The Stand" and "Insomnia", the biggest connection I noticed is the fact that the Big Coffin Hunters are also referred to as Regulators.
Perfect cliffhanger resolution, crappy Wizard of Oz ending, middling flashbacks. The fourth book is a mixed bag. **1/2.
Aladdin (2019)
I was curious about this. In a way I'm not for any of the other Disney live-action remakes. Why? Because I think the 1992 Aladdin is an outright sucky movie. I've always had issues with it, but I tolerated it for awhile. But every time I see it I like it less and less. And ultimately, I think it's a dud. So my curiosity involved me wondering if the movie in 2023 would fix that 1992's movie glaring faults.
Yes and no. There are definitely some changes for the better. But some aspects of the film are weakened by being in live-action.
Let's talk about the improvements. It's not just that Aladdin was voice by a squeaky voiced white guy that bugged the crap out of me for decades. It's the fact that he and the white woman who played Jasmine didn't even sing their own damn songs! Did I mention they were cast for a flipping musical? What. The. HELL? The cast is the proper ethnicity here, and can sing too, which is just swell. And literally the least the movie could do.
I also dug the fact that the movie made Genie human at the end. The fact that the cartoon didn't feels like an oversight after seeing it here. Basically in the cartoon Aladdin robs him of his reason for being, and he skedaddles off until Disney greenlights a trashy cheap TV show. Here, Genie is allowed to start a family with the woman he likes and travel the world, and get his own happy ending, independent of Aladdin. Which is good.
I also appreciated that they took out the "slaves" line from Prince Ali. I loved Howard Ashman. But that lyric always struck me as deliberately insensitive. Even in the early 90's, Ashman knew it was so and was being edgy. And that always bugged the crap out of me. I get that he died, so they were loathe to mess with the lyrics, but damn. It always made me cringe.
New verses for Arabian Nights, including a brand new bridge! Awesome!
Speaking as someone who DOESN'T like Robin Williams' Genie, I liked Will Smith's version. And not because he was funnier or anything. I just more believed he and Aladdin were friends. Robin Williams Genie is so insane and out there, that as fond as he and Aladdin are for each other, there will never be a real understanding between them or an equal friendship. Cartoon Genie exists out of time and makes pop culture reference from the early 90's Aladdin has NO context for. Smith's Genie is not just less crazy. But the fact that he's grounded and he talks to Aladdin like a real person, instead of as a comedy prop, is why I like him better.
I don't like the Sultan in the movie, but the truth is the fact that I don't hate him is a win. Whatever creepy incestuous daddy issues existed in the cartoon (and they were numerous, blatant, disgusting, and made me shudder in revulsion) are not present here. Also take note, Live-Action Jasmine's goal is to become Sultan herself. Cartoon Jasmine wants to (groan!) "marry for love" (barf). Like-Action Jasmine has it all over cartoon Jasmine and not just because she can actually sing. And no, I'm never letting that go. But really, the 1992 film is flawed in nearly every way.
The Bollywood ending was cute.
Let's talk about things for the worse.
The worst thing to me about the 1992 Aladdin film is the script is outright shoddy. In between amazing song lyrics, the spoken dialogue is unbearably crappy. It fed into every hoary Disney cliche you could possibly imagine to the point where I felt cynical about how calculated and manipulative it was. And while I think in a lot of ways this movie fell OUT of some of those bad tropes, they still did the "trapped" scene. But in 1992, as far as fandom disgust went, "Trapped" was the exact same level for me as Wesley Crusher. I'm not joking. Most people don't see it that way because it's a G-rated cartoon, and clever dialogue is not something most people demand from those projects. But I don't care if it's meant for families, if it's cliched and badly written, no amount of merchandising product placement or Robin Williams mugging will get me to ignore that.
Everybody was like "Why the hell didn't they just get Gilbert Gottfried for Iago?" No offense to Alan Tudyk, who is a fine and funny and versatile voice actor, but what the hell? It's a fair question. But it's far worse of a situation than I feared. Tudyk was hired because for some stupid reason the producers believed live-action Iago should talk like an actual parrot. Cartoon's Iago's entire shtick is he's a rage filled middle-aged dude trapped in the body of a parrot daring the Sultan to offer him another cracker and say "what" again. Iago's frustrations and rants are funny and relatable for that reason. The TV show was able to shift Iago's allegiances to the good guys with no problems simply BECAUSE that shtick of Gottfried's was so relatable. Man, this ain't cutting it.
And while we are discussing live-action failings, I'm sorry, I'll talk smack about the cartoon all day long. But there is no denying the musical numbers were top-notch, and the one great thing about that movie. Yeah Aladdin and Jasmine's singing voices sucked. But you simply can't do the amount of personality and razzle dazzle in live-action CGI as you can in 2-D animation. Literally every musical number looks worse in comparison.
Jafar doesn't work in live action. Without that expressive animated facial design, the character has lost his entire selling point. Live-Action Jafar is the guy I can actually picture answering the census on Family Guy. He's super boring. "You can just put down 'not sure'."
I wish they could have taken out the "street rat" stuff. It's dehumanizing language used against a person of color. And it's not okay. I wish it hadn't been SUCH a huge part of the One Step Ahead song back in 1992.
In my archived review of the cartoon on my Dreamwidth Journal from years back I gave the 1992 film a very generous and undeserved ***1/2, which I would NOT give it today (**1/2 would be me being generous in 2023). So it says I actually like this better than the cartoon if that's where I actually landed here. And it is. ***1/2.
Teen Titans Go! "Always Be Crimefighting"
I love that the Teen Titans have crimefighting leads. That's SO freaking mundane.
I also loved Killer Moth bumping up against the florescent light like an actual moth.
The Titans realizing how easy it would be to steal the wave-skipper was a pretty good comedy of ill-manners.
Funny. ***1/2.
Spidey And His Amazing Friends "Tunnel Trouble / Mystery On Goblin Island"
Tunnel Trouble
This show is stupid. *.
Mystery On Goblin Island
This show is UNBEARABLY stupid.
For the record, what makes the professor believe the museum has a legal claim to the treasure? Sounds like cultural misappropriation to me. Carl Barks eventually got in trouble for this in hindsight for Uncle Scrooge's treasure hunts. A cartoon being produced in 2023 has absolutely no "sign of the times" plausible deniability there.
What an utterly crappy show. 0.
Episode Overall: 1/2.
Law & Order "Deadline"
It was all right. I didn't have too many objections. Other than the runner. ALWAYS the runner.
Could have been worse. But whatever. I'm not giving the series a cookie every time I don't want to punch out my television. That's not the actual bar. **1/2.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit "The Presence Of Absence"
Kudos to the show for actually coming up with an original, super-weird premise they hadn't done yet. Special props from me for the episode being entirely unpredictable. Now that's never been a stickler for me enjoying television, but the truth is Law & Order is a VERY predictable franchise, especially at this point. I thought Carisi's trick with the lights in the courtroom at the end was brilliant, especially having the mystery person turning out to be the suspect's husband, undercutting her entire defense. That poor bastard. He got very little screen-time, but him being The Good Husband probably had to sting on every level after that.
I do disagree with both the show and Carisi about something: I don't think them being lovers in college mattered. If I was on that jury it sure as hell would have zero bearing to me as to the facts of the case. And I'd also understand why she wouldn't have brought it up, wouldn't think her especially dishonest for it, or penalize her for it. And I get as far as people go, I am unusually empathetic about things like this. But I sure as hell couldn't be the only juror to see it that way.
I found the suspect's entire crime pure lunacy. She really had no defense for trying to impregnate her friend without even talking about it with her first. Even if you were to believe her crazy story that she knew it was her the entire time, the fact that she did that specific crazy thing means it's HER version of events that can't be trusted. Not the person understandably embarrassed of a college tryst. Frankly, I think it's actually far-fetched the jury came back Not Guilty on the first degree abuse charge. Trying to deliberately impregnate a person without talking to them about it first is pretty much the definition of "intent", don't you think?
Another thing Carisi should have brought up is the fact that if the defendant truly believed she was being helpful, she wouldn't feign ignorance when the police were targeting the victim's nephew because of the DNA match. She would have owned up to it then and there and call the thing a huge misunderstanding THEN. Instead, she's still trying to get away with it. It's a good episode, but I'm thinking perhaps the writers were a little "sloppy" about that one thing, because once it would be pointed out, they'd basically have her to dead to rights. I'm not gonna talk TOO much crap about the episode for it, but a LOT of times TV does bad writing it hopes you don't notice it to service an otherwise decent story. I'll forgive it since I am aware of that fact.
I read "I'm Glad My Mom Died" by Jennette McCurdy this week, and she guest starred on SVU as a little kid. And her description of the episode she was in made the show, and pretty much every other adult-oriented show she starred on sound as worthless, pathetic, and ridiculous as iCarly. And whether or not I enjoyed the episode, that specific observation stuck with me, and if McCurdy auditioned for this episode and described the plot in horrified tones to her readers, I'd think it sounded as stupid as the humiliating stuff she was forced to do on Sam And Kat. And I said in my review of the book that I was gonna be a LOT tougher on television after having read it. And I guess this is the first review that is true.
I liked the episode, and am giving it a gentleman's four stars for its entertainment value. But "I'm Glad My Mom Died" led me to believe ALL of television is trashy and stupid, even the award-winning stuff, and the plot of this episode, as inventive and unpredictable as it is, totally fed into that. ****.
Law & Order: Organized Crime "Chinatown"
SO good.
Family Guy rules for Law & Order: The killer is always the biggest name in the guest star credits. Now Lost's Francois Chau is hardly Jimmy Smits. But he is also the only guy in the guest star credits I know by name. Of course it's him. The detectives could have looked into the camera and knowingly smiled and nodded at the viewer and it would not have been any less obvious.
Stabler's heat-to-heart and promise at the end was purely awesome and why I love this show.
Solid all around. Jennette McCurdy weighs heavily on me, but I think this is the Law & Order episode of the night she'd probably be least embarrassed of were she in it. Of course knowing her, she'd still be plenty embarrassed. *****.
Wizard And Glass: The Dark Tower IV by Stephen King
As far as Dark Tower books go, the fourth was always my least favorite after the first. And the problem for me is evident here too: Mid-World is a pit, and it's a bummer to experience it without the perspectives of characters from Earths resembling ours like Eddie, Susannah, or Jake. The whole backstory of Roland's past in Mejis us qute ugly and gross on a very real level.
But can I be honest? I liked this reading of it more than I remembered, and I think I can also properly compliment the cool things about it while noting the sucky things.
The best thing is the beginning and the resolution of the cliffhanger with Blaine The Mono from the last book "The Waste Lands". Having Eddie defeat him with dumb jokes is pretty much the only possible resolution (the truckload of dead woodchucks / bowling balls joke still cracks me up) and Roland's chastened over the top pardon crying is made funny when Eddie tells him he can't help his nature, and he realizes that never occurred to him. It is a purely pleasurable opening.
But my favorite bit of that is Eddie remembering his brother told his friends he'd want Eddie in his corner in a crisis. "Because when Eddie is ON, when he's in the [f-wording] zone, he could convince the devil to set himself on fire." Let me blunt. That is the coolest compliment I have ever heard. People have said nice things in my life but nobody has EVER said anything that nice to me. And I like it because we've spent the past two books we've known Eddie believing that Eddie's adoration for his turd of a brother is unwarranted and hindering his growth as a person. That right there says that no matter what Henry's faults are, Eddie is right to worship him after all. And I don't think any of the other characters were ever really allowed to understand that. If Eddie had actually told Roland and Susannah the voice inside his head that told him how to defeat Blaine the Mono was Henry Dean, great sage and eminent junkie, they would have been shocked. It's for that reason I think it's a little bit of a shame Eddie keeps that bit to himself.
Likewise the parallels to the world of "The Stand" are interesting too because things here actually must take place in an alternate Universe from that novel. Not only was the plague widely known about and reported here instead of successfully covered up by the government, it occurred in an entirely different year. King cannily explains this by suggesting that with the weakening of the Beams, perhaps Captain Trips is infecting a multitude of Universes.
One thing I love about the flashback, (and I don't think anyone has spoken up about this) is that despite what a loathsome villain Eldred Jonas is, the fact that he and Coral Thorin truly dig each other and care about each other is interesting because it strikes me as a saving grace for a character with no other redeeming virtues. And that's freaking important to make him feel real and like an actual person. And I'm truly impressed with that this time out. Well done.
I have mixed feeling about Susan's death on the Charyou Tree pyre. As written, it's perfect drama and brings Da Big Hurt to both the reader AND Roland. And I don't know if mid-90's King understood this, but the death did not need to be as perfect as it was to have value. In fact, it's very perfection loses it a lot of credibility in my mind.
Susan goes to her deathly utterly nobly, proclaiming her love for Roland and her wish for him to brighten up the lives of all he touches after she's gone (which of course he always fails to do). It's sort of done to twist the knife for Roland's carelessness regarding not coming to her rescue. But I don't buy it.
Susan, sweetheart, the dude left you for dead for his damned Tower. You are allowed to be pissed at him. Your last thoughts are allowed to be regrets that you ever met this bastard. And maybe that would tarnish Roland's memory of Susan's perfection and virtue, but what I think it would also do is add to his guilt, which would make it worse. It's a beautiful, perfect death. It should not be. The scenario doesn't call for it and hasn't earned it. And really, that's only something I noticed this time out.
Also why does Susan HAVE to be perfect? Why is that expected of her? Roland sure as hell isn't.
The ending is not as bad as "IT", but I think it's one of King's worst endings ever. Truthfully, the flashback to Roland accidentally killing his mother doesn't suck, but all the Wizard of Oz stuff? Terrible. It makes no narrative sense, and only exists because King felt like doing a tribute to it. As a matter of fact, the speculation that the fellow Flagg exists in a story near their own is a far better meta moment than the red shoes and the green palace. It's clunky, not funny, and truly feels like King simply ran out of gas and is throwing random crap at the wall in hopes that it sticks. King rarely uses outlines, which I consider a crazy way to write, but the lucky son of a rat somehow can usually make it work. But no outlines is how the stupid final part of this book comes into being.
After the build-up at the end of the last book, Tick-Tock Man is utterly wasted here. He's killed off immediately for one thing after being being built up as some major future threat. And the sad truth is Randall Flagg is wasted too. Yes, he comes back in the last book, and yes he is explicitly identified as not just Martin Broadcloak but Walter too. But he and Roland never see each other again or get a final confrontation which always pissed me off. Would an outline KILL you, Uncle Stevie? Also pretty sure that the promise that the story of how Roland losing his mother's belt would be told and relevant to the Tower is bogus too.
Not all set-up here isn't paid off later. First mentions of Thunderclap, and the Crimson King seen in "Insomnia" is mentioned here too, and it's suggested Farson took his sigil as his own and answers to HIM. The Afterward written in 1996 shows that even before he was hit by the truck, and would turn that real-world incident into the crucial lynchpin of Keystone Earth's existence, Father Callahan from "'Salem's Lot" was already envisioned to appear in the lands near Thunderclap. The clues King speculates about for the final three books here perhaps suggest that the accident didn't actually change the subtext of the meta plans King probably already had for the franchise. What it probably did though is unintentionally PERFECT them. Ka is a wheel, folks. It always was.
King Connections Of Note: Aside from the stuff from "The Stand" and "Insomnia", the biggest connection I noticed is the fact that the Big Coffin Hunters are also referred to as Regulators.
Perfect cliffhanger resolution, crappy Wizard of Oz ending, middling flashbacks. The fourth book is a mixed bag. **1/2.