![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matt_zimmerAlso reviews for the season finale of Star Trek: Discovery, the series premiere of WandaVision, the latest episodes of Marvel Bend & Flex, Teen Titans Go!, Muppet Babies, and The Stand.
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
I don't get the appeal. Okay, not true. As a kid I loved toilet humor too. Let me amend that: I don't SHARE the appeal. And I think there is a very good chance I wouldn't have liked it much as a kid either. I did love poop and fart jokes. But a kiddie trend I reacted very negatively to as a kid was the idea of "Kidz Rool and Adultz Drool!" I found the commercial ad campaigns for Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Bubble Tape, and Apple Jacks offensive as a kid, and I disliked the idea that these big corporations were acting like they were kids' best friends to sell them things, while telling them they shouldn't like, trust, or treat their parents and teachers with respect. I'm not saying I liked or treated all the authority figures in my life with respect. But it really worked my last nerve to see sell-out products trying to tap into a built-in resentment among certain kids for polite society. My school had far too many insolent jerks already. They didn't need to be encouraged and praised for their jerkishness. I'm not dumb enough to believe that sort of thing contributed to Columbine. But one thing I've noticed is that SINCE Columbine those types of commercials were quietly pulled, so you can draw your own conclusions there.
To be perfectly fair, this movie doesn't outright suck otherwise. I had similar misgivings about Codename: Kids Next Door. But the truth is it wouldn't have mattered if the message to that TV cartoon didn't hit me wrong. The stories and writing were so awful I would have hated it regardless. Unlike that suckfest, this movie has some fun stuff in it.
Let's see. I did genuinely laugh twice. First when it's suggested potty humor is the lowest form of comedy, and then when it's wryly observed that Captain Underpants is super dumb. I also very much liked the ending where they fixed up Krupp with the Lunchlady, and he came around and admitted he liked their comic book. That almost makes me forgive everything else.
And I'll tell you my favorite part of the movie. I see its value for this one thing even if I responded to nothing else. As a person who writes and draws his own unprofessional comic book, I like the positive outlook the franchise has towards creativity and art. Whatever other complaints I have, I will not dismiss that. That is an important and powerful message for creative kids to hear.
Is Professor Poopypants related to Bloom County's Steve Dallas as Sith-Lord Sexypants? I'm giving the edge to Steve if only because his persona is the one of the two that empowers Sam the Lion. And that is no insignificant virtue.
Not my thing. Probably would either not have dug it as a kid, or had severe reservations about it. **.
The Really Cool Adventures Of Captain Underpants Motion Comic:
I like the sock puppets, and I don't have any complaints about the motion comic animation. But the sound in the dialogue is off. It sounds like it was recorded in the same outlet warehouse cheap studios force their filmmakers to record audio commentaries with stuff going on in the background during. The sound is very echoey too. ***.
The Captain Underpants Guide To Being A Hero:
Kind of fun. But the sound is again, off. **1/2.
The Professor Poopypants (Totally Original And Supercool) Guide To Being A Villain:
Not taking advice on cool bad guy names from this guy. **.
Missing Underpants: The Deleted Scenes Of Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie:
To be blunt, the director introducing the scenes acknowledges (correctly in my book) that none of the scenes shown here are actually bad. So it's fascinating to hear him detail the legitimate reasons why they were cut, and find myself agreeing with him. When I write my comics, I overwrite them, and almost never get rid of a good scene, even if it negatively effects the pacing. I admire a storyteller who is able to do that. ****1/2.
Captain Underpants Lyric Video By "Weird Al" Yankovic:
Academic question for film, music, and TV buffs: Has there ever been a SINGLE project that wasn't even SLIGHTLY better for "Weird Al" Yankovic's participation? Going by script, direction, and acting, UHF is one of the absolute worst films of the late 1980's. But you'll enjoy it while you are watching it (and then feel sickened with yourself when it's over). About the only project he's been in that he didn't make appreciably better is 1986's animated Transformers: The Movie. But his song was still probably the least awful scene in a film with nothing but awful scenes. Nothing but mad respect for Weird Al. Also, he's who they should cast as Darkseid in the next live-action Justice League movie. *****.
"A Friend Like You" Lyric Video By Andy Grammer:
This does not rip off the lyrics and / or melody from Aladdin's "Friend Like Me" or Toy Story's "You've Got A Friend In Me". But it forces me to make the comparison (and it's negative). I think animated films need to lay off this specific subject for awhile while those two things are fresh. And I see them being fresh for decades. Not great. **.
Lunch Lady PSA With Kristen Schaal:
I can't help by feel like Schaal's immense comic vocal skills were wasted as Edith. The fact that this live-action PSA is funnier than anything she did in the movie is proof. ****1/2.
Sock Puppets Real Stars:
I love Sock Puppets. The best part is they get paid nothing. *****.
Theatrical Trailer:
Can't say this trailer doesn't know the correct audience to pander to. ***1/2.
Star Trek: Discovery "That Hope Is You, Part 2"
Good for the show for giving us the satisfying ending, rather than the usual cliffhanger. I loved that Picard did that, and I want to see more Star Trek do that.
Finally the lead of the show is actually the Captain. As it probably always should have been. It was a long time coming.
But I don't think Stamets is going to forgive Burham anytime soon. I won't either.
I love that the first thing Culber does upon meeting Gray is give him a hug. When he tells him he will find a way to make him visible to everyone I believe him. Will holodecks be involved? And if so, what about one of those Mobile emitters as seen on Voyager? There are quite a few possible solutions.
I forget the skeezy dude's name, but he was a dead man the second he threatened to kill Book's cat. It was a stupid thing to do, a deserved death, and I was like "Good riddance."
Ossyra really does have no actual redeeming qualities. I'm wondering what her boyfriend saw in her at all. But then, I wondered the same thing about Trump supporters. Hopefully like this guy, their eyes have now been opened. The Roddenberry quote at the end suggests one can dream.
Love the Original Series theme playing over the end credits.
We'll have new Uniforms next season: Early opinion: I don't like them. They strike me as too close to the Movie Uniforms the original cast wore in Star Trek II-VI. Easily the worst Starfleet Uniform of all time (and no lie, The Motion Picture's were pretty bad as well).
Refreshing that no main cast members died tonight. The show almost seemed to remember it was Star Trek, which was long overdue.
I think last week's episode and this were a bit unintentionally relevant with Ossyra strutting into Starfleet headquarters in a coup attempt. Star Trek has always been a bit cutting edge with its politics, but that was the most accidentally accurate political allegory I've seen since the canceled USA Network show Colony. This wasn't quite as brilliantly coincidental as "Red Hats". But it's close.
I think the reason it resonated for me is that it was so easy for Ossyra to do this. I felt like the real DC Capitol, the real-world safeguards the Federation had were woefully inadequate, and nearly led a centuries old organization being toppled by a terrorist. The main difference here is that Starfleet isn't complicit in the coup at all. Even when I recognize parts of our reality in Star Trek, Star Trek's reality is always better. As it should be.
I'm wonder if the Child (I forget his name) will have a target on his back next season. If anyone ever found out he was responsible for the Burn, certain races (like Klingons for example) might simply want to take him out. I fully expect this to be explored next season.
That was a good ending to a great season. I was very satisfied at where we left things off, which was definitely NOT true of the first two seasons. ****1/2.
WandaVision "Episode 1"
I thought the most interesting aspect of the first episode was the creepy moment where the boss was choking and his wife kept repeating "Stop it!". I am especially interested in the aspects of the show that poke and destroy the fairytale sitcom of the set-up. I think this episode is too early to make any judgments on either it or how good the series is going to be. But it was interesting and things could go either way. ***.
WandaVision "Episode 2"
The color being slowly bled into the world (including actual blood) echoes Pleasantville.
Beekeeper? HIVE?
The Strucker / Hydra watch commercial also raises questions.
Paul Bettany is a surprisingly gifted comic actor.
Are we getting a different theme song for every episode? Not sure how I feel about that.
I enjoyed that. ***1/2.
Marvel Bend & Flex "Time Warp"
I'm guessing the more waves the toyline has, the more characters and different types of stories we'll get. Because that was monotonous. But slightly less monotonous than usual. ***.
Teen Titans Go! "Justice League Next Top Talent Idol Star: Dance Crew Edition, Part 1"
I liked it. I would very much like the idea if whoever replaces the Batman Symbol becomes a running gag for this year. Frankly, I expect the show to do this and will turn against it if they don't. They can mix up the sealife outside the Tower every year, they can mix up the Batman Symbol for one.
Robin always wanting to be on Batman's chest sort of has a creepy sexual subtext to it. Where is Aunt Harriet when you REALLY need her?
Liked the still photos of Keaton, Bale, and Affleck.
Vibe is a fun character. JLU only used him as a punchline to a very insulting joke at Booster Gold's expense, but after the Arrowverse's version of The Flash, the character is finally getting some respect and play. But why does Cisco never dance on The Flash?
Good stuff. ****.
Teen Titans Go! "Justice League Next Top Talent Idol Star: Dance Crew Edition, Part 2"
Even when Robin wins, he can't help but lose.
I'm calling b.s. on something. I did not shop for refrigerators back in the 1980's, but there is no way they only cost 50 bucks. Action figures cost between 3 and 4 dollars when I was a kid (depending on the size and what they did). If you told me my parents spent the same amount as a new fridge on my birthdays and Christmas I wouldn't believe you. Because that would mean I was spoiled rotten. Please tell me I wasn't spoiled rotten.
Still, it was a fun episode. That mess better be on Batman's chest this entire season. ****.
Muppet Babies "Oh Brother / Fozzie's Boo-Boo Patrol"
Oh, Brother:
I like that Rozzie is a koala. She's super cute. I want a plushie of her NOW!!!!
Weirdly the Babies' parents were never mentioned on the original series. Kermit was said to have a sister in Robin the tadpole's debut episode, but no parents are ever brought up, and the Babies always slept in the nursery. I always assumed they were orphans.
Cute. ***1/2.
Fozzie's Boo-Bo Patrol:
Fozzie is the worst.
I like that Rozzie's voice actress is a little kid.
Either Rozzie got a bruise, or Muppets bleed purple blood. It's probably purple blood because Miss Nanny wouldn't have needed to put a band-aid on it if it were a bruise.
Cute also, but Fozzie was a bit annoying. ***.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "The Legend Of El Tomahto / Interplanetary Kickle Ball"
The Legend Of El Tomahto:
Is it just me or is Sweetums out of scale with both the other Babies AND Miss Nanny?
Huh. ***1/2.
Interplanetary Kickle Ball:
This remembers Muppets From Space, which showed that Gonzo was from outer space.
Although I'm wondering why Gonzo is blue while the other Gonzonians are green. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "Summer's Disaster-Piece / Farewell Statler And Waldorf"
Summer's Disaster-Piece:
I like how much different art Summer knows about.
I saw lots of different paintings for Muppets not seen on the show yet like Floyd, Janice, Sam the Eagle, Lew Zealand, Thog, and I'm sure many others I missed.
I liked the song in the episode.
Good. ****.
Farewell Statler And Waldorf:
I am well aware that this is an especially predictable show, even by preschool standards, but this cartoon was pretty egregious in its overly obvious storytelling, even for this show.
I like Statler and Waldorf's vacation photos.
We saw a silhouette of Miss Nanny's head for the first time. She has a bob haircut. Ironically, this is the same 'do I pictured Nanny from the old show having back in the day as well.
Truthfully, that was kind of dumb. ***.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "The Mystery Of The Missing Pearls / Rowlf Gets The Blues"
The Mystery Of The Missing Pearls:
Whenever Summer Penguin PI appears, bad things happen. Ironically, Summer doesn't exactly get out of control here. It's sort of Piggy and Gonzo who do.
Piggy mentions her mother for the first time.
That was all right. ***1/2.
Rowlf Gets The Blues:
Rowlf looks very cute in his blue design.
I think the slow-motion shot of the Blueinator hitting the compact mirror and it reflecting the blast back to itself was a very well boarded and animated action sequence. I took notice because this isn't the show with a ton of action sequences to begin with, well-boarded and animated or not.
Gonzo is so dumb he has to be reminded he's already blue. Twice.
Also all right. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "The Copy Cub / Animal Loses It"
The Copy Cub:
Rozzie isn't just annoying, she's super cute too. What a rascal.
Now instead of just one Rozzie plushie, I need three of 'em.
The moral Miss Nanny tells Fozzie about younger siblings copying their older siblings because they look up to them is probably a nice thing for the kids in the audience with obnoxious siblings to hear, but to be blunt, it's untrue. It's a way for the younger sibling to torment the older one. The older one often beats up the younger one, but the younger kid emotionally tortures the older kid. Fozzie's problem is that Rozzie is a girl and he can't pound her into the ground like he would if she were a boy. What a raw deal older brothers get from little sisters.
Seriously, Miss Nanny. Little kids don't copycat out of a sense of admiration. They do it because they are sinister. Never mistake that for anything else. ****.
Animal Loses It:
I like Kermit waving his arms in the air and screaming "Camp Bananarama! Yaaaaay!". Baby Kermit needed to do that Classic Kermit move on the old show, and it's kind of annoying he never did.
This was a little boring, to be honest. Not as much fun as the first cartoon. **1/2.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
The Stand "The House Of The Dead"
Oh, man. Good and bad things. Good things were very good. Bad things were very bad.
I'm inclined to talk about the good first. I usually save it for last, but I think getting my thoughts down about it now will organize the rest of the review better.
Teddy Weizak's death is a million times better than in the book. I don't blame Stephen King for this exactly. He was a young writer, stuck for months on this huge thousand page book, and once he came up with the bomb he simply leveled things with as little nuance as possible. But Teddy's death never sat right with me. Because he was the guy who liked Harold, gave him the nickname Hawk, and Harold never even learned he was one of the people who died in the bomb he set. Having Nadine shoot him in front of Harold, and him saying "Run, Hawk," feels narratively and thematically satisfying in a way his death in the book was not. If you had given Stephen King 20 years experience before he took on that book, I am sure he would have been smart enough to do it this way himself. But that's why Stephen King's early career is such a mixed blessing. He came up with crazily iconic stuff no-one had ever done before, and that many people believe he's never topped. And yet it all feels completely unpolished, as iconic as it is. That's why I almost always prefer the books he's written in the last 20 years before his early career (or his unfortunate cocaine phase). Teddy's death in the book will bum me out even more seeing it handled better here.
For the record, I realize how inconsistent it is to have Nadine, who abhors killing in the book, be the one to murder Teddy. She believed there that with so few people left, that to purposefully take a life was an abomination, which is where her inner struggle was. But the thing is, the series itself never gave her that specific shtick, so in my mind it's all right.
I love that Teddy wishes the Rock were still alive. He's actually WISTFUL about it. It's possible, right? He's such a golden-hearted doof, which makes his death extra tragic and worse for Harold.
I also thought the scene where Glen relates to Harold as a scientist and entices him on the journey to find the truth was another great scene that might have been in the book if King had written it later in his career.
Also, this version of Tom Cullen is growing on me. I did nothing but complain about him last week, but despite being a different interpretation, I actually think he's a good one.
Like the Miniseries, Nick and Julie Lawry don't actually copulate. I think that was the biggest mistake of the entire book.
I like that after Harold throws himself as Frannie, she seems outright terrified of him. That's the correct reaction, and I'm miffed King himself didn't seem to see it that way.
I like and dislike Larry being given Stu's role as the face of the committee. I like it because it's what would have happened in the book if King were writing it in a rational manner. But King's heady themes boiled down to the idea that Stu was downhome and trustworthy, not charismatic. The fact that he sucks at politics is why the citizens of Boulder trusted him. I understand the logic of having Larry being smooth and saying all the right things. But that's the selling point for a leader in Las Vegas. Not Boulder. It works here, but I don't actually think it's an improvement from the book, and I wouldn't have changed it had I written the teleplay.
Now we're gonna get to some stuff I didn't like.
I feel like the narrative switching back and forth in time worked against this episode when Stu and Glen were searching for Harold and "the girl" in their truck. At first I thought they had meant Nadine, and that they skipped ahead of the bombing, but it made no sense why Glen and Stu were smiling then. I think the series needs to be a little more clear about that stuff as it is happening. A subtitle anytime there is a time jump is essential. If they aren't going to do the "Swoosh" noise Lost did, they owe us that.
To be blunt, the Committee scenes in the book, particularly reading the notes as transcribed by Fran, are my favorite parts of the entire 1000 page novel, and I would argue were the first great things King ever wrote. I'm not saying The Shining, Carrie, and 'Salem's Lot weren't great. But none of them had scenes with that kind of popping energy, and written as if King himself is having a blast. For the next 20 years, King would occasionally write scenes as dynamic as this, but usually involving action and tension. But the committee scenes were when King just went for broke with the dialogue and the ideas. I am not one of those Stephen King fans who believe The Stand is and remains his best book. But it's a significant high point in his career, and arguably his first career high. And that scene knocks my socks off. It is SO well-written.
The TV show does the recruitment of Tom Cullen as a spy all wrong. It annoys me so much because the book's idea was perfect, and there was no reason to change it. Even the miniseries was able to do it, so Nick's muteness is no real excuse. In the book, it's NICK, not Glen Bateman, who suggests Tom Cullen for the third spy. Which is followed by the single best sentence King had written up to that point: "Uproar from the committee." I feel like this series is not giving Nick his due. First by having Mother Abigail herself pick the committee (which was bad enough) but retconning his smartest chess move ever to Glen is terrible. And Fran thinks it's a good idea which robs the scene of urgency and stakes.
Nick being the one to offer Tom is on some level horrible because Tom loves Nick more than anyone else, and would do anything for him and Mother Abigail. The horrible, self-humiliating speeches in the book and miniseries Nick and Stu had him memorize via hypnosis to be "convincing" were similarly heartbreaking. And Fran puts her foot down there, which leads to a huge blow-up and argument and controversy. Which was fascinating to see every inch of that explored. And it's the right controversy, and it SHOULD have been explored. All of that is absent by making it Glen's "great idea" that everyone agrees with.
But the main reason I'm angry Nick isn't given this, is because sending Tom is one of the few unambiguous wins the Committee itself gets over Flagg. Out of Tom, Dayna Jurgens, and Judge Farris, Tom is the only one who isn't found out, and returns to Boulder alive (and saves Stu's life in the process). Nick sending Tom is brilliant because he was the only one who sent a spy so effective they fooled and survived Flagg. Why is this miniseries constantly taking away the great and important things Nick did on behalf of the good guys? Nick was actually my favorite character in the book, and that's what upsets me most.
The episode did some good and some bad. So it was kind of a mixed bag. ***.
The Stand "Fear And Loathing In New Vegas"
Some of that was good, but holy cow, do I have bones to pick. This episode is getting a negative grade for sure.
I'll start off with the three main things I liked. They may seem trivial to you, but they were not insignificant to me.
Thing the first: Natalie Martinez in sexy lingerie. Worth the price of admission. Again, that may be trivial to you, it wasn't to me.
Thing the second: Owen Teague's creepy smile at the end. Was that enhanced by CGI the way Dr. Phlox's smile was on Star Trek: Enterprise? Because it seemed subhuman.
Thing the third: "Don't Fear The Reaper" over the end credits. That was the most memorable song of the first miniseries, and the song I mostly closely associate with it.
Everything else sucked. I am struggling to see how things could have gone downhill so quickly.
Let's start off with the worst thing and explore other things from there: New Vegas. It is appalling. It is wrong. It is the antithesis of Las Vegas from the book. I imagine the producers might argue that in these polarized times, the nuance of the book might have confused the issue. I have two responses to that. First off, the nuance is supposed to be confusing. The comradery and sense of family in Vegas from the book is jarring and feels weird. It's supposed to. Tom Cullen is every bit as loved and accepted in Vegas as he was in Boulder. Seeing him bullied and nearly being made a slave here shows this TV show doesn't get it. Vegas is supposed to actually be attractive, rather than repellent.
The people in Vegas from the book didn't flock to Flagg because they wanted permission for sex, drugs, and violence. They flocked to Flagg for two main reasons: Flagg is the kind of leader who makes the trains run on time. In a world where electricity is scarce, Vegas attracting enough techies to have the entire city already be up and running is the actual draw. Secondly, I got the sense that a lot of people in Vegas from the book were simply cowards. They went to Flagg both because they feared him, and because they feared him SO much that they believed his side were going to be the only ones left alive after whatever Biblical War was coming. A lot of Vegas is simply there due to faulty survival instincts.
My second response to the idea that nuance in Vegas would have confused the issue, is that in the book, people aren't snorting coke, and drinking, and openly engaging in debauchery. In fact, using drugs is a capital offense Flagg will publicly crucify you for. The people of Vegas are not supposed to crave validation for their violence and evil. If that were the case, Flagg wouldn't have gotten as many people as he did. The novel's Vegas denizens do not crave chaos. It's the opposite: They crave order. Maybe the producers will say "Well, in the era of Donald Trump we had to Flanderize Flagg a bit to make him even worse." Here is an opinion. If Trump is worse than Flagg (and he's definitely worse than the Flagg from the book) that's actually a decent moral! If an audience member gets that on their own, that's just swell! That's not something that needs to be changed to make it "land" better. It landed fine in the miniseries.
I am also troubled and dismayed that Trashcan Man is so far entirely absent. Him not being shown at ALL in Las Vegas almost certainly means he's being skipped over. And that means that not only will we NOT get that screen adaptation of The Kid we always wanted, but the Hand Of God ending is gonna have to be severely changed and reworked. Ralph being demoted to Ray Bretner and not being given a spot on the committee was already an alteration too far for me.
I was very complimentary of the earlier episodes showing that Harold is actually scary and a troubled "red flag". I am THIS close to taking back that compliment. Because Harold is not stupid. He should not still be THIS much of a red flag at this stage of the game. In the book Harold does so much damage because he's hiding his anger. Stu still making excuses for Harold's obviously unhinged behavior doesn't make him seem fair. It makes him seem naïve, and especially bad at his given job, which is something I don't get why the producers would want us to think about him.
Harold having a high-tech set-up is both cunning, and maybe a problem, (and lesser than) the book. It's cunning because while it was definitely out of the hands of a Harold from 1990, a modern day Harold would definitely have a Brady Hartsfeld set-up. But I think it gives Harold TOO much information about who is against him, and that could potentially be a mistake later on. Stuff like this is why I was a bit skeptical of setting this version in the modern day to begin with. We'll see how it plays out.
Dayna's death scene is inadequate. Why is it never mentioned that when Flagg thinks of the third spy's face, he only sees the Moon? That was one of the cleverest parts of the book, and there was no reason not to use it as an excuse for why Tom slid beneath the radar here too.
The last major bad thing is Larry's rejection of Nadine's advances. They should have introduced Lucy Swann, because she was a perfect reason for Larry to reject Nadine in the book and the miniseries. Him going to Nadine while he was with Lucy would be The Same Old Larry, and you feel his rejection there is righteous, even if you know and understand why Nadine needs this from him. Here, it's simply stupid. It makes no sense. And it's the worst kind of stupid: It's "TV Stupid", as in "Stupid for the sake of trying to explain inexplicable behavior." If you were single and unattached would YOU ever turn down Amber Heard because she said a curse word? The idea is ridiculous on its face.
One thing I'm ambivalent on: Mother Abigail's scene with Nadine: It doesn't actually help anything, and it's actually outside of the moral of the book, but I sort of like the fact that I like this version of Mother Abigail in a way I never did the one from the book or first miniseries. Her recognizing that little kids like to see the inner workings of pianos was a very nice (and true) touch. But unfortunately the moral was wasted on Nadine, and therefore, probably the good of the show. But I like Whoopi Goldberg's Abigail more than either the book's or Ruby Dee's.
Man, this show showed SO much promise in the first episode. But messing up the entire subtext of the people of Las Vegas is a deal-breaker. However the show ends, I doubt I will wind up a fan. As of now, I can safely say I'm not one. *1/2.
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
I don't get the appeal. Okay, not true. As a kid I loved toilet humor too. Let me amend that: I don't SHARE the appeal. And I think there is a very good chance I wouldn't have liked it much as a kid either. I did love poop and fart jokes. But a kiddie trend I reacted very negatively to as a kid was the idea of "Kidz Rool and Adultz Drool!" I found the commercial ad campaigns for Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Bubble Tape, and Apple Jacks offensive as a kid, and I disliked the idea that these big corporations were acting like they were kids' best friends to sell them things, while telling them they shouldn't like, trust, or treat their parents and teachers with respect. I'm not saying I liked or treated all the authority figures in my life with respect. But it really worked my last nerve to see sell-out products trying to tap into a built-in resentment among certain kids for polite society. My school had far too many insolent jerks already. They didn't need to be encouraged and praised for their jerkishness. I'm not dumb enough to believe that sort of thing contributed to Columbine. But one thing I've noticed is that SINCE Columbine those types of commercials were quietly pulled, so you can draw your own conclusions there.
To be perfectly fair, this movie doesn't outright suck otherwise. I had similar misgivings about Codename: Kids Next Door. But the truth is it wouldn't have mattered if the message to that TV cartoon didn't hit me wrong. The stories and writing were so awful I would have hated it regardless. Unlike that suckfest, this movie has some fun stuff in it.
Let's see. I did genuinely laugh twice. First when it's suggested potty humor is the lowest form of comedy, and then when it's wryly observed that Captain Underpants is super dumb. I also very much liked the ending where they fixed up Krupp with the Lunchlady, and he came around and admitted he liked their comic book. That almost makes me forgive everything else.
And I'll tell you my favorite part of the movie. I see its value for this one thing even if I responded to nothing else. As a person who writes and draws his own unprofessional comic book, I like the positive outlook the franchise has towards creativity and art. Whatever other complaints I have, I will not dismiss that. That is an important and powerful message for creative kids to hear.
Is Professor Poopypants related to Bloom County's Steve Dallas as Sith-Lord Sexypants? I'm giving the edge to Steve if only because his persona is the one of the two that empowers Sam the Lion. And that is no insignificant virtue.
Not my thing. Probably would either not have dug it as a kid, or had severe reservations about it. **.
The Really Cool Adventures Of Captain Underpants Motion Comic:
I like the sock puppets, and I don't have any complaints about the motion comic animation. But the sound in the dialogue is off. It sounds like it was recorded in the same outlet warehouse cheap studios force their filmmakers to record audio commentaries with stuff going on in the background during. The sound is very echoey too. ***.
The Captain Underpants Guide To Being A Hero:
Kind of fun. But the sound is again, off. **1/2.
The Professor Poopypants (Totally Original And Supercool) Guide To Being A Villain:
Not taking advice on cool bad guy names from this guy. **.
Missing Underpants: The Deleted Scenes Of Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie:
To be blunt, the director introducing the scenes acknowledges (correctly in my book) that none of the scenes shown here are actually bad. So it's fascinating to hear him detail the legitimate reasons why they were cut, and find myself agreeing with him. When I write my comics, I overwrite them, and almost never get rid of a good scene, even if it negatively effects the pacing. I admire a storyteller who is able to do that. ****1/2.
Captain Underpants Lyric Video By "Weird Al" Yankovic:
Academic question for film, music, and TV buffs: Has there ever been a SINGLE project that wasn't even SLIGHTLY better for "Weird Al" Yankovic's participation? Going by script, direction, and acting, UHF is one of the absolute worst films of the late 1980's. But you'll enjoy it while you are watching it (and then feel sickened with yourself when it's over). About the only project he's been in that he didn't make appreciably better is 1986's animated Transformers: The Movie. But his song was still probably the least awful scene in a film with nothing but awful scenes. Nothing but mad respect for Weird Al. Also, he's who they should cast as Darkseid in the next live-action Justice League movie. *****.
"A Friend Like You" Lyric Video By Andy Grammer:
This does not rip off the lyrics and / or melody from Aladdin's "Friend Like Me" or Toy Story's "You've Got A Friend In Me". But it forces me to make the comparison (and it's negative). I think animated films need to lay off this specific subject for awhile while those two things are fresh. And I see them being fresh for decades. Not great. **.
Lunch Lady PSA With Kristen Schaal:
I can't help by feel like Schaal's immense comic vocal skills were wasted as Edith. The fact that this live-action PSA is funnier than anything she did in the movie is proof. ****1/2.
Sock Puppets Real Stars:
I love Sock Puppets. The best part is they get paid nothing. *****.
Theatrical Trailer:
Can't say this trailer doesn't know the correct audience to pander to. ***1/2.
Star Trek: Discovery "That Hope Is You, Part 2"
Good for the show for giving us the satisfying ending, rather than the usual cliffhanger. I loved that Picard did that, and I want to see more Star Trek do that.
Finally the lead of the show is actually the Captain. As it probably always should have been. It was a long time coming.
But I don't think Stamets is going to forgive Burham anytime soon. I won't either.
I love that the first thing Culber does upon meeting Gray is give him a hug. When he tells him he will find a way to make him visible to everyone I believe him. Will holodecks be involved? And if so, what about one of those Mobile emitters as seen on Voyager? There are quite a few possible solutions.
I forget the skeezy dude's name, but he was a dead man the second he threatened to kill Book's cat. It was a stupid thing to do, a deserved death, and I was like "Good riddance."
Ossyra really does have no actual redeeming qualities. I'm wondering what her boyfriend saw in her at all. But then, I wondered the same thing about Trump supporters. Hopefully like this guy, their eyes have now been opened. The Roddenberry quote at the end suggests one can dream.
Love the Original Series theme playing over the end credits.
We'll have new Uniforms next season: Early opinion: I don't like them. They strike me as too close to the Movie Uniforms the original cast wore in Star Trek II-VI. Easily the worst Starfleet Uniform of all time (and no lie, The Motion Picture's were pretty bad as well).
Refreshing that no main cast members died tonight. The show almost seemed to remember it was Star Trek, which was long overdue.
I think last week's episode and this were a bit unintentionally relevant with Ossyra strutting into Starfleet headquarters in a coup attempt. Star Trek has always been a bit cutting edge with its politics, but that was the most accidentally accurate political allegory I've seen since the canceled USA Network show Colony. This wasn't quite as brilliantly coincidental as "Red Hats". But it's close.
I think the reason it resonated for me is that it was so easy for Ossyra to do this. I felt like the real DC Capitol, the real-world safeguards the Federation had were woefully inadequate, and nearly led a centuries old organization being toppled by a terrorist. The main difference here is that Starfleet isn't complicit in the coup at all. Even when I recognize parts of our reality in Star Trek, Star Trek's reality is always better. As it should be.
I'm wonder if the Child (I forget his name) will have a target on his back next season. If anyone ever found out he was responsible for the Burn, certain races (like Klingons for example) might simply want to take him out. I fully expect this to be explored next season.
That was a good ending to a great season. I was very satisfied at where we left things off, which was definitely NOT true of the first two seasons. ****1/2.
WandaVision "Episode 1"
I thought the most interesting aspect of the first episode was the creepy moment where the boss was choking and his wife kept repeating "Stop it!". I am especially interested in the aspects of the show that poke and destroy the fairytale sitcom of the set-up. I think this episode is too early to make any judgments on either it or how good the series is going to be. But it was interesting and things could go either way. ***.
WandaVision "Episode 2"
The color being slowly bled into the world (including actual blood) echoes Pleasantville.
Beekeeper? HIVE?
The Strucker / Hydra watch commercial also raises questions.
Paul Bettany is a surprisingly gifted comic actor.
Are we getting a different theme song for every episode? Not sure how I feel about that.
I enjoyed that. ***1/2.
Marvel Bend & Flex "Time Warp"
I'm guessing the more waves the toyline has, the more characters and different types of stories we'll get. Because that was monotonous. But slightly less monotonous than usual. ***.
Teen Titans Go! "Justice League Next Top Talent Idol Star: Dance Crew Edition, Part 1"
I liked it. I would very much like the idea if whoever replaces the Batman Symbol becomes a running gag for this year. Frankly, I expect the show to do this and will turn against it if they don't. They can mix up the sealife outside the Tower every year, they can mix up the Batman Symbol for one.
Robin always wanting to be on Batman's chest sort of has a creepy sexual subtext to it. Where is Aunt Harriet when you REALLY need her?
Liked the still photos of Keaton, Bale, and Affleck.
Vibe is a fun character. JLU only used him as a punchline to a very insulting joke at Booster Gold's expense, but after the Arrowverse's version of The Flash, the character is finally getting some respect and play. But why does Cisco never dance on The Flash?
Good stuff. ****.
Teen Titans Go! "Justice League Next Top Talent Idol Star: Dance Crew Edition, Part 2"
Even when Robin wins, he can't help but lose.
I'm calling b.s. on something. I did not shop for refrigerators back in the 1980's, but there is no way they only cost 50 bucks. Action figures cost between 3 and 4 dollars when I was a kid (depending on the size and what they did). If you told me my parents spent the same amount as a new fridge on my birthdays and Christmas I wouldn't believe you. Because that would mean I was spoiled rotten. Please tell me I wasn't spoiled rotten.
Still, it was a fun episode. That mess better be on Batman's chest this entire season. ****.
Muppet Babies "Oh Brother / Fozzie's Boo-Boo Patrol"
Oh, Brother:
I like that Rozzie is a koala. She's super cute. I want a plushie of her NOW!!!!
Weirdly the Babies' parents were never mentioned on the original series. Kermit was said to have a sister in Robin the tadpole's debut episode, but no parents are ever brought up, and the Babies always slept in the nursery. I always assumed they were orphans.
Cute. ***1/2.
Fozzie's Boo-Bo Patrol:
Fozzie is the worst.
I like that Rozzie's voice actress is a little kid.
Either Rozzie got a bruise, or Muppets bleed purple blood. It's probably purple blood because Miss Nanny wouldn't have needed to put a band-aid on it if it were a bruise.
Cute also, but Fozzie was a bit annoying. ***.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "The Legend Of El Tomahto / Interplanetary Kickle Ball"
The Legend Of El Tomahto:
Is it just me or is Sweetums out of scale with both the other Babies AND Miss Nanny?
Huh. ***1/2.
Interplanetary Kickle Ball:
This remembers Muppets From Space, which showed that Gonzo was from outer space.
Although I'm wondering why Gonzo is blue while the other Gonzonians are green. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "Summer's Disaster-Piece / Farewell Statler And Waldorf"
Summer's Disaster-Piece:
I like how much different art Summer knows about.
I saw lots of different paintings for Muppets not seen on the show yet like Floyd, Janice, Sam the Eagle, Lew Zealand, Thog, and I'm sure many others I missed.
I liked the song in the episode.
Good. ****.
Farewell Statler And Waldorf:
I am well aware that this is an especially predictable show, even by preschool standards, but this cartoon was pretty egregious in its overly obvious storytelling, even for this show.
I like Statler and Waldorf's vacation photos.
We saw a silhouette of Miss Nanny's head for the first time. She has a bob haircut. Ironically, this is the same 'do I pictured Nanny from the old show having back in the day as well.
Truthfully, that was kind of dumb. ***.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "The Mystery Of The Missing Pearls / Rowlf Gets The Blues"
The Mystery Of The Missing Pearls:
Whenever Summer Penguin PI appears, bad things happen. Ironically, Summer doesn't exactly get out of control here. It's sort of Piggy and Gonzo who do.
Piggy mentions her mother for the first time.
That was all right. ***1/2.
Rowlf Gets The Blues:
Rowlf looks very cute in his blue design.
I think the slow-motion shot of the Blueinator hitting the compact mirror and it reflecting the blast back to itself was a very well boarded and animated action sequence. I took notice because this isn't the show with a ton of action sequences to begin with, well-boarded and animated or not.
Gonzo is so dumb he has to be reminded he's already blue. Twice.
Also all right. ***1/2.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
Muppet Babies "The Copy Cub / Animal Loses It"
The Copy Cub:
Rozzie isn't just annoying, she's super cute too. What a rascal.
Now instead of just one Rozzie plushie, I need three of 'em.
The moral Miss Nanny tells Fozzie about younger siblings copying their older siblings because they look up to them is probably a nice thing for the kids in the audience with obnoxious siblings to hear, but to be blunt, it's untrue. It's a way for the younger sibling to torment the older one. The older one often beats up the younger one, but the younger kid emotionally tortures the older kid. Fozzie's problem is that Rozzie is a girl and he can't pound her into the ground like he would if she were a boy. What a raw deal older brothers get from little sisters.
Seriously, Miss Nanny. Little kids don't copycat out of a sense of admiration. They do it because they are sinister. Never mistake that for anything else. ****.
Animal Loses It:
I like Kermit waving his arms in the air and screaming "Camp Bananarama! Yaaaaay!". Baby Kermit needed to do that Classic Kermit move on the old show, and it's kind of annoying he never did.
This was a little boring, to be honest. Not as much fun as the first cartoon. **1/2.
Episode Overall: ***1/2.
The Stand "The House Of The Dead"
Oh, man. Good and bad things. Good things were very good. Bad things were very bad.
I'm inclined to talk about the good first. I usually save it for last, but I think getting my thoughts down about it now will organize the rest of the review better.
Teddy Weizak's death is a million times better than in the book. I don't blame Stephen King for this exactly. He was a young writer, stuck for months on this huge thousand page book, and once he came up with the bomb he simply leveled things with as little nuance as possible. But Teddy's death never sat right with me. Because he was the guy who liked Harold, gave him the nickname Hawk, and Harold never even learned he was one of the people who died in the bomb he set. Having Nadine shoot him in front of Harold, and him saying "Run, Hawk," feels narratively and thematically satisfying in a way his death in the book was not. If you had given Stephen King 20 years experience before he took on that book, I am sure he would have been smart enough to do it this way himself. But that's why Stephen King's early career is such a mixed blessing. He came up with crazily iconic stuff no-one had ever done before, and that many people believe he's never topped. And yet it all feels completely unpolished, as iconic as it is. That's why I almost always prefer the books he's written in the last 20 years before his early career (or his unfortunate cocaine phase). Teddy's death in the book will bum me out even more seeing it handled better here.
For the record, I realize how inconsistent it is to have Nadine, who abhors killing in the book, be the one to murder Teddy. She believed there that with so few people left, that to purposefully take a life was an abomination, which is where her inner struggle was. But the thing is, the series itself never gave her that specific shtick, so in my mind it's all right.
I love that Teddy wishes the Rock were still alive. He's actually WISTFUL about it. It's possible, right? He's such a golden-hearted doof, which makes his death extra tragic and worse for Harold.
I also thought the scene where Glen relates to Harold as a scientist and entices him on the journey to find the truth was another great scene that might have been in the book if King had written it later in his career.
Also, this version of Tom Cullen is growing on me. I did nothing but complain about him last week, but despite being a different interpretation, I actually think he's a good one.
Like the Miniseries, Nick and Julie Lawry don't actually copulate. I think that was the biggest mistake of the entire book.
I like that after Harold throws himself as Frannie, she seems outright terrified of him. That's the correct reaction, and I'm miffed King himself didn't seem to see it that way.
I like and dislike Larry being given Stu's role as the face of the committee. I like it because it's what would have happened in the book if King were writing it in a rational manner. But King's heady themes boiled down to the idea that Stu was downhome and trustworthy, not charismatic. The fact that he sucks at politics is why the citizens of Boulder trusted him. I understand the logic of having Larry being smooth and saying all the right things. But that's the selling point for a leader in Las Vegas. Not Boulder. It works here, but I don't actually think it's an improvement from the book, and I wouldn't have changed it had I written the teleplay.
Now we're gonna get to some stuff I didn't like.
I feel like the narrative switching back and forth in time worked against this episode when Stu and Glen were searching for Harold and "the girl" in their truck. At first I thought they had meant Nadine, and that they skipped ahead of the bombing, but it made no sense why Glen and Stu were smiling then. I think the series needs to be a little more clear about that stuff as it is happening. A subtitle anytime there is a time jump is essential. If they aren't going to do the "Swoosh" noise Lost did, they owe us that.
To be blunt, the Committee scenes in the book, particularly reading the notes as transcribed by Fran, are my favorite parts of the entire 1000 page novel, and I would argue were the first great things King ever wrote. I'm not saying The Shining, Carrie, and 'Salem's Lot weren't great. But none of them had scenes with that kind of popping energy, and written as if King himself is having a blast. For the next 20 years, King would occasionally write scenes as dynamic as this, but usually involving action and tension. But the committee scenes were when King just went for broke with the dialogue and the ideas. I am not one of those Stephen King fans who believe The Stand is and remains his best book. But it's a significant high point in his career, and arguably his first career high. And that scene knocks my socks off. It is SO well-written.
The TV show does the recruitment of Tom Cullen as a spy all wrong. It annoys me so much because the book's idea was perfect, and there was no reason to change it. Even the miniseries was able to do it, so Nick's muteness is no real excuse. In the book, it's NICK, not Glen Bateman, who suggests Tom Cullen for the third spy. Which is followed by the single best sentence King had written up to that point: "Uproar from the committee." I feel like this series is not giving Nick his due. First by having Mother Abigail herself pick the committee (which was bad enough) but retconning his smartest chess move ever to Glen is terrible. And Fran thinks it's a good idea which robs the scene of urgency and stakes.
Nick being the one to offer Tom is on some level horrible because Tom loves Nick more than anyone else, and would do anything for him and Mother Abigail. The horrible, self-humiliating speeches in the book and miniseries Nick and Stu had him memorize via hypnosis to be "convincing" were similarly heartbreaking. And Fran puts her foot down there, which leads to a huge blow-up and argument and controversy. Which was fascinating to see every inch of that explored. And it's the right controversy, and it SHOULD have been explored. All of that is absent by making it Glen's "great idea" that everyone agrees with.
But the main reason I'm angry Nick isn't given this, is because sending Tom is one of the few unambiguous wins the Committee itself gets over Flagg. Out of Tom, Dayna Jurgens, and Judge Farris, Tom is the only one who isn't found out, and returns to Boulder alive (and saves Stu's life in the process). Nick sending Tom is brilliant because he was the only one who sent a spy so effective they fooled and survived Flagg. Why is this miniseries constantly taking away the great and important things Nick did on behalf of the good guys? Nick was actually my favorite character in the book, and that's what upsets me most.
The episode did some good and some bad. So it was kind of a mixed bag. ***.
The Stand "Fear And Loathing In New Vegas"
Some of that was good, but holy cow, do I have bones to pick. This episode is getting a negative grade for sure.
I'll start off with the three main things I liked. They may seem trivial to you, but they were not insignificant to me.
Thing the first: Natalie Martinez in sexy lingerie. Worth the price of admission. Again, that may be trivial to you, it wasn't to me.
Thing the second: Owen Teague's creepy smile at the end. Was that enhanced by CGI the way Dr. Phlox's smile was on Star Trek: Enterprise? Because it seemed subhuman.
Thing the third: "Don't Fear The Reaper" over the end credits. That was the most memorable song of the first miniseries, and the song I mostly closely associate with it.
Everything else sucked. I am struggling to see how things could have gone downhill so quickly.
Let's start off with the worst thing and explore other things from there: New Vegas. It is appalling. It is wrong. It is the antithesis of Las Vegas from the book. I imagine the producers might argue that in these polarized times, the nuance of the book might have confused the issue. I have two responses to that. First off, the nuance is supposed to be confusing. The comradery and sense of family in Vegas from the book is jarring and feels weird. It's supposed to. Tom Cullen is every bit as loved and accepted in Vegas as he was in Boulder. Seeing him bullied and nearly being made a slave here shows this TV show doesn't get it. Vegas is supposed to actually be attractive, rather than repellent.
The people in Vegas from the book didn't flock to Flagg because they wanted permission for sex, drugs, and violence. They flocked to Flagg for two main reasons: Flagg is the kind of leader who makes the trains run on time. In a world where electricity is scarce, Vegas attracting enough techies to have the entire city already be up and running is the actual draw. Secondly, I got the sense that a lot of people in Vegas from the book were simply cowards. They went to Flagg both because they feared him, and because they feared him SO much that they believed his side were going to be the only ones left alive after whatever Biblical War was coming. A lot of Vegas is simply there due to faulty survival instincts.
My second response to the idea that nuance in Vegas would have confused the issue, is that in the book, people aren't snorting coke, and drinking, and openly engaging in debauchery. In fact, using drugs is a capital offense Flagg will publicly crucify you for. The people of Vegas are not supposed to crave validation for their violence and evil. If that were the case, Flagg wouldn't have gotten as many people as he did. The novel's Vegas denizens do not crave chaos. It's the opposite: They crave order. Maybe the producers will say "Well, in the era of Donald Trump we had to Flanderize Flagg a bit to make him even worse." Here is an opinion. If Trump is worse than Flagg (and he's definitely worse than the Flagg from the book) that's actually a decent moral! If an audience member gets that on their own, that's just swell! That's not something that needs to be changed to make it "land" better. It landed fine in the miniseries.
I am also troubled and dismayed that Trashcan Man is so far entirely absent. Him not being shown at ALL in Las Vegas almost certainly means he's being skipped over. And that means that not only will we NOT get that screen adaptation of The Kid we always wanted, but the Hand Of God ending is gonna have to be severely changed and reworked. Ralph being demoted to Ray Bretner and not being given a spot on the committee was already an alteration too far for me.
I was very complimentary of the earlier episodes showing that Harold is actually scary and a troubled "red flag". I am THIS close to taking back that compliment. Because Harold is not stupid. He should not still be THIS much of a red flag at this stage of the game. In the book Harold does so much damage because he's hiding his anger. Stu still making excuses for Harold's obviously unhinged behavior doesn't make him seem fair. It makes him seem naïve, and especially bad at his given job, which is something I don't get why the producers would want us to think about him.
Harold having a high-tech set-up is both cunning, and maybe a problem, (and lesser than) the book. It's cunning because while it was definitely out of the hands of a Harold from 1990, a modern day Harold would definitely have a Brady Hartsfeld set-up. But I think it gives Harold TOO much information about who is against him, and that could potentially be a mistake later on. Stuff like this is why I was a bit skeptical of setting this version in the modern day to begin with. We'll see how it plays out.
Dayna's death scene is inadequate. Why is it never mentioned that when Flagg thinks of the third spy's face, he only sees the Moon? That was one of the cleverest parts of the book, and there was no reason not to use it as an excuse for why Tom slid beneath the radar here too.
The last major bad thing is Larry's rejection of Nadine's advances. They should have introduced Lucy Swann, because she was a perfect reason for Larry to reject Nadine in the book and the miniseries. Him going to Nadine while he was with Lucy would be The Same Old Larry, and you feel his rejection there is righteous, even if you know and understand why Nadine needs this from him. Here, it's simply stupid. It makes no sense. And it's the worst kind of stupid: It's "TV Stupid", as in "Stupid for the sake of trying to explain inexplicable behavior." If you were single and unattached would YOU ever turn down Amber Heard because she said a curse word? The idea is ridiculous on its face.
One thing I'm ambivalent on: Mother Abigail's scene with Nadine: It doesn't actually help anything, and it's actually outside of the moral of the book, but I sort of like the fact that I like this version of Mother Abigail in a way I never did the one from the book or first miniseries. Her recognizing that little kids like to see the inner workings of pianos was a very nice (and true) touch. But unfortunately the moral was wasted on Nadine, and therefore, probably the good of the show. But I like Whoopi Goldberg's Abigail more than either the book's or Ruby Dee's.
Man, this show showed SO much promise in the first episode. But messing up the entire subtext of the people of Las Vegas is a deal-breaker. However the show ends, I doubt I will wind up a fan. As of now, I can safely say I'm not one. *1/2.
