"The Jewel Of The Nile" Review (Spoilers)

[matt_zimmer]

Also reviews for the season finale of Star Trek: Prodigy, and the latest episodes of Willow, and Doom Patrol.



The Jewel Of The Nile

I seem to recall I said in an earlier review for another lousy movie that I believe bad movies have a right to exist. If they aren't blatantly offensive, I don't begrudge artistic failings TOO much. Couple of notes about that that are relevant here.

1. There is NO need for this movie with this pedigree, to be THIS bad. I understand and even respect bad films made by bad filmmakers. This is trash by people who should know better.

2. It's actually pretty offensive after all. The portrayals of the Nubians are outright racist and the characters of Omar and the Jewel are white actors in blackface passing for Egyptians. It's just gross on every level.

Danny DeVito was a rare highlight in the sense that I liked him in this movie when I didn't the first. The only interesting thing the movie did for me was give Ralph a measure of redemption by the end.

And I knew I would be giving the film a negative review from the very first scene. There is no getting around how awful that fantasy sequence is. It's so bad it makes me think very little of Joan Wilder's imagination and writing abilities. The Western scene at the beginning of Romancing The Stone wasn't amazing or anything. But it was a credible thing that perhaps a popular novelist would have written. This is just dreck. And I can't help but notice Joan's lack of imagination is so bad that the pirate ship she envisions is clearly on a soundstage. What a train-wreck of a sequence, and the thing that told me right off the bat the movie was gonna megasuck.

Let's be real. Romancing The Stone isn't great either, and is vastly overpraised. So you might get an inkling of how bad this is just by me saying it's REALLY inferior to it. And the thing that pisses me off is it never needed to be. I hate movies from the 1980's.

Do you know what's amazing? UHF is equally as crappy as this movie, but it gets nothing by guff for it, despite being funnier and more enjoyable to watch, while this movie gets a "It was the 80's, what you expect?" era-free pass. I don't see why a movie this bad was ever taken seriously.

Sigh. Not happy. Bad franchise. Bad. *.




Star Trek: Prodigy "Supernova, Part 2"

Solid finale.

I would be more saddened by the death of Hologram Janeway if I thought she was really gone for good. I doubt she is.

But the kids making it to Earth was a big moment.

The idea of a future wormhole and the search for Chakotay sounds like a solid plan for Season 2. Bonus points because the Diviner will still be alive. And he won't have been redeemed either. But knowing he COULD be, makes me hope for that.

I like the compromise Janeway found for the kids at the end. It was realistic and a way for everybody to be happy. I could see legit cadets upset these guys were pushed to the front of the line, but this idea is actually clever and fair.

I don't think Star Trek is a franchise that lends itself to a kids shows, and no lie, this show has had its share of problems with the juvenile tone. But the truth is the show is also better than I believed it would be when I heard it was coming out. It went through some awkward growing pains (it DOES star kids) but I think it sort of found itself by the second half of the season. ****.




Willow "Prisoners Of Skellin"

I know Val Kilmer's health is bad, but his son providing his voice makes me worry we won't see him at all.

Also should not go without noting that ironically Christian Slater wound up with a bigger career than Kilmer ultimately did. And Kilmer was Batman!

Let's of pathos and Big Hurt in the scene between Elora and Kit at the end. And Kit's brother instantly falling for the lady prisoner tells me the ship between Gray and Elora is NOT off the table after all.

Willow's reactions to Slater's character were quite amusing.

I adored the Upper Management Troll. I'm not going to say this is the first show to ever do something as genius as making a Bill Lumbergh-type an actual monster. We've seen that here and there in comedies. But this is the first project I've seen do that that otherwise expects us to take it seriously, which is why it's funny. If the Kit and Elora pathos wasn't a thing, it wouldn't be as random and hilarious as it is.

"Good Vibrations" over the end credits is why the series is superior in every way that matters to the film.

Solid, solid outing. ****.




Doom Patrol "Youth Patrol"

I think HBO Max accidentally switched the placements of this week's and last week's recaps.

The multiple cliffhangers intrigued me, especially what was going on with both Larry and Jane.

I think Mark Sheppard would make a very good Constantine. I hope DC someday keeps him in mind for that.

If the show is suggesting drug trips are a necessary part of teenage life, I don't agree with that at all. It's strikes me as a stupid moral.

The stuff with Jane in bed pleasuring herself was just plain awkward. It didn't actually have to be, but then she's back in the Underground sputtering, and all of a sudden it's weird. I don't dig that.

Rita's scene with Rouge at the end was very moving, especially when Rouge turned back into a girl and they held each other.

I liked it. ****.